Name: The F*ck You Guy Lashes Out At Dave | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-09-14T21:33:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The F*ck You Guy Lashes Out At Dave | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The F*ck You Guy Lashes Out At Dave | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-14. Transcript available.

it's going to be a tremendous effect it won't be an obviously won't be just
like
the movie but you'll see a guy flying off the building this is a lot of yeah
hey
what you see this yeah you know what this is no it's a winning lottery ticket
oh 63 grand wow congratulations
that's right i'm out of the hole what whoa so hey wait a minute hey we know
what
wow
do you paul do you know who that do you know who that was never seen him before
yeah 63 000 is that what he got there apparently that's what he said yeah yeah
that's not exactly
you money
hey i just got the call really whoa
after 12 years of working here i got hired as the assistant segment producer on
the megan
malali show that's right i'm out of here so you what and you and you
quite a lot of negative energy here tonight excuse me oh i'm sorry can i help
you just wanted to say
goodbye before i go on vacation oh great well bye bye after slaving away here
all year i'm going to
the luxurious paradise of the bahamas oh that'll be nice and i won't be back
for two weeks that's great
So f**k you!
And f**k you!
And f**k you!
I think it's going to be kind of weird when he comes back.
Golden Globe nomination.
Excuse me!
Uh-oh.
Excuse me!
Oh, hi. How are you doing?
Not going to make the big Christmas party.
You're not coming to the party tonight?
No, my daughter has a holiday choir concert.
Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
I thought I'd come by early and get this out of the way.
Okay.
F**k you!
And f**k you!
And f**k you!
I don't think it's...
Well, what about the guy in the center who was holding the spinning plates?
The plate on his left was not spinning at all.
So right away, I smell a fraud.
The whole thing...
This one was spinning.
This one was not spinning.
So I would have to say, agree with you.
Agree with me?
It wasn't anything.
Wait a minute.
Hey!
Yes?
Uh-oh, this is the guy.
Nothing?
No.
You thought that was nothing?
Well, you only had one plate spinning.
Well, f**k you!
Oh, wait a minute.
Listen.
I didn't expect this.
And f**k you!
Oh, okay.
And f**k you!
And f**k you!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, you!
Why did I get it twice?
I don't know.
Well, it's your show.
I got it twice!
It's your show.
See, that's what you get for trying to help.
Uh, what's on your mind tonight, Eric?
Well, I wanted to know exactly what's written on your cue cards.
Uh, well, you know, just little prompts, little reminders, little cues about
this show.
I guess we could show you this one.
You want to?
All right, show him.
That'd be great.
Okay, like this one, for instance.
That's what's on that one.
It's just...
That's crazy.
You're calling me a dumb guy?
I'm the dumb guy in the audience?
Is that what you think?
No, no.
Come on, settle down.
Go lift the car.
You know what?
I got something to say to you.
Now, wait a minute.
Settle down.
It's just...
Hey, wait a minute.
And you!
And you!
The other side of the theater.
Hey!
Is that the guy?
Excuse me!
What?
What's going on?
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry.
Yes, hi.
What's going on?
Ventroquism week is this week.
Let me see.
No.
No, I'm sorry.
It is.
It's next week.
February 12th.
That's right.
I'm certain that it's this week.
No, no, no.
I have it right here.
I don't know where you got your information, but it's the 12th through the 16th.
It's next week.
So you're saying to me that I waited out in the cold for six hours for nothing?
Well, I...
I wouldn't say...
Are you worried about me or the dummy?
Well, fuck you!
Now, wait a minute.
And f*** you!
And f*** you!
Now, that's no...
Hey!
Did the writers go out already?
Is that what happened?
Oh, yes, I'm sorry.
Yes.
In case there's a writer's strike,
I just wanted to come by and say
that I may not be here for a while.
Okay, I understand.
Sure.
F*** you!
Now, wait a minute.
And f*** you!
And f*** you!
Hey.
Hey.
Aren't you forgetting something?
I love you.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me.
Yes, go right ahead, sir.
I heard you were going to do stupid pet tricks tonight.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Not tonight.
We do it from time to time,
a couple of times a month,
but I'm sorry, not tonight.
We have a great show.
You're definitely not going to do stupid pet tricks tonight?
Yes, I know for a fact.
Tonight is the night we give away socks.
That's really unfair.
I mean, I got tickets for this so long ago.
I mean, if it's too much...
Well, we'll be doing it soon.
Don't worry.
Come back another night.
We'll do it some other time.
No, no, I had to sit through that silly, stupid monologue you did.
If you're not going to bring on the pets,
well, then you!
No, no, wait a minute.
And you!
No, that's not right.
And you!
Well, I don't think...
You know, we were talking about this earlier,
and when I grew up in the 50s,
Ronald McDonald was like an icon,
even before we knew what icons meant.
And now he's gone.
They've dumped him.
And because he's bad for kids,
to see a clown represent poor nutrition,
that's bad.
And you go to anybody,
go to the attorney, the secretary, the...
Hey!
Yes, hi, how are you?
I heard you just fired Ronald McDonald.
No, I didn't just fire Ronald McDonald.
Ronald McDonald is why I got into this game.
Yeah, well, I had nothing to do with that.
Hey, guess what I have to say to you, mister?
No, what do you have to say to me?
Well, you!
Now, wait a minute.
That's fine.
And you!
And you!
Oh, stop it.
Come on, come on.
Get out of here.
You remember?
Dave!
Huh?
Dave!
Excuse me a second.
She used to come...
Dave!
Hi.
Dave!
You know the guy?
No.
Dave!
I thought he was...
Oh, hi, how are you?
What can I do for you?
Well, since the world is coming to an end,
I wanted to get a few things shared with you.
You work here, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
So he's talking about the apocalypse.
I wanted to share a couple of things.
Because the world's coming...
Because of the apocalypse?
Yeah, go ahead.
What, your name is Jody?
Yes.
Okay, sure.
Yeah, he has a couple of things he wants to say.
Go ahead, Jody.
Because end of the world.
Okay.
All right.
Take it away.
Okay, wait a minute.
And you!
No, wait.
I don't...
And you!
Wow.
You know what's fun to do?
We have the hose cam outside on 53rd Street.
Turn on the camera.
Let's shower some folks.
Let's see.
Get somebody out there.
All right.
Look at that.
There we go.
I was just walking outside.
Right.
And you sprayed me.
I know.
I was on my way to a job interview.
Oh, wait.
I'm sorry.
We were just goofing around a little bit.
Goofing around?
Yeah.
Well, here's some goofing around for you.
you!
I'm f***ing you!
I'm f***ing you!
I'm f***ing you!
Oh, people.
Oh, man.
Sorry.
Sorry he feels that way.
You seem like people are more sensitive to you.