Name: Teri Garr Doesn't Want To Talk About Her Personal Life | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-04-25T23:24:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Teri Garr Doesn't Want To Talk About Her Personal Life | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Teri Garr Doesn't Want To Talk About Her Personal Life | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available.

My first guest tonight, oh, this woman, we always like having her here.
She's a terrifically talented actress.
She received, of course, an Academy Award nomination for her work in the motion
picture Tootsie,
and her current project is a film entitled Firstborn, which is still in
production.
We're delighted to have her back with us tonight.
Please welcome Terry Garr.
Thank you very much for being here.
It's very nice to be here.
We always enjoy having you on the show.
You're going to do that trick with the hose until it goes right, right?
You make it sound like it's a burden to the audience.
Well, I don't mean to, but...
No, it'll be great.
Oh, it's unbelievable.
We went through...
We sucked up two or three heads this afternoon, didn't we, with that thing?
So it'll be exciting.
Yeah, okay.
Here, I'll take it.
Sorry.
I'll take it, unless you want it later.
No.
Terry, Terry, Terry, how you doing?
I'm doing okay.
Now, the last time you were on the show, remember, the audience voted who they
wanted to see first, you or Ruth Westheimer?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And you were, you...
You had to bring this up, didn't you?
Well, I thought you were a terribly good sport about it because the audience
selected Ruth to come out first.
And I thought that that was very nice of you to, you played right along.
Well, it was fine with me because I really don't care whether I'm here or not.
Now, you see, I'm coming off mean again.
So I came out and I pretended like I was really upset, and then people really
thought that I was.
That you were mean about being here last time?
I was.
I said, so, I wasn't chosen first, huh?
And then I went on that tack.
Well, you know what else you did, now that you brought it up?
You, uh, there was this, uh, the play for television you were going to be in,
the, uh, the, uh, uh...
The Winter of Our Discontent?
That's right.
John Steinbeck.
And I said, uh, is that a play?
And you said, of course not, stupid.
Yeah, yeah.
You said, no, it's a, it's a famous novel by John Steinbeck.
And then you made some fun of where I went to college.
I remember, it's all coming back to me now.
Well, I was in an ornery mood, apparently.
But you're okay tonight, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
I've come to prove to the late night world that I am an okay person.
Well, uh, we're, as I mentioned, we're happy to have you here.
Now, I know that you have, uh, yesterday, of course, was Super Tuesday, and you
have some observations on the...
On the, uh, on the Democratic campaign so far.
What was Super Tuesday?
Well, they had, they had, uh, many, many primaries and important focuses around
them.
I know. I'm only kidding.
No, I just happened to watch the, um, the debate last Sunday.
I know you were out of the country.
I was out of the country.
Getting sunburned.
And, um, I watched this debate, and I was very frightened for, for us all.
In, in what regard?
Well, first of all, you know, there was a cover of Time magazine that said,
that had Mondale and Hart, and it said, okay, the race is on.
So, these guys were there, and they were, you know, ready to fight.
And the two of them sat next to each other and actually did start fighting.
And they did those kind of smiles that politicians do when they're really very,
very angry.
They go, ha, Fritz, Fritz, no, you're wrong.
Fritz, hold it just a second.
I think you're quite wrong.
They're, they're raging, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, this frightens me because I'm thinking, what happens someday if they have,
like, this, a big decision to make involving a nuclear attack or something, and
they suddenly become, you know, they're, they're human just like the rest of us.
Sure.
It made me very, and they got much more involved in each other than, um, than
in the issues, you know.
They didn't talk about them.
It's a little, well, we'll see what happens.
I mean, I guess you can't really say anything about, uh, political candidates
on the air, can you?
I want this guy, and I don't want that guy, and this guy's bad, and that guy's
good.
I don't want to say that, but.
Well, now, what, what, the thing that I don't understand is, is Walter Mondale.
Uh, first of all, uh, nothing against Walter Mondale, but do we want a
president named Walter?
See?
Um.
That's true, too.
You know, that's, that's your, that's the dean of boys at Broad Ripple High
School.
His name was Walter, you know?
How about Fritz?
That's somebody's cat.
But, but is, is his campaign slogan now, is it, has he adopted it really?
Where's the beef?
Is that his slogan?
He said that, you know, it's very interesting.
Yeah, and they say it over and over and over and over.
I know, they tell, that's all the news, that he made this joke about where's
the beef.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, it means he watches commercials, and that's, that makes me, uh,
secure in my
country, because my president wouldn't be watching commercials.
So.
I like him, though, you know?
Yeah.
So, otherwise, you're doing okay, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
Now, how's your, how's your personal life?
Is it all right?
Terry, I say.
Your personal life, is it all right?
Yes, my personal life is fine, but you know, I, I really don't think I'm going
to talk
about it anymore, because, anymore, who asks?
Who cares?
Um.
Well, no, I just asked.
I know you did, and, and all, all kinds of people do, but, you know, I saw this
publicity
about Lillian Gish lately, and she's about 70, 80, something like that.
Once you get up there, it's all the same, isn't it?
Well, until we get there, of course, then it'll be very important.
Anyway, she's an older woman.
And an actress.
And she gets out there, and she, I even saw her in Johnny Carson, and I've read
interviews
with her.
She talks about making films, about acting on the stage, about her career,
about people
she's worked with, and in all the things I have never heard, how many times she's
been
married, who she, who she lived with, what kind, I mean, she's just like a
craftsman that
did her work, talks about her work, does it, and leaves.
I mean, I'm sure there's a price you have to pay for that.
You don't get to be on the cover of People magazine, because you don't wash
your dirty
clothes in public, as my mother used to say, but I don't want to.
I just decided it's not very nice, is it?
I mean, it would be better if I talked about...
I don't know.
I'm going here.
I don't know.
Well, then, I'm very sorry.
Then let's talk about it.
I just don't want to make you unhappy.
No.
Do you name a movie Lillian Gish was in?
Intolerance.
Was she?
Birth of a Nation.
Birth of a Nation, right.
Just before the buzzer, too.
Like I say, it's the price she paid.
We don't know what movie she's in, because we didn't know who she was married
to.
If we'd known, maybe then I would remember the movie.
I don't know.
She was married to Bill Cullen for a while.
She was?
No.
I don't mind that heartfully.
And then Dick Godier for a couple of years?
We have to go away.
We have to go away, but we'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Hi, we're back with Terry Garr.
Later on the program, Steve Miserak.
Marilyn Sokol is here.
And we'll get the big salad sucking device hooked up.
So we'll give you a chance to wake the kids and get some coffee down them
before we turn that on.
So how was your deal in Europe?
You went over there and you did a film for HBO.
How did that turn out?
What was that called?
It was fabulous.
It was called To Catch a King.
Luckily, well, it's over with now.
They show it a couple times and then it's gone.
But it may come back to haunt me.
Like a lot of things.
Well, you're not happy with how it turned out?
Well, it doesn't really make any sense.
I had a good time.
I got to go to Portugal and I shouldn't really say it.
But it was a sort of a serious drama, mystery racing thing about it took place
for the Nazis
and stuff.
And the Washington Post said it should have been retitled, Lucy Ricardo Meets
the Gestapo.
Or, oops, a Nazi.
So it didn't turn out like you had hoped, huh?
Not exactly.
This was you and Robert Wagner?
Oh, is he a nice guy?
A gem of a person.
Very, very nice.
You know, in L.A. they have these things, not to change subject, you have that
big hose.
In L.A. they have these blower machines.
Thank you.
That's not exactly what I meant.
Now it's going to get worse.
Wait.
No, it'll be all right.
In L.A. they have these big machines that these gardeners strap on their back
and they
have hoses and they blow the leaves around because we don't have enough rain or
water to
actually, I don't know how you, so this guy, Phil Garner, decided to get two
guys together
in a room and have a contest with them, but they blow each other around the
room.
It's kind of a good idea.
Maybe you could do it with the salad if this other joke doesn't work out.
Is it just sort of sport for the wealthy?
Is that what it is?
I'm not sure.
Yeah.
The age of technology has gone so far ahead that we are now resorted to spurting
each other
with air.
Well, see, now, ours doesn't blow.
It inhales, a device inhales.
Now, tell me about singing.
You sang in this picture, didn't you, this HBO deal?
Sort of.
I did sing, yes.
I told them that I could sing when I took the job and then we went in to record.
Have you ever tried to sing in a recording session?
I thought that I was doing so well.
And I'm singing, I got a right to sing the blues, and they said, would you like
to come
in the booth and hear one?
And I said, sure, I'll come in the booth and hear one.
They played it.
It was so shocking.
It was so bad.
I did about 12 takes, and they took like one or two words from each take to
paste together
this little song.
You want to try it tonight?
You got to go?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure.
And after that, I'll eat some broken glass.
Carrie, now, we're running late here.
We have to go to a commercial, but I do want to invite you to stay.
If you want to hang around to see the demonstration of the salad machine, you're
more than welcome.
I have an appointment, or I'd stay.
Terri, nice to see you again.
Thanks to see you, too.
Was I nice?
Was I nicer?
No, you were fine.
I thought it went pretty well.
Thank you very much.
Terri Garr, ladies and gentlemen.
Perks, that's right, Perks.
Tomorrow night on this program, comedian Rich Hall will be here, and we answer
our voluminous
viewer mail.
Later on in this program tonight, Steve Mizorak will be here, a billiards
champion, and he's
going to play billiards for us.
Now, Terri is still here.
Do we have the stuff?
Bring in the device and some salad.
Do you want to do it?
You don't want to do it?
You can just wash if you want.
What was the problem?
Do we know what was the matter with the big machine?
Had a blockage.
I think we all know how painful that can be.
All right, Terri, why don't you just do it?
If I were you, I'd start here and work your way to the tomatoes.
The tomatoes are unbelievable.
When those suckers go, and then finish up with some croutons.
All right?
Are you sure you're a serious actress, but would Lillian Gish do this?
Whoa, careful.
Okay, now wait a minute.
It's crimp here.
We've got to, let me turn it around.
Okay, now start with the head lettuce here.
Oh, fast.
Whoa.
So that's not too much.
Do that.
Some cream cabbage.
Whoa, yeah.
Get some more tomatoes.
That's, yeah.
Oh.
Exciting.
Very nice.
I think that's pretty good.
Yeah, that's very nice.
Thank you, Terri.
Thank you, Terri.
Could be fun at parties, this thing.
Terri, thank you.
Thank you very much.
Terri Ghar, ladies and gentlemen.
Terri Ghar.
Thank you, Terri.
Let me see.
See that one.
Stay right there.
Now, see that one.