Name: Larry David Talks Real-Life Seinfeld Moments | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-02-01T16:14:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Larry David Talks Real-Life Seinfeld Moments | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Larry David Talks Real-Life Seinfeld Moments | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-01. Transcript available.

It's been a, well, you've never been on this show.
I was going to say it's been a long time,
but you've never been on this show.
No, no, I haven't, Dave.
If you were bald, I would have been on 10 years ago.
Really?
Yes.
I'm more comfortable with bald people.
I can relate to them a lot better.
Yes.
The hair kind of throws me, you know.
Well, I'm sorry about that.
It's thinning.
Does that help?
Not that much, no.
Next time I'm on, I want a full dome.
All right.
What about bald?
Good evening, and welcome to the show.
Well, don't.
He's a phony, bald man.
Yeah.
What?
No, because you know why?
We don't know how bald you are.
Oh, you know how bald I am.
No, we don't, because he's covering up his real baldness.
I see.
He's not part of the bald community, Dave.
I didn't realize that, yeah.
No, you're not.
No.
I'm sorry.
I'm the president of the bald people.
And I'm very glad to have you here.
And what I know about you, years ago, started, as many of us did, in stand-up
comedy.
Yes, I did.
I'm sorry to say, I did.
Really?
What do you mean, sorry to say?
Well, I had a rough time doing stand-up.
Certain occasions, I would yell at the audience.
I would walk off after 10 minutes.
I wasn't having fun.
I was torturing them.
Right.
I was being tortured.
Right.
Why stay up there?
What is the point of all the torture?
I didn't get it.
And what might trigger one of these reactions or episodes when you were on
stage?
A little look, askance.
Really?
Somebody looking at you the wrong way?
I'm not quite like you.
I don't like you.
Yeah.
You know?
I looked in their eye, I don't like you.
I go, oh, no, you don't?
Goodbye.
You know?
That was it.
One time, I got up.
I looked the audience over.
And I said, no, I don't think so.
That doesn't seem that bad, actually.
It's a pretty good way to approach it.
And then, like everybody else, when you were younger, worked odd jobs, I guess,
right?
Yeah, I had a lot of odd jobs.
I was a bra salesman for a while.
I'm sorry, a bra salesman?
A bra, yes.
I sold bras.
Wow.
Yeah.
We actually did that on the Seinfeld show.
My first day at work, I was given a bag full of bras and told to take them home
and study
them.
And so I was on the subway with bras, like, overflowing from the top of the bag.
And I studied them.
I found it quite fascinating.
I was also a private chauffeur.
Really?
Now, that I find, well, I find both of them difficult to believe, but that one
really somehow
a chauffeur.
Yes, a private chauffeur.
I worked for an old woman, Mrs. Tishman.
She was half blind.
Couldn't see very well.
To say the least.
And she was very concerned about the cleanliness of the car, which, of course,
was filthy because
she couldn't see.
You could write your name on that windshield, you know.
She kept saying, is the car clean?
Yeah, yeah.
It's spotless.
Look, it's bad.
You got your suit on.
You got your suit on.
I had like an army jacket, you know.
Yeah, I got the jacket on.
I got the suit on.
I'm good.
Yeah.
And in those days, your family, how did they feel about your job as a chauffeur?
Oh, they were very good about it.
Yeah.
They felt wonderful about their boy who was doing so well as a driver.
Yeah.
My son's a driver.
Yeah.
Did you have ambitions to a greater success, a greater life?
Did you know?
Did you feel in those days anything?
No.
No, nothing.
Really?
No.
I really didn't think so.
I had no, no, nothing like that.
Right.
And anything that I did think of, my voice would immediately go, no, you're
going to fail at
that.
Don't dream, you'll fail.
That's awful.
But then you did, you were successful, you got a writing job, a TV writing job,
writing
on Saturday Night Live.
I did.
I wrote for Saturday Night Live.
And I got one sketch on the entire year.
After six weeks, they cut another sketch, and I decided, that's it.
They're fooling with the wrong guy.
Right.
You're going to show them.
Who do they think they're messing with?
I walked up to the producer, it was like five minutes before the show was about
to begin,
I walked up and I said, that's it.
I'm done, I've had it.
Take your show, shove it.
And I walked home, and as I'm walking home, I'm starting to compute the amount
of money I
had just cost myself.
And then I went to my neighbor, who was Kenny Kramer, the character that the
show was based
on, and he said to me, well, why don't you just go back on Monday and pretend
it never
happened?
I thought, hey, you know, I think you got something there.
So I walked in on Monday, and you know, all the writers had seen me screaming
at the producer.
And they were looking at me going, what the hell are you doing here?
But it worked.
You finished out the season.
Finished out the season.
That's good.
During the run of the Seinfeld program, you were on the show.
I'm right about that, right?
It was only your voice.
Is that correct?
Yeah, I was the voice of George Steinbrenner.
Right, right.
How did that happen?
We were looking for somebody to play Steinbrenner, and then I did the voice for
Jerry.
I said, he should kind of sound something like that, you know.
And Jerry said, why don't you do it?
And I said, okay.
Yeah.
And so we only saw the back of his head.
And then for the last episode, he was written, for the 95 season, he was
written into the show.
And I called him up to come out and do it, and he said, okay.
And he actually acted on the show, and, you know, his acting skills were kind
of weak.
Oh, not strong, not good, yeah.
Yeah, not good.
So I had to cut him from the show.
Yeah.
And he flew all the way out to L.A. to do it and went back in the same day.
I said, Mr. Steinbrenner, that's insane.
Why are you doing that?
I just got to get back to New York.
So, you know, I had to cut him, and I called him up on the phone.
I said, Mr. Steinbrenner, this is Larry David calling from The Seinfeld Show.
And he said, yes, yes, Larry, what is it?
And I said, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.
And he said, that's okay.
I can take it.
I'm a big boy.
And then I gave him the axe.
Yeah, yeah.
And I tell you something, it's one of the great moments of my life, firing that
guy.
Let me ask about your personal life.
I understand that you're single or maybe thinking about dating again.
Am I right about that?
Thinking about it's a bit of an understatement.
Yeah.
Obsessed with it.
I see.
Can think of nothing else.
Yeah.
Can't wait.
And are you, what kind of a date are you?
A good date?
Well, what is so funny about that?
Maybe I am a good date.
Yeah.
You know, I pay.
Mm-hmm.
Sure.
Well, there you go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.