Name: Amy Schumer Does Something She'll Regret | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-03-27T15:13:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Amy Schumer Does Something She'll Regret | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Amy Schumer Does Something She'll Regret | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-27. Transcript available.

how you doing good how are you i'm excited uh congratulations on the the peabody
award i don't
think i knew about that the last time you were here that's that's big time
stuff yeah good for
you yeah and i just found out right before i came out that's what i was gonna
say we got a fourth
season yeah good for you so that's good yeah a lot of work though because you
you would think that
it would get easier you find that the show gets easier as you go along no i
find that i'm getting
easier but the show is you know what honestly what does that mean i meant
sexually oh well that's
thank god you guys got it that's not what i thought yeah now do you none of my
business but he probably
are you engaged do you have a boyfriend are you oh what's your status okay well
my status is it's
complicated um no i'm totally single i was dating somebody for a little i was
actually dating an
infectious disease doctor because two birds and um yeah why not i mean if you
can sure but no we
we uh we broke up i found he was like a secret alcoholic oh and that's like my
thing you know that's
i think we talked about you being an alcoholic we have talked about that there's
always in a
relationship there's one alcoholic and one person who's sad and i wanted to be
like the fun one you
know right yeah and uh uh how's your your mom is is what does your mom do she's
a speech and hearing
therapist for the deaf so she must be a great influence speech and hearing
therapist
i'm not i don't have an impairment i'm fine this is the last time i'm going to
be here i can do
whatever i want well well now we're talking let's see what you have in mind
anything thank you for having me here well it's a great pleasure to have here
and a lot of fun yeah
uh did your mom give you advice to shiver yes she um she gives the worst advice
she just speaks in
bumper stickers you know like i called her after the breakup and she's like you
need to love like you've
ever been hurt like that's just bad but yeah that's like no one's watching yeah
that's that's like dr phil
right you should always dance like at least a couple people are watching right
across the street
like no car it's just a dumb yeah it doesn't it's bad advice but it makes it
makes people in your
mother's position feel like oh i'm doing some good i'm helping my daughter with
these pointless homilies
right i'm like what mug are you reading that off of right now it's a waste of
time now what about uh
when you work so long i don't know how many shows are in a season that you do
there ten so it's a
long time with the people and now you're going into your fourth season yeah do
you ever uh develop
friendships or or relationships with people that you like that you work with it
because that can be
trouble no i like i try um but actually this i try uh but my this is making me
think of i don't even
know if we this set up but my sister she uh she's a bad person she's my best
friend but she's really
mean to me like she she's always been really mean she's younger than me and she
just like trashes me
i had a big crush on what does she do your sister she's a writer on my tv show
yeah well that's what
i'm talking about yeah she's a comedy writer yeah and she's a horrible person
and uh and this season
on the show i had the biggest crush on one of the guys on the crew and he just
would never even glance
in my direction a real thing yeah yeah okay this is all real okay okay i would
never lie to you out
here i appreciate that um but he was really had no interest in me like he would
it was a kind of a
joke you are smitten i'm smitten i'm ready i'm like hey look look who doesn't
have a ring me oh you guys
got it okay yeah so anyway so my sister one day is like amy she's like oh my
god don't turn around
he's looking at you and i was like oh my you know that's the thing he's looking
he's like i'm like okay
so i slowly turn around and he was sleeping on a pile of equipment asleep
not only is he not checking me out he's not doing his job
on a peabody winning show yeah exactly that's delightful isn't it uh
no dave it's not no were you on the mtv movie awards did you host yes did you
like it
i would i would be afraid to go there really yeah why well people would want to
beat me no did you
enjoy your experience there i had so much fun yeah you would have you actually
would have um but this
the celebrities weren't safe around me that's the truth celebrities not safe
around you yes
yeah because i get very excited seeing celebrities and i feel so disconnected
from them like i saw bradley
cooper he was backstage i've never met him before and i don't know why but i
just started um he couldn't
see me and i started going bradley really and he's not looking at he's trying
to act like it's not
happening and just to make my sister laugh and i'm like and then finally he
sees it's me and he's and
we were just laughing so hard so what's wrong with this person but yeah i just
i always say the wrong
thing with celebrities um since uh we probably won't be on the show together
again do something
do something now that you'll regret
see my scar what is what is that what happened there that's my vagina
well i asked for it didn't i it's all my fault that is my that's a scar from
surfing it's always my fault it's a surfing scar a surfing scar all right yes
my vagina's right
all right you want to say it one more time just make it an even three my vagina
is right where it
should be i mean you guys know that the lovely peabody award-winning amy schumer
ladies and gentlemen
you