Name: What's On Dave's iPad?: A Shocking Selfie | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-03-15T15:06:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What's On Dave's iPad?: A Shocking Selfie | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What's On Dave's iPad?: A Shocking Selfie | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-15. Transcript available.

Hi. Hi, Barbara. I was looking for your iPad. Yep. And I saw this picture. Yep.
What is this? Well,
it's pretty much what I'm doing now. I have the same pants on. These are pants.
That's part of my
leg. That's part of my shoe. So that's me sitting in a chair, kind of like I'm
doing now. Wait,
so I think what happened here, the camera went off accidentally. Oh, so this
isn't really a
saved photo. Well, I saved it because, you know, it's me for God's sakes.
Huh. All right, let's see if there's anything else. All right. All right. Let's
see what we
got here. This, I don't mind that. No, what about that? Now, look at that. If
you look closely,
it's two or three different varieties of popcorn. See here, the popcorn is nubby.
There's little nubs
on it. Then there, it's smooth. Those are two different varieties of popcorn.
And these knobby
ones, I didn't care for the way they looked, but I ate them anyway. So I'm not,
I don't know. Is this
just you making popcorn and then photograph? No, I got a guy in Kansas City who
typically will send
me popcorn. No, that, of course, that's me popping corn. Yeah. Okay. This is
good.
Yeah. That's a scene from the Lady Eve with Henry Fonda and Barbara Stanwyck.
So what made you,
you, you, you. I sent it to my friend Jeff Altman because it's, uh, indicates
behavior that I would
expect from my friend Jeff. He enjoyed it. I bet he did. Yeah. Yeah. This is,
um, I still have this.
I purchased this. Wait, you still have this burger? Yeah. That very one I still
have. I purchased it now
maybe six weeks to two months ago and I keep it in the refrigerator and it, it,
uh, it has not changed
from the minute I purchased it. It looks exactly like this. Yes. And it looks
delicious. Still ready
to go. Ready to go. And I, I, I'm confident were one to bite into that, you
would be dead.
But I like the picture. It looks delicious.
Oh, I know there's one that I, I noticed before that I look delicious. Oh, how
about the, yeah,
let's do that. Yeah. That looks like the perfect egg. No, this is a trompe l'oeil,
but, uh, because that's,
well, it looks like the perfect egg in fact is glass. Is it really glass? Yes,
it really is glass.
I'm delighted by that because it, I just think it's lovely. It is. It's
gorgeous. Thank you. I mean,
I, I, all I did was buy it. Wait, so was this sort of like a little joke around
the house? It was,
uh, until my son walked in and said, "What's this glass thing doing in the
skillet?" Right up to that,
it had been hilarious. Yeah. I would have thought, I would have thought that
that would have been
hilarious. So did I. Oh, what are you doing here? Well, as you can see, that's
me. That's gas city.
And this is, uh, one of the few kidnappings that has a happy ending. I was just,
uh, shoved out of the
car. My hands were untied and there I was in gas city. You look kind of happy
for a kid. Well, to be
free. And also how can you not be happy in a town called gas city? Sure. Yeah.
You rarely hear
about the happy ending of kidnappings. That's true. Yeah. That is completely
true. I'm looking for,
oh yeah, here we go. A lot of food pictures on here. Yeah. Look at that. That's
a really good looking
potato. It sure is. But again, it's actually a rock. And I, I couldn't decide
whether the utensils enhanced
the gag, uh, or the slab of butter enhanced the gag, or in fact, was it you
only had to be there and have
it put down in front of you and then you try to cut into it. And then the
laughter begins.
Now, did you find this rock and think, oh wait, that looks like a potato. I
know what I'm going to do.
No, I got a guy in Cincinnati, a rock guy who is always on the lookout for
rocks that resemble food.
And when he comes across one, shoots it right off to me. Wow. Yeah. That's a
lot in postage. Yeah.
Sarcasm, the wit of a dull man. Hmm. Uh, I should have pre-thought a closer
here. Oh,
I don't mind these. I kind of like those. I just like the, it's, it's not
perfectly polar,
but it is, uh, as symmetrical as I could have gotten it. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Just
a cup of coffee.
Yeah. Nice looking cup of coffee. Thank you. And as you know, without the
caffeine,
I'd have no personality. I haven't heard that. It's true.
But you, you had many years of decaf. Oh, here's another good looking brownie.
Nice looking brownie.
Thank you for playing along. Uh, again, it's a rock, but I, well, here's
interesting. Interesting to me
only, uh, when I had the rock and I put the butter on it and I thought to
indicate that this was fresh
out of the oven, I put the rock with the butter in the microwave and, uh, the
second attempt, the rock
exploded in the microwave. So say goodbye to the rock. Now, when you do these
rock gags,
does your family enjoy them? No, no, they're, they're tired of almost
everything I do. I do this for
company and typically people will look at it and say, Oh, what is this a rock?
So I, I mean, I'm,
I'm glad that you're amused by it. I kind of enjoy it, but. Oh, I know what our
closer is.
Oh, it's that. Um, well, I like this photo because I didn't really take this
photo. This is an accident.
Yes. This was taken in Santa Barbara and I had been persuaded by my friends,
peers, and family
to get rid of my old cell phone. Right. So I got a brand new cell phone and I
thought I was taking a
picture of dinner just that it was like a day or two in my possession. And, uh,
I triggered the camera
obviously in the wrong direction and the flash. That's how this is what happens
to an old man when
he's startled. I really thought death was upon me. This picture might be one of
my favorites ever.
Well, that in terms of the family reaction, that was also one of their
favorites.
Yes. Dad doesn't know how to operate the cell phone. I have to say, I find this
very enjoyable.
That's right. I mean, you think about a way, the infinite number of ways I
could meet my demise.
Just there's the picture. I mean, not that this hasn't happened to me, but it's
much more fun
than it happened to you. Yeah. And it is authentic. If you buy this, I can have
the paperwork to verify
the authenticity. Yeah. Well, that's pretty good. I think, uh, I think we've
got all we have out of this.
Let's leave it there. Yeah. Thank you.