Name: Dave Makes A Big Announcement | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-11-02T15:05:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Makes A Big Announcement | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Makes A Big Announcement | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-02. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Barbara, and this is Dave.
Hi, Barbara. Great to be back. Thank you for having me on your show.
It's really a thrill, and it's been a long time. How have you been?
Great to have you. You know, there's so much bad news in the world right now.
I thought we'd talk about some good things.
Oh, to report some good news. I think that's a wonderful idea, because you're
right.
It seems like there's nothing but bad news.
Yeah, so we should talk about some good things.
I did go to storage, my storage container.
I have a storage container, and I found some old props from the show.
Do you have any interest in that?
Oh, yeah, I'd love to see them.
But I want to hear more about your storage container.
Where is it? Is it Staten Island?
Queens.
It's in Queens.
Yeah, and there's a rack with maybe 15 late-show jackets.
15?
Maybe.
What are you doing with 15?
Oh, because I gave them out every year.
Oh, forgive me, my apologies.
Yes.
I mean, there's one that I wear all the time, and that's in my closet at home.
Yeah, yeah.
Why just the one?
I don't know.
I got attached to one, and I just kept wearing the same one.
But you could switch one out.
I could wear one every day if I want.
Or, yeah, one a year for the next 15.
Yeah, I could.
I know.
I got attached to one.
I don't know what happened.
Well, see, this is good news.
Oh, it is good news.
Yeah.
Let's see what you have.
This is hot and spicy Tylenol capsules.
This is from a segment, products not approved by the FDA.
What did we call that?
Yeah, FDA products.
FDA rejected products.
Yeah, there was a song that Paul wouldn't sing.
Hey, hey, FDA.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so this is Tylenol, hot and spicy.
Yeah.
Gotta love it.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, it was pretty good.
But, you know, that's the kind of thing I wouldn't be surprised if the Tylenol
people, if they're
watching, and why wouldn't they be, snatched that idea up and started to put it
out for
real.
I mean, strong pain relief, great new taste.
Gotta love it.
Great new taste.
Yeah.
Tylenol, yeah, okay.
This in, you know, in the eating things, not that you eat aspirin, but Dr. Kravorkian's
suicide breath mints.
Yeah.
Now, this takes perhaps a little bit of explaining.
Right.
Dr. Kravorkian, in his day, was a doctor, I believe, from Michigan, and he
subscribed
to the notion that when you're ready to die, rather than prolong and be
miserable for you
and your family, could be, you know, years you're lingering at death's door,
for example,
like me.
Dr. Kravorkian, you'd call him, and he had a van equipped with equipment to
kill
you, and he'd swing by your house, and maybe work the whole neighborhood, and
hook you up
to the suicide machine and kill you.
And I think he, somebody, some law enforcement agency said, you can't do that,
and he went to
prison, I think.
But he came out of prison, and I believe he himself now is dead.
But this is a fantastic idea.
Dr. Kravorkian, Dr. Death, as he was known.
Right.
Suicide breath mints.
Yeah, you just pop one in and goodbye.
And you leave with minty breath.
Is that how that works?
It didn't occur to me.
Yeah.
Just pop one of these in your mouth and good night.
Yeah.
And goodbye.
Yeah, minty breath and good night.
This was a CD, Dave Letterman's Lullabies for Kitties.
So I would be singing songs for kitty cats to go to sleep.
And if you don't believe this, just take a look at the back.
Now you have to believe it.
You see?
Well, you had a song you sang.
It wasn't really...
Midnight and the kitties are sleeping downstairs by the furnace while birdies
are cheating.
That's exactly...
I'm so happy you remembered your song.
It's a beautiful song.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Paul wrote It's Raining Men and I wrote Midnight and the Kitties Are Sleeping.
That pleased me a lot.
Oh, good.
That's why I'm here, honestly.
That's good news.
Yeah.
There's so much bad news.
I'm surprised if midnight the kitties are sleeping.
That's a crowd pleaser.
Yeah.
And finally, this is a book.
Now read this part first.
My Response to Your Letters, Your Message, Your Questions.
It's a book written by O.J. Simpson, Responding to Your Letters, Your Messages,
Your Questions.
And the title is...
And the title is...
I Want to Kill You.
This is awful.
Well, if we have a running death sequence here...
Yeah.
Well, this might have been Bookmobile.
Oh, yeah.
I could have...
I could have nabbed this off the Bookmobile.
Yeah, that's from the Bookmobile.
It wouldn't be in this.
It's not a rejected FDA item.
No, yeah.
No, neither was the kitties.
No, you're right.
These are different things I've nabbed off, different carts.
I want to kill you.
It's just horrifying.
Yes, it's a light reading.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I enjoyed that.
And that's it for this segment.
And now I think I will...
Some more...
I'm sorry, the theme is bad news.
Sure.
I can't be on your show anymore.
What?
I've signed a deal, a long-term deal with TikTok.
Oh, and is your TikTok deal just you?
Just you or hosted by someone else?
No, just me.
Exclusive on TikTok.
Oh, I think actually people will like that.
Yeah.
But you have your own show and you'll be fine.
You'll have various guests on and such.
No, I have no other guest on my show.
Oh, I did not know that.
What is that tiny brush over there?
It's for my beard.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
I don't question your grooming age.
No, sorry.
I didn't know what it was.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Anyway, so look for me on TikTok.
All right.
That'll be great.
Thanks.
Oh, subscribe.
Oh, hit the subscribe button.
Yeah, what he said.
Yeah, but I don't care because I'm now on TikTok.
Yeah.
Is that it?
Yeah.
All right.
Well, say good night.
Oh, good night?
Good night.
Wow.
Yeah, I won't be on this show ever again.