Name: Howard Stern Is Sick Of Everyone | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-05-16T13:05:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howard Stern Is Sick Of Everyone | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howard Stern Is Sick Of Everyone | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-16. Transcript available.

Yes, sir.
Our first guest tonight spent a few memorable years working in this building
and is now the morning man here in New York City at a radio station called WXRK-FM.
How did they get K-Rock out of this?
I couldn't tell you.
Well, we'll find out when he arrives.
WXRK.
The only reason his first, oh, the only reason he's our first guest tonight
is because he's been moaning on the air all week long about this.
Please welcome the controversial but lovable Howard Stern.
Hi, Howard.
Come on over.
How you doing?
You know what always strikes me interesting about you?
You have such a baby face.
You look like a little kid.
Yeah, I am.
I'm young at heart.
I'm very happening, aren't I?
Hey, I look good tonight.
There's a lot of pressure on me to come out here and do well.
Let me ask you a question before you get into that.
How do we get K-Rock out of that?
W-X-R-K.
Is that just, they take the last K?
Let me say something before you get to K-Rock,
because I have nothing bad to say about K-Rock.
The people I'm working for now are lovely.
This is the best radio station in the country.
I want to say something that being back in this building makes me nauseous.
I think the biggest bunch of creeps run this company.
I think when I got fired, it was, and you know it too, Dave.
It's nothing you haven't said to me before.
And, uh, really.
And, uh, they know it.
The people who fired me, though, are suffering now unbelievably.
How so?
Well, let's face it.
All the ratings, I used to work for NBC Radio.
WNBC Afternoons, 3 to 6?
And I used to think the station was happening.
When they fired me, I was upset.
I thought the station was happening.
But I realized the station's not happening.
I was happening.
The damn station wasn't happening.
I was happening.
And when I left the station, everything, uh, everything fell apart there.
They got a bunch of jerks there.
They got, uh, Imus and Soupy Sales.
No, I thought you liked Don Imus and Soupy Sales.
No, I hated them.
I hated working with those guys.
I had a...
I had a...
Now that's...
Now that's...
Yeah, real creative.
The mouse.
Give me a break.
I could have done that on Ed Sullivan.
Uh, Imus is history.
Soupy's history.
The entire NBC Radio division is history.
And, uh, you know it, David.
All right, but weren't you...
You were the one who called me when they hired Soupy and said,
What the hell is this?
What are they bringing him back for?
And don't deny it.
But isn't it true?
Do you think, Howard, that at some point in your life,
Don Imus was kind of an influence on your career?
No, I never really liked him.
Never thought he had any talent.
Uh, in fact...
I'll be honest with you.
I don't think he had much...
In fact, most of the people in radio don't have any talent.
Uh, I think it's a cruel joke that, uh, I ended up in radio.
Yeah.
Where do you see yourself?
Where would you rather be?
Well, I would rather be on TV or in film.
Yeah, film?
Well, that'd be good.
Yeah, I would like that a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
And, uh, but television would be just fine for me.
I really feel I was born to be on television or something,
but I can't imagine God is playing...
God is testing me.
Are you close to any kind of a film or television deal, Howard?
Yeah, very close.
Yeah.
But we've got more radio deals going on.
You want me to tell you about that?
No.
Oh.
Uh, no, we'll get to the radio deals in a second,
but what kind of TV deal?
Are we talking about some kind of a cable thing?
I'm working...
No, no, no cable.
Dave, when I come on, I'm talking about 1230 at night.
I think I'm gonna have to go up against you.
Oh, no.
Let's make an announcement here.
Because Dave doesn't have the guts to tell Johnny Carson this.
He's going to work for the Fox Network.
And, uh, and he's not even gonna tell Johnny about it.
He's gonna throw a rock through Johnny's window in Malibu.
So...
What about that Fox Network?
Do you think that's gonna work out?
Uh, I don't know.
It'll be interesting to see what happens.
I think Johnny's in trouble, Dave.
Really?
Yeah, I think he is.
Based on what?
Based on the fact that he's been on too long.
He's kind of like Imus.
He's kind of like been on too long, you know?
They need a young guy, a young whippersnapper like yourself doing that kind of
thing.
I think television...
I belong on television.
I think that radio for now is, uh, you know, what I'm doing.
We're starting...
How long have you been in radio?
How old were you when you first had your first job?
Ten years ago I started.
But now we have a nationally syndicated radio program, Dave.
I'd like to mention this.
It's, uh, with D.I.R. Lorimar.
We're gonna be on every, uh, every state in the country.
Counting down the hits, probably.
Yeah.
No countdown.
I'm no Casey Kasem.
Uh-huh.
I'm no jerk.
You can count down your own damn records.
You don't need me to do that for you.
Everybody here knows how to count.
All right.
Uh, we'll do a commercial here, Howard.
When we come back, you tell us what you're gonna do on your syndicated radio
show.
All right.
We'll be back here with Howard Stern.
You ready?
Hi.
Uh, welcome back here with, uh, Howard Stern of WXRK.
Is that the...
That's all right.
WXRK.
I hope Jerry Garcia's feeling better.
Man, was I shocked.
Imagine that guy going into a coma.
I can't imagine.
The picture of health and Jerry Garcia goes into a coma.
I got nervous.
I was afraid we wouldn't have any more 15-hour concerts with him and Hot Tuna.
But, uh, I'm glad.
Hot Tuna.
Yeah.
Uh, now tell us the kind of things you're gonna do in this, uh, syndicated
radio show.
Well, uh, we're gonna bring, uh, lesbian dial-a-day to the rest of the country.
I've told you about that.
Keep people caught up and you try and fix them up with various folks in the
studio.
Yeah, you know, Jim Lang Jr., I, uh, become... I actually become the Jim Lang
Jr. experience.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, I always thought that this was a thing that only New Yorkers could
handle, Dave.
But I think the rest of the country is ready.
Yeah.
And when, when can we, uh, start listening for the show?
Hopefully for September 1st is our, uh, air date.
Yeah.
All across the country.
Yeah.
And then we have other big news that I'm announcing on your show for the first
time.
This is gonna freak some people out in Philadelphia.
We're gonna start doing our morning show, not only in New York, but it's gonna
be aired over WISP-FM in Philly.
Simulcast.
We're simulcasting it to Philadelphia.
So you're building a little network.
We're building a mini network because I can't wait around for any more networks
to, uh, ask me to work.
I'm gonna start my own damn network.
Going city to city.
City to city.
Now, do you get more money when you go to Philadelphia?
Getting a lot more money, yeah.
Getting more money.
In fact, uh, leaving NBC.
NBC hardly paid me.
Uh, I'm not gonna get into the specifics.
Now, didn't they renegotiate your deal at one point?
Didn't you go to them and say, I really ought to be making more money?
And they said, okay, Howard, what do you do?
Dave, I was carrying the radio station, as you know.
You know, it sounds awfully pompous when it comes from me, but in all sincerity,
nobody else, nobody else is gonna toot my horn, if you know what I mean.
Uh-huh.
So I have to come on here and say this myself.
Yeah.
But, uh, NBC was making like $5 million a year off of my show.
Yeah, just selling time on your program.
Selling time on my program.
Family entertainment was what we were about.
And we were, well, if you're the Manson family, okay?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
If you have sixes carved in your head, this is for you.
But, uh, they held me back.
I tried to get a network deal with NBC.
I wanted to do a network show.
No go.
No go.
They held me back every step of the way.
Now, why did you get, uh, released?
What, did we ever get to the bottom of that?
Well, there was a couple of stories going around, Dave.
And right now, you know, I was too emotional the last time I was on to talk
about it.
You could see I was deeply upset.
Yeah, you were.
It had been a couple of months right after.
Yes, it was a very emotional experience.
I was crying every night of my life.
But, um, the reason I got fired was because the chairman of the board of NBC
decided to
tune into, of RCA, decided to tune in to my show.
How do you know this?
Because I know, I know everybody in the business, Dave.
No, I just, I've heard rumors of this.
I've heard rumors about this.
Rumors.
You know, the rumor mill was flying.
And, um, I heard that the chairman of the board was rolling by in his car and
he heard
me doing bestiality dial-a-date and the guy got bent out of shape.
But I wasn't really going to do it.
I was talking about doing it.
I was discussing it.
Just conjecturing that perhaps you would do it.
Conjecture, Dave.
But you would never do that, would you?
Of course not.
I wouldn't have set a man up with a dog.
I think that's sick.
You know, at some point you have to draw a line, don't you?
Yeah.
Don't you think?
Yeah.
Uh, you went to London a couple of months ago?
Went to London.
We did our show from the Hard Rock Cafe.
Those guys f***ing bags, they kicked me out of the Hard Rock Cafe.
I'm never coming back again.
I mean it, Dave.
And you know they are.
I, I've never, never actually been there.
But I, I've heard just nothing.
Hey, what do you want to do?
Go see Elvis' old guitar hanging on a wall?
It's still the same crummy hamburgers.
Just because they have Elvis' guitar hanging on the wall doesn't make it any
better or worse.
I'm sick of the Hard Rock Cafe.
I'm tired of those hip places.
Uh, so how, how did the audiences like you in London?
Oh, they hated us.
Yeah.
We are the ugly American.
You know that.
Yeah, we did nothing to, uh, help the situation over there.
And you, you have, uh, you have here a, uh, uh, this is the current issue of,
well, actually
the September 86 issue of, uh, Penhouse.
Penhouse Magazine.
Make an article in there about, uh, you and, uh, your...
And a lot about a yeast infection.
You know, I had a great idea to, on the show, and you guys never let me do this.
I want to ask you why.
I was going to come out tonight.
I was going to bring two big fluffy pillows with me.
And I thought we would do the interview in a more comfortable environment.
Instead of sitting in the chairs where I tend to look bad because you see a
side shot of
my nose, I would have liked to have sat on the floor in big fluffy pillows and
done it
like that.
Kind of like interview style.
But everybody...
And that's your idea of a really good idea.
You don't like that?
Well, I don't know that big fluffy pillows really makes a bunch of difference.
You want a fluffy pillow next to me?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I mean, Howard, you're, you're happening, remember?
That's true.
So, so I think the, the pillows would only interfere with your happenin-ness.
Yes, I, for sure.
Um, so, uh...
Let me just say that I am very glad to be done with NBC.
All right, you said that.
Honest to God, I am.
I think you mentioned that.
All right.
K-Rock.
K-Rock, WXRK.
He's on in the morning now.
You, you, you move from afternoons to morning.
Is that a tough transition for you?
Oh, it's a lot of fun getting up at four in the morning.
Yeah, I really enjoy it.
Yeah?
Yeah, but we did it for more money, basically.
Not that I love radio.
In fact, I hate radio.
I hate, I, I really do.
Never go into radio.
Although you do get women.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Outside of the hotel, there were like five women waiting for me.
I couldn't believe it.
I have groupies.
Were you here or in London?
No, I'm talking about right here.
You stay in a hotel?
Yeah, I'm staying in a hotel.
Okay.
Uh, it's Howard Stern, kids.
Uh, on Monday through Fridays at WXRK.
What time is it, Howard?
Six to ten in the morning.
Six to ten, a lot of time checks.
It's going to be, yeah, a lot of fun, a lot of time checks, a lot of weather.
We like to give the weather.
Howard Stern, folks.
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much, Howard.
Nice to see you.
We'll pause.
We'll be back.
We'll be back.

Howard Stern Is Sick Of Everyone | Letterman

Yes, sir.
Our first guest tonight spent a few memorable years working in this building
and is now the morning man here in New York City at a radio station called WXRK-FM.
How did they get K-Rock out of this?
I couldn't tell you.
Well, we'll find out when he arrives.
WXRK.
The only reason his first, oh, the only reason he's our first guest tonight
is because he's been moaning on the air all week long about this.
Please welcome the controversial but lovable Howard Stern.
Hi, Howard.
Come on over.
How you doing?
You know what always strikes me interesting about you?
You have such a baby face.
You look like a little kid.
Yeah, I am.
I'm young at heart.
I'm very happening, aren't I?
Hey, I look good tonight.
There's a lot of pressure on me to come out here and do well.
Let me ask you a question before you get into that.
How do we get K-Rock out of that?
W-X-R-K.
Is that just, they take the last K?
Let me say something before you get to K-Rock,
because I have nothing bad to say about K-Rock.
The people I'm working for now are lovely.
This is the best radio station in the country.
I want to say something that being back in this building makes me nauseous.
I think the biggest bunch of creeps run this company.
I think when I got fired, it was, and you know it too, Dave.
It's nothing you haven't said to me before.
And, uh, really.
And, uh, they know it.
The people who fired me, though, are suffering now unbelievably.
How so?
Well, let's face it.
All the ratings, I used to work for NBC Radio.
WNBC Afternoons, 3 to 6?
And I used to think the station was happening.
When they fired me, I was upset.
I thought the station was happening.
But I realized the station's not happening.
I was happening.
The damn station wasn't happening.
I was happening.
And when I left the station, everything, uh, everything fell apart there.
They got a bunch of jerks there.
They got, uh, Imus and Soupy Sales.
No, I thought you liked Don Imus and Soupy Sales.
No, I hated them.
I hated working with those guys.
I had a...
I had a...
Now that's...
Now that's...
Yeah, real creative.
The mouse.
Give me a break.
I could have done that on Ed Sullivan.
Uh, Imus is history.
Soupy's history.
The entire NBC Radio division is history.
And, uh, you know it, David.
All right, but weren't you...
You were the one who called me when they hired Soupy and said,
What the hell is this?
What are they bringing him back for?
And don't deny it.
But isn't it true?
Do you think, Howard, that at some point in your life,
Don Imus was kind of an influence on your career?
No, I never really liked him.
Never thought he had any talent.
Uh, in fact...
I'll be honest with you.
I don't think he had much...
In fact, most of the people in radio don't have any talent.
Uh, I think it's a cruel joke that, uh, I ended up in radio.
Yeah.
Where do you see yourself?
Where would you rather be?
Well, I would rather be on TV or in film.
Yeah, film?
Well, that'd be good.
Yeah, I would like that a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
And, uh, but television would be just fine for me.
I really feel I was born to be on television or something,
but I can't imagine God is playing...
God is testing me.
Are you close to any kind of a film or television deal, Howard?
Yeah, very close.
Yeah.
But we've got more radio deals going on.
You want me to tell you about that?
No.
Oh.
Uh, no, we'll get to the radio deals in a second,
but what kind of TV deal?
Are we talking about some kind of a cable thing?
I'm working...
No, no, no cable.
Dave, when I come on, I'm talking about 1230 at night.
I think I'm gonna have to go up against you.
Oh, no.
Let's make an announcement here.
Because Dave doesn't have the guts to tell Johnny Carson this.
He's going to work for the Fox Network.
And, uh, and he's not even gonna tell Johnny about it.
He's gonna throw a rock through Johnny's window in Malibu.
So...
What about that Fox Network?
Do you think that's gonna work out?
Uh, I don't know.
It'll be interesting to see what happens.
I think Johnny's in trouble, Dave.
Really?
Yeah, I think he is.
Based on what?
Based on the fact that he's been on too long.
He's kind of like Imus.
He's kind of like been on too long, you know?
They need a young guy, a young whippersnapper like yourself doing that kind of
thing.
I think television...
I belong on television.
I think that radio for now is, uh, you know, what I'm doing.
We're starting...
How long have you been in radio?
How old were you when you first had your first job?
Ten years ago I started.
But now we have a nationally syndicated radio program, Dave.
I'd like to mention this.
It's, uh, with D.I.R. Lorimar.
We're gonna be on every, uh, every state in the country.
Counting down the hits, probably.
Yeah.
No countdown.
I'm no Casey Kasem.
Uh-huh.
I'm no jerk.
You can count down your own damn records.
You don't need me to do that for you.
Everybody here knows how to count.
All right.
Uh, we'll do a commercial here, Howard.
When we come back, you tell us what you're gonna do on your syndicated radio
show.
All right.
We'll be back here with Howard Stern.
You ready?
Hi.
Uh, welcome back here with, uh, Howard Stern of WXRK.
Is that the...
That's all right.
WXRK.
I hope Jerry Garcia's feeling better.
Man, was I shocked.
Imagine that guy going into a coma.
I can't imagine.
The picture of health and Jerry Garcia goes into a coma.
I got nervous.
I was afraid we wouldn't have any more 15-hour concerts with him and Hot Tuna.
But, uh, I'm glad.
Hot Tuna.
Yeah.
Uh, now tell us the kind of things you're gonna do in this, uh, syndicated
radio show.
Well, uh, we're gonna bring, uh, lesbian dial-a-day to the rest of the country.
I've told you about that.
Keep people caught up and you try and fix them up with various folks in the
studio.
Yeah, you know, Jim Lang Jr., I, uh, become... I actually become the Jim Lang
Jr. experience.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, I always thought that this was a thing that only New Yorkers could
handle, Dave.
But I think the rest of the country is ready.
Yeah.
And when, when can we, uh, start listening for the show?
Hopefully for September 1st is our, uh, air date.
Yeah.
All across the country.
Yeah.
And then we have other big news that I'm announcing on your show for the first
time.
This is gonna freak some people out in Philadelphia.
We're gonna start doing our morning show, not only in New York, but it's gonna
be aired over WISP-FM in Philly.
Simulcast.
We're simulcasting it to Philadelphia.
So you're building a little network.
We're building a mini network because I can't wait around for any more networks
to, uh, ask me to work.
I'm gonna start my own damn network.
Going city to city.
City to city.
Now, do you get more money when you go to Philadelphia?
Getting a lot more money, yeah.
Getting more money.
In fact, uh, leaving NBC.
NBC hardly paid me.
Uh, I'm not gonna get into the specifics.
Now, didn't they renegotiate your deal at one point?
Didn't you go to them and say, I really ought to be making more money?
And they said, okay, Howard, what do you do?
Dave, I was carrying the radio station, as you know.
You know, it sounds awfully pompous when it comes from me, but in all sincerity,
nobody else, nobody else is gonna toot my horn, if you know what I mean.
Uh-huh.
So I have to come on here and say this myself.
Yeah.
But, uh, NBC was making like $5 million a year off of my show.
Yeah, just selling time on your program.
Selling time on my program.
Family entertainment was what we were about.
And we were, well, if you're the Manson family, okay?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
If you have sixes carved in your head, this is for you.
But, uh, they held me back.
I tried to get a network deal with NBC.
I wanted to do a network show.
No go.
No go.
They held me back every step of the way.
Now, why did you get, uh, released?
What, did we ever get to the bottom of that?
Well, there was a couple of stories going around, Dave.
And right now, you know, I was too emotional the last time I was on to talk
about it.
You could see I was deeply upset.
Yeah, you were.
It had been a couple of months right after.
Yes, it was a very emotional experience.
I was crying every night of my life.
But, um, the reason I got fired was because the chairman of the board of NBC
decided to
tune into, of RCA, decided to tune in to my show.
How do you know this?
Because I know, I know everybody in the business, Dave.
No, I just, I've heard rumors of this.
I've heard rumors about this.
Rumors.
You know, the rumor mill was flying.
And, um, I heard that the chairman of the board was rolling by in his car and
he heard
me doing bestiality dial-a-date and the guy got bent out of shape.
But I wasn't really going to do it.
I was talking about doing it.
I was discussing it.
Just conjecturing that perhaps you would do it.
Conjecture, Dave.
But you would never do that, would you?
Of course not.
I wouldn't have set a man up with a dog.
I think that's sick.
You know, at some point you have to draw a line, don't you?
Yeah.
Don't you think?
Yeah.
Uh, you went to London a couple of months ago?
Went to London.
We did our show from the Hard Rock Cafe.
Those guys f***ing bags, they kicked me out of the Hard Rock Cafe.
I'm never coming back again.
I mean it, Dave.
And you know they are.
I, I've never, never actually been there.
But I, I've heard just nothing.
Hey, what do you want to do?
Go see Elvis' old guitar hanging on a wall?
It's still the same crummy hamburgers.
Just because they have Elvis' guitar hanging on the wall doesn't make it any
better or worse.
I'm sick of the Hard Rock Cafe.
I'm tired of those hip places.
Uh, so how, how did the audiences like you in London?
Oh, they hated us.
Yeah.
We are the ugly American.
You know that.
Yeah, we did nothing to, uh, help the situation over there.
And you, you have, uh, you have here a, uh, uh, this is the current issue of,
well, actually
the September 86 issue of, uh, Penhouse.
Penhouse Magazine.
Make an article in there about, uh, you and, uh, your...
And a lot about a yeast infection.
You know, I had a great idea to, on the show, and you guys never let me do this.
I want to ask you why.
I was going to come out tonight.
I was going to bring two big fluffy pillows with me.
And I thought we would do the interview in a more comfortable environment.
Instead of sitting in the chairs where I tend to look bad because you see a
side shot of
my nose, I would have liked to have sat on the floor in big fluffy pillows and
done it
like that.
Kind of like interview style.
But everybody...
And that's your idea of a really good idea.
You don't like that?
Well, I don't know that big fluffy pillows really makes a bunch of difference.
You want a fluffy pillow next to me?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I mean, Howard, you're, you're happening, remember?
That's true.
So, so I think the, the pillows would only interfere with your happenin-ness.
Yes, I, for sure.
Um, so, uh...
Let me just say that I am very glad to be done with NBC.
All right, you said that.
Honest to God, I am.
I think you mentioned that.
All right.
K-Rock.
K-Rock, WXRK.
He's on in the morning now.
You, you, you move from afternoons to morning.
Is that a tough transition for you?
Oh, it's a lot of fun getting up at four in the morning.
Yeah, I really enjoy it.
Yeah?
Yeah, but we did it for more money, basically.
Not that I love radio.
In fact, I hate radio.
I hate, I, I really do.
Never go into radio.
Although you do get women.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Outside of the hotel, there were like five women waiting for me.
I couldn't believe it.
I have groupies.
Were you here or in London?
No, I'm talking about right here.
You stay in a hotel?
Yeah, I'm staying in a hotel.
Okay.
Uh, it's Howard Stern, kids.
Uh, on Monday through Fridays at WXRK.
What time is it, Howard?
Six to ten in the morning.
Six to ten, a lot of time checks.
It's going to be, yeah, a lot of fun, a lot of time checks, a lot of weather.
We like to give the weather.
Howard Stern, folks.
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much, Howard.
Nice to see you.
W