Name: Fun With Rupert Jee | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-02-01T16:15:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fun With Rupert Jee | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fun With Rupert Jee | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-01. Transcript available.

My name's Steve. I'm really hungry.
Oh, my name's Steve. I'm really hungry.
I'd like a quarter-pounder.
I'd like a quarter-pounder.
A half-pounder.
And a half-pounder.
A three-quarter-pounder.
And a three-quarter-pounder.
And a pounder.
And a pounder.
And then maybe a five-pounder.
How about a five-pounder?
Is your name Billy?
Is your name Billy?
You can't bother the customers.
I'm sorry?
You can't bother the customers.
What do you care, tough guy?
What do you care about, tough guy?
How much do you weigh, Lance?
How much do you weigh, Lance?
135.
135.
Wow, you skinny son of a bitch, aren't you?
You skinny son of a bitch.
Hey, Mr. Universe, how's it going?
Hey, Mr. Universe, how's it going?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Lance, can I get you something?
Can I get you something?
You skinny son of a bitch.
Skinny son of a bitch.
I'm gonna pull this tablecloth right off the table.
I'm gonna pull this tablecloth right off the table.
And leave the ashtray in place.
And leave the ashtray in place.
And leave the ashtray in place.
Here we go.
One, two, three.
Here we go.
One, two, three.
Yeah!
Yeah!
What do you think?
What do you think?
What do you think?
Pretty good.
Huh?
Pretty good, huh?
I can do one of two things.
I can either ask you to leave like I'm doing, and you can leave, or I'll call
the police and
have them move you.
You ever seen the jazz box?
You ever seen the jazz box?
Sure have.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Hi ladies.
Ladies.
My name's Jeffrey.
My name is Jeffrey.
What do you want?
What would you want?
I would like the tomato and mozzarella focaccia sandwich please.
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna have to go across the street and get it there.
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna have to go across the street to get it there.
Because they know how to make a sandwich.
Because they know how to make a sandwich.
Because they know how to make a sandwich.
We don't know what the hell we're doing here.
We don't know what the hell we're doing here.
We don't know what the hell we're doing here.
We're just playing grab ass in the kitchen today.
We're just playing grab ass in the kitchen today.
Oh, I grab ass.
How do you do, ma'am?
My name is Steve.
How do you do, ma'am?
My name is Steve.
Can I get you anything?
Can I get you anything?
No, thanks.
How about some more napkins?
How about some more napkins?
How about some more napkins?
They're on me.
They're on me.
Stay right there.
I'll get some napkins.
Stay right there.
Here you go.
Here we go.
Knock yourself out, honey.
Knock yourself out, honey.
Are you talking to Mayor McCheese?
Are you talking to Mayor McCheese?
Here you go. Here we go. Knock yourself out, honey. Knock yourself out, honey.
Are you talking to Mayor McCheese? Are you talking to Mayor McCheese? 6474? One
second there. Hey, Dave? Yes, sir. I don't have enough money. Would you like
some fresh ground pepper? Would you like some fresh ground pepper?
Let me put a little fresh ground pepper on that bread. Let me put a little
fresh ground pepper on the bread. No, would you stop it? I'm serious. What's
the problem? What's the problem? It's a condiment. This is a condiment. You're
aggravating the hell out of me. I don't want pepper on my bread, okay? I said
no. Where would you like the pepper? Where would you like the pepper? I don't
want any right now. All right, how about your friend? How about your friend? I
want you to get out of my face. I want another waiter. Wait a minute. Wait,
wait, wait, wait. Who are you, Martha Stewart? Who are you, Martha Stewart?
What are you wearing over there by the rim? By the rim. By the rim? Yeah, just
with your face.
-Get your thumb down in it. -Yeah.
-Get it down in there. Just get it all the way in.
-Is it in the water? -Yeah.
-Okay. -There you go.
-You know, I don't want it. -Thank you.
-Take that back. Just take it back. -What's the problem now?
-What's the problem now? -Put your finger in my glass.
Just get out of here, okay? -It was my thumb.
-It was my thumb. -Your thumb, your finger, whatever.
I don't want it. -Rupert?
-Mm-hmm. -Can you see how they got, like,
rubber gloves you can carry it out with?
Can you get your thumb down in it? -Yeah.
-There you go. -There you go.
-That's it. -Yeah.