Name: CBS Mailbag: Cyndi Lauper Sings For The Lactose Intolerant | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-08-04T15:06:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Cyndi Lauper Sings For The Lactose Intolerant | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'CBS Mailbag: Cyndi Lauper Sings For The Lactose Intolerant | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, here in my hand, I have a stack of actual letters from
actual viewers.
If they weren't, would I be able to do this?
No, you would not.
Thank you.
Letter number one.
Dear Dave, I have noticed that whenever the cameras pan the stage, your crew
and assorted
staff scurry from sight like cockroaches.
Are these people wanted by the law?
A concerned fan, Paul Berg from Franklin Park, Illinois.
Well, Paul, no, not all of them.
Actually, most of them just don't want their families to find out what it is
they do for a living.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, what's the deal with the mirror on your desk?
Reflectingly, Billy and Tracy Gray, Chilliwack, British Columbia.
Chilliwack?
Chilliwack, have you heard of that?
Chilliwack, yeah.
Chilliwack, British Columbia.
Okay, we have a letter here from British Columbia.
They want to know what's the deal with the mirror on the desk.
Look at this right here.
We're kind of proud of this.
It's a little something I just kind of fool around with for my own amusements.
It's a mirror.
And what we do, we generate kind of a low-level pressure power intensity laser.
And when we do that, we can shine it into that mirror, and then it bounces off
a mirror over
there, and then from that mirror, it goes across the Ed Sullivan Theater, out
those doors, and
then when it hits the sunlight, because of the optic effect of that through the
spectrum,
it goes straight up into the sky, hits a mirror on a building, then it goes up
to a satellite.
Frank, a satellite.
NASA helped with that satellite.
God bless you, Frank.
Goes up to a satellite, and from there, it travels all the way to California,
to Los Angeles,
to CBS on the West Coast here.
Let me show you how this works.
Turn on the videotape of this demonstration.
It's fascinating.
There it goes, like that.
Okay, out the door, up the building, up to the satellite.
Save another soul from going down the tube.
Watch this.
Oh, for God's sake, Dave, will you stop with the mirror?
Jeez.
That, see, that's what we do with that.
Letter number three.
Letter number three.
Thank you very much, Paul.
Dear Mr. Letterman, I have noticed on several occasions that you have referred
to yourself
as being lactose intolerant.
Yeah, that's true.
We're here for you, Dave, your brothers and sisters in gastrointestinal
distress.
Gumily yours, David J. Bennett from Tampa, Florida.
Well, you know, thank you very much for the letter, and I certainly appreciate
your support.
And as you know, I'm certainly not the only person in show business who has
this particular
disorder, being lactose intolerant.
Ladies and gentlemen, here now, someone else who suffers from this affliction.
Cindy?
I love the enzymes to properly digest lactose.
I can drink cow's milk.
I can drink milk from a goat.
Oh, girl, cottage cheese.
Make me throw up.
Please, no cream in my cup.
My stomach is swelling.
I am lactose intolerant.
My throat has been stripping.
I am lactose intolerant.
My stomach is swelling.
My stomach is swelling.
My stomach is swelling.
I am lactose intolerant.
My throat is distrapping.
I am lactose intolerant.
I am lactose intolerant.
Intolerant.
Cindy Lauper, ladies and gentlemen.
There you are, Cindy.
God bless you.
Thank you very much.
Always a pleasure to have you.
Cindy Lauper.
Former astronaut Frank Borman down there.
Hi, Frank.
Thank you very much, Cindy.
Have a great weekend.
Cindy Lauper, ladies and gentlemen.
That's right.
All right.