Name: Fan Request: How Much Will It Cost Dave To Play Eagles Music? | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-09-16T14:38:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: How Much Will It Cost Dave To Play Eagles Music? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: How Much Will It Cost Dave To Play Eagles Music? | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-16. Transcript available.

Maybe you can, maybe you can tell watching at home, I hope we have that kind of
relationship
that you can tell that I'm excited.
You're looking at a man for the first time in a long, long, long time.
Saturday night, I have a date.
Take it to the limit.
Huh?
Take it to the limit, baby.
Ha, ha, ha.
Kind of nervous.
Now, I was hoping, here's a little behind-the-scenes showbiz data that you may
or may not be aware
of.
I was hoping we'd get to hear Eagle's music.
Yeah.
Because I'm going to the concert with this guy's wife on Saturday night.
That's great.
He's going to be back in New Jersey getting drunk with his buddies.
And so I thought maybe we would hear a lot of Eagle's music, but I'm told now,
by Dan Federer, that it's too expensive.
Do you know anything about that, Paul?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I do.
How expensive is it?
It's too expensive.
Well, like how much?
What are we talking about?
Well, I don't know.
It's like every time we would...
Like, if we play one song, what's it going to do?
One song.
One song?
Probably like $1,000.
All right.
Pick your favorite Eagle's song and we'll hear it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
How much is it?
I can't hear a word you're saying.
They won't give us a number.
They just said no.
Who said no?
The licensing people just said no.
Who are the licensing people, Paul?
I licensed the Eagles.
I don't know.
Somebody who works for you, I guess.
Who owns the Eagles music then?
It's not the Eagles?
BMI or Azcab.
MRI?
BMI.
Oh, I'd like to have one of those cars.
You ever driven a BMI?
Beautiful ride.
I had one in California, cornered like a snake in a rat hole.
So if we play an Eagles song, we'll get sued.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
They just said no.
But what if they knew about Leslie from Minnesota?
I don't think they make exceptions.
They have a flat no policy for television.
Wow.
You still want to go, Leslie?
Boy, I'm just...
I'm just dying.
Paul, aren't you now just really dying to play an Eagles song?
I wish I could play some Eagles song.
Unfortunately, it costs too much.
I think it costs...
Dude, is there a minimum?
Can we play, like, three bars of a song?
No.
Can't even do that?
No.
No.
Yes, Bill, you had a question.
No, Bill, no.
What?
Bill, I know this.
No.
What were you going to say, Bill?
Bill?
No.
Well, when I was trying to get licensed, it's under four lines.
You do three lines of a song.
Three lines of a song?
No.
We could do three lines?
Is there anyone awake in the control room?
Yes.
Could I speak to someone in the control room?
Hello?
Hello, it's Dave.
This is the control room.
Oh, hi, Jerry.
How are you?
Doing very well.
I thought you went home early on Thursdays.
No, I just stood that way.
All right.
Jerry, help us out here.
We're having a little argument about Eagle's licensing rights and such.
What do you say?
You're the director.
You're the captain of the ship.
What do you think?
I say we should play the music and see what happens.
That's what we'd like to hear.
Yeah.
That's the best thing I've heard all summer.
Now, okay, Paul, let's talk it over.
What would you play?
We got one shot here.
We're going to do one.
One song.
One, yeah, and see what happens.
So what will it be from the Eagle's songbook?
And recognize that we're on the precipice of legal action.
Well, I mean, I love Life in the Fast Lane,
but you're the one who's going to be paying,
so you should really pick.
Life in the Fast Lane would probably not be the one I would pick.
Okay.
Hotel California would probably not be the one I would pick.
What?
Would Will Lee sing in the Hyde of Sun?
Take it to the limit?
That's a good one.
That's so good.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm going to have to excuse myself.
Somebody musically...
Yeah, we can do a certain amount of Life in the Fast Lane without having to pay.
Do you want to hear just the...
No, I don't want to hear Life in the Fast Lane.
Well, you won't have to pay.
No, no, I don't care.
It's free.
No, I have a feeling if we start paying it, they'll shut down the show right
now.
Okay.
So let's pick something else.
All right.
Take it easy.
Take it to the limit?
Take it easy.
We've all heard a billion times.
Too many times.
Yeah, too many times.
You know what?
I'm not that interested anymore.
This is great.
I have here the drop-dead list of music we're not allowed to play or will get
sued.
Now, interestingly enough, at the top of the list, Jimi Hendrix.
But I've heard you play All Along the Watchtower, but that's a Bob Dylan song.
Is that how that works?
Well, but we play some of his, too.
You know, we do.
Yeah.
This says absolutely no Jimi Hendrix.
We're playing all the time.
I mean, is life worth living?
Yeah.
If you can't have Jimi Hendrix, for the love of God?
It's a good thing.
We play it all.
And nobody's ever said don't play Jimi Hendrix.
Bruce Springsteen can't play Born to Run.
Can't play Born to Run.
Can't play Born to Run.
There's a few that he'll let us play.
Yeah, that's right.
There's a few.
You can play 10th Avenue Freeze Out.
Yeah.
You can play Glory Days, Thunder Road, and Dancing in the Dark.
Well, that's who those are.
Yeah, at least we could play those.
Yeah.
So we could play a few Hendrix, I guess.
Yeah.
Well, no, it says no play.
It says no play.
Bruce Springsteen and Jimi Hendrix.
All right.
Well, now, what we've come up with is, I think, as a reasonable compromise, and
we're
trying to work this through.
Okay.
You know the song, I Can't Tell You Why.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, not an Eagles song, strictly speaking.
I'm asking you.
Why not?
I think it is.
You think it is?
Yeah, I think it is.
Do you think it is?
No, you don't think it is.
I understand they wrote it.
No, they wrote it?
Yeah, I think they wrote it.
I can't tell you why.
I thought he released it as a single.
What did you say, Bill?
Bill.
Let's check.
I thought he released it as a single.
Who?
Who is he?
Timothy N. Schmidt, their bass player.
Their bass player.
Okay.
It's on the Eagles album, The Long Run.
Ooh.
That falls under the Eagles library.
We were so close.
It's not.
It's an Eagles song.
Can we blame Irving Azoff for this?
I think you can pretty much blame anything on Irving Azoff.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
The important thing is we found someone to take the blow.
Yeah, okay.
Also, Billy Joel.
You've got to be careful with Billy Joel.
Can't play any Billy Joel?
Sam Cooke.
Why are you kidding?
We can't play him?
Can't play Sam Cooke.
Disney, Pirates of the Caribbean.
You can't play any of that.
Jerry or anything by Jerry Bruckheimer or Pixar unless someone is on promoting
a film.
I see.
What about Captain and Tennille?
Captain and Tennille.
Let's see.
Can we?
But I'll tell you something.
And I don't know if I'm supposed to say this or not, but for the Eagles music,
you know what they want?
We can play it, but you know what it'll cost us?
Take a guess.
For what song?
One song.
Take a guess.
It must have got to be more than $1,000 then.
Oh, yeah.
Is it $5,000?
More than $5,000.
Really?
just for like i can't i can't oh that was like 100 be careful there's 100 bucks
right there because i
i don't i don't have that kind of don't have i don't have it on me no well back
at the suite
you got it i got it back in the yeah i don't know ten thousand dollars for i
can't tell you what
more than 100 000 up up this irving asa this guy is in trouble yeah yeah now
now if if everybody
here wants to kick in some money so you mean it's half a million half a million
dollars half of half
a million really a quarter of a million dollars to play i can't tell you why on
this show right now
if you people want to elect an audience captain and during the rest of the show
contribute whatever
you can that gets us close to a quarter of a million wow then then we take off
the reserve we're gonna
lift the reserve huh yeah it's it's only 500 a piece i really want to talk
about i really want to get to
the bottom of this eagles thing i'm i'm how to where do we stand now with eagles
well we can't uh we can't
afford it i mean a big big a show like yours yeah you could afford it could we
afford it i don't know
i think the eagles are tough apparently at that price i think hotel california
we wanted to play
yeah and then you could get away with it you'd probably have to take a pay cut
that week but you
could get away with it no personally i'm extraordinarily rich so i could take
care of it
but this is why cbs is the most watched television network in the world they
got tired of the eagles
saying no no it's going to cost you a million no no no so what they did was
they commissioned a song
called uh supercharger supercharger yes an instrumental it's called supercharger
supercharger
which is a knockoff of life in the fast lane oh okay so so we're now going to
listen oh okay to the
cbs commissioned uh supercharger this we can this yeah and we'll see if it
comes close okay to life
i'm sure it'll be exactly the same this won't cost us a penny am i right about
this is absolutely
absolutely okay let's take it away here we go supercharged supercharger
supercharger
well i wonder if they'll be playing supercharger at the garden saturday night
you
you