Name: Sam Kinison Is A Sucker For Love | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-04-22T21:54:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Kinison Is A Sucker For Love | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Kinison Is A Sucker For Love | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-22. Transcript available.

Okay, well, we're in for something now, folks.
My next guest is making his network television debut tonight,
and we believe it's long overdue.
He is one of the strangest and most original comedians working today.
Brace yourselves. I'm not kidding.
Please welcome Sam Kinison.
There's still time to call the church and call all this off.
I know a lot of you come here, you watch TV, you wait every night
for somebody to come on here and give you an answer for your lives,
waiting for someone that'll come and say,
Hey, this is it. I don't have to settle for defeat anymore.
I can rise up out of my routine. I can get a hold of myself.
I don't have to lose. I can win.
There's something inside me that's not going to let me go down anymore.
But I'm not the guy.
No, I don't have any answers for you.
But I can tell you about one thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You think you're safe, huh?
You people over here, you think you're safe?
Do you think you're safe? What's your name?
Lou?
Lou, you ever been married?
You do me a favor?
If you ever think you want to get married,
if you ever think you've met the right woman,
you want to settle down,
you want to get a house,
you want to get a car, maybe raise a family,
do me a favor, will you, Lou?
Remember this face.
Ah!
Ah!
Remember it, Lou!
Remember that face!
Ah!
Ah!
Because it's the face of hell, Lou!
It'll be your face every day!
Have you ever been married?
Are you married?
What's your name?
Bill?
Tell him.
Show him the face.
Show him the face!
Show him to him!
Say it!
Say it!
Look at him!
Swans, you know, it's just not me, all right?
I'm trying to help here.
I'm trying to do a good thing.
I was married for two years.
My life was so boring,
I actually worried about my yard.
Rest of my friends had goals, careers, visions.
They were doing things with their lives.
I was out there looking for crabgrass,
weeds and stuff,
going, I have a responsibility to the neighborhood.
There's a weed here.
And then if that doesn't happen,
you have kids.
Have you seen those guys?
Those guys in the malls with the strollers,
have you seen them?
With that look on their face,
like they envy the dead.
Somebody shoot me!
This isn't a mall!
I need help!
Ah!
Ah!
I buy it every time, though.
I swear I do.
I buy it every time.
I love women.
I can't help it.
I buy it every time.
Love comes to me and goes,
come on!
Come on!
Yes, this is love!
Yeah!
Come on!
Trust it!
I know, you've been in love before.
This is love!
I wouldn't lie to you eight times in a row!
Come on!
Come on!
Open the door!
Let's see what we have for you!
It lied to me again!
I keep going for that same kind of love, too, man.
That Van Gogh kind of love, you know,
where you walk in and you go,
hey!
You heard me so much,
I don't even know what pain is!
I know half America right now is going,
what are we watching?
What kind of comedy is this?
Is this the man that was prophesied
to come out of the sea and control the cities?
Ah!
Ah!
No!
No, I'm not him!
I'm just a comic with some weird fashion choices,
but, uh,
a lot of you don't trust that.
That's up to you.
Read your Bibles,
your New Testaments,
your Torahs,
your Korahs,
whatever you think will protect you,
you're not safe.
But,
I'm trying to help.
I do the best I can, folks.
I swear I do.
I do the best I can.
Like this World Hunger thing,
I'm really involved with it.
I'm just like you.
I see the same commercials,
those little kids
out there, you know,
hungry.
And I watch this on TV
and I'm home,
I'm going,
God, you know,
how sad,
how cruel.
Because I know the film crew
could give this kid a sandwich.
Come on,
you know,
there's a director five feet away
going,
don't feed him yet!
If it doesn't work,
I see if I'm talking,
get that sandwich out of here!
Okay,
Haji,
back in the mud hole,
all right?
We're losing daylight,
we are losing daylight!
It's true.
But I'm not trying to make fun
of World Hunger.
If you want to do something
about World Hunger,
I think I have an answer,
I think a lot of people
are adopting this attitude.
You want to do something
about World Hunger?
Stop sending them food.
I mean,
it's network television,
I'll be the first.
Look right here,
zoom in.
Stop sending them food,
all right?
Don't send them
any more food.
You want to help
these people?
Send them U-Hauls,
send them boxes,
you know,
some luggage,
send them a guy out there
who goes,
hey,
hey,
hey,
you know,
we just drove 750 miles
across the desert
with your food
and it occurred to us
that there wouldn't
be World Hunger
if you people
would live
where the food is!
You live in a desert!
Do you understand
that you live
in a desert?
Nothing's grossing!
Nothing's gonna grow me!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, we're right back.
Sam Kinison.
Ah!
Shoot me!
Ah!
Uh, my next guest
for 16 years.
Ah!
Okay, folks,
have a good weekend.
Saul, please come back next week.
Nice to meet you, sir.
And my thanks to Mary Lou Henner
and, of course,
Sam Kinison.
Ah!
Ah!
Monday,
Pat McCormick will be here,
Howard Jones,
and maybe Tony Randall.
I don't know.
Thank you very much.
Goodbye.