Name: Can Dave Guess Which Pies His Mom Baked? | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-03-14T15:02:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Can Dave Guess Which Pies His Mom Baked? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Can Dave Guess Which Pies His Mom Baked? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-14. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time now to play Guess the Pie. Are you ready, Paul?
Yes.
Here's where, now here's how this works. We talked to my mom, who has been for
the last
six and a half months baking her brains out there in Indiana, getting ready for
the big
day, and she bakes the pies not so much to feed the family and friends, but
more so she
can play Guess the Pie. Because if you don't have the pie, you can't play. How
many times
have you heard me say that, Paul?
Yeah, you always said it.
You don't have the pie, you can't play.
You don't have the pie, you can't play.
So here, do me a favor, turn on the CBS satellite and let's go live in Indianapolis,
Indiana.
Say it on my mom.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, David.
How you doing?
Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.
Happy Thanksgiving, David.
You look nice, Mom. You doing something different to your hair or just let it
grow? It looks
different.
Yeah, let it grow.
It looks good.
Thank you.
You just, you're going to let it go nuts? Just let it keep going and going and
going?
No, no, no.
Well, you look very good.
Thanks.
You getting ready for the big dinner there in the house?
Yes.
The turkey's in the oven.
Huh?
There'll be seven of us.
Seven of us?
And you have usually a lot of guys over from the National Guard?
Not this year.
Not this year.
Not this year.
Hey, Mom, we had a lovely Thanksgiving here in the Ed Sullivan Theater building
and everybody.
It was not like being at home, but it was pretty good.
We had a guy named Lenny come in and kill a turkey for us.
Mom don't care.
Mom don't care.
All right, now, Mom, without giving away the pie, tell us what's on the menu.
You got the turkey, of course.
Yes, turkey and dressing.
You got dressing.
What's in the dressing?
Onions and celery, sage.
Yeah.
And it's one of those stovetop stuffing deals.
You just make it in like two minutes.
No, no.
Are you sure, Mom?
Just pick it up.
I'm positive.
It kind of makes itself in the car on the way home.
No, David.
And what else do you have?
You have an assortment of luncheon meats?
No.
No.
We have pie and we have cranberry sauce and noodles and mashed potatoes.
How big is the turkey?
How many pounds?
I think it's around a 12 pound.
12 pound turkey.
Now, that's not so big.
But when I was a kid living at the house, we'd usually go 35, 40 pounds, wouldn't
we?
Not really.
Yeah.
Mom don't care.
Mom just wants to get right to the game.
Mom is dying to play Guess the Pie.
Yeah, if you don't have the pie.
You've got a room full of people who are starving and Mom's yakking to me.
There you go.
All right, Mom.
Here we go.
Hey, by the way, how's the weather there in Indiana?
It's a beautiful day.
It's cold and clear and sky blue.
It's beautiful.
And what do you do tonight?
Go down to the Coliseum for wrestling?
We're having dinner after a little while and then I think we'll...
I can't get anything going with Mom here tonight.
No, you can't.
We're going to be playing Guess the Pie, Mom, and I'm going to go into a small
psychic trance here.
Now, first of all, how many pies have you made?
I've made two pies.
All right, two pies.
Here we go.
I'm going to need a little Swami music, Paul.
I'm playing Guess the Pie.
Here we go.
Please do not approach the desk.
Okay.
All right, stop the music.
One pie is pumpkin.
Uh-uh.
Oh, come on!
Once you miss that, I'll say.
Once you miss that, I'll say.
Now I'm screwed.
All right.
What an upset.
I don't know.
I'm screwed.
Oh.
I'll have to double down now to get my money back.
Ah, here we go.
Okay, well, one is, uh, pizza?
No, it's a joke.
Uh, rhubarb.
Afraid not.
Oh!
Cherry.
Yes.
Yeah!
Oh, look at that.
Look at that.
That's a beautiful pie.
That's a beautiful pie.
Mom, you got that, you got that little latticework crust on there.
That's a killer pie.
Why don't you just send that to me?
All right.
All right, now there's the, there's the other pie.
I'm going to guess the other pie.
The other one is, uh, uh, pecan.
Not quite.
Uh, all right, stop it.
It's my mother.
You don't need it.
It's my mother, damn it.
Uh, uh, rhubarb.
Oh, I guessed rhubarb.
You guessed rhubarb.
Thanks, Mom.
I was just, too bad I can't be there for Thanksgiving, ain't it?
Yes, it is.
You always seem to have to work.
All right, settle down.
Okay.
Some reason you have to work.
Uh, sugar cream.
No.
Oh, God.
Paul, you got any guesses?
I, I couldn't, uh, you, fig, fig and date pie.
Fig and date pie.
Is that it?
Fig and date pie.
Is that it?
Is that it, Mom?
No.
Is, is it one of them Sara Lee things?
I don't know, uh, chiffon, banana cream, I don't know.
Wait a minute.
Give me a hint, Mom.
Could it be walnut?
Walnut.
It's a walnut pie.
You're getting close.
Hickory nut.
It's a, uh, there you go.
Hickory, hickory nut.
Hickory nut pie.
I'm going to have to go to the judges on that.
I've never heard of hickory nut pie in my entire life.
Oh, it's wonderful.
You just made that up to stump me.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Have a great holiday.
Enjoy the meal.
There's my mom.
Just the time.
Hickory nut pie.
What the hell is hickory nut pie?
I've never heard of this.
There's a lot of this.
Broke new ground.
Like peanut brittle.
Why don't you, what about just a peanut brittle pie, Mom?
Ha, ha, ha.