Name: Dave's Audience Decides What Happens On The Show: Teri Garr, Dr. Ruth (Custom Made Show) | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-05-11T15:02:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Audience Decides What Happens On The Show: Teri Garr, Dr. Ruth (Custom Made Show) | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Audience Decides What Happens On The Show: Teri Garr, Dr. Ruth (Custom Made Show) | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-11. Transcript available.

Dave's Audience Decides What Happens On The Show: Teri Garr, Dr. Ruth (Custom Made Show) | Letterman

hi there i'm david letterman and welcome to the show i guess most of you
watching at home are
probably watching on television you know
it's uh it's an interesting thing about watching a television show uh do you
really think you're
watching a show that you want to watch when you're watching a show no no you're
not watching
a show you want to watch you're watching a show that some high-powered
television executive
wants you to watch well all of that is going to change tonight because we are
going to have
our fine studio audience vote on what they would like to see on this television
program yes that's
right through their applause measured on this ultra sensitive piece of
equipment
we are going to construct america's first custom-made television program for
example
category number one voting now with your applause what would you like to see me
wear on tonight's
program a a gray double-breasted jacket
okay the ultra sensitive piece of equipment registering not much selection b a
blue double-breasted jacket
a little better see what i wore to work today
that by the way is what i'm wearing right here all right category number two
instead of our fine band
playing the regular theme at the beginning of our show tonight would you like
to have them play laura's
theme from the motion picture dr givago
or be the equally moving theme from gilligan's island
all right
doing a lot of important work here tonight aren't we
yes sir all right number three instead of showing the regular opening montage
of new york city street
scenes would would you like us to show tonight a montage depicting america this
beautiful country of ours
or b photo highlights of bill wendell's vacation
all right
now we have one more category to vote on before we begin the show and then we'll
get things rolling
who would you like to hear do the opening announce for the show tonight our
announcer bill wendell
or be the first person i can find in the hallway
all right bill hang on do you have the copy for the opening bill all right i'll
be right back we need
the first person we can find the first person the first person uh this guy
excuse me come here a second
hi what's your name bob you got a second we need somebody to open the show here
just walk this way
what are your page here is that correct no not quite what are you traffic
coordinator
dressed like a page well it's kind of um all right bob this is bill wendell our
announcer bill
just give him the copy put that in your ear and oh boil that's where you put it
in there
uh okay here now uh summarizing uh the clothing i get to dre address the way i
am here the way i
came to work our opening theme now will be gilligan's island music the opening
photo montage
will be highlights from bill wendell's vacation our announcer is not bill wendell
but the first guy
we could find in the hall and by the way let me point something out this man is
not a page
all right um are you all set sir i'm set you all set you folks ready all right
let's begin our custom
made show
from new york city the city that invites you to quit your job and come here to
hang out it's late night
with david letterman tonight the custom-made show will you the audience decide
what's on the show
with actress terry gar and sex therapist dr luke westheimer and now a man who
bet everything he owns
that if saturn had one of all the jupiter saturn will win but but soon we'll
get the bitter victory
david letterman
thank you thank you very much thank you folks welcome to the program my name is
david letterman
and briefly once again tonight this is our custom-made show this is not the
kind of show you can walk
into any store and buy off the rack no sir this one is being hand tailored to
the wishes and whims of
our finest studio audience and personally i couldn't be happier all right now
uh opening a joke so you
have a choice here ladies and gentlemen would you like to hear a joke about cab
drivers in new york city
uh i don't feel your hearts in it or how about secretary of state george schultz
i kind of had a hunch it would be
all right here is our joke about secretary of state george schultz he uh he now
says that we should let
grenada serve as a lesson to everyone that the united states government
will go anywhere to protect americans who cannot get into regular medical
school
on this program tonight you're going to meet oh a lovely and talented uh terry
garr will be with us
this evening
also uh the lovely and talented dr ruth westheimer will be on the show
now we were not voting on their relative loveliness and talents uh
oh now say hello to our good friend you know him you love him mr paul schaefer
paul
david thank you so much you look just fabulous i just want to say this in the
spirit of the custom
made show i will do anything that any woman in the audience wants me to do
after the show so that's
going to be my well that's darn nice of you paul okay nice to see you how's
everything everything is
good i'm looking forward to seeing uh what happens yeah what happens and of
course the audience nice
to see a steve jordan or drummer how about steve's new haircut is that a new
hair we have enough
time to dwell on it for a minute it's got it's flat on the top
did the audience vote on that one also no it's a nice looking haircut uh okay
we got plenty of work
here to do ladies and gentlemen your voting is not yet finished uh for tonight
instead of our regular
new york city backdrop which you see every night uh would you like to see a a
backdrop of the windy
city chicago at night please ladies and gentlemen no whistling this thing is so
sensitively calibrated
uh all right b a woodland scene backdrop
or c a huge blow up of the inside of bob rooney's mouth
i have a feeling we're all going to be deeply sorry all right bring in the uh
the huge blow up oh my god
okay well that's being uh put into place uh also tonight when a pencil is
thrown through the window
instead of using the normal crashing of glass sound effect should we use the
sound of two large dogs
fighting
the sound of one large dog and one small dog fighting
or the sound of sizzling bacon
is that close what was that sizzling bacon you got it
all right moving on now for for tonight's uh oh my god
paul give me that giant tube of binaca will you um
for tonight's show should the interviews be conducted using our regular desk
and chairs
all right how about b no desk and a set of lawn chairs
okay no desk but the set of lawn chairs so if you guys can come on in here and
just uh
do what you need to do and uh we have we have a fine show uh dr ruth will be
here also uh terry gar
and uh when we come back from a commercial we're going to decide uh let you
folks decide who would
you oh certainly i'm sorry are you guys with the show
uh so we're going to let you decide through your vote uh who you would like to
have as our first
guest either uh lovely terry gar or a lovely dr ruth westheimer so all of the
oh this is shaping up
just great isn't it uh this is like the garden department at lamston's isn't it
uh okay uh we're
going to pause for a commercial we'll be right back to vote on who gets to be
our first it's uh
it's beautiful isn't it it's uh sinfully luxurious down here i i wish each and
every one of you could
share this one what do you think paul is this all right it's fabulous it's like
a garden party you
know a little bit i was on the train again last night everybody i run into asks
me to uh give
you their best they're you're very popular on the train paul thank you so much
and isn't it and how
are you doing on the train well it's all right it was very crowded last night
and uh i was sitting
next to one of these guys every few miles every four or five miles the guy
would do this
nice that is a nice yeah nice move i think yeah that's no good but it's uh
good enough so uh we're gonna have to run him down to the lab okay we have some
more
we have uh more selection uh gee and you know i don't feel stupid um we we may
have to have another
vote on that by the way okay uh tonight what do you think we have two wonderful
guests uh equally
fine humans in their own right uh would you like to see as our first guest
tonight the lovely and
talented fine actress nominated for an academy award dr ruth west no no no miss
terry gar
all right or our other fine guest tonight uh has her own radio show here in new
york city and
other fine cities across the united states and europe as well dr ruth westheimer
all right what is it dr ruth will be our first guest folks
well bless bless uh probably seen the last of terry well uh okay dr ruth will
be our first guest let me
get the uh information here uh she is the author of uh dr ruth's guide to good
sex and host of her
own radio show uh called sexually speaking she has been recently inducted into
the new york academy of
medicine and we're delighted that she could be here with us tonight please
welcome dr ruth westheimer
nice to see you
thanks uh for joining us now how was terry upset about not being selected to
come up first no no but for me i
i think that that's very funny with an academy award nominee i think that's
terrific oh i see yeah no no
no i consoled her she's very good and i'm going to watch her in the back later
you think she will show
up oh yes now you how you get the radio show not only here in new york city
where else is it
is it done the same day you do the show here in new york and five minutes each
week to luxembourg
uh-huh in german so all of europe now here's about sex now wait a minute and
five minutes in israel
uh now what kind of things do you talk about from on the show that goes from
luxembourg to
uh the rest of europe same things same things you do here in the united states
that's right they have
the same problems david oh that's they have the same problems they ask me about
personal relationship
questions and they do ask me about sexual questions and do you take phone calls
uh they have already
enough questions the way you collected them they have enough until the year
2050 they told me so they
send me wait a minute they've got that's what they told me and what they're
doing is they give me one
question per week and then i answer it one question a week and you get enough
until the end of the
century that's right oh i hope you'll be around too so that we can discuss it
so you only answer one
question on each show now what's the common question you get in europe in germany
for example what's on
the minds of the germans about sexual functioning and how to become better
lovers and how for women
to have orgasms and how men not to be premature ejaculators exactly the same
type of questions
same stuff
how is uh how is your book doing i know you have a guess what what that's
interesting because it has
now been translated to german it's been translated into japanese french and turkish
which is really
terrific because it shows seriously speaking it does show that sex is a concern
of everybody of arabs of
jews of everybody in this world even on the david letterman show and
it's doing nicely yeah yeah and the other thing is that i might have a
television program
but it's on another channel so yeah i don't want to talk about it when would
when will you know about
that soon i promise i'll tell you okay and you were inducted into the uh
academy of medicine yeah that's
nice that's big time stuff isn't it yes because i'm not a physician and you
have to be voted upon
and what i love is despite the fact that i'm having a lot of fun you see that
that i also just publish the chapter in a medical textbook which means
that i'm continuing keeping my academic credentials and uh and the other stuff
you know that they love you
at that college that i mentioned before we'll mention it again oswego oh they're
going to be very happy
because you wore a t-shirt that's right i'll wear almost anything uh are we
gonna are we gonna do
audience questions now is that what we're doing here we'll go to a commercial
then you're going
to answer some questions for 