Name: Whoopi Goldberg Loved Working In A Mortuary | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-03-09T17:05:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Whoopi Goldberg Loved Working In A Mortuary | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Whoopi Goldberg Loved Working In A Mortuary | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-09. Transcript available.

My next guest is certainly a unique performer. She has a one-woman show now at
the Lyceum
Theater on Broadway, and she is beginning at tremendous notices. She is also a
very
interesting name. Please welcome Whoopi Goldberg.
Hi, Whoopi. Good to see you. How are you? Come on over here.
Nice to see you. How is the show going, the Lyceum Theater?
It's great. How long has it been open? Oh, a couple of, almost two months now.
Yeah, well, that's great. And how long do you think it'll be running?
Maybe another couple of weeks. Now, for folks who may have tickets or may
don't know about the show or coming from out of town or something, what happens
when they walk into the theater? They probably don't know you. Maybe they've
heard your name. Yes. But they go because they hear it's a good show. What do
they
see? They see someone who tries to take their wallet first thing. And then, you
know, they see weird characters and hear strange stories and some sentimental
stuff and some
exciting stuff. Is there singing and dancing music to this show? No, no, no, no.
So it
literally is a one woman show? One woman, several characters show. Yeah. You
did all of the writing?
Did all of the writing. Now, when you talk about characters like what? What are
the characters
we see on the show? Oh, I have a junkie who talks about going to Europe and
having his mind
blown. And I have a handicapped lady who's getting married. She's physically
handicapped.
And I have a little girl who wants to be blue eyed and blonde. And the strange
Jamaican woman
who runs around with an 85 year old man. It's very strange stuff.
It sounds strange, but is it also, is any of this funny? I mean, I guess by
definition,
some of it's not, not going to be funny, but. Well, you know, some of it's
funny depends
on your taste. I have a sick sense of humor. So a lot of my humor kind of goes
like this
to people, but. And where did you get these characters? Are these things you've
just made
up? Do you know people like this? Yes. Yes. I met some of these people in a
place where
the first time I met you, which you don't remember. I met you in San Diego at
the comedy store
after we got bumped. Is that right? Yes. No kidding. How long ago was this?
Six years. Wow. Now, what were you doing in San Diego?
That's where I lived. No kidding. Yeah. That was a, that was a lot of fun. That
place.
It should be a lot of fun. Yes. Yes.
Art, now, can you do some of the character for us or is that putting you on the
spot unreasonably?
Well, no, it's not like really putting me on the spot. Okay. Because like, I
mean like,
okay, aesthetically, David. Okay. Like I totally like, I totally, I'm like
totally happy,
like, you know, to like really discuss it. Okay. Now, now, which, which one of
the characters
is that? That's my, that's the real me. That's my, that's my surfer girl. A surfer
girl.
Yes. This is from your days in San Diego, I would guess. Yes. Yes. Now, before
you got
in a show business or maybe while you were starting in show business, you
worked as a
beautician or a cosmetologist. Cosmetologist. In the mortuary. Yeah. Yes. It's
a lot of fun.
Is that the job you wanted? Well, yeah. It's like playing with dolls, you know?
I mean, because look, if you're working in a hairdressing shop, you have a
woman who has
three strands of hair. She brings you a picture of Fairy Fawcett, says, make me
look like this.
Yeah. You say, look, you don't have no hair on your head.
I can't help you. Yeah. But they're insistent. So you backcomb these three
strands of hair
and you spread them out as much on your head as you can. And they yell and
scream at you
and call your horrible names. In the mortuary, they don't care.
Is there any way without making us all queasy that you can describe to us, I
mean, exactly what,
you know, how much? Rouge, lipstick, eyeliner? What are we talking about?
Sometimes rouge rebuilding. Oh, no. See, no, we don't want to get into that.
Okay. But lipstick and face paint and hairdos and clothing sometimes. So if you
have a punk
funeral, it's always interesting. Yeah. But in the beginning, weren't you a
little put off
by this? I mean, I know I wouldn't be if I had to do that.
No. The worst thing that's ever happened to me in that line of business is I
was invited
by the mortician to come and join him for lunch. I go down to his area. And you
know, in the
old days, they used to have these kind of drawers that rolled out.
Roll them in, roll them out. Okay. So I go in and there's a huge door. The door
is this
thick that closes behind me. So I'm sitting there and I'm waiting. And I hear
this sound
like the drawer is opening. And what I see is this body sit up and say, hi.
So I tried to get out of the room as quickly as I could. I didn't open the door.
So it was
difficult. And so it took him about 15 minutes to convince me that he was who
he was and not
just somebody getting up to leave. So yeah. Yeah. That's what we don't need. We
don't need
any of that. No. Um, so now, uh, you're a Broadway star. Did you vote yesterday?
Yes,
I did. Yeah. Now, what was that like? You're pleased with the way it came out?
I voted a couple of days ago because I do absentee ballot because I live in
California.
Am I pleased that would happen? No.
See, this is what I was talking about. I don't think we can make noise like
this anymore.
We're all going to get in a lot of trouble if you keep that up.
Well, I hope they're watching.
So now you, uh, uh, so what happened? You went to vote or you voted two days
ago?
Absentee ballot. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah.
And then I sat and I watched it and I was just real surprised. I mean, I, I
thought the point
had been made during the last four years, but obviously not because it's such a
wide margin.
Yeah. It was unbelievable.
I'm a cynic. I believe that the boxes were wrong. That's, I'm praying that
someone will
say, oh, we made a mistake. We put the wrong names in the wrong place.
You know, and, uh, you know, I don't think so.
I don't think so. No, I see if it, but 49 to one, we're talking about states.
That's, uh,
yeah, it's amazing. It's frightening. Very popular. I, I, I guess people even,
even, uh,
his probably his closest advisors were stunned by the, uh, the overwhelming
popularity of the
man. Yes. But he wasn't stunned enough not to make it to today. So we got, well,
I don't
know what we're talking about here. Let's see. Uh, now what, so you're
continuing in your,
in your show. Yes, I am. Uh, and it's the Lyceum Theater. Tickets still
available,
I would guess, or not still available. Yes, still available. And what happens
after the
show? I don't know. I'm going home to see my family. Mm-hmm. And will tickets
be available
for that? Yes. Okay, good. Uh, nice to meet you, Whoopi. You too, Dave. Thank
you very much
for your time. Congratulations. Uh, we'll be back, folks, to talk to the man
from NASA.
Thank you.