Name: Fan Request: Dave Gets A Waiter To Go Into A Fountain | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-08-05T14:04:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Dave Gets A Waiter To Go Into A Fountain | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Dave Gets A Waiter To Go Into A Fountain | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-05. Transcript available.

you know what we're going to do tonight we're going to uh summertime a lot of
tourists here
met a guy here from fargo north dakota what was your name again sir john what's
the last name
john rubesky and john is the assistant general manager at general oh i'm sorry
i'm sorry john
this man operates the nbc affiliate station in fargo north dakota how many
stations are in that
market four and uh three networks and one independent and one pbs and how do
you do in
that market john number one well you know john we're here every night trying to
change that um
uh and and what what did you say earlier actually you said you didn't say we're
number one you said
something else
anyway uh have you eaten yet tonight john all right come on down here i'm going
to buy you
dinner come here come here
hello to the folks there in fargo hi fargo how big a city is fargo kthi is the
affiliate that's right
and what's the motto there let's all let's all come home to nbc that's all come
home to nbc that stinks
doesn't it as an affiliate you're not really happy with that are you you'd like
something a little gutsier
wouldn't you yeah let's kick kick some we're going nowhere we're up here on the
eighth floor
and uh where we are now we kind of overlook the uh uh rockefeller plaza where
the skating rink is in
the winter but in the summertime they have a lovely cafe out there it's the
american festival cafe now
we're going to go out there and get you something deep paul uh you you cover us
while we walk john was
it john yeah okay all right you ready paul you take care of this john you know
where we are take a look at
this nbc radio nbc radio look at that sign that must be like a two thousand
dollar sign
yeah very nice name me one nbc radio program
you can't do it can you where is the money going you know as soon as ge takes
over nbc radio will
be wiped out here's an nbc radio station wjib kind of the flagship of the
network
and oh look at this 97 wyny there's another big one oh look look what they
feature time checks yes
sir and more records actually than listeners i believe according to this survey
it's a joke
but look at all of this opulence we have desks mahogany teakwood a lovely
interior it does nbc
radio make any money at all no anyway come on in this is the inner office and
uh how do you do nice to
see what is your name barbara landis nice to see you this is john rubesky john
rubesky is a general
manager from fargo in north dakota his tv station they're kicking what i love
this breakfast milk
that's terrific by the way very nice why don't i have one of these nbc radio
making no money do what
okay okay thank you all right now here is uh john this is the window that i was
talking about carl if
we can come over and show them the view this is actually very spectacular this
is midtown manhattan
and off in the distance while carl gets his camera set up we'll get a look at
the city corp building
and it's kind of bracketed by the spires of saint patrick's cathedral there
and we'll swing over and take a look at there's the newsweek building
and we come down a little lower we'll see sax fifth avenue and there's another
magazine building over
there in the distance i think you can see the tv shopper building and then
right down there is the
that's the restaurant that's the american festival cafe that's normally in the
wintertime the ice
rink here in the midtown and in fact even now the zamboni goes through there a
couple of times a night
gosh can you imagine that wouldn't that be something okay all right so john
what we're going to do we're
going to get you something to eat see there's a line of tables right by the
fountain there
uh there they are let's take a look at those folks there's a party of four and
uh oh some kind of an
argument well i'm not going home with you i don't care if i have to walk okay
all right let's move on
oh there's a nice uh threesome oh yeah there's no tip there you know no wonder
the table's empty there
is no tip i kind of like that let's let's see who else we have and there's a
party of one now that may
be a sad story first john you're kind of a sad story when it gets right down to
it and then uh how about
the bald guy oh is there yeah that guy right there hmm no maybe a libyan okay
let's keep moving here
uh what do you think let's go back to the three ladies there the second table
now i have the phone
number of the restaurant and then call and see if i can't get the uh maitre d
over there to pick it up
and take the telephone to their table and we'll be able to talk to them they're
going to love this
aren't they okay here we go john by the way here's a menu john take a look at
that and see if there's
anything on there you might like to have okay so we ought to be able to are we
going to be able to hear
the uh the maitre d yeah it's not ringing we have two minutes left no this will
pick up speed any
secondary good evening american festival cafe hi yes sir my name is dave letterman
you're on the air
right now do you mind talking with us what's your name hi david how are you uh
can you take that phone
over to one of these tables for me by the fountain it's the second one from the
north end right by the
fountain it's it's three women how long have you worked for this restaurant uh
about three three and a
a half months now okay can you turn look up here at this building and wave david
there you go yeah
this is how you're an actor aren't you you're no waiter are you really a waiter
uh no uh well i'm
waiter but i also model for some uh agencies uh in the city i'm sure you do
fine thank you so much
do yourself a favor stay out of fargo all right now now let's move down there
david if you can take the
phone to that table of it's way down toward the other end the north end of the
fountain he's lost
yeah that way no david oh no back behind you there you go you're getting warmer
follow the breadcrumbs
david okay to my right right no now you take a right that's right all right
okay we've got you on radar
dave okay keep moving there he goes boy this is nearly as tedious as we had
hoped okay strangling patrons
with the cord okay you're almost there dave oh there that's it right there put
that put the phone right
down if you will thank you very much david hand it to the woman there in the
green dress okay okay
hello uh ma'am my name is david letterman do you mind if i talk with you on the
air here i'm calling
from nbc i'm right here at this building i can see you right down there what is
your name
miriam goodesplat miriam what what is the last name goodesplat goodesplat right
spell that for me
miriam g-u-d-e-s-b-l-a-t-t goodesplat right and uh where are you from miriam i'm
from new high park
uh-huh and where is that exactly long island long island and you're in town
today doing what
we went to see a show what did you see we went to see uh song and dance with bernadette
peter how was
it it was very good you enjoyed it really right would you see it again uh i don't
think so okay
good idea all right now listen miriam what we need uh why don't you introduce
the folks at the table
there i don't hear you can you introduce the people at the table i can't hear
you introduce the people
at the table my daughter did you hear that miriam huh my daughter uh-huh sandy
kassin uh-huh hi sandy
how are you evelyn nice to see you uh all right miriam we we have a gentleman
visiting us from fargo
north dakota and he would like something to eat tonight so if you can get the
waiter over there
we'd like you to order something for us by the way i'm gonna buy are you having
dinner no we were
just having drinks all right well i'll be happy to pay for those drinks all
right okay put them on
somebody else yeah uh okay miriam get the get the menu from the guy there okay
okay oh god okay
it's like a movie of the week do you see anything john that you like on the
menu oh yeah did she hang
up hey hey hey hey she hung up miriam hold it hey oh no what are we doing how
are we doing on time
a minute and a half over what should we call david back or what do we do
somebody tell me what to do
here what's the number oh okay okay pick up the david miriam you hung up on me
i don't hear you can you
hear me now right okay you hung up oh i thought that he was gonna bring it to
someone else no no no no
no we want you to order something off the menu oh i see yeah okay do you have a
menu there no
he wants me to order something on the menu i'm just gonna jump that's all i'm
just gonna jump i'll be
right down miriam there's a poison gas leak okay miriam you have the okay pick
something quick okay
fine we can see you now all right great okay now can you yeah i see order
something miriam i will
okay anything okay can i give him the phone now yeah no no you tell him what i'll
tell him what
what do you want john really i just finished the iron horse with a hamburger
what do you want to drink
the iron horse what oh he wants a bottle of wine he wants a bottle of sauvignon
blanc iron horse
and he wants a hamburger oh god are we still on the air no okay miriam he wants
a hamburger and a bottle
of wine hamburger and a bottle of wine yeah okay did he get it no of course not
well no tell him you
tell him tell him the the waiter miriam you've been in restaurants before you
know what to do miriam
i know what to do all right order the we'll just take the wine no all right
will it be okay all right
no he wants a hamburger we just finished the drinks okay fine whatever you're
right let me i'll just buy
you a car let me make it up to you somehow i'll buy you a car miriam let me let
me do one more do me
one more favor miriam and then we'll let you go what's that can you get into
the fountain there just
just sit on the edge and put your feet in the fountain come on try it miriam
what's that get
into the fountain just just put your feet in there look at the fountain no get
into it put your feet in
there it's very hard to hear you put get into the fountain i'll get in if you
will oh these telephones
are great i don't believe i'll get one until they work the bugs out of them but
i think they're the
coming thing can you hear me now miriam i can hear you okay get into the
fountain just put
your feet i'm not getting into the fountain all right ask your daughter ask
your daughter if she'll
get into the just a moment okay oh brother okay come on just what do you think
miriam no she doesn't
want to either how about the waiter this guy looks like he'll do anything
let me talk to dave okay thanks miriam have a nice trip back to long island
thank you okay
bye okay now dave is everything in slow motion or is it me it must be the ozone
or the bus fumes or
something dave do me a favor get into the fountain get into it come on get in
if you get fired i'll get
your job honest just stand in the fountain come on over just stand in there
come on all right put put put
put the phone down for god's sakes all right now just get in okay come on yeah
all right okay just wash up and go on home dave i have a feeling you're through
okay we'll we'll be right back john i hope you get the burger good luck to you
is the guy john come
on down mr general manager from uh kdka or whatever the hell that was there and
come on down john
is the guy here where is he here's the uh the waiter bring in the waiter
david nice job thank you very much this is the man that ordered the uh the
hamburger this is john
herbeski from north dakota listen listen you know uh you didn't really have to
get into the fountain
there i thought that was very brave on your part are you going to get in
trouble for that no no listen
if there's any problem you remember what i said about me giving you a job if
there's any trouble
you know take it somewhere else here you go there that's for you that's for you
there you go and
uh there's your burger okay and and good luck to you oh you can go ahead and
bust it open i'm doing
no ketchup or anything uh how are we doing are we done okay jeff thank you very
much for being on
the show also my thanks to katherine o'hara and everybody who helped us out
with stupid petricks
tonight now tomorrow it'll be robert klein george clinton oh and that mannequin
demo by the way can you
stay over for that john sure uh that's uh carrie kirk have a nice night folks
thank you very much bye
Thank you.

Fan Request: Dave Gets A Waiter To Go Into A Fountain | Letterman

you know what we're going to do tonight we're going to uh summertime a lot of
tourists here
met a guy here from fargo north dakota what was your name again sir john what's
the last name
john rubesky and john is the assistant general manager at general oh i'm sorry
i'm sorry john
this man operates the nbc affiliate station in fargo north dakota how many
stations are in that
market four and uh three networks and one independent and one pbs and how do
you do in
that market john number one well you know john we're here every night trying to
change that um
uh and and what what did you say earlier actually you said you didn't say we're
number one you said
something else
anyway uh have you eaten yet tonight john all right come on down here i'm going
to buy you
dinner come here come here
hello to the folks there in fargo hi fargo how big a city is fargo kthi is the
affiliate that's right
and what's the motto there let's all let's all come home to nbc that's all come
home to nbc that stinks
doesn't it as an affiliate you're not really happy with that are you you'd like
something a little gutsier
wouldn't you yeah let's kick kick some we're going nowhere we're up here on the
eighth floor
and uh where we are now we kind of overlook the uh uh rockefeller plaza where
the skating rink is in
the winter but in the summertime they have a lovely cafe out there it's the
american festival cafe now
we're going to go out there and get you something deep paul uh you you cover us
while we walk john was
it john yeah okay all right you ready paul you take care of this john you know
where we are take a look at
this nbc radio nbc radio look at that sign that must be like a two thousand
dollar sign
yeah very nice name me one nbc radio program
you can't do it can you where is the money going you know as soon as ge takes
over nbc radio will
be wiped out here's an nbc radio station wjib kind of the flagship of the
network
and oh look at this 97 wyny there's another big one oh look look what they
feature time checks yes
sir and more records actually than listeners i believe according to this survey
it's a joke
but look at all of this opulence we have desks mahogany teakwood a lovely
interior it does nbc
radio make any money at all no anyway come on in this is the inner office and
uh how do you do nice to
see what is your name barbara landis nice to see you this is john rubesky john
rubesky is a general
manager from fargo in north dakota his tv station they're kicking what i love
this breakfast milk
that's terrific by the way very nice why don't i have one of these nbc radio
making no money do what
okay okay thank you all right now here is uh john this is the window that i was
talking about carl if
we can come over and show them the view this is actually very spectacular this
is midtown manhattan
and off in the distance while carl gets his camera set up we'll get a look at
the city corp building
and it's kind of bracketed by the spires of saint patrick's cathedral there
and we'll swing over and take a look at there's the newsweek building
and we come down a little lower we'll see sax fifth avenue and there's another
magazine building over
there in the distance i think you can see the tv shopper building and then
right down there is the
that's the restaurant that's the american festival cafe that's normally in the
wintertime the ice
rink here in the midtown and in fact even now the zamboni goes through there a
couple of times a night
gosh can you imagine that wouldn't that be something okay all right so john
what we're going to do we're
going to get you something to eat see there's a line of tables right by the
fountain there
uh there they are let's take a look at those folks there's a party of four and
uh oh some kind of an
argument well i'm not going home with you i don't care if i have to walk okay
all right let's move on
oh there's a nice uh threesome oh yeah there's no tip there you know no wonder
the table's empty there
is no tip i kind of like that let's let's see who else we have and there's a
party of one now that may
be a sad story first john you're kind of a sad story when it gets right down to
it and then uh how about
the bald guy oh is there yeah that guy right there hmm no maybe a libyan okay
let's keep moving here
uh what do you think let's go back to the three ladies there the second table
now i have the phone
number of the restaurant and then call and see if i can't get the uh maitre d
over there to pick it up
and take the telephone to their table and we'll be able to talk to them they're
going to love this
aren't they okay here we go john by the way here's a menu john take a look at
that and see if there's
anything on there you might like to have okay so we ought to be able to are we
going to be able to hear
the uh the maitre d yeah it's not ringing we have two minutes left no this will
pick up speed any
secondary good evening american festival cafe hi yes sir my name is dave letterman
you're on the air
right now do you mind talking with us what's your name hi david how are you uh
can you take that phone
over to one of these tables for me by the fountain it's the second one from the
north end right by the
fountain it's it's three women how long have you worked for this restaurant uh
about three three and a
a half months now okay can you turn look up here at this building and wave david
there you go yeah
this is how you're an actor aren't you you're no waiter are you really a waiter
uh no uh well i'm
waiter but i also model for some uh agencies uh in the city i'm sure you do
fine thank you so much
do yourself a favor stay out of fargo all right now now let's move down there
david if you can take the
phone to that table of it's way down toward the other end the north end of the
fountain he's lost
yeah that way no david oh no back behind you there you go you're getting warmer
follow the breadcrumbs
david okay to my right right no now you take a right that's right all right
okay we've got you on radar
dave okay keep moving there he goes boy this is nearly as tedious as we had
hoped okay strangling patrons
with the cord okay you're almost there dave oh there that's it right there put
that put the phone right
down if you will thank you very much david hand it to the woman there in the
green dress okay okay
hello uh ma'am my name is david letterman do you mind if i talk with you on the
air here i'm calling
from nbc i'm right here at this building i can see you right down there what is
your name
miriam goodesplat miriam what what is the last name goodesplat goodesplat right
spell that for me
miriam g-u-d-e-s-b-l-a-t-t goodesplat right and uh where are you from miriam i'm
from new high park
uh-huh and where is that exactly long island long island and you're in town
today doing what
we went to see a show what did you see we went to see uh song and dance with bernadette
peter how was
it it was very good you enjoyed it really right would you see it again uh i don't
think so okay
good idea all right now listen miriam what we need uh why don't you introduce
the folks at the table
there i don't hear you can you introduce the people at the table i can't hear
you introduce the people
at the table my daughter did you hear that miriam huh my daughter uh-huh sandy
kassin uh-huh hi sandy
how are you evelyn nice to see you uh all right miriam we we have a gentleman
visiting us from fargo
north dakota and he would like something to eat tonight so if you can get the
waiter over there
we'd like you to order something for us by the way i'm gonna buy are you having
dinner no we were
just having drinks all right well i'll be happy to pay for those drinks all
right okay put them on
somebody else yeah uh okay miriam get the get the menu from the guy there okay
okay oh god okay
it's like a movie of the week do you see anything john that you like on the
menu oh yeah did she hang
up hey hey hey hey she hung up miriam hold it hey oh no what are we doing how
are we doing on time
a minute and a half over what should we call david back or what do we do
somebody tell me what to do
here what's the number oh okay okay pick up the david miriam you hung up on me
i don't hear you can you
hear me now right okay you hung up oh i thought that he was gonna bring it to
someone else no no no no
no we want you to order something off the menu oh i see yeah okay do you have a
menu there no
he wants me to order something on the menu i'm just gonna jump that's all i'm
just gonna jump i'll be
right down miriam there's a poison gas leak okay miriam you have the okay pick
something quick okay
fine we can see you now all right great okay now can you yeah i see order
something miriam i will
okay anything okay can i give him the phone now yeah no no you tell him what i'll
tell him what
what do you want john really i just finished the iron horse with a hamburger
what do you want to drink
the iron horse what oh he wants a bottle of wine he wants a bottle of sauvignon
blanc iron horse
and he wants a hamburger oh god are we still on the air no okay miriam he wants
a hamburger and a bottle
of wine hamburger and a bottle of wine yeah okay did he get it no of course not
well no tell him you
tell him tell him the the waiter miriam you've been in restaurants before you
know what to do miriam
i know what to do all right order the we'll just take the wine no all right
will it be okay all right
no he wants a hamburger we just finished the drinks okay fine whatever you're
right let me i'll just buy
you a car let me make it up to you somehow i'll buy you a car miriam let me let
me do one more do me
one more favor miriam and then we'll let you go what's that can you get into
the fountain there just
just sit on the edge and put your feet in the fountain come on try it miriam
what's that get
into the fountain just just put your feet in there look at the fountain no get
into it put your feet in
there it's very hard to hear you put get into the fountain i'll get in if you
will oh these telephones
are great i don't believe i'll get one until they work the bugs out of them but
i think they're the
coming thing can you hear me now miriam i can hear you okay get into the
fountain just put
your feet i'm not getting into the fountain all right ask your daughter ask
your daughter if she'll
get into the just a moment okay oh brother okay come on just what do you think
miriam no she doesn't
want to either how about the waiter this guy looks like he'll do anything
let me talk to dave okay thanks miriam have a nice trip back to long island
thank you okay
bye okay now dave is everything in slow motion or is it me it must be the ozone
or the bus fumes or
something dave do me a favor get into the fountain get into it come on get in
if you get fired i'll get
your job honest just stand in the fountain come on over just stand in there
come on all right put put put
put the phone down for god's sakes all right now just get in okay come on yeah
all right okay just wash up and go on home dave i have a feeling you're through
okay we'll we'll be right back john i hope you get the burger good luck to you
is the guy john come
on down mr general manager from uh kdka or whatever the hell that was there and
come on down john
is the guy here where is he here's the uh the waiter bring in the waiter
david nice job thank you very much this is the man that ordered the uh the
hamburger this is john
herbeski from north dakota listen listen you know uh you didn't really have to
get into the fountain
there i thought that was very brave on your part are you going to get in
trouble for that no no listen
if there's any problem you remember what i said about me giving you a job if
there's any trouble
you know take it somewhere else here you go there that's for you that's for you
there you go and
uh there's your burger okay and and good luck to you oh you can go ahead and
bust it open i'm doing
no ketchup or anything uh how are we doing are we done okay jeff thank you very
much for being on
the show also m