Name: Viewer Mail: What Will "Late Night" Look Like In 30 Years? | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-03-11T23:12:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: What Will "Late Night" Look Like In 30 Years? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: What Will "Late Night" Look Like In 30 Years? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-11. Transcript available.

And tonight, in addition to all of those fine things I mentioned earlier, it's
of course Viewer Mail Night.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
You know, I get the feeling, Paul, that nobody is quite as enthused about the
great dog sled race as I am.
Wait till they see it, that's all.
Are you enthused about it?
I'm excited about it.
Enthused, though?
It's a little dangerous. Enthused?
Well, sure it's a little dangerous.
I'm enthusiastic about it.
Yeah.
I am.
All right.
No question about it.
And I think the people have got to wait.
Actual teams of actual dogs.
Actual dogs right in the building in a very narrow hallway.
It should be dangerous.
You and I racing together.
It should be dangerous.
This is not Meet the Press with Lawrence Spivak.
This is a...
No one cares, though, right?
No one cares.
We don't care.
We've thrown caution to the wind here tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
Letter number one.
Dear Dave, enclosed are the two tickets your show sent me.
That's right, I have them right here.
When I arrived at the studio, I was told,
Oh, ah, we're sorry, but the show was overbooked.
I don't know.
When I have a ticket to a show, I usually get in.
Whose boots do I have to lick to get in next time?
Why don't you put this letter on viewer mail
and let the home viewers, which I am still a part of,
see how your show is run?
Steve Malazzo, Edison, New Jersey.
Uh, Steve, I can only tell you that I'm very, very embarrassed about this
oversight,
so I'm going to send you the usual form letter
containing the standard $50 gift certificate,
and I certainly hope that that makes up for it in some small...
Dave, Dave, look at the bottom of the letter.
Let's see.
P.S. Don't bother sending a form letter.
Oh, okay.
All right, fine, Steve.
Well, in that case, you're completely out of luck.
All right, now...
Now, we should look into this.
Who decides who gets in with tickets,
and why wasn't this man, uh, how to...
Hmm?
All right, we'll take care of that.
Dear Dave, in closed, please find a picture of the Carriers of the Month
in the Joplin, Missouri area.
Could you send me a picture of the Carriers of the Month
in the New York City area?
Oh, there, I see.
Carriers of the Month.
We have Gerald, Gladys, uh, Terry, and, uh, Daryl.
Those are the Carriers of the Month in Joplin.
Sure, we can, uh, show you a picture of the Carriers of the Month
here in, uh, Manhattan.
They're right here.
Uh, these are the ones.
Uh, here's a photo of the four carriers.
On the...
On the left is this month's top carrier of typhoid.
Next to him, I believe, is the winner in the flu category.
Third from the left is diphtheria.
And finally, in the far right, is the top carrier of dysentery.
How many of you saw this joke driving through the Midtown Tunnel?
I have to return a piece of mail.
That brings us up to letter number three, if you're scoring at home.
Dear Dave, I'm really disappointed in you.
On January 25th, you let Janet Roman tell us about your personality
by reading the bumps on your head.
Um, while you sat idly by like you really believed it.
Come on, Dave.
Are you mellowing out, or do you actually believe
that your brain bulges through your skull if you use it a lot?
What's next, Dave?
Someone telling us about your sex life by reading your palms.
Disappointedly, Dan Sist, State College, Pennsylvania.
Well, Dan, you bring up a good point.
Of course, I don't believe that stuff,
and I resent the patronizing and insulting tone of your letter.
And Dan, if that isn't enough,
this is you, buddy.
That's awful.
I'm sorry to be a part of that.
Dear Dave, is it possible,
could you send 47 tickets for your show,
excuse me,
on either August 23rd or 24th?
I could understand if you're not too keen
on having that many people from Missouri in your audience
at one time,
so please send two tickets for a friend and me.
This is our second letter from Missouri.
Thanks, John Mismer, St. Louis, Missouri.
Well, John, of course, you know the matter is out of my hands.
Whether I'm keen on having that many people from Missouri
in the audience isn't the problem.
The problem is this darn law we have here in New York State,
and I wish I could do more about it.
Oh, there it is.
It's under the no smoking sign.
Can we get in there close and see what it says?
Occupancy of this studio by more than two Missourians
strictly prohibited by
the order of the fire commissioner.
You know what else I'm going to do in 84, Paul?
I'm going to get rid of the word into.
You know, people who say I'm into aerobics,
that's out.
No more.
Oh, good for you.
We're going to get rid of that one.
Good for you.
That's right.
Letter number five.
Dear Dave,
what will late night look like 30 years from now?
Mr. Van Hefner, Eureka, California.
Wow.
Now, here's something to ponder.
What will late night look like 30 years from now?
Gee, I, gosh, I wonder what that would look like.
Owner of a lonely heart.
That's me.
Yay!
Thank you very much, boy.
That song sure brings back a lot of old memories.
I like these old songs.
Aren't they something?
Sing us another oldie, Paul.
Yeah!
Well, thank you very much.
First, I want to tell you kids a little story about a guy.
Now, this was back when the show was being taped over in Sector G.
Oh, thank you very much.
Some people from Sector G are here.
Fabulous.
Well, let me tell you, I worked with this guy, gosh, it must have been 30 years
ago.
30 years ago?
What is his ancient history?
Yeah.
I tell you, you kids keep me young.
Anyway, back then, this guy was actually the host of this very show.
He was a kind of a tall, skinny fella, and his name was David Letterman.
You mean President Letterman?
Wow!
You know, even then, he was interested in politics and a lot of people.
Dave, Dave, Dave, wake up.
Dave.
Oh.
Dave.
Oh.
It's not at all.
Thank you, Paul.
Okay, let me remind you once again, we've only just begun.
Thank you.