Name: Julia Child Turns A Meat Mistake Into A Gourmet Meal | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-04-16T15:20:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Julia Child Turns A Meat Mistake Into A Gourmet Meal | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Julia Child Turns A Meat Mistake Into A Gourmet Meal | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-16. Transcript available.

Thank you, thank you very much, and welcome back to the show.
We have more fun here than on any other television show in America, don't you
think?
Of course, then again, you folks aren't exactly under oath, are you?
Ha, ha, ha!
You know, aside from being America's favorite chef,
my first guest tonight is also a very charming woman and my favorite dancing
partner.
This is her latest home video series, The Way to Cook.
Look at this, it contains everything.
First courses and desserts, meat, right there.
This one is nothing but meat, all about meat.
This answers all your meat questions right here.
This happens to be my favorite entry in the line of cassettes, the meat
cassette, right there.
And moving on down to poultry soup, salads, and breads, vegetables, fish, and
eggs.
But of course, mine would be meat.
This, listen, to start off with the meat volume, and then, I don't know what's
the matter with me.
Ah, what are we doing now, Kevin?
Let's bring her out here.
Folks, please welcome Julia Child.
Julia.
Watch yourself.
We've got all of this to bring there, Julia.
Thank you.
Nice to see you again.
How you doing?
I'm good.
Did you have a good holiday season?
Yep.
We're right in the middle of it now.
We're looking forward to Christmas.
Yeah?
What did you do for Thanksgiving?
Well, we ate turkey.
We were way up in Vermont.
But I'm a Californian.
I don't like it up there.
Everyone's five miles away on an icy road.
In Vermont.
In Vermont.
Well, you have to be a macho New Englander.
You didn't cook when you were up there?
No, I just ate.
Yeah.
Well, what's your...
Well, then I didn't like not having any cold turkey when we got back home.
Well, that's the drawback.
I know it is.
It's better to stay home, I think.
Yeah.
So when you do cook for the holidays, what would be traditional?
If you were to invite me to your home for the holidays, fat chance.
But if that was...
Well, I would.
Would you?
I'd come, too.
I would if you'd come up from near Pepperdine University to Santa Barbara.
I'd love to.
I'd give you a wonderful hamburger.
Now, what would we have?
We'd have hamburgers.
But in a very special way.
Yeah.
But for Thanksgiving, what would we have?
Well, don't you like turkey always?
Don't you like some...
I like turkey once a year.
I like turkey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, if you came, I'd give you turkey.
Yeah.
But something...
I mean, a real knockout.
You know, the kind of thing that I'd be talking about for months.
What would we have?
Hmm.
We have lots of seals up there.
Have you had...
Braised seals?
They're a little fishy, but that's an interesting fishy taste.
No, no.
Don't even joke about something like that.
Well, then we'll have to go back to hamburger, David.
But a very special kind.
But we wouldn't have, like, Jell-O salad.
We wouldn't have one of those.
No, we certainly would not.
We'd have a real traditional early...
We wouldn't have bean sprouts or any of that stir-fried.
And we wouldn't have anything nutritional, you know.
I don't like that kind of food.
Well, turkeys, aren't they loaded with all kind of preservatives
and they're just full of chemicals?
No, that's just what the chicken raisers say.
Oh, okay.
So, tonight, tonight we're going to cook right here...
A hamburger.
A hamburger.
A very fine hamburger.
Okay.
And here it is, right here.
Very fine meat.
Hamburger.
This is some of the best meat that came over from Good Morning America
because they all look at your show...
They all look at your show and they say,
baby's got to have the best.
This is Good Morning America meat?
It certainly is.
It certainly is.
They really fix it up like they never had it before.
That's a special category that the USDA has arrived at for television.
This is GMA meat, ladies and gentlemen.
Exactly.
All right.
Do you get it fat?
Do you get it lean?
Well, I don't think it's any good if it's too lean
because hamburger is not diet food.
No, that's right.
If you don't have enough fat in it,
you ain't going to have any flavor and tenderness.
Fat actually provides the flavor, right?
This is about what they like to say 80% lean,
which means 20% fat.
All right, 20% fat.
That's about the least.
What's ground beef going for these days?
This was $1.29.
Very good.
We got 10% off because it was Good Morning America.
Now we're going to fix it up.
And would you like to grate it or don't you like onion on your ears?
No, I love onion.
And do we have one minute for the whole thing?
Is it all we have?
Oh, because we were killing all of that time at the top of the show
and now we only have a minute.
I was going to be stuck.
We'll do that in 20 seconds, David.
No, no, we'll grate the onion.
You want me to do that?
If you grate the onion in, I'll put in a little salt and pepper.
You know what?
Is it better to grate the onion or chop it up?
Grate the onion in?
Oh, grate it if it's good because we're not going to cook it.
Oh, my thumb!
Oh!
Oh!
Well, that'll help.
That'll help the hamburger.
Yeah, let me get that in the meat there.
I'll be good for it.
All right.
All right.
Let's, uh, do we do a commercial now?
No, I'm sorry.
My clock is completely out of whack here.
We've got to be serious if we want to have a good hamburger.
Has David Hartman ever eaten one of these hamburgers?
No, he never has.
It's just especially for you.
Oh, thank you very much.
Do you get along, though, with David Hartman?
No, I just love him, and we're going to miss him when he goes.
Oh, seriously.
Why don't you come over and do that?
Come over and do that show.
I mean, you could leave here and then come on on the...
A little onion skin.
A little onion skin, yeah.
At five o'clock in the morning.
Have you ever cooked something, Julia, that just turned out awful?
Yeah, lots of nice.
Yeah, and what do you do then?
What happens?
Well, I'll give it to my husband.
All right, now, do what?
Put it in the pan.
All right, I'm sorry.
Then we've got to put it in the pan.
I don't know what we're doing.
Wow, this is one hamburger?
Boy, look at the size of that.
You can feed the National Guard with that.
You can feed the pan, and it's going to be very, very good.
It's a very nice, it's a late-night snack.
A little olive oil in there?
Just a little olive oil.
Is this one of those coated pans?
What's in that pan?
Yeah, it's a coated pan.
Coated with what?
I don't know.
What did they put on it?
But isn't that poisonous?
Won't that give off the radiation or something when you heat it?
No, you know?
What they did, they burned, I mean, about 800 of those pans,
and found there was nothing wrong with them at all.
Oh, well, that's good.
Okay.
So that's fine.
Okay.
This is going to be very rare, I think.
Okay.
Good Morning America didn't pay the electricity bill, apparently.
Well, this is their pan, anyway.
Wait, this is embarrassing.
Everything comes from Good Morning America?
Well, the stove is yours.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that's a beauty, too, huh?
It is, isn't it?
Just like Grandma used to make.
What is that, a Mattel?
That's nice.
Okay, we'll be right here to see how this hamburger turns out.
All right.
We're back with Julia Child,
and we're in the middle of frying a hamburger,
but what happened exactly there?
Well, no, listen,
if I brought mine over from Good Morning America,
it would have worked.
This doesn't work.
Does it work at all?
Does it plug in?
So we're going to change it to beef tartare.
Just as good,
because it's got all the onion in it.
That's going to be absolutely delicious.
Beef tartare,
but it's just ground beef.
Don't you use a higher quality than...
Oh, you don't have to.
You don't have to.
It's beef tartare.
No, particularly when you have what we're going to put on it.
Mm-hmm.
This is going to have a little mustard on, like this.
You're going to love this.
I'm not going to be eating it, so...
You're not!
Well, it's just raw beef,
and you get dysentery from eating that, won't you?
Oh, no, you don't.
Hepatitis?
No.
What do you get from eating uncooked meat?
You get healthy.
Now, we have a finishing touch.
All right.
No, wait.
It's going to be beef tartare gratiné,
and you don't have any cooking equipment here.
You don't have a broiler.
What is this?
This is a blowtorch.
A blowtorch, all right.
That's both tonight.
Where's your cigar?
That'll light it.
Okay.
There, now.
Do you want a gratiné?
I just turn it on the cheese there?
Yep.
So the object is to melt the cheese over the raw beef.
But this is a very nice kind of recipe, don't you think?
It'd be very good.
What do you do?
You cook this when the car breaks down on the highway somewhere?
Well, I mean, if you come to a place
where they don't have the proper kind of cooking equipment,
you bring your own stuff.
But doesn't that look good?
But this is not a real recipe, is it?
It's just raw beef and melted cheese?
Well, you're going to try it.
I think you're going to love it.
But this is the kind of thing
that would start riots in prisons.
Oh, no.
But this is very good quality, very high quality New York food.
All they serve us is melted cheese and raw meat.
Well, what else is, what else is there?
Well, look, it's nuts.
But this is, but you know, this is actually a serious,
a serious cooking game.
Now, what do you, what do you call this, Julia?
What do you, what do we call this?
This is called beef tartare au gratin.
Now, where's that knife and fork?
It smells pretty good.
Well, it doesn't smell good.
Oh, I can't wait to get into that raw beef.
And it's very healthy.
It's very healthy.
We'll get a gamma globulin shot here in a minute.
It's on a whole wheat pita, so that's nourishing.
And if you don't have one of these, what?
Use your hat, I guess?
Yes.
Makes no difference to you, does it?
Just go ahead.
All right.
How about stuff it into an oven mitt?
Mmm, there's good eating.
Now, are you going to have a little of this?
I certainly am.
Are you, let's have a little together.
I just thought it was going to be delicious.
Howard.
Are you going to eat that?
Yeah, I'll have a little.
Okay, Howard, take the day off, will you?
Oh, very good.
Now, we're going to get it.
Now, see, this is a new recipe.
I've never, you know, I've never.
We want to call it beef tartare gratinée letterman.
How about that?
Mmm, mmm.
See, that's not bad.
You got onion and everything else in it.
That's baby.
Now, that was, let me try a little more because we don't want to, we don't want
to give people
the wrong impression here that we're eating something we shouldn't be eating.
Well, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to.
No, I, it's just, I've never eaten raw ground beef before.
But haven't you ever eaten beef tartare?
No.
It's the same thing.
Is it really?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's very chic to eat.
You know, carpaccio.
Well, it's, uh, it's very interesting.
It's very interesting.
You're very inventive and very quick on your feet.
Well, I think next time.
I know, the stuff's got to get back to Good Morning America.
Well, but next time, let's have something that'll work, David.
We'll do something right.
We'll get something for you that works.
Thank you very much for being here.
Well, I like you anyway.
Well, I like you too.
Have a nice Christmas.
We'll, uh, we'll be right back.
It's not bad at all.