Name: Staff Favorite Moments: Paul Shaffer | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-03-29T14:40:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Paul Shaffer | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Paul Shaffer | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-29. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Paul Schaeffer.
I was musical director of the Late Show and the Late Night Show with David
Letterman.
It was a hell of a run.
We had a lot of fun, and I'm going to be showing some of my favorite moments
from all those 33 years.
I think all of us were very excited the first time that Bob Dylan was booked to
do the David Letterman show.
This is in the 80s, and I was just all over him with gushing and just, you know,
hip references to some of his songs
and just showing him, you know, that I was a fan.
And he said, do you think I could get to meet Larry Bud Millman?
And so that was my first conversation with Bob Dylan, which was monumental.
There was a period of time I would appear in comedy sketches with Dave and
other guests.
The theme seemed to be the same, and that would be that I would be out on the
street
and a car would be approaching me and I would scream, and they would say,
cut, and put a dummy in there, and then the car would hit the dummy.
There was one example of this I remember very clearly, and it had to do with a
cure for the hiccups.
Now, don't do that again.
I can't.
I'm trying to control it.
I can't help try everything.
Have you done this, you hold your breath and just kind of rock your head back
and forth?
I tried that before the show.
It didn't work.
Did you drink a little water?
Oh, stop it!
I drank water, and I held my ears and drank water.
It didn't work.
Right.
Did you thump yourself really hard on the end?
Yeah, I tried.
And nothing?
Did you, like, Heimlich yourself?
Listen, nothing seems to work on this.
All right, but have you got him under control or not?
I thought I'd...
Come here.
Come here.
I'm going to take care of this.
Come here.
You cover for him while he's gone.
Come here.
I'm going to put an end to this because, frankly, it's kind of getting...
Hello.
Nice to see you.
It was a lovely service, wasn't it?
And we set up a scenario in the office where this is what we do when Paul has
the hiccups.
He put a paper bag over his head, and I take his baseball bat, and I just swing,
and I pow, and I bash the dummy, you know.
And then they would cut, put it in a dummy, and then I would take, cut back to
me, take the bag off.
And, you know, it's great, Dave.
No more headache.
Well, we're shooting it one piece at a time.
First piece, of course.
It's me.
I put the thing on my head, and he winds up, cut, you know, and then there's a
crew bag.
Five, take a five, you know, and I'm just, everybody's relaxing.
And I'm sitting there with the bag over my head, just relaxing.
I, you know, I don't know.
I hadn't taken it off.
And Dave is just winding up.
He was considering taking a practice swing because he thought it was the dummy
under that bag, but it really was me.
And that would have been, you know, pretty much the end of my conscious life.
Dave said, I would have been calling your wife, Kathy, once a year, probably
Christmas Eve.
I'd call her to find out if everything was all right, and, you know, you'd be a
vegetable.
So that was a close call, but it was worth it because here's the sketch.
On the 50th show, show number 5-0, because in show business, we don't have time
to say 50.
We say 5-0, my parents were in town from Canada, and they came to see the show.
And now say hello to Paul Schaeffer, ladies and gentlemen, and the world's most
dangerous band.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
You know, David, my parents are here visiting from Canada, and they came to the
show last night.
They liked it so much, they came back tonight.
So this is, you know, my mom and dad, Bernie and Shirley Schaeffer, are here
with me today.
Thanks.
Hello, Dave.
Hi.
We're just thrilled about the show.
Good.
And I want to say it's a real fresh kick to be here.
That's very nice of you.
I hope Paul hasn't been in too much trouble, Dave.
Mom, that's all right, Mom.
Just relax.
Paul's just...
It's okay.
Paul's fine.
Why don't you play a nice song now?
Ah, well, we play, we don't really do it like that around here.
We play, you know, when, when David, you know, after he does his piece, then,
then we'll play.
That's the way we do.
But that's my mom and dad.
And, uh...
Thank you very much.
Thanks for having him here with me.
Thank you, Paul.
Yeah, I forgot to mention, it's Parents' Day here at the show.
Here we are back at Letterman, and I remember that I started off the show.
I had heard a joke in the afternoon, and I decided to tell it on the show.
Have you ever had a Freudian slip happen to you, you know, where you make a
Freudian slip?
Yeah, you say something, and it comes out differently, but it has some sort of
other meaning?
That's right.
I did the worst one over the weekend.
I was at my mother's house for dinner, and I meant to say, pass the salt.
Right.
Instead, I said, you bitch, you ruined my life.
I don't know how it happened.
It just kind of slipped out.
Now, what am I supposed to do?
Explain to me, Paul, now, what it is I'm supposed to do.
I know, I know.
You pulled the pin on the grenade and handed it to me.
All right.
Here, I thought, see, this is how dumb I am.
I didn't know you could talk like that on television.
I didn't know you could talk like that to your mother.
I can't believe my ears.
I know, it was just a joke, you know.
Oh, oh, just a joke, but a damn fine joke, too.
Well, the audience, you know, just erupted, and Dave just calmly said, let's
get your mother
on the phone.
Scheduled, not planned.
Yes.
I'm going to give it a try here.
A little dialing music, Paul.
Okay.
Let's just see who this is.
Oh, there's the first ring.
Cliff Robertson.
Wouldn't that be funny?
Hello?
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, Mrs. Schaefer.
Yeah.
Hi, this is Dave Letterman.
Yes.
Hello?
How are you?
I'm very well, thanks.
How are you?
Good.
Thank you very much.
How's springtime there in Thunder Bay?
Springtime in Thunder Bay is very lovely.
The sun is shining.
It's David Letterman on the phone version.
It's a beautiful afternoon.
Yeah.
And are you folks enjoying yourselves up there, relaxing, working?
Oh, yes.
We're having a nice time.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Will you be coming to New York anytime soon?
Well, we will.
We are coming.
As soon as we're invited, we're coming.
Okay, well, anytime you're in the area, of course, I love being able to see and
spend
time with you and your charming husband, and it would be good to see you folks
again.
Now, Shirley, may I call you Shirley?
Yeah.
All right.
The reason I'm calling is be sure, do you have plans tonight?
No, but this is, you're not, this isn't Letterman.
Letterman tapes at 530.
Why are you calling me now?
Well, no, it's a little after six now.
We've been on the air for about 40 minutes.
Ah, okay.
It's me.
Okay.
Okay.
It's me.
It's me.
It's I.
You should say it's I.
It's me.
Yeah, I see what you mean, Paul.
Well, I'm happy to do it.
What's going on?
Uh, anyway, uh, Shirley, the reason I, I, I'm calling.
Yes.
I want you to be sure and watch the show tonight.
Oh, I will.
I will.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
You and Bernie have a lovely evening.
Well, that's really lovely view to phone us.
How's Paul?
Oh, Paul's fine.
Thank you.
Give him my very best.
Paul's just fine.
And Paul, Paul told me earlier to send you his love.
Thank you.
Okay.
Nice chatting with you.
Alrighty.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Okay.
Okay.
Cleared the whole thing up.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Now you know it.
Yeah, now I know.
It was a lovely moment.
And she, from that point on, she said, he never called me again.
He never let me on that show again.
I should never have corrected his grammar.
I don't think that had anything to do with it.
Nonetheless, you know, she was a stickler for grammar.
And I thank her for that to this very day.
We had a wonderful time on a trip to Los Angeles once shooting a sketch where
David disappeared
from the show.
I had to go find him.
And he had been seen on the set of so many different primetime shows at the
time.
And we shot this in the Valley, I guess they call it CBS in the Valley.
I went looking for Dave on the set of Jerry Seinfeld's show.
And I went looking for him on the set of a Sybil Shepard's show and a number of
other
shows we were playing.
But I certainly remember how thrilling it was when during a break on the Sybil
Shepard's show, I said, "Sybil, let's go over to the piano and do something."
And she favored us all with a full-out number.
It cheered us all up and made a wonderful day out of something that had started
as just an average day.
And I tell you, it's been fun.
You folks have been a terrific audience.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys waiting in line all day,
sending in for the tickets.
It was a great show all because of you.
Thank you very much.
God bless you, everybody.
Good night.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Thank you for coming.
Wait a sec.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Is the show over?
The show's not over.
He's done it again.
He's done it again.
I can't believe it.
I've got to get him.
Wait a sec.
I've got to...
Everybody right there.
Just a second.
He's doing pretty good.
That's not your real hairstyle, isn't it?
I'm on to your side.
Oh, Greg.
Hi.
Have you seen Dave?
Not since I broke into his house.
Why don't you just let it go, Paul?
Why don't you just let it go?
Yeah.
Thanks, Greg.
It's not about us, right?
And then you walk in.
Gary.
I've been looking for a long time.
Hey.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
It's not about us, right?
And then you walk in.
Gary.
I've been looking all over.
Have you seen Dave?
We're right in the middle of a rehearsal here, Paul.
Have you guys ever thought about rehearsing, by the way?
I think it could help.
Sybil.
We're right in the middle of a show.
I can't find Dave.
Have you seen him?
Did you try the hotel bar?
I gotta go.
Bye.
Dave who?
That's not my finger.
Well, that's okay.
That's not my belly button.
Oh.
Roseanne.
Hi.
Have you seen Dave?
Uh, isn't he on CBS?
We don't get cable.
Ah.
TV's Paul Schaefer.
Hey, what's your favorite kind of sandwich?
Hot dog.
Hot dog?
Hot dog's not a sandwich.
What are you talking about?
You got your meat, you got your bread, you got your condiments.
You bite into a hot dog, my friend, you're biting into a sandwich.
I don't know, that's my weird cousin.
What are you guys talking about?
Sandwiches.
Oh, man, don't get me started on sandwiches.
Listen to this.
First of all, is there sand in a sandwich?
Is it made by a witch?
Sandwich.
What is this?
Dave, Mary, I've been looking all over for you.
Hey, Kramer.
No, Dave, it's me, Paul.
Yeah.
Listen, our show's not over yet.
We gotta go back.
We're talking about sandwiches.
Well, don't get me started on sandwiches.
Our show, we got our own show.
Let's get out of here.
Come on.
He's right, I gotta go.
I've made a terrible mistake.
Goodbye.
Bye, Larry.
Thanks, you too.
Always got this.
What's the opposite of my CTV?
At one point, the band and I added a song to our repertoire by Blood, Sweat &
Tears.
I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know, which was sort of a takeoff on a James
Brown, "This
is a Mads World."
And Dave Letterman heard it and immediately related to James Brown, and he said,
"I feel
like I should be putting a cape on you."
So one thing led to another, and he ended up doing that.
The next night, I sang the song.
He put a cape on my shoulders, and it became a thing.
Somehow, it developed into not only Dave doing it, but then other people doing
it.
And before you knew it, it had developed into an every Friday night thing.
During the long Station ID break, I would do this long song, and then we would
come back
from the Station ID.
You'd see me down on my knees screaming like James Brown, and everybody came
out and put
that cape on me.
I think the highlight was when James himself put the cape on me.
I couldn't even -- and the band, I said, you know, somebody's going to do the
cape.
We're doing it tonight because this is when they're available.
I can't tell you who it is.
But when he came out, it was pandemonium.
Baby, I'm lost.
Lost in the will of the hell.
I'm lost.
I'm lost.
I'm lost.
I'm lost.
Lost.
Lost.
It's better.
Lost.
Don't you see, baby?
Oh!
She's around.
She's around.
James Brown.
Give me applause.
You're the godfather of school.
Wow!
Wow!
Darlene Love was my favorite singer as a kid.
When she sang today, I met the boy I'm going to marry.
I just -- I don't know.
It reached me like nothing else did.
And I got to work with her back in the '80s in a show about the songwriter,
Ellie Greenish,
who wrote a lot of her material.
Dave Letterman came to see the show.
And she sang an original Christmas song from the famous Phil Spector Christmas
album.
Her song was called "Christmas Baby Please Come Home," an original rock song.
When Dave heard it in this show down at the Bottom Line nightclub, he said, "Let's
have her do that this Christmas."
She came on and sang it just with the four of my four -- us four musicians,
singing and playing behind her.
And it was a smash.
And she -- before you knew it, she was doing it every single Christmas.
And Darlene is very happy to say that it gave her sort of a second life.
And she's still going strong at 80 years old.
And she's still going strong at 80 years old.

Staff Favorite Moments: Paul Shaffer | Letterman

Hi, I'm Paul Schaeffer.
I was musical director of the Late Show and the Late Night Show with David
Letterman.
It was a hell of a run.
We had a lot of fun, and I'm going to be showing some of my favorite moments
from all those 33 years.
I think all of us were very excited the first time that Bob Dylan was booked to
do the David Letterman show.
This is in the 80s, and I was just all over him with gushing and just, you know,
hip references to some of his songs
and just showing him, you know, that I was a fan.
And he said, do you think I could get to meet Larry Bud Millman?
And so that was my first conversation with Bob Dylan, which was monumental.
There was a period of time I would appear in comedy sketches with Dave and
other guests.
The theme seemed to be the same, and that would be that I would be out on the
street
and a car would be approaching me and I would scream, and they would say,
cut, and put a dummy in there, and then the car would hit the dummy.
There was one example of this I remember very clearly, and it had to do with a
cure for the hiccups.
Now, don't do that again.
I can't.
I'm trying to control it.
I can't help try everything.
Have you done this, you hold your breath and just kind of rock your head back
and forth?
I tried that before the show.
It didn't work.
Did you drink a little water?
Oh, stop it!
I drank water, and I held my ears and drank water.
It didn't work.
Right.
Did you thump yourself really hard on the end?
Yeah, I tried.
And nothing?
Did you, like, Heimlich yourself?
Listen, nothing seems to work on this.
All right, but have you got him under control or not?
I thought I'd...
Come here.
Come here.
I'm going to take care of this.
Come here.
You cover for him while he's gone.
Come here.
I'm going to put an end to this because, frankly, it's kind of getting...
Hello.
Nice to see you.
It was a lovely service, wasn't it?
And we set up a scenario in the office where this is what we do when Paul has
the hiccups.
He put a paper bag over his head, and I take his baseball bat, and I just swing,
and I pow, and I bash the dummy, you know.
And then they would cut, put it in a dummy, and then I would take, cut back to
me, take the bag off.
And, you know, it's great, Dave.
No more headache.
Well, we're shooting it one piece at a time.
First piece, of course.
It's me.
I put the thing on my head, and he winds up, cut, you know, and then there's a
crew bag.
Five, take a five, you know, and I'm just, everybody's relaxing.
And I'm sitting there with the bag over my head, just relaxing.
I, you know, I don't know.
I hadn't taken it off.
And Dave is just winding up.
He was considering taking a practice swing because he thought it was the dummy
under that bag, but it really was me.
And that would have been, you know, pretty much the end of my conscious life.
Dave said, I would have been calling your wife, Kathy, once a year, probably
Christmas Eve.
I'd call her to find out if everything was all right, and, you know, you'd be a
vegetable.
So that was a close call, but it was worth it because here's the sketch.
On the 50th show, show number 5-0, because in show business, we don't have time
to say 50.
We say 5-0, my parents were in town from Canada, and they came to see the show.
And now say hello to Paul Schaeffer, ladies and gentlemen, and the world's most
dangerous band.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
You know, David, my parents are here visiting from Canada, and they came to the
show last night.
They liked it so much, they came back tonight.
So this is, you know, my mom and dad, Bernie and Shirley Schaeffer, are here
with me today.
Thanks.
Hello, Dave.
Hi.
We're just thrilled about the show.
Good.
And I want to say it's a real fresh kick to be here.
That's very nice of you.
I hope Paul hasn't been in too much trouble, Dave.
Mom, that's all right, Mom.
Just relax.
Paul's just...
It's okay.
Paul's fine.
Why don't you play a nice song now?
Ah, well, we play, we don't really do it like that around here.
We play, you know, when, when David, you know, after he does his piece, then,
then we'll play.
That's the way we do.
But that's my mom and dad.
And, uh...
Thank you very much.
Thanks for having him here with me.
Thank you, Paul.
Yeah, I forgot to mention, it's Parents' Day here at the show.
Here we are back at Letterman, and I remember that I started off the show.
I had heard a joke in the afternoon, and I decided to tell it on the show.
Have you ever had a Freudian slip happen to you, you know, where you make a
Freudian slip?
Yeah, you say something, and it comes out differently, but it has some sort of
other meaning?
That's right.
I did the worst one over the weekend.
I was at my mother's house for dinner, and I meant to say, pass the salt.
Right.
Instead, I said, you bitch, you ruined my life.
I don't know how it happened.
It just kind of slipped out.
Now, what am I supposed to do?
Explain to me, Paul, now, what it is I'm supposed to do.
I know, I know.
You pulled the pin on the grenade and handed it to me.
All right.
Here, I thought, see, this is how dumb I am.
I didn't know you could talk like that on television.
I didn't know you could talk like that to your mother.
I can't believe my ears.
I know, it was just a joke, you know.
Oh, oh, just a joke, but a damn fine joke, too.
Well, the audience, you know, just erupted, and Dave just calmly said, let's
get your mother
on the phone.
Scheduled, not planned.
Yes.
I'm going to give it a try here.
A little dialing music, Paul.
Okay.
Let's just see who this is.
Oh, there's the first ring.
Cliff Robertson.
Wouldn't that be funny?
Hello?
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, Mrs. Schaefer.
Yeah.
Hi, this is Dave Letterman.
Yes.
Hello?
How are you?
I'm very well, thanks.
How are you?
Good.
Thank you very much.
How's springtime there in Thunder Bay?
Springtime in Thunder Bay is very lovely.
The sun is shining.
It's David Letterman on the phone version.
It's a beautiful afternoon.
Yeah.
And are you folks enjoying yourselves up there, relaxing, working?
Oh, yes.
We're having a nice time.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Will you be coming to New York anytime soon?
Well, we will.
We are coming.
As soon as we're invited, we're coming.
Okay, well, anytime you're in the area, of course, I love being able to see and
spend
time with you and your charming husband, and it would be good to see you folks
again.
Now, Shirley, may I call you Shirley?
Yeah.
All right.
The reason I'm calling is be sure, do you have plans tonight?
No, but this is, you're not, this isn't Letterman.
Letterman tapes at 530.
Why are you calling me now?
Well, no, it's a little after six now.
We've been on the air for about 40 minutes.
Ah, okay.
It's me.
Okay.
Okay.
It's me.
It's me.
It's I.
You should say it's I.
It's me.
Yeah, I see what you mean, Paul.
Well, I'm happy to do it.
What's going on?
Uh, anyway, uh, Shirley, the reason I, I, I'm calling.
Yes.
I want you to be sure and watch the show tonight.
Oh, I will.
I will.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
You and Bernie have a lovely evening.
Well, that's really lovely view to phone us.
How's Paul?
Oh, Paul's fine.
Thank you.
Give him my very best.
Paul's just fine.
And Paul, Paul told me earlier to send you his love.
Thank you.
Okay.
Nice chatting with you.
Alrighty.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Okay.
Okay.
Cleared the whole thing up.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Now you know it.
Yeah, now I know.
It was a lovely moment.
And she, from that point on, she said, he never called me again.
He never let me on that show again.
I should never have corrected his grammar.
I don't think that had anything to do with it.
Nonetheless, you know, she was a stickler for grammar.
And I thank her for that to this very day.
We had a wonderful time on a trip to Los Angeles once shooting a sketch where
David disappeared
from the show.
I had to go find him.
And he had been seen on the set of so many different primetime shows at the
time.
And we shot this in the Valley, I guess they call it CBS in the Valley.
I went looking for Dave on the set of Jerry Seinfeld's show.
And I went looking for him on the set of a Sybil Shepard's show and a number of
other
shows we were playing.
But I certainly remember how thrilling it was when during a break on the Sybil
Shepard's show, I said, "Sybil, let's go over to the piano and do something."
And she favored us all with a full-out number.
It cheered us all up and made a wonderful day out of something that had started
as just an average day.
And I tell you, it's been fun.
You folks have been a terrific audience.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys waiting in line all day,
sending in for the tickets.
It was a great show all because of you.
Thank you very much.
God bless you, everybody.
Good night.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Thank you for coming.
Wait a sec.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Is the show over?
The show's not over.
He's done it again.
He's done it again.
I can't believe it.
I've got to get him.
Wait a sec.
I've got to...
Everybody right there.
Just a second.
He's doing pretty good.
That's not your real hairstyle, isn't it?
I'm on to your side.
Oh, Greg.
Hi.
Have you seen Dave?
Not since I broke into his house.
Why don't you just let it go, Paul?
Why don't you just let it go?
Yeah.
Thanks, Greg.
It's not about us, right?
And then you walk in.
Gary.
I've been looking for a long time.
Hey.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
I've been looking for a long time.
It's not about us, right?
And then you walk in.
Gary.
I've been looking all over.
Have you seen Dave?
We're right in the middle of a rehearsal here, Paul.
Have you guys ever thought about rehearsing, by the way?
I think it could help.
Sybil.
We're right in the middle of a show.
I can't find Dave.
Have you seen him?
Did you try the hotel bar?
I gotta go.
Bye.
Dave who?
That's not my finger.
Well, that's okay.
That's not my belly button.
Oh.
Roseanne.
Hi.
Have you seen Dave?
Uh, isn't he on CBS?
We don't get cable.
Ah.
TV's Paul Schaefer.
Hey, what's your favorite kind of sandwich?
Hot dog.
Hot dog?
Hot dog's not a sandwich.
What are you talking about?
You got your meat, you got your bread, you got your condiments.
You bite into a hot dog, my friend, you're biting into a sandwich.
I don't know, that's my weird cousin.
What are you guys talking about?
Sandwiches.
Oh, man, don't get me started on sandwiches.
Listen to this.
First of all, is there sand in a sandwich?
Is it made by a witch?
Sandwich.
What is this?
Dave, Mary, I've been looking all over for you.
Hey, Kramer.
No, Dave, it's me, Paul.
Yeah.
Listen, our show's not over yet.
We gotta go back.
We're talking about sandwiches.
Well, don't get me started on sandwiches.
Our show, we got our own show.
Let's get out of here.
Come on.
He's right, I gotta go.
I've made a terrible mistake.
Goodbye.
Bye, Larry.
Thanks, you too.
Always got this.
What's the opposite of my CTV?
At one point, the band and I added a song to our repertoire by Blood, Sweat &
Tears.
I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know, which was sort of a takeoff on a James
Brown, "This
is a Mads World."
And Dave Letterman heard it and immediately related to James Brown, and he said,
"I feel
like I should be putting a cape on you."
So one thing led to another, and he ended up doing that.
The next night, I sang the song.
He put a cape on my shoulders, and it became a thing.
Somehow, it developed into not only Dave doing it, but then other people doing
it.
And before you knew it, it had developed into an every Friday night thing.
During the long Station ID break, I would do this long song, and then we would
come back
from the Station ID.
You'd see me down on my knees screaming like James Brown, and everybody came
out and put
that cape on me.
I think the highlight was when James himself put the cape on me.
I couldn'