Name: Ask Mr. Melman: Larry "Bud" Melman's Dating Advice | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-02-03T13:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ask Mr. Melman: Larry "Bud" Melman's Dating Advice | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ask Mr. Melman: Larry "Bud" Melman's Dating Advice | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-03. Transcript available.

thank you very much ladies and gentlemen yes once again it's time for the award-winning
well let's don't go that far another installment of ask mr melman before we
begin let me read you
the rules and and jot these down on your shoe won't you first of all the
questions may be on
any subject though for reasons of time math problems should not go beyond trigonometry
in the level of their complexity number two all questions must be posed in
english number three
mr melman may refuse to answer any question concerning the pending
investigation by federal
authorities of irregularities in his former day job and finally
just between you and me it looks like he may do time all right now
and finally please remember mr melman is not an attorney ladies and gentlemen
larry bud melman
oh yeah yeah okay no i think it's i think it's larry's turn isn't it
good evening i'm larry bud melman tonight i'll answer questions from you the
public
they can be questions on any subject i handle personal problems money problems
and affairs of
the heart i'll respond to questions on science math sports and the world of
entertainment so go ahead
ask mr melman but remember i'm not a lawyer all right are we ready first
question tonight for ask
mr moment what is your name jill smith jill and where are you from new albany
indiana new albany indiana
what part of the state of indiana would we find new albany in the south part
southern part is it down
near the ohio river nice town real nice how big a town real small and and uh
what do you do for fun
in new albany well that's why we're in new york over spring break because
uh is it near louisville's oh it is so do you sneak across to louisville you
have a good time in louisville
it's average it's kentucky so
you're not going to be allowed back into that part of the country now
um so what have you done besides to come here in new york well we just got here
um this morning so
we've just been seeing things have you ever been to new york before do you like
it so far it's different
it's it's different than new albany yeah so of the three towns mentioned you're
not crazy about
any of them well no new york is fine new york is fine okay do you have a
question for mr melman yeah
i've been having this problem because a week or so ago i broke up with a guy
that i've been dating for
about two two years or so and he's been possessive and a little jealous and i'm
afraid that he might
do something a little drastic like physical injury or something if i happen to
go out with someone else
and i really i don't know what to do it's in your hands
jill your ex-boyfriend is bluffing i suggest you date as many guys as you can
have your new boyfriend drive you by the old one's house honking and laughing
letting your ex know
what a great time you're both having when you get a chance show your ex the
wonderful gifts your new
boyfriends have given you let him know that your world is perfect now and that
there's no room for
him in it he'll get the hint bob rooney won't you please give this nice woman a
t-shirt
jill nice meeting you i hope you have a good time thank you bob thank you very
much jill
what is your name sir john clonch john are you from uh new albany indiana no
sir oh thank heavens
what part of texas garland i'm sorry garland garland where and what part of the
state is that in
of southeast uh-huh and do you have a job there you go to school or yeah wait a
minute wait a minute
where is it it's in southeast that's about dallas it's a suburb of dallas yeah
so is that in the
southeast or not north north yeah north well kind of a scathing indictment on
the school system there
all right john just let's put all this geography nonsense out of our heads do
you have a question for
mr melman yeah we're on spring break from school and a bunch of school kids
came up here and we're
wondering what we should see in new york and what we shouldn't well you should
see the world trade
center and the wall street area they're pretty big and right in manhattan also
the statue of liberty
that's pretty obvious central park is pretty big i don't see how you could miss
that one
if i'm guessing right you shouldn't see the aletian islands that's in alaska
and although they're big too it's just too damn far away i also have my doubts
about you seeing any of
south dakota can you believe it's still snowing up there bob rooney please give
this nice young man
two t-shirts that was a fine question from bob rooney thank you larry let's see
we're going to
hi how are you what is your name claudia lewis claudia are you also from new albany
indiana no
i'm from red bank new jersey thank heaven and uh these are great shoes by the
way terrific thank you
what do you do for a living claudia i'm a student at wesleyan university and
what are you going to do
when you get out um hopefully do something in publishing uh-huh doing an
internship now well good
luck to you now what is your question for mr melman my question is if you had a
dinner party and could
invite any 10 people living or dead who would you invite any 10 well i would
say cleopatra napoleon
and carl marx that would be about it i only have four dining room chairs
thank you for your question bob rooney please give that nice person a teacher
there you are hang on to
this you'll be happy you came one night thank you uh one more here all right
yes sir what is your name
bill copperwatt bill nice to see you where are you from i'm from edison new
jersey edison and what do you
do over there i don't i actually don't live there right now i'm uh going to
school down in university
tennessee uh-huh and uh what are you what are you studying at the university of
tennessee physics physics
and what do you want to do when you get out there is nothing to do if you're a
physicist
well for your folks this has been money well spent that's right sure has uh
okay you have uh do you
have a question for mr melman yes i do uh i'm up here on spring break and
driving up i noticed
that why is it you always seem to get better gas mileage on the first half of a
tank of gas
i'm glad you asked that question bill the reason is because any dirt or sludge
in your gasoline
tends to settle in the lower part of your gas tank when this dirty gas is drawn
into the engine
it burns less efficiently and lowers your mileage do what i do never let your
tank get below three
quarters full just pull into every gas station you see and top her off sure it
takes a lot of time
but i have nothing better to do do you thank you for your interesting question
oh it was an
interesting question we have a t-shirt thank you bob we're right out of time i'm
awfully sorry what is
your name susan's point susan we don't have time for your question and i feel
that you perhaps are the
luckiest of the bunch uh we have to pause we'll be right back folks so return
won't you thank you larry