Name: Jamie Lee Curtis' Naughty Game Show Appearance | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-10-13T20:37:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jamie Lee Curtis' Naughty Game Show Appearance | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jamie Lee Curtis' Naughty Game Show Appearance | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-13. Transcript available.

Our first guest tonight is one female star is one of the biggest hits. Let's
try this again.
Our first guest is the female star of one of the biggest hits of the summer,
True Lies.
And I'm not going to lie to you, this woman carries the entire movie.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our old friend, Jamie Lee Curtis.
Man, I'm telling you something, that is one happening dress.
Thanks, baby.
You look, I haven't seen you in a long time. You look great.
I gave you a big, major lipstick.
Oh, did you really? What?
I gave him a kiss with my Kelly LeBrock lips.
Thank you very much.
That'll go with the one Ed gave me earlier.
Man, look at that. That looks great, doesn't it?
You may keep it.
I'm never going to wash that one off.
I haven't seen you in five or six years, and you look terrific.
Ten years? Has it been that long?
Actually, eleven.
You look terrific, and I'm guessing you always look terrific, don't you?
Wow.
Everybody tells you how great you look.
Hey, I'll leave now.
People tell me I look, actually, there was a time when I was going to take my
daughter to, you know, the doctor.
How old's your daughter?
My daughter now is seven. She was two and a half at the time.
Great.
And I'm walking down the hall, and this guy walks up and goes like this.
It's you. It's you.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
And I'm trying to get past him, because, you know, I'm with my daughter.
I want to be a little protective.
That's right.
And he goes, no, no, no, you don't get it.
It's you.
I said, yes, I know.
Thank you very much.
I'm with my daughter.
I'm just taking her to the doctor.
He says, you don't get it.
My girlfriend.
You.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Trouble. Warning flags.
I'm taking my daughter to the doctor.
You're thinking.
What is it that you want?
He said, you don't understand.
My girlfriend is having a nose job, and she has a picture of you with her, and
she's just
down the hall with the doctor.
Now, had I been brave or smart, or certainly smarter than I was on that day, I
could have
brought my daughter to the doctor, and then could you imagine if I had walked
in?
That would be great.
Can you imagine if I'd walked in and then maybe, like, hid behind a piece of
glass, and
the guy said, okay, honey, you can sit up, look at your nose, and I was just
sort of
sitting there behind the door.
Or.
Now, see, you know, it's one of those things.
I'm sure you probably have these experiences.
Maybe you even had one here where a woman.
No, not like that.
Well, no, you don't come back with that great comeback when you should, you
know?
Like, I should have at that time.
Anyway.
No, never happened.
But you know what you could do, you know, for a little extra money, and maybe
as a joke,
that you could stand in there with the doctor and work as a model.
So the doctor has the woman out pulled, just like that, working on her nose,
and then just
I have a good move.
Yeah, just taking care of it.
My mommy gave me my nose.
Yeah, speaking of your parents, your father, of course, who's been on the show
many times,
Tony Curtis.
Nice guy.
Wonderful man.
Was he fun to have as a dad, or was he just a little too goofy for kids?
Richard Lewis used to joke me that my dad would say, can't talk to you now,
honey.
I'm fencing Kirk Douglas.
It's funnier when Richard does it, you can imagine.
And your mother, Janet Leigh, and so were they helpful to you in your career?
Did you know from the very beginning you had no choice but to be an actress and
a movie
star?
Well, I was always sort of a ham, but, well, no, I mean, I, you know, I worked
my way up.
I was a contract player at Universal at the beginning of my career.
What kind of stuff were you doing there?
I did a TV series, Operation Petticoat.
I did, I did some TV work, but then I am probably the only, I am probably the
only actress working
today in the movies who is in, you know, in a big summer romantic comedy hit
who has appeared
on Match Game.
No, no, truly, no, no, I'm not joking.
At the time, I was a network regular on a series, and it was common for you to
do game
shows.
I was 18 years old, and they would give you like $500 a show.
I did Match Game, I did $50,000 Pyramid, I did, I'm not joking, I did the
Hollywood Squares.
Well, no, I believe you.
Have you ever seen Match Game?
Oh, yeah, it's the Gene Rayburn show, and you have to fill in the blank and
stuff.
But see, I was, of course, the idiot, because I'm like, you know, I'm obnoxious,
and so
they would reprimand me.
I would get in trouble, because they were all adults, and I was the kid, and
there would
be things like, he was all out of spoons, so Johnny stirred the punch bowl with
his blank.
And then, you know, what am I going to do?
No, I'm not joking.
I would like, you know, and then you print it with these ugly markers, and then
you kind
of put it down, and then you kind of flip it up.
Well, well.
You must be really tickled that this movie has gone through the roof, huh?
It's nice to see you.
It's nice to see you.
It is, isn't it?
You're taller than I remember.
Takes a big man to do this job, honey.
We got to do a commercial.
We'll be right back with the vivacious Jamie Lee Curtis.
Hey!
Jamie Lee Curtis is here.
Conan O'Brien will also be with us on the program tonight.
I understand you just now have, pretty quickly here, a return from vacation.
Well, it always happens.
You know, you finish a movie, you do the promotion, then you go away.
That's great.
Then the movie is a big hit.
And then they say, well, you go back on the road.
So, this is an absolutely true story.
Great.
Two days ago, I am at a lake in a northwestern location, a beautiful, pristine
mountain lake.
And I was told I was coming here.
And I didn't know if they were going to get a plane to get me here in time.
And I'm at a campsite, and I have to hike to get to a phone.
It's a pay phone with, like, a wooden sign with the burned wood word telephone
in it, right?
And it's an AT&T.
It's a U.S. West phone.
I can't figure out the phone system.
I don't have an AT&T card.
You know, whoever made that decision, to make it hard to make phone calls, I
could kill them.
Anyway, so, this is no joke.
So, I'm hiking to get to the phone to find out if they got the jet to fly me
here so I can get back to do another thing for the movie.
And I find out that I can.
And now I have to call my assistant to get her to bring clothes up to where I
am to bring here.
All very complicated now.
I just had to set that up.
It has to be taken care of with one phone call.
One phone call.
So, I'm on the phone, and I get her on the phone, and I say, Laurel, hi, okay,
here's what I need.
And I'm hiking, right?
I say, okay, I need my Giorgio Armani skirt, my blue Giorgio Armani jacket, my
Dolce Gabbana shoes, and I'm talking like this.
And some friend mix.
No, no, I'm serious.
Meanwhile, next to me at the phone next to me is a guy in a pair of those Patagonia
shorts, and he's got that kind of layer of moss on him that shows that he's got
a lot of fuzz on his face.
And I hear him say this, hi, yeah, it's me.
Yeah, I just came back from five months out in the wilderness by myself.
I swear to God.
And then I'm on the other line going, no, no, no, Dolce Gabbana, D-O-L-C-E.
And then I want the Pamela Dennis dress, the short black one with the sparkles,
and he says, it's so wild.
I've become completely nocturnal.
You know, I go to bed like at five in the morning because the stars and the
moon are so bright.
And he and I are looking at each other.
It was the wildest conversation.
Polar opposites.
And now I am, you know, and then now I'm here with you.
It would have been funny if the guy says, I've been in the wilderness for five
months.
I'm going to need my beaded handbag.
A Giorgio Armani dress.
But it's true.
It was absolutely true.
And the guy and I were looking at each other, and we were both cracking up
because it was just this.
And the moments like that are great.
It was just perfect.
You seem like you're having the time of your life.
Well, maybe I am.
Good for you.
And I ain't leaving, so don't try to kick me out.
You just tell that Conan O'Brien kid that he can go home because I'm staying.
Make yourself, Greg, make yourself.
You want to go out into the audience and wrestle with that couple out there?
You want to hang around?
You can hang around.
No, no, that's okay.
I have to go.
All right, well, I'm sorry you're leaving.
It would have been fun to have you here the entire night.
Thank you.
Congratulations on the film.
It's called?
A True Lies.
It's a romantic.
Comedy, action, drama, adventure, trying to save the world, nuclear, blowing up
device, comedy, romantic.
Stars Arnold.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Directed by Jim.
Jim, Jim.
Cameron.
Cameron.
Jim Cameron, of course.
And stars Tom.
Tom.
Tom.
Oh, Tom Arnold.
Tom Arnold.
Tom Arnold, of course.
It's like we're playing Password here.
Did I get it right?
It's Tom Arnold, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you.
Nice to see you.
Jamie Lee Curtis, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.