Name: Tina Fey Says She Won't Wear Another Dress on Late Night TV | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-02-14T14:48:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tina Fey Says She Won't Wear Another Dress on Late Night TV | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tina Fey Says She Won't Wear Another Dress on Late Night TV | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-14. Transcript available.

you are the uh personification of what show business is supposed to be you're
you're talented
uh you're smart you're uh lovely you're personable and you're eager to perform
thank you so much you're quite welcome that's very kind of you to say i i uh
well thank you
what do you know what people have been bombarding me with this question it's
driving me nuts when
you don't have a regular job then what is your life i'm looking at it like it's
just a chasm
an empty empty chasm well i was thinking about you this week because i was
thinking you're going
to retire and i've had this in miniature form i did a show we did 30 rock and
the show ended and
i had the experience of of stopping um and it's weird at first the one thing i
will warn you about
is that all the things that you got out of doing because you were working all
the time
are going to come haunt you now so like uh like parent teacher uh conferences a
curriculum night
um going to your niece's wedding all that stuff you're going to do that like
did you you you know
if you get anything in the mail that says like will you host a gala oh no just
drink dish soap
just do do if you get anything that says gala on it drink like contact lens
fluid anything
to get yourself in the hospital new york city seems to be the home of the gala
yeah official or unofficial big little there's a gala every night and i and i
was thinking about it
uh the the big metropolitan yeah gala you're gonna have to go to that next year
i've never been
invited you're going next year have i missed anything no next year you're going
you're going
to put a salad big old like salad bowl on your head and you're gonna go you've
been there you know
what it is i did i didn't go this year i have gone to it once and it is such a
jerk parade like you
it is so great it is so nice that's great it's beautiful and then clearly i'll
never go again
but you go and you go into this beautiful space and it's just every jerk from
every walk of life
is there wearing like some stupid thing and you walk at these huge steps and uh
and i went and i
dragged my husband along with me too which i'm still uh in trouble for and we
were going and it's been
the met's beautiful with all these people on cameras and we walked down this
big long hallway
and we were walking about 10 feet behind this very famous famously mean fashion
designer and i was
like my husband like oh that's you know that guy and whatever and uh and they
had these what i thought
were sort of guards lining the hallway because they were in these uniforms and
if you look carefully
they weren't guards they were just sort of beautiful boys in weird outfits okay
and then so
we're walking behind this like famous guy in this empty hallway going to the
thing and uh then i
realized that we were about 10 feet behind him and we just walked into
just a fart cloud just um this this famous man
just the most toxic toxic gas that you could but i was like oh this is this the
insides of a terrible
person coming out and we walked into that and i sort of got the giggles and
then i looked over at the
the guard boys and they were kind of like giggling in their sort of vaguely
fascist uniforms and and
and vaguely fascist vaguely fascist and then we sat down at this long table and
it's just everybody
it's everybody if you had a million arms and all the people you would punch in
the whole world they're
all there and um names any names come to mind they're wonderful people i mean i
was there clearly
i was one of them but there was i was then so i sit down and then i'm sitting
next to like another
famous guy who's like a ceo guy just to be clear not donald trump um because he's
the most famous
uh although he was there and he was kind of like dancing in his seat oh dancing
in the seat yikes
but we're in this famous ceo guy's talking to me and i think perhaps he was on
ecstasy because he
i didn't know him and he just reached over and started touching my hair and i
was like this is
like famous like a businessman like what is this gig like what is this yeah so
i got up and i was like
i'm just gonna walk around and do a lap and try to see if i know anybody at
this thing and
and i walked around it was really it is like beyonce lady gaga brian williams
it's just like every
person in the world and the person that i saw that i was like there you know
what there's somebody cool
that like i can just sit in the corner and relax with there's somebody normal
and just to give you
an idea of how weird that event is like the person that i saw like ah i'll go
talk to her was barbara
walters that's pretty good tried to like hang out with barbara walters i'm not
going i'm not going
you're going next year you're going to wear a red leather dress earlier on in
the discussion you
described it as what kind of a parade jerk parade it's a jerk parade we'll get
that right up to the
met what was a big big deal uh and and i i hope people understand how big a
deal this was was the
snl of 40th anniversary oh yeah we had the 40th anniversary of snl it was a big
deal
yeah yeah and the people who have worked there yourself and many many others
everybody who ever
hosted uh you know every pretty much almost every cast member i think made it
back and i was uh i
wanted to i worked on the snl 25th anniversary i think it was one of the first
things i was head
writer for and so i really wanted to help out again with the 40th but i was
away i was doing a movie in
albuquerque um and so or so they believed uh but um i wasn't um and and i was
really wishing i could be
there to help and i kept getting these calls i was trying to help and they're
like great news the show
was going to be three hours now it's going to be three and a half hours long oh
my god i was getting
so nervous because it was a show that everyone rehearsed their stuff separately
it was never rehearsed
together and it's live and it's live tv and um and i just and also i thought
well and the whole audience is
movie stars and i just thought well movie stars they're not gonna sit still
that long i kept i was
like they're gonna leave they're gonna go to dinner they're good like there's
really selfish people
and they're gonna cut to the audience you're doing sketches they'll cut to the
audience it'll just be
like chairs and a lost purse but it didn't the show was great uh the snl team
are so amazing
right through it whipped right through it they got a three and a half hour show
in exactly the time
that's remarkable that really was and very entertaining and great fun good for
you
and uh can i ask how the kids are please do because how when are we ever going
to talk about
this again so yes the kids well it's a mcmett gala next year of course
um the kids are good they um the little one is three and a half now and she's
maybe coming out
of not being a jerk all the time like she's well i remember you said that there
was some sort of a
reflexive anger yes she's very quick to anger like you ask her anything her
answer is usually is no
never you're like okay that's like that's like your baseline is no never no
never yeah um she did throw
a pretty amazing tantrum in we were in albuquerque they were visiting me and my
husband was he i was
working so he took him around all day took everybody to the zoo and long
morning and then he was trying
to get her home and and he said she just threw like a literally like a 40-minute
fit uh wouldn't
they couldn't go home because she was insisting that she wanted to drive
i'm sorry the three and a half year old wanted to drive like an escalade she's
like i'm strong enough
has she driven much not that i know of i said you should have turned it on like
she could never
reach it but he said he had to wrestle her into the back but she's getting a
little sweeter she's
getting into the cute like girly the age that they like princesses princesses
tea parties yeah makeup
like i was putting makeup on a little bit the other day and she was like i want
some makeup i said
okay you can have a little you know my makeup home's like colored chapstick you
know so
so i'm giving her a little makeup and you they get really excited and the toddlers
they they get
they try to start a sentence and they get stuck in it you remember this when
they go like mommy i
want mommy i look mommy i look put you this mom and then feeling can you get it
you'll get it out
mommy i look prettier than you i'm like all right you're three i'm 44 i get it
it's not a contest now
now uh selfishly uh and be on behalf of every parent alive when you get to that
moment when
the kid wants to drive the cadillac escalade home yeah and the kid is three and
a half yeah and there's
a fit yeah how do you disconnect that what circuitry do you throw you do you
have to uh you they always
say you cannot let it work right because if the fit works then they'll throw a
fit all the time
and so i have on many occasions carried her sideways yeah like a plank i
carried her down
the streets of albuquerque screaming and kicking yeah past like a bunch of mariachis
like just like
screaming because it can't work that's the only thing i know you can't let it
work but what now
i don't know what your life was like as a kid but my life as a kid was uh if i
even got close
to pulling that oh yeah they grabbed me and no no no and then take me and throw
me in the car
and we go wherever we're going or i'm going to get spanked one of the yeah it's
such a weird i never
would have dared to uh act up like that i didn't i didn't have an opinion until
i was 20. yeah yeah that's
the way they worked it you know let me ask you something and uh and forgive me
if this sounds
indelicate but but you just look wonderful oh well thank you very much
thank you this is um that's a beautiful dress thank you it's a beautiful dress
i you know it was not
actually lost on me because i always uh i've been here 20 times apparently i've
been on the show 20
times good for you good for me thank you because um because i live nearby and
people cancel a lot
but i i realized that when you retire this this is it like i i'm never gonna
wear a fancy dress on a
talk show again don't say that no because first of all it well thank you but it's
a it's uh it's very
hard work if i don't know if you're aware of the like the contraptions there's
under here are like
it's almost medical what there's like really yeah and it's a lot and i'm
terrible in heels and i also
just realized you know i i dress up like this out of respect for you oh god
bless you i really do well
well you i mean and you know i'm not gonna but forget me i mean it's just
lovely just this is
it you know this is like something kate middleton would show up in well thank
you and this is it
because i'm not gonna wear you know what am i gonna put a dress on for jimmy
that's creepy he's
like my brother you know what i'm gonna wear like like special underwear for james
corden that's not
gonna happen so you know the next time you see me i will be playing charades in
a slanket
but because this now wait a minute you mentioned special underwear this is yeah
thank you
because this is um this is my last time wearing a fancy dress on a talk show
and
and conforming to gender norms out of respect for you um i my gift too is i
want to give you uh the
dress so you can keep it i don't know if you can hold me there you can pull
that yeah you can unzip it
but this is it you know this is
oh my god
i don't know what to say oh for heaven's sake
well look it's titan fay
wait a minute hold it
hang on yeah they're on their feet hang on here hold it here hold it hey hey
hey hey i'm i'm told now
we have time for another segment
you
you
you