Name: Staff Favorite Moments: Barbara Gaines | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-02-07T11:24:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Barbara Gaines | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Barbara Gaines | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-07. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Barbara Gaines.
I started as a receptionist on Dave's Morning Show in 1980.
I worked the entire run and ended up as one of the producers in 2015.
Of over the 6,000 shows we did, there are many, many, many that I loved.
But here are just a few that are true to my heart.
And if you ever let me do this again, I'll pick some more.
On The David Letterman Show, which we call The Morning Show, there was this
couple.
I don't remember if they wrote us or we wrote them.
And they're here today, this morning, to share their celebration of the 30th
anniversary
of their wedding.
Ladies and gentlemen, Betty and Sam Kottanoff.
And we wove their anniversary throughout the entire show.
At the end, everyone had sparklers and then we dropped confetti.
But of course, fire and confetti equals fire in the studio.
Dave's saying goodbye, we'll see you tomorrow.
And the guests start stamping out confetti that's lit on fire on the floor.
As an added attraction on this very show, on this very stage, I'm going to
learn how
to milk a cow.
How our wonderful director starts getting shots of feet stamping out fire.
The stage hands come in with fire extinguishers.
Absolutely marvelous.
At late night, I think we're about five months into the run.
It was July and we were going to have our Christmas show because of course, it
was July.
And now for a very special treat for the young and the young at heart.
Here is Larry Bud Melman, president of Melman Productions and Melman Bus Lines
to read the
traditional night before Christmas.
So, snuggle up to the TV and listen along, won't you?
Well, thank you.
Jude Brennan and I were production assistants together.
One of us was going to take "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and print it in a
book.
The other was going to have it printed up on cue cards.
Kathleen Ankers, our wonderful scenic designer, found this French Catechism
book.
For some reason, we never printed "Twas the Night Before Christmas" in the book.
I'm not sure why.
Cue cards, figuring it was pasted in, never printed up cue cards.
But Calvert, for air, sits down in front of all these little kids.
He opens up the French Catechism book and he says, "Oh, now I've got to read
Spanish."
De pourquoi avez-vous?
Not a creature with story, not even a mouse.
Oh, God.
And Santa Claus came down the chimney.
Oh, God.
So, as I was saying before, not a creature with story, not even a mouse.
And old Saint Nicholas came down through the chimney and gave out the presents
to the children.
And that ended Christmas.
And, as I was saying before, and it turned out to be a very Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho.
It was magic, wasn't it?
On Late Show, one night, the audience wasn't very good.
I found out in the commercial break, that the reason was that someone in the
audience vomited
on the line.
That's not something I would tell Dave, but I wrote it down on a blue card and
I handed
it to my friend, Bill Schept, who always stood next to the podium.
Bill, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, slid it into Dave.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, when I was a small boy, I always wanted my own
TV show.
And just now, something has happened that reminds me of the phrase, "Be careful
what
you wish for."
Oh.
Be careful what you wish for.
Really?
I'm sitting here right in the middle of men and their vegetables.
Yeah.
I think everybody's finally gotten into the spirit of this segment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm handed a note.
I'm handed a note.
And it just, it boggles the mind.
Okay.
Why this information comes to me.
Yeah.
Why this information comes to me now.
Now.
Why?
I'm going to share with you.
Ordinarily, this would be confidential.
I'm going to share with you this note.
All right?
Right in the middle of men and their vegetables.
Yes.
Okay.
Let's see.
Put it right there and you folks at home can read it along.
Okay.
Let's see.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You see what I'm saying?
Why do I need to know?
Why do I need to know now?
Yes, and normally happens while they're watching the show.
But here's what you do.
Here's what you do.
Clean it up.
And a half hour later, let Dave know.
I don't care what he's doing.
Get it cleaned up.
And in a half an hour.
Slip it in.
Get this right to Dave.
Because if he finds out later that nobody told him.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.
I don't care what he's doing.