Name: Bill Hicks' Network Television Debut | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-09-09T21:52:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Hicks' Network Television Debut | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Hicks' Network Television Debut | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-09. Transcript available.

- My next guest is a stand-up comedian.
He is making his network television debut
on this program tonight.
He is working this weekend at the Comedy Workshop
in Houston, Texas.
Please give a warm welcome to Bill Hicks.
- Good evening, good evening.
My name is Bill Hicks, thank you.
Full name is William Melvin Hicks.
Thanks, Dad.
It's a name with certain connotations, huh?
- Hi, my name is Melvin Hicks.
This is my wife and my sister.
- Okay, mama.
All right, yeah, I got a good look with it, too.
You like my face?
It's a classic, trust me.
Got the kind of face people walk up to me
out of the blue and go, "What's wrong?"
Nothing.
Well, you know, it takes more energy to frown
than it does to smile.
Yeah.
You know, it takes more energy to point that out
than it does to leave me alone.
Scariest thing.
I look just like my dad.
This is a frightening aspect of my life.
Afraid I'm gonna wake up one day
and start acting like my dad.
I love him, you know, but he's a goober.
I mean, he means well.
He just doesn't pull it off, you know.
I made a vow I'd never act like that.
The day I go outside, wait for the paperboy,
my underwear, blow me away, baby.
Right there, that's it.
You're wasting precious breath at that point.
I've seen my dad in a Bermuda jumpsuit.
It's like a psychedelic farmer walk into McDonald's
and ask if they served hamburgers.
And, "Dad, could you wait in the car, please?"
Luckily, the guy behind the counter was acting like his dad.
He's like, "Wait a minute, I'll check."
And I was like...
Yeah.
Meanwhile, they just don't pull it off.
We got Christmas coming up.
Remember when I was younger, go-karts were the thing.
We wanted go-karts.
All my friends, Christmas rolled around.
My friends got go-karts.
I'm 12 years old.
I got a college dictionary.
Mom goes, "Bill, it's the thought that counts."
"Oh, Mom, but what were you thinking?"
"Seriously."
My dad feebly tried to make up for it.
"Well, look, son, go-kart's in it."
And, "Dad, so is Tightwant."
Yeah, college dictionary came in handy all four weeks I was in college.
Could not, as hard as I tried, wake up for that eight o'clock class, man.
You know that feeling at all?
Yeah.
I was going to night school, too.
I'll look upon that as a hint, I think.
I majored in philosophy.
Hoping to open up my own little belief one day.
It's great.
Taking philosophy in the summertime.
All you have in your class are jocks trying to make up credit.
Didn't seem to fit in.
I had an Eastern philosophy class.
This first day instructor walked out, goes, "God is consciousness, and we are
all God, trying
to realize our full potential."
Whoa!
Heavy-duty guy in the back row goes, "Yeah, we're going to need to know that."
"Is that going to be on the quiz?"
I'm taking notes.
One of our textbooks was the New Living Bible.
You heard of this, the Bible with the updated language in it?
They update the language of the Bible.
I don't know about you, but when I read, "And Jesus walked on water," and Peter
said, "Awesome."
I'm into that for some reason.
I've had a job for a while, worked in an occult bookstore, got to meet some
fascinating
people here, man.
"Excuse me, where's your devil worship section?"
It's right behind you, man.
Thank you.
I don't want to wait on this guy, going to spit soup on me.
I got a date tonight.
Psychos out there.
Worked for a while in a movie theater that played exclusively horror movies.
Got to watch the people that go to these things, scarier than the movies.
You can hear stuff in horror movie audiences now, like, "I remember when I cut
off a head."
"Am I in your way?"
I will crouch for that guy.
Can't work.
I always end up working for, what are they called, bosses?
These guys that care about the job.
Put a crimp in the work day.
Always bugging me.
"Hicks, Hicks, how come you're not working?"
"There's nothing to do, man."
"Well, pretend like you're working."
"Why don't you pretend that I'm working?"
"Pretend I'm mopping, knock yourself out."
"I'll pretend they're buying stuff, let's close up."
"You all have been great, thank you very much."
"Bill, very nice, very nice to see you."
"Bill, we're right back."
"That was very nice, very funny, Bill, please come back."
"Thank you very much."
"Nice to see you, sir, thanks again."
"Also my thanks to Charles McLaren and his sleeping box, Marv Albert and Terri-Ann
Saxe.
"Tomorrow night, musician Herbie Mann will be here and Marissa Berenson plus
viewer mail.
"Have a nice evening, and good night, folks."