Name: Jeff Goldblum Was Robbed At Gunpoint | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-08-10T21:20:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jeff Goldblum Was Robbed At Gunpoint | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jeff Goldblum Was Robbed At Gunpoint | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-10. Transcript available.

Our first guest tonight, a talented and distinctive actor whose films include
The Big Chill and The Fly.
His latest effort is called Earth Girls Are Easy.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to this program Jeff Goldblum.
Jeff.
Hi, Jeff.
Hi.
Good to see you.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
Oh, I'm all right.
Well, how are you so humble?
Jeff Goldblum.
How are you?
Good.
Good.
How are you?
As you said before.
Okay.
You know, a couple of weeks ago, well, maybe a couple of months ago, your wife,
the lovely
Gina Davis was here.
Lovely.
I couldn't agree more.
And then, like a couple of weeks later, she won an Academy Award.
So that was a big night in your household, huh?
Sure was.
Yeah.
Sure was.
We were hardly at home even.
But, oh, what a fun night.
Yeah.
She won, and then she designed that dress.
She designed your own dress.
Didn't you hear that?
Yeah.
And I think she was universally acclaimed as Queen of the Universe and Most
Beautiful Woman
at the Awards.
So she won an award for designing her own dress?
Is that what you're saying?
No, no, no, no.
I'm terribly confused.
I can see.
I can see.
Well.
Anyway.
Well, really.
Best supporting actress and lovely wife.
I'm very proud.
How did you guys meet?
Where?
When?
In Zagreb, Yugoslavia.
Ed Begley introduced us, you know.
And about four years ago.
Do you know Ed Begley?
I've met him, sure.
He's been on the show several times.
I know.
Very nice man.
I know, I know.
And then we got married about a year and a half ago on Halloween.
Wow.
Isn't that something?
It is awesome.
Ed Begley was there, too.
Went to Las Vegas.
The only night that we've been there, either of us, Gina and I, before or since.
I think I've heard this.
Have I heard this story from her?
She told you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She told you.
So you did not necessarily go there with the idea of getting married?
Completely not.
It was my birthday.
It was their anniversary.
Mm-hmm.
And we went, and at the spur of the moment, after dinner at the Bacchanal Room
in Caesar's Palace.
Right.
Where the waiter, in order to show us the entrees, truly held up a tray full of
the entrees that's inexplicably stuck on somehow and glazed.
Took a ballpoint pen out of his pocket and kind of, as he was explaining, you
can have the rack of lamb and touching it a little bit, too.
Or the salmon and we...
And then we got married.
I don't know how one thing led to another.
It didn't, but we did.
And how long at that point had you known one another?
For about three years.
Oh, so it all made pretty good sense, then.
Very good sense.
Did you have a nice, and I know this is probably, well, did you have a nice
wedding?
I mean, under the circumstances, you know?
Very nice.
Oh, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
You know, I don't like those family events.
I don't know about you.
Oh, I love family events.
You do?
Oh, yeah.
I'm just like the Waltons with me.
Really?
Yeah.
You're kind of John Boy in your way-esque.
No, I...
No, it was sexy and romantic.
We said, do you want to do it?
We did.
And we went to one of those, the Candlelight Chapel, three in the morning, now
November 1st,
not really Halloween anymore.
They said, you know, they had one of those boards like Jell-O Du Jour, you know,
the
service du jour.
Do you want the veil or not, or the ring or not, or live music or tape music?
We said live music, but she was on a break.
Yeah.
So we had a lot of, I mean, it was the middle of the night.
Do you want the videotape, which we were torn about.
We went for it, finally.
Yeah, yeah.
It's very, we, it's hard to watch.
And it's a videotape of your wedding, not just strangers getting married.
Of course not.
Yeah.
It's our wedding.
And then later, did you have another, like a more traditional ceremony, or this
was it?
That was it.
Yeah.
And how is it working out?
Well, wonderfully, wonderfully.
We still find ourselves being affectionate in public, even.
Yeah.
Some people, you know, find that offensive.
You know how they can?
And I've, after a couple of minor incidents, gotten to the point where I get
offended at
their being offended.
We were at a restaurant recently.
What is the level of the affection we're talking about?
Because, you know, they're...
Discreet, discreet.
Kissing.
You know, we were in a restaurant in London recently.
A place not inconducive to that kind of thing.
Aphrodisi or something, or Aphrodite was the name of the restaurant.
Cupid's all over the place and grapes and everything.
We were kissing.
Kissing.
They have one of those menus where the guy comes out and points to the veal and
the salmon?
No, no.
We don't look for those places.
That must be the only one in Vegas anyway.
But, so we're kissing.
And I notice this woman get, start to get, kind of...
Got her back up.
And I hear, disgusting, disgusting.
A couple of times.
So you're, but you're just kissing, sort of...
Believe me.
Yeah, lightly.
I don't want to describe it in more detail, but we're...
But are shoes flying through the air and stuff?
Certainly not.
Certainly not.
We're kissing.
Anyway, I say to myself, I'm going to, if she...
I'm going to, I'm not going to let this go unanswered.
If she leaves before we do, because she has to pass our table, I'm going to say
something.
You don't mind your own business.
Right.
It's my wife, we're married, we're in love, leave us alone.
Exactly.
And affection is a, you know, why not?
It's a lovely thing.
It makes some nice defense of it.
We, she leaves, I notice a little bit later.
But, unfortunately, at the very moment that she's leaving, and quickly, I, how
can I say this?
We're, I'm, I'm doing that thing where I'm transferring red wine from my mouth
to Gina's mouth.
I see.
And I've overestimated the amount, and some's dribbling down my chin.
And I couldn't make an attractive.
I see.
Yeah.
You know, uh, defensive.
You make it sound like a Shriner's picnic all of a sudden.
Did that actually happen?
Yes, it did.
Okay.
That's an absolutely true story.
All right.
Hey, hey, here's the deal.
We're going to do a commercial, and then we'll be right back.
Jeff Goldblum is here.
K-Mar and, uh, Patrick Ewing.
Uh, is, is it true that at one point, uh, you were robbed?
And if so, how recently?
And what did they get?
Yes.
And?
Not too long ago.
Uh-huh.
And where?
Did it happen?
Yeah.
They got my wallet and my car.
And where did it happen on Ed Begley's, uh, front lawn?
Just outside.
I see.
It's Ed Begley again, huh?
Oh, man.
He's a big figure in my life.
What happened is, several years ago, in Hollywood, he invited me over to play
Monopoly.
Mm-hmm.
He's a great game player.
He liked Trivial Pursuit for a while.
Exactly, exactly.
Well, he was playing Monopoly this night, invited me over.
I go to his house on a seemingly safe street.
I pull up.
I can see the lights on in the living room.
Ah, I can hear them having fun already.
Another car, which I haven't noticed, pulls up.
This is absolutely true, that I haven't noticed.
Now, I've parked my car.
I'm going in.
And I kind of say, is this somebody going into the place?
And I don't recognize them.
And the guy in the passenger seat, there were two of them, says, hey, do you
have the time?
Mm-hmm.
Something happened in my stomach, which I should have done something about.
Now, I guess I would.
I think that I would have run or something.
I said, by that time, he was out of the car and had a gun right here in my
stomach.
So now you know he's not a Monopoly player.
Exactly.
Or if he is, let him have...
Yeah, everything.
Park place.
So, instinctively, instinctively, I grabbed the barrel of the gun.
Oh!
Well, I know, I know.
Very touchy-go.
I say, don't do this.
By the next time his partner is here, I'm not prepared to fend him off and
start going like that.
You know, I wish I could if I can't.
So, in a moment, I say, okay, okay, okay, okay.
He says, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, because he doesn't want anybody, Ed,
to hear.
He doesn't know Ed's in there, of course.
Are you sure?
Wait a second.
No, no, no.
So, I say, okay, okay, okay, okay.
He says, where's your wallet?
I say, here, here, here, please, please, please, with my blessings.
I say, don't shoot me, don't shoot me, because he's saying, shh, shh, I'm pleading
for my life,
which is the conventional wisdom under the circumstances.
That's what I'm saying.
He says, where's your car?
Right there.
Here are the keys.
Run.
I do.
They take off in the car.
Weeks later, a month or two later, I go to court, because they found the kids,
they're
young, and there's a woman in court who recognizes me.
I'm on a series at that point, 10 Speed and Brown, she says, hey, I know you.
You're an actor, aren't you?
My son, my son robbed you.
I said, congratulations.
I'd love to work with him again.
He's a fine lad.
We are very near the end of civilization.
Isn't that, that's the strangest thing I've ever heard, but weren't you just, I
mean,
that's really one of those at-the-core experiences where it could have been adios.
Exactly.
No, truthfully, this is absolutely true, all of this, and I was, oh, it's at-the-core.
It's right.
Yeah.
Has it happened to you ever?
No, no, don't even, don't even suggest that it might.
No, no, no.
No, no, you're right.
And don't have Ed Begley call me either.
You know what he was-
You could get killed or get married or-
He was, he was on the show, I think the last time, and told about the police
coming to
his house, his apartment, and finding a headless torso in the dumpster behind
his house.
I know that story.
This guy is, there's something odd in there.
He's dangerous.
He's, he's a lovely, lovely guy.
Yeah.
And the film, Earth Girls Are Easy, very interesting title.
Do you think so?
Well, I do.
I think it's interesting.
It suggests aliens coming to visit and-
Exactly what happens.
I'm the alien.
I fall by mistake into Gina Davis's swimming pool.
She's a manicurist working at the Curl Up and Dye, D-Y-E.
Uh-huh.
Did I spit on you?
No, no, you didn't.
No.
No.
Just fixing your makeup.
But no, if you'd like, go ahead.
Please do.
No, no, no.
Many of my guests have, so why not?
Oh.
Yeah.
They're wrong if they have.
Um, uh, the, the, well, what are we talking about?
Gina Davis, Curl Up and Dye.
Yes, yeah, I fall into a swimming pool.
She, she works up at the Curl Up and Dye, D-Y-E Hair Salon, and we fall
in love.
I seduce her.
That's it.
So you are an alien and you get, you get married to an Earth girl.
Well, we don't get married, but I, I, yes, we, we fall in love.
We fall in love.
That's right.
And the easy part, Earth girls are easy.
Well, you know.
No, I don't know.
I've not, I've not found that to be true.
But then again, I'm only 42, so I don't know.
Uh, it's out now, isn't it?
No, no.
Coming soon.
May, May 12th, it comes out.
May 12th, because I've seen promos for it and such.
Exactly, exactly.
It's, uh, people are interested in that extraterrestrial life, you know.
I mean, the question is, is any, is anything out there?
And if so, do they have ray guns?
Yeah, right.
Good to see you again.
Woody Allen, Jim.
And by all means, uh, congratulate your wife for us belatedly, but nonetheless,
pass along
our good wishes.
Thank you, John.
Jeff Goldblum, ladies and gentlemen.
And, uh, we'll be back here after station identification.