Name: Adam Sandler's Network Television Debut | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-09-16T20:56:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Adam Sandler's Network Television Debut | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Adam Sandler's Network Television Debut | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-16. Transcript available.

uh our next guest is uh getting a lot of attention as a writer and performer on
saturday night live
this year he's making his network television debut right here on our program
tonight ladies
and gentlemen please welcome a very funny young man adam sandler adam thank you
very much thank
you i appreciate it thank you thank you okay um basketball season really going
hot and heavy now
isn't it oh yeah like to do a little impression for you uh will chamberlain
scored 100 points in one
basketball game that's a lot of points for one game isn't it 100 points one
game i'd like to do
an impression for you this is the uh four other fellas on the team with wilt uh
during a timeout
hey i'm open man what are you doing
pass the ball i got my family here
you got like 94 points already ed has two that's because you bounced it off his
head
just share the wealth a little um here's my impression of the coach on the
other team
uh who's covering wilt well stay on him i believe he's hot
i uh feel nice i say hi to my i got a girlfriend right now how are you i uh my
girlfriend i got a
very smart girlfriend i'm not that uh smart so it's kind of off balance having
a smart girlfriend our
conversations are weird she's like your slightest touch propels me into a
universe of passion where you
rule benevolently over all my emotions and i'm like um uh you got big jugs
big and i like them i like looking at them
i don't think i have a girlfriend i don't see us breaking up i'm i'm not gonna
break up with her
she'd have to break up with me just because i'm not good at breaking up it's
too difficult i can start a
breakup but once i make eye contact you know i just feel so bad i just can't
finish up i'm like
um i just think that we're kind of young and we got to experience a little more
things you know
i maybe we should start seeing other uh movies because we've been seeing so
many french comedies
maybe a nice action film
i uh back living in new york new york uh known for a lot of strange people this
uh guy came up from
behind me recently and put a machete to the back of my neck and he goes hey
what's more packed with
peanuts a snicker bar or a baby root and i was like wow uh this guy's a little
whacked in the head
here you know of course it's a snicker bar how can you ask that question just
that's the thing it's the
campaign packed with peanuts snicker satisfies you know it's the whole thing i
can deal with a machete
it's just the stupidity of that question you know i'm just every bite you take
with snicker bar you're
gonna hit a peanut it's just loaded with them it's got so many peanuts i'm not
saying one's better than
the other i'd like i mean if i want caramel and nougat and a few just a few
peanuts of course i'm gonna
get you know a baby ruth but just guy could have saved a lot of money you know
he must have spent
like 40 or 50 dollars on a machete he could have spent a dollar for two candy
bars you bite into both
snicker bar i think it's even difficult not to hit a peanut you know just there's
so many peanuts
well uh elvis presley is alive and well everybody he's about uh eight inches
tall right now he lives
in my uh refrigerator right behind a ketchup bottle and the other day i came
home a little earlier than
usual and i opened up the refrigerator door and elvis was running away with
this big head of lettuce that
i just bought like a couple days before and i was like what are you what are
you doing man with my
lettuce you know because i like lettuce lettuce is good for your sandwiches you
you bite into a sandwich
without lettuce it's kind of boring and bland and but when you get the lettuce
on there you get the crunch
and stuff you know it's gonna be a good sandwich so i was like what are you
doing man with my lettuce
and elvis gets all defensive he's like i'll do anything i want i'm the king of
rock and roll
i just you know
so i go uh um i just want my lettuce man i all of a sudden he bolts to the back
of the refrigerator
there's a part of the refrigerator where uh i can't reach he's right out of my
reach and he's kind of
like sticking his chest out because he's getting real cocky because i can't
grab him and he's spinning the
lettuce on his finger leaning back you know starts humming love me tender and i
go i let me tender i
don't even like that song very much and uh he goes oh yeah you don't like that
song that song made me
a lot of money why don't you buy your own lettuce then you know if you got
something you know
then uh the little uh chuck wagon guy lives in my house too the chuck wagon
guys always running through
my house in the middle of the night waking everybody up hi-ya hi-ya take it
easy so one night i just
set a trap up in my house to get the guy because i was laying in my bed i set
the trap up and he
starts running through the kitchen like two in the morning waking me up you
know i don't care about
anybody i'm the chuck wagon guy if i'm not sleeping nobody's sleeping so uh the
trap was like little
hay in the corner of the kitchen and the horse chewed some of the hay and it
got to the certain level and
a guillotine just came down and snapped the horse's head off and i took the
horse's head and put it in
elvis's bed like the godfather and i was like why don't you start paying a
little rent money now
now elvis is a little kiss ass he's like uh i cleaned a fruit and vegetable
section today
thank you very much everybody nice job thank you very very funny stuff where
are you from uh exactly
from new hampshire originally i'm from brooklyn but then i moved to uh new hampshire
what part of
new hampshire manchester new hampshire uh not familiar with it i'll take your
word for it i've heard of
it it's very nice uh and now you're working on saturday night live so you move
back down to new
york and uh have you adjusted uh pretty well to the city here yeah yes i uh i
like the city's very
nice i um took a cab uh recently i took a cab my cab driver you know everybody
always talks about the
weird cab drivers we were driving along me and the guy and he uh killed the dog
on the way he uh didn't
hit the dog with a car just got out and stabbed the dog oh no big knife yeah
that's awful and uh
have your apartment checked for radon when you go home
and uh you actually have a girlfriend nice woman smart nice sweet girl yeah
yeah how long have you
known her a couple years now yeah yeah i uh i'm glad i have a girlfriend i don't
have to ask out girls
anymore i used to uh new york i lived here a few years ago all the pretty girls
and i uh my friend i don't
like like my i like pretty girls are nice to look at no i just don't uh like
mediocre girls are better
you know and they don't get me nervous i always don't get you nervous yeah like
the good looking
girls i was with my friend and we saw this good looking girl and he goes go ask
her out i go i don't
know what to say to her he goes just ask ask her out the worst she's gonna say
is no so i asked her
out and she goes get away from me you lose it it's kind of like i think you
broke the rules then
yeah exactly counting on that yeah it hurt my feelings uh are d are there are
there comedians
from new hampshire aside from yourself i don't know i don't know uh i don't
know i'm not sure
i bet if they were they would be very funny yeah yeah funny guys who's uh who's
on the show uh this
week um oh man the uh um from sctv yeah the mother and home alone i forgot her
name oh oh catherine
o'hara yeah she's very funny yeah and rem's on too oh that's a great show that's
gonna be great yeah
all right knock it off oh hi how are you uh my thanks to everybody who was here
of course
albert brooks and adam pleasure to meet you hope you come back as uh as often
as you like nice to
have you in the neighborhood uh the orange guy now listen to this we don't have
time for the orange
guy tonight but hey hey hey he'll be here tomorrow night good night everybody
we'll be here tomorrow night good night good night good night good night good
night good night good night