Name: Jimmy Kimmel's Favorite "Late Night" Moments, Part 2 | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-09-27T15:56:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jimmy Kimmel's Favorite "Late Night" Moments, Part 2 | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jimmy Kimmel's Favorite "Late Night" Moments, Part 2 | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-27. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Jimmy Kimmel. I love David Letterman, too. I assume you do. That's why
you're here right now.
I've watched these shows. I would tape them. I still have these VHS tapes. I
still have the
anniversary shows, which I duplicated the logo as best I could on the side of
the VHS tape,
and I would watch them over and over again, and these shows really, for me,
were what I did
in lieu of dating. This was my life as a kid, and some of these clips are just
unbelievably funny.
Now, this is a bit that one of my writers at my show pitched this bit a couple
of weeks ago,
and I said, we can't do that because Dave did this already. Of course, this was
before one of these
writers was born. There was a bit where they were going to come up with catchphrases,
which have kind
of gone away. There are no catchphrases on TV, but in the old days, there were
a lot of them. You
know, welcome back, Cotter. You know, up your nose with a rubber hose, or Fonzie
would say, sit on it.
And so on Letterman, they wanted to come up with some new catchphrases, and
there were these two
nerds. They said in a very monotone voice simultaneously, they pelted us with
rocks and
garbage. And this is something that we would say a lot at school, and yet
another one of the reasons why I never had any dates.
Our search for a brand new catchphrase. Candidate number one, please.
Oh, when will my head stop throbbing? Can't anyone stop this throbbing?
Now, here's our second catchphrase of the evening. This time it's a woman. See
how you like it. Catchphrase number two.
Catchphrase number one. When will my head stop throbbing? Can't anyone stop
this throbbing? Now, here's our second catchphrase of the
evening. This time it's a woman. See how you like it. Catchphrase number two.
A dozen pizzas. Oh, it's those damn kids.
Thank you very much. All right. Catchphrase number two is, a dozen pizzas. Oh,
it's those damn kids. Now, catchphrase
number three for your consideration. I believe we have a trio this time.
So, boys, how was school today?
They pelted us with rocks and garbage.
Okay.
In the old days of late night, they would do these great in-studio remotes that
I know probably took the writers a month to put
together. There were funny little props. And the audience was, it was very
quiet. You know, it wasn't like talk shows are now where
everything's loud and everybody's like, yo, you know, with the music and all
that stuff. And there was a segment called
Camping with Barry White. And if you don't know who Barry White is, he was a
very big-voiced, husky-voiced,
sexually. He'd probably never been camping in his life, but there's some great
props in this thing. And just, just the
sentence, Camping with Barry White is, uh, you can't go wrong from there.
Now, next, suction the venom out of the wound.
There you are.
There you are. Now, after that, get Barry White to a doctor immediately.
Please.
Now, a lot of-
You know, walkie-talkies can also be a lifesaver in an emergency, uh, but their
sound quality is often tinny and
shrill. With almost no bass response, they might not transmit Barry's call for
help.
That's why this design has a powerful five-inch woofer attached to it.
Now, let's see how this works. Let me try and-
Uh, hello, Barry. Do you read me?
David, my leg.
I think it's broken.
Okay, don't worry, Barry. Help is on the way. Well, there's-
One of the great recurring segments on Letterman was viewer mail. People would
write letters.
And these were real letters. And then there would be responses to those letters.
And sometimes they were quick responses and sometimes they were very elaborate
responses.
And there was a woman whose name was Colleen, young woman, who wrote a letter
to Dave.
And I think she asked him something like, "What's the deal with your shoes?"
Because Dave would wear
these Adidas instead of dress shoes. And Dave went to her house. She wasn't
home. But he went in-
her brother was home. She went- he went into her bedroom and looked around. And
then she didn't
come home. So they went to her job at Sears. This woman, she wrote like one
sentence, which is,
"What's the deal with the shoes?" And the next thing you know, Dave is showing
up at your
Sears Roebuck in New Jersey or something. Hi.
Are you- are you Colleen? Are you Colleen Boyle?
Yes. Did you write this letter, Colleen?
See, "What's the deal with the sneakers? I don't think more of a brand would
host
their shows wearing high tops." Colleen Boyle. Colleen, um, stop. Come here.
Come here a minute.
Here. We have- we have this little gift for you here. This is for you. This is
for the yard.
We were over at your house. It's a bug left. Just a minute here. Now, Colleen,
what we wanted to-
How do you know I work here? Well, we wanted to talk to you about this. It says
right here,
"You're concerned about my image."
All right, do me a favor. Stop making that annoying noise. Come here. You have
a lovely room. You have
a nice room. You didn't go in my room. We were in your room. Ask me a question
about your room.
You didn't go in like and see my- Listen, this guy right here was sitting on
your bed.
Ooh. Change the sheets as soon as you can.
Okay, so this is an interview I've never seen. I'm looking forward to seeing it.
I'm going to tell you
why. There were certain guests that you knew enough about to know that magic
was going to happen when
Dave got a hold of them. It wasn't as friendly an environment talk show-wise
back then. There were
only two talk shows, really. It was Johnny and Dave. And so if the guests
wanted to promote something,
they just had to deal with it. It wasn't like now where we have to be nice to
everybody or else they
won't come back. Dave had Shirley MacLaine on the show. And this was a very big
deal because Shirley
MacLaine was nutty, you know, with the psychic stuff and all the stuff that
Dave doesn't go for. And
she was on the show and I was very excited about it. And I waited up as I
usually do. I made the mistake
of watching the show from bed. And I remember distinctly waking up at three o'clock
in the
morning with a sick feeling in my stomach. I was like, "Oh no, I missed it." So
now thanks to YouTube,
um, I'll watch this too. Are you really feeling all right? No, I feel fine. It's
just that it took a-
You really look terrible. How many other lives have you had?
Who knows? I don't know. However many you want. However many you want to
remember.
Uh, we have here six. You've been a jester. Is that true?
Six lives? Well, that's what it says here. Past lives. Right here.
Well, you don't want to know what they say backstage. What was the question?
Past lives. Now, you were a jester? Oh.
What is psychic acupuncture? Okay, sit back. I have to give you a little lesson.
Is this going to be another medical procedure here? You have to have a nurse
standing by for this
as well. They should have taken it out of your brains.
Why are you so interested in this? If you say you're-
Well, it's because I know you're interested in it, and I thought perhaps that
would be
something you would like to chat about. But I've already said that I don't
think
we can get into it, and you keep harping on it. Maybe Sher was right. Maybe you
are an ass.
Oh, maybe a little more Olympic boxing.
Now, why did you say that? I thought that was a great remark.
Oh, what? Calling me an ass? You thought that was a great remark? The only
thing,
as far as past lives go, uh, I vaguely have a feeling that at one point, I
delivered a pizza to
the Eisenhowers. Chris Elliott is one of probably five or six people who makes
me laugh just when I
see him. His motions, his fake show business affectations, it's the way he
carries himself,
is so amusing. He did so many great characters on the show. They were all kind
of the same. He did
Marlon Brando, which was this bizarre imitation of Marlon Brando that really
didn't sound anything like
Marlon Brando. May I be so bold to interrupt your little kitchen pantry utensil
hour and say that
I was watching, by the way, in the green room, and just to say, you know, the
green room, ladies and
gentlemen, is not actually green. In fact, it's painted white. As white as my
big.
But he also did a couple of these characters, and one of them was the guy under
the seats. This is a guy
who lived under the seats in the show, and then he would come up from under the
seats and, uh,
eventually start threatening Dave. There's always like a subtext of anger in
almost all of Chris's
shows directed at Dave. When they do it, which I don't know, maybe they do it
like once every couple
weeks, it would be a big topic in high school the next morning. Also a visit
from Kenny the Gardner,
and we'll be answering our weekly bath of GeoMail. That'll be tomorrow night,
and you're
right in the middle of an international night here, and we're coming up with
the Robin Williams of
Japan and the Rich Little of Russia, a great, great voter.
Excuse me. My, uh, my English is very bad. Do you know when this fog will stop?
No, I'm, uh, I'm not sure. We don't know anything about the fog. Sorry.
Oh, this is very bad. Very bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, of course, that was episode number eight of our running
character,
The Guy Under the Seat, starring our own Chris Elliott. Chris, oh, there he is
right now. Come
on up, Chris and take a bow. Chris, that was, yeah, that was terrific.
Well, that was, uh, episode number eight, The Guy Under the Seat. What, what
did you call this one?
This was called The Russian Sub-Crisis. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. It's sort of kind
of an
international guy under the seats. Yeah, kind of, David. Yeah.
Now, uh, Chris, for the, for the folks who may not be familiar with, with the
character of The Guy
Under the Seat, why don't you briefly explain what, what the joke is here. He's
a guy who lives
under the seats here, and every once in a while he comes up and he interrupts
the show. Yeah.
Now, now, Chris, I, I noticed in this particular episode you were doing kind of
a, uh, kind of a,
I guess a Russian accent or something. I don't know. I don't know. To me, it,
it, uh, it almost
sounded, uh, like it was Spanish. Yeah, that's funny, Dave.
Is there a problem with the accent? No, no, no. It wasn't no problem at all. I
just thought,
you know, with a Russian accent, maybe it'd be a little more guttural sounding.
That's all,
you know, a little more guttural. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot. You're a
master of dialects,
aren't you? Now, now, Chris, that, I was, I was only asking...
Always so quick to criticize, aren't you? No, I wasn't criticizing. I was just...
You know something, mister? One of these days, I'm going to have you dancing
around like an organ
grinder's monkey. But until that wonderful and glorious day, I'll be right here
watching you,
making your life a living hell. I'm watching you, babe. I see you. I see you.
I grew up in Las Vegas. When Letterman announced that he was bringing the show
to Vegas,
I was watching live and I wrote at least a dozen letters to the show because
you'd write in for
tickets. You could only submit one set of ticket requests per household. So I
wrote in for tickets
from my friend Cleto across the street, my friend Jimmy, my grandfather.
Everybody I knew,
everyone whose address I knew, I put on a ticket request. And in the morning, I
mailed them. I felt
I would get a jump on this. And I told everyone whose name was on the envelope
that if you get these
tickets, you have to take me as your plus one. So I went to all the shows that
week. I even went and
stood outside the hotel. We'd seen Dave's, what we were told was Dave's rental
car. And it was parked in the
alley and the door was open. And we waited hours to see Dave get in that rental
car. And guess what?
Dave never got in that rental car. I actually crank called Chris Elliott's
hotel room and told him,
I asked, I pretended to be another one of the writers. And I said, Hey, Chris,
um, where are you guys
doing tonight? And he's like, Oh, we're going to the movies. And he told me
what movie he was going to.
And then we went to the movie theater and watched Chris Elliott walk into a
movie theater. So I was a very
sick boy, really, really troubled. But these Vegas shows were, I felt like Dave
had come to my house
almost. It was as close as I could get to that. And in fact, one of the local
radio stations in town
to welcome the show to Vegas, put up a big billboard. And it was a Nevada
license plate. It said L-8-N-I-T-E.
That was my actual license plate on my car. Dave in Vegas was one of the top
weeks of my whole life.
Dave in Vegas. All right. This is supposed to be the happy couple. Hi,
congratulations. Nice to see you.
What's your name? Laura. Lori, congratulations. And you, sir. Charles. Charles.
And everything go
all right in there? I think we're fine. So now what are you going to do? We're
going to go have our
reception at the International House of Pancakes. Are you really? You're having
your reception at the
International House of Pancakes? Yeah. And then gambling after that? Gambling
after that. Party down tonight.
Now, if I came along, would you buy me pancakes? Sure. All right.
All right. Well, good luck, kids. Thank you.
All my best. They're having their reception at the International House of Pancakes.
Well, to each their own, huh? Yeah. What is this exactly? Get out of here.
When GE bought NBC, this was a big deal. Dave decided that he was going to go
over to the GE building.
GE was this big corporation. They, you know, they sold light bulbs. They weren't
really a television,
a media empire. And Dave went over. And he had to know he wasn't going to be
welcome. He went over with
a gift basket of some kind to introduce himself to his new overlords. And there
was a very thuggish,
but professional security guard, the kind you only see in New York, who was not
letting them in
or up. It didn't matter what network Dave was on. It didn't matter who it was.
And this guy really
um, made the opposite of a great first impression. Hi, how are you? I'm Dave
Letterman. Nice to meet
you. What is your name? I'm going to ask you to turn the cameras off, please.
Okay. We just wanted
to drop off this basket of fruit. Okay. Will you cut the cameras, please? It's
a gesture of goodwill.
Will you cut the cameras, please? We have to talk to the director right over
there, Mr. Gurney.
Just, uh, director, uh, a gesture of goodwill. We're all working together now.
We're all fellow employees.
Now, uh, you, as you watch that, maybe you didn't realize that we got to see a
glimpse of the official
General Electric handshake. Hal, can we take a look at what the corporate handshake
looks like?
You can see it now. The security gentleman is about to shake. There you go.
Okay. Now let's,
let's take a look at the, uh, here it is in slow motion. Now the, the General
Electric corporate
handshake, get a good look at it because he, no. Okay. Now we have one more and
we, we thought perhaps
that was an isolated episode, but later the gentleman was introducing himself
to our director,
Mr. Hal Gertner. Hal, show him that and we'll see if we can't isolate the
corporate handshake
again from the folks of GE. Comes over. There's Hal. Nope. All right. Let's,
let's take a look.
Take a look at that one now again in slow motion. Here it is. The last time you'll
see it on the show.
The official General Electric corporate handshake. I don't think so. Okay.
You'll probably never meet anyone who was more genuinely into the show than I
was. I mean,
I had themed parties on every Friday night that there would be a show. I had a
Bermuda party.
I, uh, yeah, Bermuda. Yeah. I, uh, I mean, I never missed the show. It was, I
think the only one I missed
was when I fell asleep with Shirley MacLaine. Wow. I was too confident. I was
cocky. You know,
I got into bed. I was like, I'm ready for this. And then I was out.
We'll be right back.

Jimmy Kimmel's Favorite "Late Night" Moments, Part 2 | Letterman

Hi, I'm Jimmy Kimmel. I love David Letterman, too. I assume you do. That's why
you're here right now.
I've watched these shows. I would tape them. I still have these VHS tapes. I
still have the
anniversary shows, which I duplicated the logo as best I could on the side of
the VHS tape,
and I would watch them over and over again, and these shows really, for me,
were what I did
in lieu of dating. This was my life as a kid, and some of these clips are just
unbelievably funny.
Now, this is a bit that one of my writers at my show pitched this bit a couple
of weeks ago,
and I said, we can't do that because Dave did this already. Of course, this was
before one of these
writers was born. There was a bit where they were going to come up with catchphrases,
which have kind
of gone away. There are no catchphrases on TV, but in the old days, there were
a lot of them. You
know, welcome back, Cotter. You know, up your nose with a rubber hose, or Fonzie
would say, sit on it.
And so on Letterman, they wanted to come up with some new catchphrases, and
there were these two
nerds. They said in a very monotone voice simultaneously, they pelted us with
rocks and
garbage. And this is something that we would say a lot at school, and yet
another one of the reasons why I never had any dates.
Our search for a brand new catchphrase. Candidate number one, please.
Oh, when will my head stop throbbing? Can't anyone stop this throbbing?
Now, here's our second catchphrase of the evening. This time it's a woman. See
how you like it. Catchphrase number two.
Catchphrase number one. When will my head stop throbbing? Can't anyone stop
this throbbing? Now, here's our second catchphrase of the
evening. This time it's a woman. See how you like it. Catchphrase number two.
A dozen pizzas. Oh, it's those damn kids.
Thank you very much. All right. Catchphrase number two is, a dozen pizzas. Oh,
it's those damn kids. Now, catchphrase
number three for your consideration. I believe we have a trio this time.
So, boys, how was school today?
They pelted us with rocks and garbage.
Okay.
In the old days of late night, they would do these great in-studio remotes that
I know probably took the writers a month to put
together. There were funny little props. And the audience was, it was very
quiet. You know, it wasn't like talk shows are now where
everything's loud and everybody's like, yo, you know, with the music and all
that stuff. And there was a segment called
Camping with Barry White. And if you don't know who Barry White is, he was a
very big-voiced, husky-voiced,
sexually. He'd probably never been camping in his life, but there's some great
props in this thing. And just, just the
sentence, Camping with Barry White is, uh, you can't go wrong from there.
Now, next, suction the venom out of the wound.
There you are.
There you are. Now, after that, get Barry White to a doctor immediately.
Please.
Now, a lot of-
You know, walkie-talkies can also be a lifesaver in an emergency, uh, but their
sound quality is often tinny and
shrill. With almost no bass response, they might not transmit Barry's call for
help.
That's why this design has a powerful five-inch woofer attached to it.
Now, let's see how this works. Let me try and-
Uh, hello, Barry. Do you read me?
David, my leg.
I think it's broken.
Okay, don't worry, Barry. Help is on the way. Well, there's-
One of the great recurring segments on Letterman was viewer mail. People would
write letters.
And these were real letters. And then there would be responses to those letters.
And sometimes they were quick responses and sometimes they were very elaborate
responses.
And there was a woman whose name was Colleen, young woman, who wrote a letter
to Dave.
And I think she asked him something like, "What's the deal with your shoes?"
Because Dave would wear
these Adidas instead of dress shoes. And Dave went to her house. She wasn't
home. But he went in-
her brother was home. She went- he went into her bedroom and looked around. And
then she didn't
come home. So they went to her job at Sears. This woman, she wrote like one
sentence, which is,
"What's the deal with the shoes?" And the next thing you know, Dave is showing
up at your
Sears Roebuck in New Jersey or something. Hi.
Are you- are you Colleen? Are you Colleen Boyle?
Yes. Did you write this letter, Colleen?
See, "What's the deal with the sneakers? I don't think more of a brand would
host
their shows wearing high tops." Colleen Boyle. Colleen, um, stop. Come here.
Come here a minute.
Here. We have- we have this little gift for you here. This is for you. This is
for the yard.
We were over at your house. It's a bug left. Just a minute here. Now, Colleen,
what we wanted to-
How do you know I work here? Well, we wanted to talk to you about this. It says
right here,
"You're concerned about my image."
All right, do me a favor. Stop making that annoying noise. Come here. You have
a lovely room. You have
a nice room. You didn't go in my room. We were in your room. Ask me a question
about your room.
You didn't go in like and see my- Listen, this guy right here was sitting on
your bed.
Ooh. Change the sheets as soon as you can.
Okay, so this is an interview I've never seen. I'm looking forward to seeing it.
I'm going to tell you
why. There were certain guests that you knew enough about to know that magic
was going to happen when
Dave got a hold of them. It wasn't as friendly an environment talk show-wise
back then. There were
only two talk shows, really. It was Johnny and Dave. And so if the guests
wanted to promote something,
they just had to deal with it. It wasn't like now where we have to be nice to
everybody or else they
won't come back. Dave had Shirley MacLaine on the show. And this was a very big
deal because Shirley
MacLaine was nutty, you know, with the psychic stuff and all the stuff that
Dave doesn't go for. And
she was on the show and I was very excited about it. And I waited up as I
usually do. I made the mistake
of watching the show from bed. And I remember distinctly waking up at three o'clock
in the
morning with a sick feeling in my stomach. I was like, "Oh no, I missed it." So
now thanks to YouTube,
um, I'll watch this too. Are you really feeling all right? No, I feel fine. It's
just that it took a-
You really look terrible. How many other lives have you had?
Who knows? I don't know. However many you want. However many you want to
remember.
Uh, we have here six. You've been a jester. Is that true?
Six lives? Well, that's what it says here. Past lives. Right here.
Well, you don't want to know what they say backstage. What was the question?
Past lives. Now, you were a jester? Oh.
What is psychic acupuncture? Okay, sit back. I have to give you a little lesson.
Is this going to be another medical procedure here? You have to have a nurse
standing by for this
as well. They should have taken it out of your brains.
Why are you so interested in this? If you say you're-
Well, it's because I know you're interested in it, and I thought perhaps that
would be
something you would like to chat about. But I've already said that I don't
think
we can get into it, and you keep harping on it. Maybe Sher was right. Maybe you
are an ass.
Oh, maybe a little more Olympic boxing.
Now, why did you say that? I thought that was a great remark.
Oh, what? Calling me an ass? You thought that was a great remark? The only
thing,
as far as past lives go, uh, I vaguely have a feeling that at one point, I
delivered a pizza to
the Eisenhowers. Chris Elliott is one of probably five or six people who makes
me laugh just when I
see him. His motions, his fake show business affectations, it's the way he
carries himself,
is so amusing. He did so many great characters on the show. They were all kind
of the same. He did
Marlon Brando, which was this bizarre imitation of Marlon Brando that really
didn't sound anything like
Marlon Brando. May I be so bold to interrupt your little kitchen pantry utensil
hour and say that
I was watching, by the way, in the green room, and just to say, you know, the
green room, ladies and
gentlemen, is not actually green. In fact, it's painted white. As white as my
big.
But he also did a couple of these characters, and one of them was the guy under
the seats. This is a guy
who lived under the seats in the show, and then he would come up from under the
seats and, uh,
eventually start threatening Dave. There's always like a subtext of anger in
almost all of Chris's
shows directed at Dave. When they do it, which I don't know, maybe they do it
like once every couple
weeks, it would be a big topic in high school the next morning. Also a visit
from Kenny the Gardner,
and we'll be answering our weekly bath of GeoMail. That'll be tomorrow night,
and you're
right in the middle of an international night here, and we're coming up with
the Robin Williams of
Japan and the Rich Little of Russia, a great, great voter.
Excuse me. My, uh, my English is very bad. Do you know when this fog will stop?
No, I'm, uh, I'm not sure. We don't know anything about the fog. Sorry.
Oh, this is very bad. Very bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, of course, that was episode number eight of our running
character,
The Guy Under the Seat, starring our own Chris Elliott. Chris, oh, there he is
right now. Come
on up, Chris and take a bow. Chris, that was, yeah, that was terrific.
Well, that was, uh, episode number eight, The Guy Under the Seat. What, what
did you call this one?
This was called The Russian Sub-Crisis. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. It's sort of kind
of an
international guy under the seats. Yeah, kind of, David. Yeah.
Now, uh, Chris, for the, for the folks who may not be familiar with, with the
character of The Guy
Under the Seat, why don't you briefly explain what, what the joke is here. He's
a guy who lives
under the seats here, and every once in a while he comes up and he interrupts
the show. Yeah.
Now, now, Chris, I, I noticed in this particular episode you were doing kind of
a, uh, kind of a,
I guess a Russian accent or something. I don't know. I don't know. To me, it,
it, uh, it almost
sounded, uh, like it was Spanish. Yeah, that's funny, Dave.
Is there a problem with the accent? No, no, no. It wasn't no problem at all. I
just thought,
you know, with a Russian accent, maybe it'd be a little more guttural sounding.
That's all,
you know, a little more guttural. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot. You're a
master of dialects,
aren't you? Now, now, Chris, that, I was, I was only asking...
Always so quick to criticize, aren't you? No, I wasn't criticizing. I was just...
You know something, mister? One of these days, I'm going to have you dancing
around like an organ
grinder's monkey. But until that wonderful and glorious day, I'll be right here
watching you,
making your life a living hell. I'm watching you, babe. I see you. I see you.
I grew up in Las Vegas. When Letterman announced that he was bringing the show
to Vegas,
I was watching live and I wrote at least a dozen letters to the show because
you'd write in for
tickets. You could only submit one set of ticket requests per household. So I
wrote in for tickets
from my friend Cleto across the street, my friend Jimmy, my grandfather.
Everybody I knew,
everyone whose address I knew, I put on a ticket request. And in the morning, I
mailed them. I felt
I would get a jump on this. And I told everyone whose name was on the envelope
that if you get these
tickets, you have to take me as your plus one. So I went to all the shows that
week. I even went and
stood outside the hotel. We'd seen Dave's, what we were told was Dave's rental
car. And it was parked in the
alley and the door was open. And we waited hours to see Dave get in that rental
car. And guess what?
Dave never got in that rental car. I actually crank called Chris Elliott's
hotel room and told him,
I asked, I pretended to be another one of the writers. And I said, Hey, Chris,
um, where are you guys
doing tonight? And he's like, Oh, we're going to the movies. And he told me
what mo