Name: Sylvester Stallone Was Afraid To Be On Dave's Show | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-09-12T21:10:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sylvester Stallone Was Afraid To Be On Dave's Show | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sylvester Stallone Was Afraid To Be On Dave's Show | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-12. Transcript available.

Look, Sylvester, I really hate to do this, and normally I wouldn't do this, but
Paul, Paul Schaefer, is really quite a fan of you and your work,
and he asked me, when he heard you were going to be on the show, if it would be
okay if, you know, he could meet you before the show.
Oh, of course.
Is that all right?
Anytime, anytime.
Big fan of yours, too.
Thank you. This is such a thrill. You know, nobody loves Rambo or Rocky as much
as I do.
Hey, would you mind doing one thing for me?
Anything.
I don't know if it's too much to ask.
Would you mind just punching Dave in the stomach as hard as you can, like you
did with Drago, you know, and Rocky?
Would you really do that?
I can't.
Don't bother him, please, Paul. You're embarrassing him.
Seriously, I'm your guest, and if you really want me to, I mean, that would be
a really good one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let him have it. This would be great.
He's actually...
That was fabulous. Thank you. That was great.
Terrific.
Paul, Paul, I told you, you had to bother him.
Ow, it's over. Roll the opening.
Paul, I asked you.
This is my next guest's first appearance on this program.
It's a pleasure to welcome him here with us, and he has a new movie soon to be
out.
It's called Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.
It opens nationwide on February 21st.
Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Sylvester Stallone.
Good to see you.
Yes.
You know, it occurs to me, and I'm sorry to bring this up, but you must have
guys trying you every minute of the day.
And girls.
Seriously, no, as a matter of fact, the first time I ever got, quote, sucker
punched, I was doing Fist in Iowa.
I saw a very peaceful place, Dubuque, Iowa.
And this girl comes up, and she looks like Julie Andrews.
She goes, I love your films.
I said, fine.
He goes, I love your films.
I love your films.
I love your films.
And bang, she gets me a shot.
I'm telling you, I saw birds.
I saw my mother circling.
I saw a thing that was knocked back in the childhood.
So, yeah, there are a lot of people that like to do it.
I guess it's because, obviously, of some of the movies you've made, you play a
fighter.
Some of the movies you play just a tough guy.
And everybody seems to think, and I guess after a couple of beers, I'm going to
find out how tough this guy is.
This is true.
This is true.
Usually my ex-wives.
Yeah.
Boom.
Perfect.
Now, all right, I mentioned at the top of the program that this is the first
time you've been here.
Yeah.
We've wanted to have you on for years and years and years, of course.
Your brother, Frank, has been here.
Let me check the seat.
No, no, no.
Still wet.
Oh, God.
No, no.
Just kidding.
Just kidding, Frank.
It's a brother wet joke, you know.
Oh, it's a brother wet joke.
It's one of those things.
And also, your mother was here on a very early, early trip.
I want to be in touch, the wet joke.
Okay.
But how was it that it's taken you so long to get here?
Well, the truth is, you know those pump cars all the way across the eyes and
work on the
road?
Yeah.
Well, I, you know, I'm kind of like very tentative to come to the East Coast
now and then.
Usually, the only time I come is to, for free clothes and to do movies.
And since you were offering neither, I said, oh, what the heck, you know, I'll
wait 10 years.
No, I just wanted to see if you really wanted me, so I'm kind of like a slow
study.
Yeah, well, we certainly appreciate you being here.
And let me guess.
See, I was a little nervous to come on because, you know, in the beginning, you
were like
this Attila the Hunt of late night.
You know, seriously.
I mean, there were organs strewn around the stage.
It was like something like Chainsaw Massacre.
Yeah, but you know why that was?
Why?
Steroids.
But I learned.
That's right.
You did it.
No more.
No more.
Yes, sirree.
And you mentioned when you come East, and of course, I think now, and correct
me if I'm
wrong, you're on your way to France.
Is that right?
This is true.
Yeah, what's the purpose of that trip?
I am going to get an award.
It's called the Legion of Honor Award, Letter to Artiste, for people that don't
want to refund
for my films.
They finally gave me something.
And then there's a thing called the Cesar Awards, and that's equivalent to
their French
Oscar.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, what it is, they kind of like mistaked me for Jerry Lewis, and right away,
okay,
I'll take it.
I mean, I'll allow you.
I'll do it.
I'll take it.
You know, we had a director on here a couple of months ago, and he was
explaining to us
that the guy who used to translate the Jerry Lewis dialogue for the French
people passed
away at a certain point, and they had to start using a different guy.
And after he died, that Jerry Lewis was not as popular as he was before the,
when the original
guy was doing the translation.
And we were thinking that perhaps that it was the guy who was doing the voice
who was actually
very popular, and not so much Jerry.
Well, you know, there's a lot, there is a lot, seriously, voices play a very,
very important
part.
If you notice, very, very famous stars throughout history have always had quite
distinctive voices.
I mean, that's why they're imitated, and I think there's something to that.
Yeah.
Let's see, do we want to talk a little bit about the movie here?
Do we have time to take a look at a clip now, or?
Okay, all right.
We'll do a commercial, and then when we come back here, we'll talk some more
with our friend
Sylvester Stallone.
Wow.
Welcome back to the program.
Sylvester Stallone is here.
We have Cowboy Junkies with us, a Canadian group, and we have an axe thrower
and a lumberjack,
Shannon Strong.
You ever do any of that?
You ever climb any trees, or?
No, I've seen a lot of bull throwers, but axes and me.
Yeah, well, it's a very nice young woman, and she'll be out later.
Really nice.
Yeah, throw us an axe.
I like it.
Okay, now the film, the new film opens February, what was the date?
21st.
21st.
And this is you and Estelle Getty, from what I've been able to gather.
It is a slight departure, you know, and she's like my little pocket fisherman
mother.
You know, she's one of these foldable things.
She's very small, but, you know, she's riotous.
In the film, she comes out, and she tries to dominate my life, and I think this
clip is
I am a cop who's trying to help a suicide, who's about to jump off a ledge, and
then she
starts hassling me from the street and almost causes me to jump off.
All right, now, is your mother also a cop, or a retired cop, or just hanging
around you?
She's a nag.
Okay.
Okay.
That looks like a lot of fun.
Yes, it is.
And you're happy with the way the film came out?
Yeah, I think that we've got a film that is, I mean, it's not exactly going to
be a cure
for any kind of ailment, but it's not bad.
Not bad.
Good for you.
Not bad.
How many movies have you made?
I think about 25, and yeah, about 25 going on, yeah.
And do you know, do you have a rough figure, how much revenue those 25 films
have generated?
It's unbelievable, isn't it?
Let's see.
It's about 2.6 billion.
2.6 billion?
Oh, my God.
Then why am I on welfare?
I don't know.
Something wrong with my aging team?
I don't know.
But now, what do you, what does a man, now, because you get like...
No, I didn't pocket that.
No, no, no, no, no, I understand, but you're making deals where you get like
half the money
goes to you.
Well, then half goes to spouses, and then spouses' wives, and then their
buddies, and then their
boyfriend, and it goes down to like...
Spouses' buddies get a cut?
Yeah, and the sewage removal.
That's in the cut.
Mama-money, palimony, you got it all.
But now, what do you do?
I know, do you collect art?
Is that right?
Yes, I am a serious art collector.
I started...
Actually, it was quite an auspicious beginning.
I was driving up Pacific Coast Highway, and I saw a finger painting of John
Wayne on velvet
and said, that's for me.
I feel that velvet.
And I went on from there, and I was taken, and you're taken for a fortune
before you understand
how it all works.
Right.
Now, can you give us an example of some mistakes you've made in the art world?
I mean, are they reputable, or do they say, oh, here comes Mr. Movie Guy, let's
go.
Well, I can't mention names, but there have been...
I've been in some situations where literally millions of dollars somehow have
been mistakenly
overcharged.
You know, like, excuse me, this is $4 million, and it cost them like $1.98.
But get the Dom Nouveau Riche Italia, and he'll buy it.
Just cover it with sauce.
Put sauce on it, and he'll buy it.
Go ahead.
And you're driving home thinking you've got a bargain.
I've got a real bargain.
Now, has it worked the other way?
Have you looked at something and said, somebody says, no, no, this, really, you
ought to consider
this?
And you say, no, I don't like it.
And then later you find...
All right, at one time, you know, there were a lot of threats, so I had a
security fellow
with me, a real nice guy, kind of like a happy Humphrey kind of guy.
He'll appreciate that.
And his name was Tony.
So we're going to look at the de Kooning.
At the time, the de Kooning was about $80,000.
And again, I had just gone from John Wayne, $90,000, to de Kooning for $90,000.
It was a little shocking.
I was ready to sign it.
I'm going to take it.
Six foot de Kooning, and the guy, I go, what do you think?
Tony goes, me, I wouldn't put that beast of crap in my dog's house.
You know?
Hey, my dog.
Hey, hey, whoo, yeah.
I'll kill you, you buy that.
I mean, he's really adamant.
Yeah.
And it kind of spooked me.
So I said, I don't want it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, that sold for $4.7 million.
Oh, my, my.
And Tony is still with us.
Tony is floating eastward right now.
A little hole in his stomach.
But now, I don't think it's fair to leave the impression that you're only in it
to speculate.
No, no, no.
Actually, you do go to that speculation period.
And then you say, you know what?
I'm just going to buy something.
I like hanging on the wall.
So what I do is I usually, you know, the dog shooting pool.
I'm one of my favorites.
I keep it cheap.
Keep it light and lively, David.
A lot of T-shirts.
Hey, that's a good way to impress the babes, too.
You can dry themselves on your art.
Seriously.
You know, that's my kind of chick.
Let's see.
I can't tell you how glad I am you finally decided to come join us in our
second decade.
Thank you very much.
And you're on your way to France.
Have a great trip.
And when you come back, the new film will have opened.
Stop or my mom will shoot.
Or I will shoot my mom the sequel.
On February 21st.
Pleasure to see you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Sylvester.
Sylvester Stallone, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Thank you.