Name: Julia Roberts Lodges A Complaint With Dave | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-10-20T21:14:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Julia Roberts Lodges A Complaint With Dave | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Julia Roberts Lodges A Complaint With Dave | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-20. Transcript available.

oh my god okay she's gonna be out here in a second she's a lovely woman and i
was talking
to the staff upstairs which is unusual and i said listen uh i said why don't we
well here's what we
ought to do just have julia roberts come on the show once a year and then we
run that program
every night that's really that's all people want to see hey boy yeah and we get
letters to that
effect we get emails oh in the last couple of years people started emailing us
why huh just do
that and call it a day go home play her show every night that's all that's all
people want that's all
they i'm on board with that all right she is a lovely woman well you still have
to come in every
day oh well then she could do it uh just that often live you know once a week
live oh even better yeah
okay i'll ask her she is a lovely woman an academy award-winning actress and
one of the biggest movie
stars on the planet her new film entitled eat pray love opens august 13th here
she is julia roberts ladies
is she is julia roberts ladies she is julia roberts you look lovely is she
beautiful
come on seriously
that's what we're talking about right here my god you look wonderful i i don't
know how this happens
i haven't seen you 17 hours no no hair makeup and spackle no we spackle and
here i am i haven't seen
you in a year and a half you look like a kid honest to god how are you doing it
well what's going on thank
you it's the love of a good man good kids i eat a lot i know for a fact i mean
i have to say and you
my love my dear because we all know my long time affection and devotion thank
you to david letterman
thank you very much it's so true i mean i was on arsenio hall once really yeah
but that was not really
how did that happen when was that that was cool that was cool
but here you are here i am rumple yeah yeah ready to go
i don't i'm not even sure i know what that means
just kind of yeah you look loose day i am loose believe me
i've been to dr goldberg and there's nothing we can do about that you uh within
a year or so
uh i don't know when it was you ran a half marathon when was that i did i did
just before christmas time
i did i ran it it's shocking no a half a marathon we think of america it was 26
point something miles
and half of that feels just as long oh it has to that's 13 miles or something
right i think it's 13.2
where did you run the half marathon in california now that's grueling uh you
know it's here's the thing
i am not what one could consider athletic i am not um swift on my feet i did
this for well really two
reasons one to uh woo and impress my husband who is very swift and athletic did
he did he run the race
as well no he but he watched me and he cheered me on good and he was i had to
revive him when i told
him i was doing it yeah which was also enjoyable and then the second reason i
did it don't dwell on
that the second reason i did it was because he is so cool and does these cool
great things and and i
thought i want my children to see that a girl can do something cool and
powerful a great example for your
kids yes so you did it i did it and i loved it i was actually i think smiling
for about 20 of the miles
yeah well i just want to say i've i've run uh regularly since 1974 and i have
never run 13 miles
the most i have ever run in my life is maybe 12 and i know you're so close yeah
but i i can't i
couldn't make it 13. oh but you could no i couldn't get the right person behind
you i promise you could
well congratulations that's great were the kids thrilled they were they made me
a big sign and they
they cheered me on and it was exciting and i i will say this that on that run i
was with two girlfriends
one of my girlfriends said i said you're breathing kind of hard and she said
well you know i'm breathing
for two told me she was expecting which was very exciting and motivating and
should have her baby at
any moment might have it right now no you're kidding me so this woman was in
her third trimester and
running a marathon no no no well what what did i miss she was probably her
third month when you start
sharing and we were running and sharing this was just before christmas and here
we are this is august
so in that time she built a baby and it is going to come out and maybe be
called david or julia
depending on the moment now she's running the marathon with you and she's
pregnant which is just
before christmas right so she says she's let us back up here okay and then hi
hi and and oh you
smell great by the way and she says uh and during during the race she says to
you it could happen at
any moment she says p.s i'm pregnant right right right and i said oh new news
just before christmas
right and here it is august 2010 president's birthday oh she could call it barack
i don't know i'm gonna have to look at the tape
i would like to wait wait a minute you said she could have it at any moment now
yes oh i thought
you meant she could have it at any moment during the marathon thank you thank
you very much
we did it i mean they don't give these shows to chimps no could be in labor now
can i just log a tiny
complaint yeah what what i'm in the dressing room watching and in the intro you
say and tonight julia
roberts and they show a clip of me coming in right and then they say a problem
with varicose veins
no and it just felt a little bit i know look i had nothing to do with it those
people over there you
talk you talk to those people over there they're the ones who did that why why
would you do that to
julia why you i'll tell you what because you're jealous you're all you're all
jealous
i'm so sorry i mean i do i have a couple of problems that we can discuss or
review but varicose veins
is actually not one of them no problems now uh in this movie the eat uh drink
uh pray eat eat i get
it no no no i got it eat eat pray love yes uh you're all over the world filming
this yes what did
you take your family with i did i did the little kiddos can't be without them
yes and where did you
take you took them to india we started we filmed here in the great new york
city how old are the kids
uh finn and hazel are five and a half right but they're twins right they are
twins which is why
they're the same age yeah now they they were born during the marathon i know
that
and then then the third one how do you do this without me i don't know i'm
barely doing it at
all but uh and the third one how old is the third one um henry just turned
three that's great so that's
fantastic it's great for him it seems to suit him and and and and this this
experience of taking these
little kids all over the world is great i mean you may not see results
immediately you may not see
them for 10 15 years but this these experiences will make a difference in their
lives well they know how
to pack and they know how to sleep and they know how to just like go exactly
right they got to be ready
for anything got to be ready so you do the show you're doing the part of the
movie in new york and
then you go then you go to india and you actually then we went to italy oh that's
right so the kids
are in italy and and italians love kids yeah so that must have been a great
experience listen
everybody loves kids right but italians really really uh yeah yeah yeah the
kids loved it loved it
loved it no trouble everything good pizza galore i know pasta galore it's
fantastic you know just like
a little pea yeah did you did you uh put on a little you didn't put on i mean
how could you put on okay
because i know you had that problem with your veins
you gotta be careful what you eat i'm so sorry oh god i have a problem with one
vein in the middle of
my head no no you're good there's nothing wrong um you shot in rome is that in
rome got in naples as
well we shot in naples that's where we went to eat pizza i'm sure you read the
book i'm sure it's i saw
the movie well dog-eared on your bedside table i saw the movie did you see the
whole movie or just
like the trailer no come on i saw the whole movie and did you shed a little
tear uh i know
when david letterman shed a tear in this movie i have a suspicion wait when
when javier bardem
all right oh that guy um there's a scene in the movie which i'm here because i
want you guys to go
see oh that's why you're here oh fine oh well thank you so very much clearly i
want to deal with my
varicose veins um his grown son is going back to college and he's come to visit
his dad and he goes
back to college and they have a moment of saying goodbye and javier is so sweet
in it and his son
is so sweet in it and it's so tender and i'm thinking of harry and i'm thinking
of david i'm
thinking there might have been a little bit of no i i'll tell you i i can't i i
i can't tell you
do you even know what i'm talking i know what you're talking about but i i
first of all i i could
there was a moment that i was moved emotionally but it was not that and i can't
even tell you what it was
because every the place will just be dead silent will you start crying i might
i i had to can you
tell me at the commercial and i can act it out i'm an actor
all right doesn't take place in bali it doesn't no okay it doesn't take place
in italy okay it takes
place in india okay india takes place oh is it with richard jenkins yes on the
roof yes am i in a green
sorry yes say no more yes you know what i'm talking about that's the one you
can't get by
yeah yeah because richard jenkins is a brilliant actor pretty good yeah and he
does this in the
middle of this scene here's how good the guy is in the middle of this scene
which i can't describe
yes but i just can't describe it but you know that mechanism you know that
mechanism no it's he's
yeah so in the middle of it he does this and i thought to myself holy crap if
this guy can do this
scene yeah and still get this in yeah you know what it's funny now you'll be
crying later no no no
yeah yeah yeah and believe me i've ruined the film for you because when you see
this moment
all you think of is me forget it all you'll think of is it's ruined forget it
really no they'll say
save your money for varicose vein treatment later in life oh they'll say holy
crap dave was right
but that that scene right there i mean that was called the police you know what
i'm saying
call call the david letterman tear police well it was i mean i mean otherwise
known probably as mrs
letterman right that's when your wife scoops in and goes baby it's gonna be
okay that don't happen so
much it's beautiful that's just beautiful because having you on the cover would
be a lovely thing
having a child on the cover also a lovely thing but the dynamic is so much
greater than the sum of
the parts uh having you and your son there together i don't know yeah beautiful
it's my big boy yeah
great my big boyfriend he doesn't know though so nobody tell him
what else is going on nothing yeah do you have the rest of the summer off are
you still uh working
on the movie here what do you do oh yeah i'm just going to be talking for the
next couple of months
talking about me and about pizza
but that's fun yeah that's a nice way to spend time no the people keep talking
about the 20 years
ago for pretty woman and is there is there you can't do that movie again can
you not with these varicose
it's fantastic you look just look fantastic you look better and better every
time i see you
um now you just finished a movie with tom hanks and biff henderson is in the
movie is this a typo okay
listen my first day i show up to on this tom hanks movie the great tom hanks he
has written
this movie he is going to star in this movie he is going to direct this movie
he has asked me to
play a part in this movie i'm very excited i show up my first day i'm a little
bit nervous
and i walk on the set and who do i see but my good friend biff henderson if
come on out come on
out that's true what's on the movie
sit down this is going to be like carson come on what is the uh how many movies
have you done with
tom hanks um i don't know 12. and no like yeah maybe yeah charlie walker's war
was my dreams yeah
and then why is biff in this biff is in this because my character is a guy
called cappy
cappy cappy c-a-p-p-y right and uh you don't want to think it starts with a k
he spelled it yeah he's what no no no no no no go go oh no i mean uh
he goes to a diner every morning and julia likes to um eat breakfast at i
believe isn't that right
well it's the first time i've been there but that's okay
and and you and tom hanks fall in love is that right no well don't tell me you
and biff fall in
love
there's always a subplot you never know what it's going to be you never do you're
exactly right
you have to kind of go like hello uh and and and but he's not in are you in it
long biff the movie
just i just hope i'm in it yeah you and me both brother well that's good uh biff
and it's time for
you to leave now thank you thank you biff henderson okay there he goes biff henderson
uh and will you go to uh new mexico uh this summer will you go out there we
were there and now you
know is that your favorite place to be what's the elevation of where you go 7
200 feet is where our
house is over a mile up isn't it so it's high yeah do you have a trouble with
shortness of breath or
any altitudes only when i'm here you don't have to be sarcastic yeah i like to
sneak that in now
let's talk about this uh oh how's oprah for the love of god right listen the
day you two made up was
a happy day for me i love oprah i'm telling you i do it was too much pressure
for me you know i love
oprah i i really do i don't like when people i love i know of quarrel huge
right well she wasn't
in the feud i was having it by myself that's absolutely true uh and also you
have a you have
a a a dog a labrador do you have a labrador i have a few dogs but i do have a
labrador louis
which was a wedding gift from my husband yeah did you get the dog as a puppy
one girl went yeah yeah
it was sweet yeah yeah yeah little 23 pound louis eight and a half years ago
here he came into my
arms and now he's 100 pounds and is he was he a good dog when you first got him
he's a great dog
when you first got him was he okay here's what i'll say about louis because i i
feel where you're going
david i know you have dog trouble i have a lot of dog trouble and i i i'm
really actually i have some
things to say about it that we probably don't have my dog a yellow lab called
what his name is sully
and he he all he wants to do all he is a shred our flesh and drink our blood
but do you want to say
okay
so here's the thing first of all don't call a living creature sully unless they're
from dublin
um so that's number one maybe bothering him right and there's this bug on your
head
i know i saw that earlier it's a fruit fly or a bed bug yes i don't know but it
was it was circling
earlier your hair is like i know we got to redo the leonard skinner i don't
know what's happening
that's right it is leonard skinner i don't think i've ever seen you like this
exactly right no it's
that's what it is okay now sully all right so here's the thing about louie my
dog that danny gave me
and i didn't have any friends i just had louie and danny came home from work
one day and he said
okay this is what you have to remember he's 23 pounds now and that's cute and
that's sweet but when he's
100 pounds is that cute and sweet and i thought oh i should probably help louie
learn some manners
and my kids have a book called bad dog marley have you ever seen this book it's
about a very bad bad
but ultimately i think saves the baby's life or does something remarkable and
so everybody's happy and keeps
the dog but you know the dog needs a helping hand right right you're suggesting
that we're not helping
our dog no
we want we're pulling for this dog we want this dog to be a beloved member of
the family do you give
the dog boundaries yes yes yes we do how do you i don't think that counts no no
i don't no no no no
oh no far from it he's on he's on a leash we have a woman who comes three or
four times a week we train
the dog we reward the dog we're not punishing bad behavior we're trying to
reward good good that's right
that works for me yes and when the dog is with the trainer it's the sweetest
animal and and then when
the trainer leaves it's a hell dog so maybe it's not the dog well no you're
right you're exactly right
i don't know what to do okay but that gal is there saying you have to do this
this and this
you need to be trained exactly right and i'm well aware of that and i'm trying
and trying and trying
and it doesn't seem to be working does not seem to be now how's harry with the
pup well i mean we
should have gotten a hamster because the damn dog is always in a cage you know
you gotta have a they say
well get it you gotta get a crate get a crate did you have a great for your dog
yeah yeah and that
seemed to work just fine it did yeah well good yeah but we can't you know i'm
afraid to let him
out now let me ask you this did this dog come from a pound no this is a friend
of ours had a labrador
in montana and the labrador had 10 puppies from another labrador and so we
thought oh this is perfect
we'll get a labrador puppy for our son and it'll be perfect and they'll grow up
together and they'll run
around and they'll have a great time but uh you know i've got it's not working
out well i'm checking
his record he may have killed somebody how old is this puppy he's like three
and a half months now
we got a picture of him this is sully right here i don't know if he's
a poor dog that poor dog does not stand a chance in hell oh man lord yeah um i
don't want to be your
dog let's uh let's take a look at the clip here this is a eat to pray love a
clip of your dog no no
no no no no uh but by the way thanks for your help on that dog i mean who can
help you well i don't
know but i just want to know if you had a similar experience you did not have a
similar experience no i
did not and that's the end of that conversation this movie opens august 13th
which is my mother's birthday
now
tell them what we're going to see here in the clip um we are going to see a
little moment from eat
pray love i believe this is from the love section which that's a fun section
yeah this is yeah uh with
the fabulous javier bardem and everybody knows the story uh it's a hugely
successful book a woman goes
off on a self-finding sabbatical have you been informed in this way what do you
mean i've been
informed in this way what i know things no i'm not as dumb as i look what are
you talking about
just a self-finding sabbatical yes yeah that's cute i like when you thank you
help sell it yeah eat
pray love opens august 13th you've never looked lovelier julia roberts ladies
and gentlemen we'll be right back
We'll see you next time.

Julia Roberts Lodges A Complaint With Dave | Letterman

oh my god okay she's gonna be out here in a second she's a lovely woman and i
was talking
to the staff upstairs which is unusual and i said listen uh i said why don't we
well here's what we
ought to do just have julia roberts come on the show once a year and then we
run that program
every night that's really that's all people want to see hey boy yeah and we get
letters to that
effect we get emails oh in the last couple of years people started emailing us
why huh just do
that and call it a day go home play her show every night that's all that's all
people want that's all
they i'm on board with that all right she is a lovely woman well you still have
to come in every
day oh well then she could do it uh just that often live you know once a week
live oh even better yeah
okay i'll ask her she is a lovely woman an academy award-winning actress and
one of the biggest movie
stars on the planet her new film entitled eat pray love opens august 13th here
she is julia roberts ladies
is she is julia roberts ladies she is julia roberts you look lovely is she
beautiful
come on seriously
that's what we're talking about right here my god you look wonderful i i don't
know how this happens
i haven't seen you 17 hours no no hair makeup and spackle no we spackle and
here i am i haven't seen
you in a year and a half you look like a kid honest to god how are you doing it
well what's going on thank
you it's the love of a good man good kids i eat a lot i know for a fact i mean
i have to say and you
my love my dear because we all know my long time affection and devotion thank
you to david letterman
thank you very much it's so true i mean i was on arsenio hall once really yeah
but that was not really
how did that happen when was that that was cool that was cool
but here you are here i am rumple yeah yeah ready to go
i don't i'm not even sure i know what that means
just kind of yeah you look loose day i am loose believe me
i've been to dr goldberg and there's nothing we can do about that you uh within
a year or so
uh i don't know when it was you ran a half marathon when was that i did i did
just before christmas time
i did i ran it it's shocking no a half a marathon we think of america it was 26
point something miles
and half of that feels just as long oh it has to that's 13 miles or something
right i think it's 13.2
where did you run the half marathon in california now that's grueling uh you
know it's here's the thing
i am not what one could consider athletic i am not um swift on my feet i did
this for well really two
reasons one to uh woo and impress my husband who is very swift and athletic did
he did he run the race
as well no he but he watched me and he cheered me on good and he was i had to
revive him when i told
him i was doing it yeah which was also enjoyable and then the second reason i
did it don't dwell on
that the second reason i did it was because he is so cool and does these cool
great things and and i
thought i want my children to see that a girl can do something cool and
powerful a great example for your
kids yes so you did it i did it and i loved it i was actually i think smiling
for about 20 of the miles
yeah well i just want to say i've i've run uh regularly since 1974 and i have
never run 13 miles
the most i have ever run in my life is maybe 12 and i know you're so close yeah
but i i can't i
couldn't make it 13. oh but you could no i couldn't get the right person behind
you i promise you could
well congratulations that's great were the kids thrilled they were they made me
a big sign and they
they cheered me on and it was exciting and i i will say this that on that run i
was with two girlfriends
one of my girlfriends said i said you're breathing kind of hard and she said
well you know i'm breathing
for two told me she was expecting which was very exciting and motivating and
should have her baby at
any moment might have it right now no you're kidding me so this woman was in
her third trimester and
running a marathon no no no well what what did i miss she was probably her
third month when you start
sharing and we were running and sharing this was just before christmas and here
we are this is august
so in that time she built a baby and it is going to come out and maybe be
called david or julia
depending on the moment now she's running the marathon with you and she's
pregnant which is just
before christmas right so she says she's let us back up here okay and then hi
hi and and oh you
smell great by the way and she says uh and during during the race she says to
you it could happen at
any moment she says p.s i'm pregnant right right right and i said oh new news
just before christmas
right and here it is august 2010 president's birthday oh she could call it barack
i don't know i'm gonna have to look at the tape
i would like to wait wait a minute you said she could have it at any moment now
yes oh i thought
you meant she could have it at any moment during the marathon thank you thank
you very much
we did it i mean they don't give these shows to chimps no could be in labor now
can i just log a tiny
complaint yeah what what i'm in the dressing room watching and in the intro you
say and tonight julia
roberts and they show a clip of me coming in right and then they say a problem
with varicose veins
no and it just felt a little bit i know look i had nothing to do with it those
people over there you
talk you talk to those people over there they're the ones who did that why why
would you do that to
julia why you i'll tell you what because you're jealous you're all you're all
jealous
i'm so sorry i mean i do i have a couple of problems that we can discuss or
review but varicose veins
is actually not one of them no problems now uh in this movie the eat uh drink
uh pray eat eat i get
it no no no i got it eat eat pray love yes uh you're all over the world filming
this yes what did
you take your family with i did i did the little kiddos can't be without them
yes and where did you
take you took them to india we started we filmed here in the great new york
city how old are the kids
uh finn and hazel are five and a half right but they're twins right they are
twins which is why
they're the same age yeah now they they were born during the marathon i know
that
and then then the third one how do you do this without me i don't know i'm
barely doing it at
all but uh and the third one how old is the third one um henry just turned
three that's great so that's
fantastic it's great for him it seems to suit him and and and and this this
experience of taking these
little kids all over the world is great i mean you may not see results
immediately you may not see
them for 10 15 years but this these experiences will make a difference in their
lives well they know how
to pack and they know how to sleep and they know how to just like go exactly
right they got to be ready
for anything got to be ready so you do the show you're doing the part of the
movie in new york and
then you go then you go to india and you actually then we went to italy oh that's
right so the kids
are in italy and and italians love kids yeah so that must have been a great
experience listen
everybody loves kids right but italians really really uh yeah yeah yeah the
kids loved it loved it
loved it no trouble everything good pizza galore i know pasta galore it's
fantastic you know just like
a little pea yeah did you did you uh put on a little you didn't put on i mean
how could you put on okay
because i know you had that problem with your veins
you gotta be careful what you eat i'm so sorry oh god i have a problem with one
vein in the middle of
my head no no you're good there's nothing wrong um you shot in rome is that in
rome got in naples as
well we shot in naples that's where we went to eat pizza i'm sure you read the
book i'm sure it's i saw
the movie well dog-eared on your bedside table i saw the movie did you see the
whole movie or just
like the trailer no come on i saw the whole movie and did you shed a little
tear uh i know
when david letterman shed a tear in this movie i have a suspicion wait when
when javier bardem
all right oh that guy um there's a scene in the movie which i'm here because i
want you guys to go
see oh that's why you're here oh fine oh well thank you so very much clearly i
want to deal with my
varicose veins um his grown son is going back to college and he's come to visit
his dad and he goes
back to college and they have a moment of saying goodbye and javier is so sweet
in it and his son
is so sweet in it and it's so tender and i'm thinking of harry and i'm thinking
of david i'm
thinking there might have been a little bit of no i i'll tell you i i can't i i
i can't tell you
do you even know what i'm talking i know what you're talking about but i i
first of all i i could
there was a moment that i was moved emotionally but it was not that and i can't
even tell you what it was
because every the place will just be dead silent will you start crying i might
i i had to can you
tell me at the commercial and i can act it out i'm an actor
all right doesn't take place in bali it doesn't no okay it doesn't take place
in italy okay it takes
place in india okay india takes place oh is it with richard jenkins yes on the
roof yes am i in a green
sorry yes say no more yes you know what i'm talking about that's the one you
can't get by
yeah yeah because richard jenkins is a brilliant actor pretty good yeah and he
does this in the
middle of this scene here's how good the guy is in the middle of this scene
which i can't describe
yes but i just can't describe it but you know that mechanism you know that
mechanism no it's he's
yeah so in the middle of it he does this and i thought to myself holy crap if
this guy can do this
scene yeah and still get this in yeah you know what it's funny now you'll be
crying later no no no
yeah yeah yeah and believe me i've ruined the film for you because when you see
this moment
all you think of is me forget it all you'll think of is it's ruined forget it
really no they'll say
save your money for varicose vein treatment later in life oh they'll say holy
crap dave was right
but that that scene right there i mean that was called the police you know what
i'm saying
call call the david letterman tear police well it was i mean i mean otherwise
known probably as mrs
letterman right that's when your wife scoops in and goes baby it's gonna be
okay that don't happen so
much it's beautiful that's just beautiful because having you on the cover would
be a lovely thing
having a child on the cover also a lovely thing but the dynamic is so much
greater than the sum of
the parts uh having you and your son there together i don't know yeah beautiful
it's my big boy yeah
great my big boyfriend he doesn't know though so nobody tell him
what else is going on nothing yeah do you have the rest of the summer off are
you still uh working
on the movie here what do you do oh yeah i'm just going to be talking for the
next couple of months
talking about me and about pizza
but that's fun yeah that's a nice way to spend time no the people keep talking
about the 20 years
ago for pretty woman and is there is there you can't do that movie again can
you not with these varicose
it's fantastic you look just look fantastic you look better and better every
time i see you
um now you just finished a movie with tom hanks and biff henderson is in the
movie is this a typo okay
listen my first day i show up to on this tom hanks movie the great tom hanks he
has written
this movie he is going to star in this movie he is going to direct this movie
he has asked me to
play a part in this movie i'm very excited i show up my first day i'm a little
bit nervous
and i walk on the set and who do i see but my good friend biff henderson if
come on out come on
out that's true what's on the movie
sit down this is going to be like carson come on what is the uh how many movies
have you done with
tom hanks um i don't know 12. and no like yeah maybe yeah charlie walker's war
was