Name: David Sedaris Loves Everything About France | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-06-27T21:41:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Sedaris Loves Everything About France | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Sedaris Loves Everything About France | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-27. Transcript available.

our next guest i think this is third is this your third collection of stuff
huh fourth collection of stuff i you know i believe i've read them all
we'll talk about it when you come out here
he's a very funny man and uh you can frequently hear the guy on public radio
and the author of
three best-selling books including his latest me talk pretty one day here's david
sedaris
all right this one i've read enjoyed it immensely thank you naked i've read
that also enjoyed it
immensely what am i leaving out the santa diaries uh holidays on ice which you
read and enjoyed
immensely and uh barrel fever oh yeah yeah all very good it's it's great as you
probably know it's
very funny uh observational essays and and uh biographical information it just
couldn't be
uh more entertaining thank you how you been okay tell people why you live in france
some of the time
i moved to france two years originally north carolina and then i lived in new york
for 10 years
and i moved to france for the smoking because that's heaven heaven for a heavy
smoker you can
you get dirty looks there if you don't smoke and when when americans go to
restaurants and they say
we wanted the non-smoking section the waiter just takes the ashtray off the
table and says there you
are the non-smoking section great and then so i moved there for the smoking and
just stayed for the
health care really which is you can i was in the hospital i had a kidney stone
so i was in the
hospital two months i understand that's very painful it really really hurts um
and i went and i was uh
in the emergency room on a demeral drip and the the nurse said can we get you
anything else and i said
ashtray and they brought me an ashtray and then i realized there's no point in
ever returning to the
united states if you can and it's so cheap too so here on the demeral drip
enjoying a cigarette in
the hospital watching an episode of charlie's angels dubbed into french but it's
i went to
the i was in the emergency room with the kidney stone and i was the one who
brought it up and i
said so where do i go to pay and they said oh you can pay the next time you
come in really
never asked to sign anything my god and it costs i went to a dermatology
hospital to have like a
hideous growth removed from my face um and 25 please it costs more to see a
movie than it does
to have a blood test really if i had like a heart transplant it would cost 17
dollars 17 dollars wow
that do you do you speak uh french i talk like yoda is what i i went to school
you studied french right i studied it yeah and i've i've been in the united
states for a month and i
imagine all the shopkeepers in my neighborhood saying where's that nice retarded
fellow because i
i just like i'd be in the butcher shop and i would say uh lord they had uh
calves brains at the butcher but i didn't the word slipped my mind so i could
say are those the thoughts
of cows
i can talk but there's usually it comes a point when i have no idea what's
being said to me and
okay i went back to the doctor to have my kidneys x-rayed and the nurse said
come in come follow me and
then she said undress to your underwear which was a phrase that i knew and she
said something else
i'm sorry a phrase you knew i have this medical it's in a phrase book and it's
common in your
all right that's fine so uh she brought me into a little room and told me to
undress to my underwear
and then she said something i didn't quite catch and then she came a few
minutes later and called me
out and i walked into a room of about 40 or 50 people and i was the only one in
my underwear everybody
was everybody was fully dressed and i imagine the second part of her sentence
was something pivotal
like there's a robe on the back of the door i didn't know i didn't catch it
now would you mind telling the story uh about your your sister and your father
and you and your sister
wearing the fat suit oh my dad is just obsessed with my sister's weight all of
my sister how is her
weight generally the way he weighs gosh maybe a hundred pounds so there's not
really anything there
to worry about she's fine no but i have other sisters too and then he's the
sort of person that
you know he would he'd call you on the phone and say your voice sounds fat you
know he's he's like
that he's nervous about it yeah yeah and uh so amy got a fatty suit but she
couldn't afford the whole
thing this is the thing with padding and yeah you're loaded up so you look like
250 pounds yeah but she
couldn't afford the whole thing so she just got the bottom so she has that kind
of body where you're
slim from the waist up and you look like two people fused together in a
horrible experiment
and so she wore it home on the plane and my father just went nuts just
absolutely went nuts and
she said i just all i had was like four danish on the plane i haven't leave me
alone leave me alone
about it but really it looked like the back of her pants looked like a beanbag
chair that's how big
it was and she kept that thing on until her legs were chafed and pimpled until
my father was begging
and he that's his big thing he has huge great faith in that duke rice diet um
he wanted to send her there
to and he was he confiding in you that she had a problem and you needed to help
straighten her out
we tried to keep it from her and he tried and he did keep it from her for about
two seconds but
that only really makes problems worse if you keep on top of somebody for
something like that then
really and if she actually did have a body like this it would just be exactly
what he deserved
for riding her all of her life you have plans for the fourth of july i'm going
to the periodontist on
the fourth of july it's just it's just a tuesday in france it's just another tuesday
oh that's right
on the fourth of july like when people are picnicking a doctor is going to take
a scalpel
and cut my gums and scrape the i have this gum disease in my own fault right
for for smoking lots
of cigarettes and so i read about this gum disease and i went to the periodontist
and i said does this
mean i have to quit and she said don't be dramatic it's a whole different deal
a whole different deal
this is doing very well for you isn't it uh me talk pretty one day this
gentleman is
david sedaris nice to see you sir thanks for being here