Name: Charo Paid $5 For This Joke | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-05-23T22:29:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Charo Paid $5 For This Joke | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Charo Paid $5 For This Joke | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-23. Transcript available.

My first guest tonight opens tomorrow night in Atlantic City at Caesars Hotel
and Casino.
There are very few performers like her, and she is a citizen.
Please welcome...
Please welcome Charo.
Nice to see you. Nice to see you.
-How are you? -Muy bien, Ángel. Buenas noches.
Buenas noches. How are you feeling?
It was so funny. This is hysterical.
-What's that? -Everybody going crazy in the green room.
-Why? -The beginning of the shot is very funny.
People in the green room going crazy?
Oh, yes, it's very funny. Don't you think so?
It's hysterical when Paul did it and the clown.
Oh, fly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, you feeling all right? Everything all right?
You traveling? I know you've been on kind of a rigorous schedule.
Oh, yes. I just came from Hawaii six hours earlier.
I woke up this morning. I didn't know...
-Earlier this morning, you were in Hawaii? -Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no.
I guess six hours different from my time in Hawaii to here.
New Year is a big change from...
-But how long ago were you in Hawaii? -Four months.
-Four months ago, you were in Hawaii? -
-You know, this thing should have borne off by now. -You guys have to
understand me, huh?
-No, you said that for a month. -No.
-Four months. -For a month.
-For a month, you were in Hawaii. And how recently were you in Hawaii?
Exactly, for a month.
I know, but you see here...
-Yes, tell me. -Now, you're talking about the difference in the time zones
causing you...
-Six hours. -Your system, your... What do they call that system?
-Jet lag. -Yeah.
-Jet lag. -Yeah.
But my point is, I think jet lag should wear off in a month.
I get an idea that he don't know, "What the hell are we talking about?"
-No. -I moved there. I'm going to be there.
-You're living in Hawaii now. -Kawaii, Kawaii.
-Kawaii. -It's a beautiful...
-You know, I've never been to Hawaii. -Oh, you have to go.
-It's our 50th state. -Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. It is very romantic.
-Have you been to all 50 states? -No.
I have been recently... I only go where gambling is,
because I have a big show.
So...
- -I only go to... -You only go where gambling is?
-Where gambling is. Atlantic City, Las Vegas...
-Hawaii. -You know, Lake Tahoe...
-There's no gambling in Hawaii. -No, Hawaii, but I'm going to leave there.
-We're moving from... -You're going to leave there.
-Yeah. I used to live in Beverly Hills.
- -But you found out there was no gambling there, so you left.
-No, no, no.
- -No, I work, and I travel. -Yeah.
You need the big showrooms that are traditionally connected
with the major casinos.
Yes, you got it. That's it.
Now, but you're... you own a hotel...
-A restaurant. -A restaurant, almost a hospital.
That'd be a hospital, wouldn't it? Charro's Hospital?
No, it is... it is a beautiful restaurant, beachfront,
called Charro's.
Called Charro's.
Nice food, or is it just frozen dinners
and high school kids and microwave ovens and stuff?
-Oh, yeah. -Continental.
Yeah, okay.
-Gefilte fish. -Gefilte fish, sure.
No, no, paella. It is...
-The reason why we... -Now, what is paella?
-Oh, you don't know? -No, I know,
but I want you to explain it to our vast viewing audience.
Okay.
Paella is... paella is Spanish, Spanish dish.
It's a mixing of rice, chicken, lobster, shrimp...
A lot of parsley, zaffron.
Actually, it's a very aphrodisiac recipe.
Actually, truly, because you have a lot of vitamin E,
because there's a lot of pepper and everything inside...
A lot of shellfish in there.
Yes, and the shell food.
A lot of cholesterol in there, too, so that's no good.
A lot of cholesterol.
So when you go to the restaurant, don't order it.
No, but we're going to have cholesterol left,
because we're going to cook with vegetable oil instead of...
Yeah, but still, I think shellfish is high in cholesterol anyway.
Don't make any difference what you cook.
No, we're going to put a lot of chicken in there,
because I am against cholesterol.
Ah, you just hit...
You just touched an alley that I am very much into.
I am very much into goodbye to junk food
and welcome to the good food.
So I will control what people say.
Well, God bless you.
All right, thank you very much.
Now, do you know anything about cooking this stuff?
Yes, I do have to cook paella,
and I do have to do stuffy mushrooms.
But we have to cook excellent.
What about local fish of the islands?
What do they have?
Yes, they have mahi-mahi.
Mm-hmm.
Mahi-mahi.
I know it, yeah.
Well, I got to speak slowly.
I got the idea that sometimes you don't understand me.
Oh, fine.
Okay, so I got to...
They got ono.
Ono?
I don't know what that is.
Which means, number one means, in Hawaiian.
Do you believe something funny?
Hawaiian people are the only one
that they think that my English is perfect.
Mm-hmm.
It is true.
We got ono.
Ono?
We got ahi, ahi.
Ahi, ahi.
Ahi, ahi.
Mm-hmm.
Does Don Ho come to your restaurant?
Is he on the same island?
Don Ho is in Honolulu.
Let me explain.
In Honolulu.
He's not in Honolulu.
This is kawaii.
This is Maui.
Mm-hmm.
We are in kawaii, which they call the garden island.
It's so sensual.
Beautiful, beautiful place.
You got to go.
It's really beautiful.
I would if I were invited, but I haven't...
Oh, you are invited right now.
You're cordially invited.
No, I don't think so.
We're going to do a commercial here.
We're going to go to the commercial.
Yeah, and then we'll be right back, and we'll talk more about whatever you want
to talk about.
It's very nice of you.
I don't care.
I love to be here.
Whatever you want to ask me, I answer.
Okay.
It's nice.
We'll be right back.
We'll make a nice couple there, don't we?
We look very...
We look very...
By the way, I didn't know what the hell to do today with my hair.
It's raining outside.
Mm-hmm.
And I just put it like that.
I excuse for the way look.
I didn't know what to do.
It looks very nice.
Thank you very much.
Normally, how would you wear it?
Would you wear it down?
Oh, yes.
The whole thing down.
But that's it.
It's raining outside the night.
Humidity is awful.
The storm coming.
You know, that hurricane.
Do you believe in my luck?
I have a bright new shop.
Uh-huh.
For Atlantic City.
Bright new.
So big and so expensive.
Murphy Lowe.
Nobody gonna be there.
It is...
Don't laugh, Paul.
Oh, no.
It is true.
It's terrible.
No, the people are still coming to you.
Maybe you want to be nice, but I don't think so with them.
How's your family?
You have a little boy.
Oh, yes.
I got that.
How old is he?
Fuck.
What's his name?
Shell.
S-H-E-L.
Shell.
And, uh...
He's very cute.
He's very cute.
He looks a little bit like you.
Mm-hmm.
Have a sticky nose like that.
It is.
No.
And my husband is Swedish.
So you look Swedish, too.
I look Swedish?
Yes, very much indeed.
You could be Swedish.
I could be, I guess.
Do you know who fool around with who in your family?
Because he looks so Swedish.
My kid is spending a lot of time with me.
Yeah.
Well, that's good.
Yeah.
One day you are a mama, you are a mama.
Yeah.
It's a lifelong commitment.
That's right.
Yeah.
That's the future of this great land of ours.
That's right.
I like to hear you talk.
Well, I don't take this responsibility lightly.
That's right.
Yeah.
Anyway, I was the other day working in Reno.
I came from Hawaii to Reno.
Mm-hmm.
Reno, Los Angeles, Hawaii.
Here.
I hope you didn't take the kid to Reno.
I took it to Reno.
Oh, God.
It's cute, Reno.
It is cute, Reno.
No, Reno's a great town.
Yeah, it is.
It's the biggest little city in the world.
It is.
Especially if you know where to go.
I was traveling.
I was traveling with him and I was showing certain things.
And I wanted to see the trains and everything.
And he said to me, "Mommy, if big cows have little cows."
Right.
"If big horses have little horses."
Right.
"If big people have little people, why not?
Big trains cannot have little trains."
Mm-hmm.
Good question from an inquisitive four-year-old.
I said, "Well, why don't you go to the engineer in the train station and ask
him?"
Mm-hmm.
So he went there, "Mr. Engineer, Mr. Engineer."
He talked like that, teaching him English.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
And he talked.
"He's gonna kill me."
"I'm the teacher."
I said, "Mr. Engineer, my mommy sent me to ask you if big cows have little cows."
Right.
"If big horses have little horses."
Right.
"Why not?
"Big trains cannot have little trains."
Uh-huh.
And the engineer said to him, "Say to your mommy that the Santa Fe always pulls
out on time."
Horrible.
"Five dollars!"
"Five dollars?"
"I paid for that."
"You bought that joke?"
"Yes!"
"Five dollars!"
"Five dollars!"
"Five dollars?"
"I paid for that."
"You bought that joke?"
"Yes!"
"Five dollars!"
"Five dollars?"
"Five dollars?"
"Five dollars?"
"I paid for that."
"You bought that joke?"
"Yes!"
"I was cute."
"It's five dollars, Joe."
"But it's cute."
"Is this part of your new show in Atlantic City?"
"No, no, no, no.
It's just for you."
"Yeah."
"Thank you.
I'm very flattered."
"I know."
"Yeah."
"Now, how long have you lived in the United States?"
"Many years."
"Many years."
"How many?"
"Fifteen."
"Fifteen years?"
"At least."
"I came."
"What city in Spain?"
"I was born in a little town called Murcia."
"M-U-R-C-I-A."
"Mm-hmm."
"And I..."
"Probably you're thinking..."
"Never heard of it."
"Okay."
"It's a small town near to Alicante."
"Where they eat a lot of paella."
"Nobody ever have a stroke."
"Nobody ever has a what?"
"Nobody ever registered a stroke."
"And they cook there with olive oil."
"Nobody ever has a stroke."
"High cholesterol can give you a stroke."
"In Alicante, nobody ever have a stroke."
"Mm-hmm."
"However, I came to United States many years ago, and I..."
"The only thing I had to get rid of is the accent."
"If I don't have an accent, I am as American as you are."
"Mm-hmm."
"And so much thinking American."
"Do you have any interest in lessening the accent just a little bit?"
"I would like it very, very much."
"I would really..."
"It is, it is true."
"I would like it to..."
"Have you been to, like, a speech therapist?"
"I spent a fortune."
"Yeah."
"I spent a fortune spending money with teachers."
"That teach me certain things, you know, pronunciation."
"Mm-hmm."
"How much have you spent, do you think?"
"A lot of money."
"It's more than psychiatric."
"Some people go to psychiatric."
"I just spend my money in pronunciation."
"I went to..."
"Yes!"
"I went to..."
"The latest one was..."
"A very snoopy-doopy one."
"A snoopy-doopy one."
"You know..."
"Uh-huh."
"Ticky nose like this."
"I said, 'Ooh, you speak lousy.'"
"I said, 'I know, that's why I'm here.'"
"Uh-huh."
"So he gave me an exercise."
"Oh, God, that's ridiculous."
"You want me to do that?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"Okay."
"He tell me to read in high voice several, all the time."
"A tutor who tooted to toot."
"Try to teach to young tutor to toot."
"Say the toot to the tutor."
"Is it easier to toot or to tutor to toot?"
"To toot."
"Yeah."
"We'll be right back."
"No, you..."
"You bought that from the same guy you bought that joke."
"No, it is true!"
"It is true."
"Another one."
"Come on, this is true."
"He put you the head like that."
"Bah, bah, big, shit, hot, you, and evil."
"This is ridiculous."
"Okay, well, Charles, you're going to be in Atlantic City."
"At Caesars Hotel and Casino."
"I'll be performing for the musician."
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
"You're a trooper and people know that and they'll be out there to see us."
"How?"
"Well, I..."
"Even if they're swimming, they cannot go."
"Oh, no."
"The weight is going to be 26 feet tall."
"Well, let's hope this thing just blows over."
"I hope so."
"It was a pleasure."
"Gee, nice to see you."
"It was a pleasure."
"Say hello to your son for us."
"I will, I will."
"Say hello to Paul."
"Oh, yes."
"Did you meet Charles?"
"Charles, what a thrill."
"I saw him flying away a few minutes ago."
"What a thrill it is to me."
"Goodbye, everybody."
"We have to pause here for station identification."
"Thank you very much."
Thank you.