Name: Jimmi Simpson Talks About Playing Lyle The Intern | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-04-26T15:06:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jimmi Simpson Talks About Playing Lyle The Intern | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jimmi Simpson Talks About Playing Lyle The Intern | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-26. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Jimmy Simpson.
I was Lyle the intern.
I'm sorry, hi, how are you?
Can I help you with something?
How you doing, man? Good, I'm fine.
I just want to let you know that I'm
digging your whole vibe you got going over here, man.
Great, thank you. I love what you got going.
I'm loving your scene, the whole scene, man.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
It's good stuff. That's great.
You know, I don't know your name.
Lyle, Lyle the intern. Oh, Lyle, how you doing?
Oh, Lyle the intern.
Yeah, people call me Lyle.
Easily way to remember it, just think Lyle the intern.
Uh-huh.
Okay, and, uh, college kid?
Where did you go to school?
School of life.
Right.
From the P to your B and J,
the cap'n to your crunch, the bud to your wiser,
the wonder and your bread, the chicken and the pot pie,
the P all over your za.
I achieved the role of Lyle the intern
by, uh, playing another asshole on another show.
And, um, the Stengel brothers, Justin and Eric Stengel,
who were the headwriters of the Letterman show at the time,
were walking by a poster in New York.
I was doing a show on Broadway, and my face was on the poster.
And, like I said, they noticed my face on the poster,
and they said, "Hey, that's that asshole from the other show.
Let's have him play the asshole we just thought of for our show."
There was no read.
There was just a request of, "Come and be a dick."
It's something about my face.
My face just looks like I might be a dick.
And I'm fine with this, okay?
It's kept me working in this industry.
It's, uh, very disappointing to my mother.
She's like, "Why does everyone think you're a dick?
You're a very sweet, sweet man."
I'm like, "You don't know, Mom."
I'm gonna give you a little present.
Oh, thanks, Lyle.
Do you mind if I open it?
I insist.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this.
Wow, thanks, Lyle.
It's a MetroCard.
See that?
Right there?
Thank you.
I don't, um...
Pay one price, ride all night.
You know what I'm saying?
Usually get up to my place.
I'll be there, busting it.
Trying to get my neighbor and her auntie show up, too.
It's gonna be hot with two T's, baby.
Well, that's great, Lyle.
I really don't know what to say, honestly.
That's fine, Mommy.
What?
I don't know why you're doing this here.
I mean, we're friends.
Right.
We're amigos.
We're compadres.
Right.
We're shorties, David.
Yeah.
But I'll keep chip, chip, chipping away at the wall
you got built up around yourself.
Don't you worry.
I'll get through it.
Lyle doesn't give up.
And I've cracked bigger nuts than you, bitch.
I'd say most of Lyle's character traits
came directly from the brain of the Stengel brothers.
It was relatively articulate, what was on the page.
I mean, yambags alone.
If that's not a clear demarcation of where you're going with their character,
calling Dave Lederman yambag, or telling him not to get his yambags in a bunch,
it's just crystal clear.
The map was given to me, and I said, oh, I can follow this.
What school do you go to, Lyle?
School of life.
Yambag.
School of life.
I couldn't be happier that you're part of the intern program, Lyle, but we're
right in the middle of a show.
That's cool, man.
Relax.
Don't want to squeeze your yambags or nothing.
The scripts were tight AF, but there was not just room for improv, there was
demand for improv.
Mostly because Dave seems to say whatever the hell he wants, and you have to
keep up with it.
So when he gets a little idea in his head and he drops it on you, all of a
sudden the cue cards are in the ether, and it's the Wild West.
Now, Lyle, I understand as an intern you're not getting paid, but especially
during this show, maybe you shouldn't be watching TV.
Uh, maybe I should.
Uh-huh.
Pretty much.
Anyway, you, maybe you should climb out of my butt.
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
I don't.
Don't take this the wrong way, Shirley, but this ain't exactly Apollo 11, know
what I mean?
Yeah.
Well, no, I don't know what that means.
I think you do.
Well, I don't.
You can know exactly what it means.
Yeah, well, I don't.
Hey, don't think I haven't noticed that Harry placement system is looking fan-effing-tastic.
Well, it's just the regular--
Yeah, you don't look as patchy.
Oh, good.
Thank you very much.
No problem, Jessica Tandy.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
You know what I'm saying?
Did you call me Jessica Tandy?
I'm most certainly good, sir.
Yeah.
Uh, oh, you have one.
You have one, too.
I got one, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Meow.
That's extra creepy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The fluid legs?
Yeah.
The sloppy, sloppy fluid legs.
It was just an articulation of how little Lyle cares about his perception and
those around
him.
He's, again, like, sexual in his own mind.
To anyone else, it's horrible.
Off-putting.
Uh, but to him, he's like being this, like, languid, um, ooh, here I come, Paul.
Yeah.
Gross.
I'm sure you'll always be my number one.
Okay.
Good.
Thanks.
But if you disrespect me, I will stick you like a pig.
Fat boy.
Yeah.
Okay.
I certainly didn't expect, uh, Dave to be, uh, so charmed by Lyle.
Lyle's off-putting ways seemed to really crack Dave up.
Yeah.
And then the singles reached out and they said, uh, yeah, we were having a
meeting with, uh,
with Dave.
He's like, well, you know, what's that Lyle guy?
Yeah.
Let's see the Lyle guy.
Let's see the Lyle guy again.
So are you seeing anybody?
Do you have a, uh, a girlfriend?
Uh, I certainly do, David.
Thank you for asking.
I actually met her here on your show.
Oh, that's great.
Mm-hmm.
She's an intern, too.
She answers your hate mail.
Yeah.
She's on the hate mail team.
Uh-huh.
Hate mail squad.
Right.
Hate mail community.
Yeah.
Hate mail task force.
It's like, "Shakook."
When I started, like, deciding to have a relationship with Paul, like, I was
Paul's kind of fan,
that made me feel so blessed because I've, I've been such fans of both of these
guys to act in as part of a bit.
My deep love of Paul, um, almost creepy, almost like a sensual appreciation of
Paul.
I'll see you at the rally, P-Bone.
Yeah.
Horse meat.
Horse meat.
Horse meat.
There's some sweet sounds, Paul. You're making me feel like Bette Midler up in
this piece.
You know what I mean?
Wow.
Did Dave ever speak to me off camera?
Um, yes.
We had one exchange.
There was a moment.
There was a moment, uh, before filming, and we're sitting next to each other,
and it was quiet, and so I said, "Hey, Dave?"
And he said, "No."
And then he walked away.
So that was our exchange.
No, I'm kidding.
We had no exchanges.
I've never spoken to Dave Letterman outside of being Lyle the intern.
And again, I think that's just how it is.
Actually, I was on a plane going to shoot something, and I saw Billy Crystal
there.
And it's Billy Crystal.
My goodness.
And so I walked over there.
I said, "Excuse me, Mr. Crystal.
I just wanted to say to me, Lyle, Lyle the intern."
And I said, "Yes.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir."
He's like, "You're funny.
You're funny."
And then he's like, "You ever meet, Dave?"
And I was like, "No.
No, I haven't.
But, you know, I think that's the way it is, and I'm just happy to be a part of
it."
He goes, "I've known him for 20 years.
I've never met him."
So I don't know if he was kidding, but I think that's just kind of how he is.
He's doing his thing.
He's got his own life to live.
He doesn't need to talk to us.
I wouldn't talk to me.
I told -- I was doing the play with Hank Zaria at the time that I did most of
these appearances.
And he was -- he just was so tickled by the Lyle.
He's like, "Lyle, you --" He's like, "So you -- you just get to call Letterman
names."
I'm like, "Yeah, yeah."
He was, "Could you call him Nancy Reagan for me?"
And I was like, "I bet I could."
And so when this angle sent me the next script, I added Nancy Reagan.
And that one made it on.
Uh, Lyle, what are you doing exactly?
Well, next week is Thanksgiving, Chester.
But I can't afford to fly home because you don't pay me enough.
Well, um --
While it's a -- it's an -- it's an internship, how much do we pay you?
Nothing.
Uh-huh.
It sounds like we're getting our money's worth.
Watch your mouth.
Watch that mouth, Nancy Reagan.
You're getting fresh.
All right.
Nancy Reagan.
I know.
So you have one of those internet -- it's a blog.
Blog.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And it sounds great.
Blog.
Blog, right.
Yeah.
What do you -- what do you write about on the blog?
Well, my friend Rudy and I, we write about working here.
Rudy?
Rudy.
Yeah, Rudy.
What's up, Rudy boy?
Yes.
I believe, uh, Lyle and Rudy started, uh, a little company called, uh, WeWork.
And, uh, just when it was taking off, they sold it to that guy for a solid 20
grand.
And, uh, they're just living the life now in Rudy's mom's basement.
Rent-free.
No overhead.
Except for Rudy's grandma.
She's over.
Should I stop with this pen?
Uh, you're Lyle.
You're part of the intern.
Affirmative, froggy.
Tells it like it is.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Guarantee he has no idea what my name is.
Never will, never has.
I am Lyle to Dave Letterman, and I am good with that.
Okay.
All right.
Right now, I am in rehearsal.
And, uh, this is where David butchers the material because he's still drunk
from lunch.
You're, uh, I know who you are.
Uh, you're an intern, uh, right?
Yes, David Lyle the intern.
Yeah, Lyle.
Yeah, how you doing, buddy?
He doesn't know the name of anyone on his staff.
All he does is drink his Jack Daniels, smoke his Marlboros, eat his fried pork
sandwiches,
and cry like a wounded animal.
It's very, very sad.
But soon the show will start.
The magic will happen.
The candle will be lit.
Let's watch.
Uh, Lyle, uh, you know, this, this is the show.
It's not rehearsal.
This is the show.
Oh, the show's death tonight, folks.
It's terrible.
Terrible.
You probably want to try and catch an episode of John and Kate plus eight.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Those people are bat-chisel crazy.
Yeah, now, be, be that as it may, Lyle.
What, what exact, what are you doing here with the thing?
I'm doing my video blog, D-Dawg.
Doing my vlog.
Uh-huh.
Vlogging it up.
Showing the people what it's really like in here.
I got to get the truth out like they did in Iran.
Yeah, well, that seems, that seems about right.
Yeah, this guy, this guy here is so paranoid.
He carries a buck knife with him everywhere he goes.
Yesterday I saw him slice up a CBS page.
The bastard didn't know what hit him.
Yeah, now.
It's awful.
Now, Lyle, that, that never happened.
Don't!
Cut me off, David.
Tell my story, America.
Now, uh...
Sing it from the mountaintops.
Lyle, I, I know that you're busy with your intern responsibilities here on the
show.
I'm surprised that you have time to actually produce a little video blog.
All right, Princess, I hear what you're saying.
Mm-hmm.
You don't think I'd do anything around this dump, but I do things.
I do terrible, awful, terrible things.
Who kills the rats in the theater?
Me.
Yeah.
When the stage hands spit in your coffee, who tries to clean some of it out?
Yeah.
Me.
Who shaves you down nice and smooth like a baby?
This guy.
Now, again, Lyle, that never happened.
I...
Shut your mouth hole.
You don't appreciate me, David.
You don't appreciate me, but you should, because I am the best intern that has
ever lived.
I take care of your wants and your needs and your cares.
But if you prick me, David, do I not bleed?
So, please, just please, watch your mouth, assbag.
This is all yours, Paul.
Hey.
He's here.
I know.
He seems to like you.
I get along well with him.
Well, that's good.
You, on the other hand.
No, I don't know what the problem is.
You want a little while, Walter?
Hmm?
You and me?
You want to go?
I'm going to go hit...
I'm going to go get some chicken and waffles.
You and me?
We'll take your daughter.
She'll be our wingman.
Okay?
While Rudy's gone.
Is he going to help us get to it?
We'll see you next time.