Name: Steven Wright's Success Hasn't Gone To His Head | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-04-01T23:22:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steven Wright's Success Hasn't Gone To His Head | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steven Wright's Success Hasn't Gone To His Head | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-01. Transcript available.

Our next guest is a talented comedian from Boston.
He's featured this month on HBO's 7th Annual Young Comedian Show.
Please welcome a young comedian, a terrific one, Mr. Stephen Wright.
Thanks.
Stones, I love the Stones.
I can't believe they're still doing it after all these years.
Watch them whenever I can.
Fred and Barney.
Last summer, I drove cross-country with a friend of mine.
We split the drive, and we switched every half mile.
The whole way across, we only had one cassette tape to listen to.
I can't remember what it was.
It was good, though. I liked it.
We were in Selina, Utah, when we were arrested for not going through a green
light.
We pleaded, maybe.
I was feeling good. I had just received my bachelor's degree in calcium
anthropology.
Study of milkmen.
I was traveling with my friend, George.
Some people think George is weird because he has sideburns behind his ears.
I think he's weird because he has false teeth, but he has braces on them.
Yeah.
Last summer, I, uh...
Last time I went camping, I accidentally borrowed a circus tent.
I didn't know it until I got there, and I set it up.
People were complaining because they couldn't see the lake.
There was a forest nearby.
It wasn't just any forest.
It was a forest where they get paneling.
It was a long, thin forest.
My friend George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge, you
can't hear him talk.
I'm playing on a trip to Spain, so I bought an album that teaches you the
language.
You put the album on, you put headphones on, you'll learn the language while
you're sleeping.
During the night, the record's skipped.
I got up the next day, I could only stutter in Spanish.
But when I go, I'm flying.
I'm flying Air Bazaar.
It's a good airline.
You buy a combination, one-way round-trip ticket.
You leave any Monday, and they bring you back the previous Friday.
That way, you still have the weekend.
The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter.
I woke up this morning.
My girlfriend asked me if I slept good.
I said, no, I made a few mistakes.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
One time, the police stopped me for speeding.
They said, don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?
I said, yeah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long.
I have a three-year-old dog.
I named him Stay.
He was a lot of fun when he was a puppy, because when I called him, I'd say,
come here, Stay.
Come here, Stay.
And he'd go, he's a lot smarter than that.
Now when I call him, they just ignore me and keep on typing.
I don't walk him anymore.
I walked him all at once.
Are there any questions?
Last night, I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up.
They were mad.
I was cesarean born.
Can't really tell.
Although, whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks.
Very nice.
Thanks.
I'm sorry, you were to be on the show a while back, and we didn't get to you,
and I'm glad
you could be here tonight.
Thank you very much for coming back.
Thanks for having me.
Now, where do you live?
Because I said you're originally from Boston.
Are you still there?
I live in Los Angeles, and I'm from Boston.
Uh-huh.
It's really not that far if you fold a map and hunt.
That's true.
If you've got a map folded properly, it's no trouble at all to make that trip,
is it?
But I'm sure you've done that.
Yeah.
Now, what did you do before you got into stand-up comedy?
I was a proofreader for a publishing company.
I had a job in college where I would do things, and they paid me.
No, no.
It was a medical lab, and I would go around to the universities, and I would
pick up samples.
People were being tested to see if they had gonorrhea.
And I would have this jar full of petri dishes, full of cultures with gonorrhea,
and I'd be driving
around Boston, hoping that I didn't have a collision.
And then I imagined, like, being with a woman years later, saying that, yes, I
do have gonorrhea, but I got it in a car accident.
Well, that's an ugly, ugly notion, yeah.
You're doing very well.
You're quite successful, aren't you?
What's going on?
Yeah, doing pretty well.
Now, do you find that your personal life has improved as a result of this?
Well, it's kind of, it's the same, it's the same, it's the same, it's the same,
it's the same, I'm just older.
How, do you find girls something, are they more interested in you now?
No.
No, no, no, I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend now, she's a, she's a
bilingual illiterate, she can't read in two different languages.
Yeah.
Alright, we're gonna, we have to pause here.
We'll be back with Stephen Wright, folks.
Hotel accommodations for most guests of Late Night with David Letterman, furnished
by Berkshire Place, a Dunphy classic hotel, in exchange for this announcement.
For reservations at Dunphy hotels in the U.S. and Europe, call toll-free 800-228-2121.
Okay, uh, we're, we're done for the night, folks, I want to thank Mr. Stephen
Wright, very nice, Stephen, nice meeting you, thanks for coming back, sir.
And, uh, also my thanks to, uh, Emily Prager, uh, Paul Shea from the band, uh,
Bill Wendell, and of course, Santa.