Name: Stupid Human Tricks: Girl Swallows Her Tongue | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-08-17T18:31:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Girl Swallows Her Tongue | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Girl Swallows Her Tongue | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-17. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, moms and dads, and kids of all ages, like
I need
to tell you, once again it's time for an installment of something we call
Stupid Human Tricks.
Now, little games, little stunts, little things that these people have taught
themselves
to do.
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, this is only an exhibition, this is not a
competition.
Please, I beseech you, I'm begging you, as always, no wagering.
Here we go.
Do me a favor, folks, say hello to Chandra Blessie.
Chandra, come on out.
Hi, Chandra.
How are you?
Pretty good.
Nice to have you with us.
Thanks.
Where are you from, Chandra?
Bennington, Nebraska.
I'm sorry, what town?
Bennington, Nebraska.
Bennington, Nebraska.
What do you do in Nebraska?
Farm.
Actually, you live and work on a farm?
Well, we don't live on a farm, but we have an acreage, so it's the same thing.
And you yourself help out on the farm, or you do something else?
I help out in the garden.
Really?
It's a really big garden.
Uh-huh.
And is that what you do professionally?
No.
Uh-huh.
What do you do professionally?
I like to sing.
Oh, you like to sing?
Yes.
Well, wait, do you like to sing something for us now?
No.
Boy, my luck couldn't be running any better tonight, could it?
Chandra, you have a little something, a little stupid human trick you're going
to do for
us tonight?
Yes, I do.
Okay, tell the folks what it is.
Well, I stick my tongue behind my tonsils, because it's really long, and it's
like I swallow
my tongue.
Do we want to see that, actually?
Now, are you in any danger of passing out, any blacking out?
Shall I hold your ankles, any of that?
I can breathe.
Should we have compresses standing by?
No.
All right, now, can we just take a look at your tongue regularly?
Yeah.
My God.
We are doomed as a civilization.
All right, Chandra, you want like a drum roll or music or anything?
No.
Okay.
All right, go ahead.
All right, here we go.
She's going to stick her tongue behind her tonsils.
By the way, how come you haven't had your tonsils taken out?
Then you couldn't do the trick, could you?
No.
And you wouldn't win free beers and bars, then, would you?
You know, I'm just kidding.
How old are you?
17.
Oh, you're a kid.
You're just a kid.
Well, no wonder you don't have like a big-time job.
You're still in school, aren't you?
Yes.
Now, where do you go to school?
Bennington High School.
Bennington High School.
Are you getting good grades?
Yeah, great gains list.
Well, congratulations.
What are you doing for the summer?
Working really hard.
Oh, yeah, this is where we came in.
Back in the garden, I know.
I just don't know when I'm well off, do I?
Actually, I work in a nursery and garden center.
Oh, that's good.
Good for you.
All right.
I'll be standing by with some clamps if anything goes wrong.
Here we go.
All right.
You're going to stick her tongue behind her tonsils.
It's gone.
It's gone.
It's gone.
Yow.
Well, my goodness.
You don't need a job.
Let's take a look at that in slow motion, instant replay.
Here we go.
There's the tongue.
Packing it away.
And kaboom.
Thank you, Sean.
You're good luck in high school.
Nice to meet you.
Thanks for coming.
Cute, isn't she?
Cute.
Wasn't she nice?
From Nebraska.
Now, see, that's normal American behavior.
Ladies and gentlemen, now coming to the stage, Angie Larson and her son, Taylor.
Folks, come on out and say hello.
How do you do, Angie?
Nice to see you.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Larson.
Hi, Tanner.
Tanner, welcome to the show.
Where are you guys from?
Cahokia, Illinois.
Cahokia, Illinois.
What part of the state is that?
No way.
You guys can't be from Cahokia.
Where is Cahokia?
It's five minutes from the Arch in St. Louis.
Oh, so you're right there near the river.
Right on there in western Illinois.
You know, Taylor, we just had a girl out here who has no tongue.
Honest to gosh, has no tongue.
Typical viewer response.
Angie, you and your son, by the way, he's a handsome boy.
You have a big family, your only child?
My only child.
Well, you've done a nice job with him.
All right.
Is this your first time in New York?
Yes.
Are you enjoying New York, Taylor?
Hmm, just kidding.
We haven't seen much.
You haven't seen much?
No.
Well, get out and have a chance to see the city.
It's beautiful, you know.
Yeah.
I like those shoes.
Those are some shoes, Taylor.
I know.
The kid just don't care.
Okay, you guys are going to do a little, you have like a little thing you've
worked up together
as mom and son?
No, just Taylor.
Just Taylor?
Okay.
What will Taylor do for us?
He is going to sneeze on command.
I'll bet he doesn't.
I hope he does.
Not the way I'm hoping he does.
All right, do we need like a cue?
Do you want a drum roll or music or something?
No, but it would be nice if everybody could not laugh until he's done.
Oh, they won't have a problem with that tonight.
Because if he giggles, he can't do it.
He's a handsome boy.
You're a handsome boy, Taylor.
You're a handsome looking kid.
Now, kids just love me, don't they?
He does.
He's watched you since he was nine months old.
Oh, is that right?
You and Bob Barker.
Taylor has a long, difficult life ahead of him.
Okay, here we go.
All right, Taylor.
Okay, ready?
You sneeze?
Okay, watch.
Can you see yourself over there?
Right there.
Right there.
Right straight ahead.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
It's okay.
You want to look at mommy?
Hachu!
Go ahead.
This is it.
This is it.
Sneeze for dance.
Go ahead.
Look at mommy.
Go ahead.
You're doing good.
There we have.
That's for you.
It's the spoon and straw.
There you go.
Okay, thank you.
And the copy of John Denver's new CD.
Here you are.
Thank you, Angie.
Pleasure meeting you.
You have a beautiful son here.
Thank you.
Thank you, Taylor.
Nice job, buddy.
Thank you, Taylor.
Nice job, buddy.
I love it when the young kids are thrilled by being on the show.
Brian Beitelick.
Mr. Brian Beitelick, come on in here.
Hi, Brian.
How are you?
Great.
Welcome to The Late Show, Brian.
Thank you.
How are you?
Awesome.
Where are you from, Brian?
Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Great, great city.
I've been to Minneapolis several times in my life.
Always had a lovely time.
Do you enjoy being up there?
Yes.
Not much to do around there.
I watched The Loser Twins, I guess.
How long have you worked for the Chamber of Commerce, Brian?
How old a guy are you?
Just a kid?
17.
So you're 17?
Oh, did you see that 17-year-old girl from Nebraska?
What do you think?
Huh?
Whoa.
Whoa.
I think we've made a love connection.
All right, now.
Brian, what are you going to do for us tonight?
I'm going to bite the top off of this pop can.
There you go.
Bite right through the aluminum?
You know it.
Is that safe?
Uh, maybe.
How did you do this the first time?
When did you decide you could bite right through the aluminum?
Well, I was on a trip to South Dakota, and that's not the most exciting drive
in the world.
So mom and dad just turned you loose in the back with a sack of cans.
Here you go, Brian.
Amuse yourself.
He's going to bite, bite right through the can.
Here we go.
Anton.
Hurry up, Brian.
We're getting thirsty.
Hurry up, Brian.
We're getting thirsty.
Hurry up, Brian.
We're getting thirsty.
Brian Baitlick from Minneapolis.
Here we go.
Slow motion, instant replay.
Are you all right?
Oh, yeah.
Nice job, Brian.
Nice meeting.
Have a good trip back to Minneapolis.
Brian Baitlick.
Wow.
There you go.
There's our stupid human tricks.
We have to pause for another commercial.
We'll be back with Alan King.