Name: Brother Theodore Calls Dave's Audience A House Of Pigs | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-08-17T12:44:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brother Theodore Calls Dave's Audience A House Of Pigs | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brother Theodore Calls Dave's Audience A House Of Pigs | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-17. Transcript available.

My first guest is Brother Theodore. Now, if you've never seen him work before,
this is going to be a
once-in-a-lifetime experience. He is a philosopher, metaphysician, and podiatrist.
As he admits in
his own philosophical way, TV without Brother Theodore is like a rose without a
thorn.
Please sit back now, phone the relatives, and welcome Brother Theodore.
Ladies and gentlemen, I had intended to speak tonight on pea green pimples.
I felt I had some right to do so, having had so many myself. And over there in
Europe, it
was this very subject which earned me my reputation as a top conversationalist
and fiery orator.
No matter when or where I spoke in those days, the crowd would storm the
platform, knocking
each other down, simply to get near me and tighten my suspenders.
Mothers would hold up their unborn brats and shout for a blessing. Duchesses
would
laugh shrilly and dance like dervishes. Princesses would roll on the ground and
beseech me for
just directly personal treatment. Husky men would turn aside to hide their
fears. And wherever I went,
the sick in heart, same day cleaners, women's clubs, horse flies, would follow
me in a whirlwind of ecstasy
and settle down on my shoulders. Americans are different, not quite so
emotional, not quite so pimple conscious.
And that is probably why it was suggested that I now select something which
comes closer
to your conception of sophisticated television fare. My friends, today, as some
of you probably know,
today commemorates the anniversary of the death of Willy Bult-Winnaker,
critic, poet, playwright, who in 1909 died of running ears and athlete's foot.
Just before kicking the bucket, Winnaker managed to scribble a note of poetic
farewell
to Anna Mummelmann. Anna Mummelmann, no good hussy and cheap floozy. Anna Mummelmann,
lady of his lifelong love.
Little did he know that these last simple words were to become a milestone in
German literature,
were to sing on in the hearts of millions.
The translation you are about to hear is the only one in existence, and I hope
I've succeeded in capturing some of the witching,
haunting, and as I might say, wombly bretzular mood of the original, the chaste
happiness of its rhythm,
the logomundity of its gugu.
Winnaker's poem is entitled
"To Anna".
why do you think it is entitled to Anna?
Precisely, "To Anna".
Thank you, sir. I'm squirming with delight to meet an intellectual colossus.
You are absolutely right. Winnaker's poem is entitled to Anna because the girl's
name was Anna.
And if you consider that the girl's name was Anna, wouldn't it be perfectly
foolish,
revolting, and ridiculous to have the poem entitled "To Flora Bill".
We are not prisoners of logic here, I know that. But let's not get too sloppy
in our thinking, please.
Oh, Anna,
beloved one of all my senses,
I yearn for you. You. Love you to you. You. I to you. You to me.
We.
Who arest thou, mysterious maiden? Arest thou?
People say thou arest.
Let them talk.
thou wearest thy hat on thy feet thou wearest thy hat on thy feet and walkest
on thy hands
on thy hands thou walkest black i love you anna i love black to you you love
you to you you
i to you you to me we we we oh anna fair purple is the crimson of thy yellow
hair oh anna blue golden
is the tinkling of thy kangaroo the homely maiden in everyday dress thou self-appointed
kangaroo
i i love to you and i'm going to give it to you good and hot
i'm going to give it to you good and hot smack in the entertainment center
you know it's anna es gibt zwei sorgen ratten die hungrigen und die satten die
satten bleiben
vergnügt die hungrigen aber wandern aus sie wandern viel tausend meilen ganz
unterrasten und weilen
the infantile gigglers keep giggling the smartality smirklers keep smirkling
a house full of pigs ganging up on one butterfly
i don't blame you my friends i blame i blame myself i should have known better
man shouldn't try to sell roses in a fish market because of your
boorish behavior because of your rudeness because of your tactlessness because
of your obvious lack of
understanding
the german anthem will be omitted tonight
brother theodore we'll be right back to talk with this man after you take a
look at this
thank you very much welcome back to our show brother theodore is here with us
now
uh in the introduction a metaphysician philosopher podiatrist shouldn't it be
doctor theodore as
opposed to brother theodore it's totally optional optional yeah yeah yeah yeah
suit yourself okay
what uh please please do uh you don't you don't strike me as a real easy going
guy
well uh david we just met that's right how can you possibly say i don't strike
you as this or can
strike you as that i am in my personal life a very very tender soft sweet dumb
person
as a girl here in the audience she called me her little schnappsy wapsy so i
mean
uh so but i'm easy going i am an easy going guy and that's it
um now would you describe yourself as being a pessimist though you seem you
called this fine
audience a house of pigs uh but should i have called them a house of crocodiles
no no no no this
is a fine group of folks we assemble here nightly
would you would you say that you are a pessimist
well i feel any intelligent person has to be a pessimist
i feel bad when i feel good
and i'm afraid i feel worse than i feel better and i think there's a good
reason for that
just look around this is not a world in which roses stay roses for long the
moment we are born
we are old enough to die life is a fatal disease from hour to hour we ripen and
ripen and ripen and
then from hour to hour we rot and rot and rot and rot it is my sincere wish david
it is my sincere wish
yes sir may i go on please do i'm thank you very much i just wanted to say it
is my sincere wish
that immediately after my death my head be severed from my body and that it be
replaced by a bouquet of broccoli
it's the artist in me yeah yeah to me beauty is always beauty especially when
it is ugly
to me the most nourishing part of an apple is always the worm a worm a day
keeps the doctor away
two worms a day keep two doctors away three worms a day keep three doctors away
four worms a day keep four
doctors away 2345 worms a day keep 2345 doctors away and that's a conservative
guess kind of a shot in
dark there um okay um thank you both for the spontaneous outbreak of deafening
applause i want
brother theodore it was a pleasure to meet you i want i want to thank you for
being here tonight i
enjoyed it a great deal and any time please come back and see yeah i want a
shorter interview next time
all right we'll try to arrange that brother theodore we'll be right back
hi i'm larry bud melmond here to tell you about all the hubbub at melmond bus
lines
we're changing the numbers on every bus soon our number one bus will be the
number two
and our number two bus will be the three it's complicated i know but leave the
mathematics to us
all you have to do is sit back relax and travel in pride knowing you're riding
a bus with a shiny new
number and by the way in case you're wondering when it comes to numbers at melmond
you the passenger are
always number one thank you