Name: The Viewer Mail Story: What's The Deal With Dave's Hair? | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-04-07T15:02:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Viewer Mail Story: What's The Deal With Dave's Hair? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Viewer Mail Story: What's The Deal With Dave's Hair? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-07. Transcript available.

Welcome back to the program, folks.
Monday on this television show, Dinah Shore will be joining us also, comedian
Richard Lewis.
Now, being that it's Thursday night, and as you know, every Thursday, we answer
our viewer mail.
People often ask us how we prepare that segment every week.
Well, to answer that question, we've made a short tape showing the highlights
of this complex and fascinating process.
The viewer mail process begins with you.
The viewer, writing a letter to late night.
Dear Dave, what's the deal on your hair?
Mail from all 50 states and over 80 foreign countries is delivered to the late
night postal substation,
located in the basement of 30 Rockefeller Plaza.
Specially trained police dogs are used to sniff for any dangerous or illegal
substances.
Then, trained pigs route through the bags looking for truffles, which are
highly valued by chefs and a staple here at the NBC commissary.
Finally, bloodhounds are brought in, just in case any prisoners from southern
road gangs have mailed themselves to the show,
which happens more frequently than you might think.
After inspection, the mail is sorted according to geographic point of origin,
and then read by out-of-work PhDs familiar with the dialect of each of those
regions.
Then the mail is sorted by hand according to subject matter.
And any suspicious letters are referred to our handwriting expert who reports
his findings to the NBC executives
in charge of made-for-TV movies, and to the police.
Then powerful computers determine statistically the issues that most concern
the viewers of late night.
Finally, I discuss the results of the analysis with our researchers.
So, what's the big issue this week? What's going on here?
Mr. Letterman, it's your hair.
My hair? Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with my hair.
I know that, Mr. Letterman, but your viewers appear to be concerned.
Oh. Fine. If they're concerned, well, certainly, let's not sidestep the issue,
then.
Do something about it.
After we've selected the letters we're going to answer on the show,
our crack team of researchers takes over, amassing all the relevant background
data.
Their report is passed along to the late-night writing staff who labor long
into the night
to come up with the most appropriate responses to those letters.
Finally, as time runs out, the moment of truth arrives.
The long, painstaking process has borne fruit.
We have chosen the best possible answers to your letters.
And another viewer mail segment is ready for the show.
All right. Letter number four.
Dear Dave, what is the deal on your hair?
Your biggest fan, Chuck.
Well, frankly, Chuck, that's none of your business.
Oh, no. Thank you.
Oh, yes. That's classic.
Let me be right back.
Daja Agobor is here.