Name: Dave Welcomes A New NBC Employee | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-07-27T15:05:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Welcomes A New NBC Employee | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Welcomes A New NBC Employee | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-27. Transcript available.

We do. We have a good show. Nice to see you in the band together and ready to
go.
You know, last week, oh, this is what I forgot to tell you, tonight we are
going to welcome a brand new employee to the NBC family.
This woman has worked here, I guess, about one full week.
Last week, a new computer systems analyst started working here at the NBC
television network.
And we'd like you all to meet her now from Flushing, New York, NBC's newest
employee.
Please welcome Wendy Moran. Wendy!
Hi, Wendy. Nice to see you. Come on over here.
Wendy, did I get this right? You're just completing your first full week?
Yes, I am.
And what is a systems analyst? What do you do?
Well, we design the computer systems that keep NBC running.
Oh, you do?
Yes.
And how are things running so far?
Just great.
Now, what was the job you had before this?
Designing systems for a bank.
For a bank. Now, how does this compare with the bank work?
Far more glamorous, far more exciting, and far more interesting.
All right. Now, I have a little surprise for you.
The first of many tonight.
Do you know your official ID number here at NBC?
No. They told me they'd tell me about two weeks from now.
Well, we were able to pull some strings.
Wendy, that's right.
Get a hold of yourself.
There is your official NBC ID number.
Five, two, three, eight, eight, four.
Congratulations.
Now, you don't actually work in this building, do you?
No, I don't.
Where do you work?
Over in the Uris building.
Now, where is the Uris building for folks who just woke up?
Oh, it's a couple blocks from here.
A couple of blocks from here.
They like to keep us separate.
But nonetheless, you feel as though you're part of the NBC family.
Oh, definitely.
We eat lunch in the commissary almost every day.
Well, we'll see how long you keep that up.
Wendy, when people found out that we were going to welcome a new employee to
the company,
they wanted also to say hello.
So, through the miracle of videotape, I would like you now to have some
greetings from some fellow NBC employees.
Take a look at the monitor here at home.
Use your television set.
Hello, Wendy.
I hope this is the beginning of a long and fruitful association for you with
the network.
Faith, trust, and commitment.
These are the watchwords of a good employee.
Just remember, faith and trust in our policies, even if they strike you as a
bit unorthodox,
will ensure you that you get your piece of the company pie.
So, welcome aboard, Wendy.
But don't rock the boat.
Hi, Wendy.
I'd like to talk to you for just a minute about teamwork.
And it kind of works the same way as it does in sports.
It takes a group effort from all NBC employees to make a true winner.
Now, that means following the game plan without any question at all.
And perhaps looking the other way when a member of your team say, Willett Scott
bends the rules just a little bit.
Play ball with us, Wendy.
No one gets hurt.
And again, congratulations on the new job.
To play it safe, you stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours.
Now, maybe it's too early to ask you this question, but what so far is the most
rewarding part of your job up there?
Just working with the people.
They're really, really great, very warm, very friendly.
Now, you know how early on you can make, you can form opinions and feelings.
Is there somebody that you've already singled out as down the road somewhere
getting on your nerves pretty bad?
I don't think I should start saying so, so early.
No, but you get kind of a feeling there might be a problem.
No, you don't have to name the person or anything.
Not really.
People are so warm here.
Okay, no, we don't want to beat the enthusiasm out of this woman too soon.
Well, now, anybody who is hired on here to NBC as a new employee, a first-timer,
goes through an indoctrination period, and you get to see the NBC training film.
Did you see the training film?
Not yet.
Haven't seen the training film.
All right.
Tonight, Wendy, you are going to see the official NBC training film.
Again, if we can roll that film, this is what you would see as a new employee
to this fine television.
Welcome to the glamorous and exciting world of network television.
As an NBC employee, you'll be working with skilled technicians and marvelous
stars in one of the world's most modern broadcast facilities.
But remember, the basic do's and don'ts of office etiquette apply here as
anywhere.
For instance, a well-rounded employee doesn't spend all his time on office
matters, but takes time out to check on the world of sports.
Mmm, chocolate.
Not only delicious, but just the pick-me-up you need to stay alert and cheerful
for the entire business day.
An occasional yawn proves you've been putting in long hours and will score
valuable points with your superiors.
Hey, anyone for fun?
Nothing perks up an office like a good, practical joke.
Hey, this place is haunted.
Looks like the joke's on me.
Female employees, in particular, should work hard at maintaining a neat and
attractive appearance.
Mmm, very nice.
And if you would want to advance quickly up the NBC ladder, take an interest in
the work of others.
You know you shouldn't do that, Jimmy.
Do what?
Don't worry, Jimmy.
She won't be working here long, because unlike you, she doesn't know the basic
rules of office etiquette.
That's the, uh, Wendy, here, before we get carried away, I'd like you to have a
late-night plastic collapsible drinking cup.
I'm going to give you three of them there.
And, uh, also a couple of late-night with David Letterman sponges.
Those would be nice.
So you can use these, uh, at the office and, uh, also at work.
You have any questions?
Dave Schiming, Dave.
Well, this is Hal Gurney, our director.
Wendy, yes, Hal.
Hi, Wendy, welcome to NBC.
Hi.
Yes, Hal.
Uh, Dave, uh, there's a phone call for you, please.
Oh, excuse me, Wendy, there's a phone call for you.
Sure.
Good evening, David.
This is Colonel Gordon Cooper, sir.
Oh, no.
This is exciting.
Wendy, and ladies and gentlemen, it's former astronaut Gordon Cooper.
Good, good of you to call, sir.
Oh, the pleasure is mine, David.
Uh-huh.
I bet I'd like to say a few words to Miss Moran.
Sure thing, Colonel.
She's right here.
There you go, Wendy.
It's Colonel Cooper, former astronaut.
Hello, Wendy.
Hello.
I'd just like to add my congratulations to you on your new job.
Thank you very much.
Uh, you know, I never worked for NBC, but I did work for an outfit called NASA.
Um, maybe you heard about us.
We put a man on the moon.
But I hope that your career goals work out as well.
Thank you very much.
Also, Wendy, congratulations on the fine coaching job you did last night for
the Hoyas.
You worked hard, and your team worked hard, and you really deserved it.
And another thing, Wendy, good luck in the New York primary today, and you're
going to miss the chemical playoff.
Well, good night now, Wendy, and congratulations again.
Well, thank you very much.
You too.
That was very nice.
Very exciting.
Have you talked to an astronaut before?
No, this is the first time.
That was, that was very, very nice.
Uh, your family is probably very proud of you with this job.
Yes.
Now, is everybody now watching NBC 24 hours a day?
Yes.
Oh, that's good.
Do you have anybody you'd like to say hello to before we, uh, conclude here?
Yeah.
Uh, mom and dad.
Mom and dad.
Karen and Robert.
Karen and Robert out in, uh, Fleshing watching now?
Yeah.
Okay.
And, uh, Maddie Richard Liu and all my friends, former Jobs and my friends here,
and especially
to all the people in my new department, big hello.
Okay, that's not a bad idea.
Keep them happy.
Okay, uh, Wendy, before we wrap this up, we do have somebody else we'd like you
to meet,
uh, for another special presentation.
Ladies and gentlemen, our own Larry Melman.
Larry.
Are you all, are you all right?
Yeah, oh, I'm fine.
Okay.
Uh, Wendy, Wendy, this is, uh, Larry, uh, Melman, uh, Wendy Moran.
Larry, take it away, if you will.
Here are some number two pencils.
May you always write the truth with them.
Here is a ream of paper.
May your reputation remain as unspotted as every sheet.
Here is a blotter.
You can put it on your desk.
Oh, that's nice.
And here's a print.
Need a blotter?
To spruce up your new office.
If I get it up there, you'll see it.
Oh, that's, that's nice, Larry.
You see what it says?
Hang in there, baby.
Friday's coming.
Oh, my God.
I don't know if that was a good idea.
All right, now, I'm going to be following you back to the office.
Now, Wendy, uh, Larry, you have a, you have a toast, uh, for Wendy?
Yes.
All right, go right ahead.
Here's the, uh...
But now a toast.
Okay, some champagne.
Okay.
Employees may come, employees may go.
Good luck with your job.
I lost mine weeks ago.
Oh.
Hey, no drinking during business hours.
No drinking during business hours.
Okay.
That's my favorite plan.
Well, you can, we'll see to it that you get the...
Oh, by the way.
Are there any other openings over there?
For men like you, always.
Oh, thank you very much.
Oh, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
Wendy, it was a pleasure meeting you.
Good luck on your job.
Thank you for coming by.
Our newest employee, ladies and gentlemen, Wendy Moran.
Nice to see you.