Name: Dave and Larry "Bud" Melman's Thanksgiving Etiquette | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-11-21T16:02:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave and Larry "Bud" Melman's Thanksgiving Etiquette | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave and Larry "Bud" Melman's Thanksgiving Etiquette | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-21. Transcript available.

Here at Late Night, one service we perform is giving our viewers tips on how to
behave in certain situations.
And this Thursday, of course, is Thanksgiving, so please join us now as we
guide you through the maze-like complexities of Thanksgiving etiquette.
Walk this way, won't you?
If I could walk this way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder.
Hi, Hiram, how you doing?
Nice to see you, Steve.
Have a good weekend?
Oh, good.
All right.
Okay, here we are.
You know, for many people, Thanksgiving is the best holiday of the year, but
not knowing the proper customs and traditions can turn even this happy holiday
into a nightmare of etiquette atrocities.
Rule number one for a host is have plenty of food.
Now, when you get right down to it, most people are not that crazy about turkey.
That's why this year at our house, we're stuffing the turkey with everybody's
favorite, yes, fish sticks.
Oh, boy, there's good eating.
Well, that should be my guest arriving now.
Come on in, won't you?
Hi, David.
Hi, Larry.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Nice to see you.
Larry is here now.
Larry, I'm certainly glad you could make it.
Thanks for coming over.
Well, in that case, you'll be glad my wife could make it, too.
Tiffany.
Tiffany.
His wife is here also.
Tiffany.
And my son.
My son.
Troy.
Nice to see you.
Troy, how are you?
Here, see my new camera?
Yeah, I'll be able to see it in a couple of days.
And my brother, Clifford, who came in from out of town just for Thanksgiving.
Oh, great, Clifford.
Nice to meet you.
What would Thanksgiving be like without three or four uninvited guests?
Don't worry.
We brought our own dishes.
Oh, well, good.
When some people visit on...
When some people visit on Thanksgiving, they like to bring food when they're
invited for dinner.
And if you do bring food as a gift, be sure it's something that goes with
turkey.
Yeah, Mr. Letterman.
We brought you this.
Oh, that's swell.
It's a frozen TV turkey dinner.
Yes, sir.
Just one more there.
That's right.
Nothing goes with turkey like turkey.
That's right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, why don't all of you have a seat, folks?
Go right ahead and sit down there.
Now, a good host will make sure all of the Thanksgiving traditions are observed.
But, you know, there really aren't any Thanksgiving traditions, so feel free to
improvise.
Here, watch this.
Now it's time, thank you, Tommy, for everybody to fill the old Thanksgiving
kettle with gifts for the host.
Here you are.
I'll put that there.
I'll start this off with my own gold watch.
There you go, folks.
Oh, well, um, here's my necklace.
Okay.
And my bag.
And your bag.
That's very nice of you.
I'm going to have my wallet.
Uh-huh.
And take my ID bracelet.
And your ID bracelet.
And what about you, little fella?
How about that camera?
Okay, that's just great.
Thank you very much.
Uh, uh, uh, but gee, David, uh, I got these socks.
Uh, no, I tell you, that's all right.
Sometimes these new traditions can backfire.
I'm going to put that over there.
Thank you very much.
Uh, now it's time for that special moment.
Larry, would you like to do the honors?
Excuse me, Larry.
What are you, what exactly are you doing there?
Oh, sorry.
I thought it was a piñata.
Oh, no, no, no, Larry.
This is no piñata.
This is a turkey.
I wanted you to carve the turkey.
Well, heck, I'll go ahead and carve the turkey.
Which part of the turkey would you like, Larry?
Uh, let's see.
Um, hmm.
Go ahead.
Take your time.
Yeah.
You don't want to make a mistake.
Some of that limb for me.
Oh, okay.
Now, right away, see, this is another Thanksgiving faux pas.
Refer to this portion of the turkey right here as a leg or a drumstick, not as
a severed limb.
Also, at this time, it's customary to remember all the things we have to be
thankful for.
Like all the good things that have happened to us this year.
And all the bad things that have happened to other people.
No, no, no.
No.
This is another Thanksgiving blunder.
It's not polite to be thankful for the misfortunes of others.
All right.
Go ahead.
Let's dig in, everybody.
Enjoy yourself.
Go ahead.
Oh, sure.
Let me pass the old turkey around.
There you go.
Now, while you're eating, be sure to keep the conversation at the table light
and pleasant.
Say, Clifford, did you know that turkeys are force-fed protein pellets
and constantly injected with steroids and growth hormones just to get more
white meat?
Well, that was an example of improper dinner conversation.
Now, another thing is, if you don't like the food, it's impolite to come right
out and say so.
Mrs. Melman, I notice you haven't touched your food yet.
Yes, I have.
I just didn't eat any of it.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Well, now, when dinner is over, it's polite to offer to help clean up.
I'll do the dishes.
Uh-huh.
Oh.
Well, all right.
It's getting late here, folks.
I know you all have to leave, and it's certainly been good fun having each and
every one of you here.
Thanks again for coming over.
It was our pleasure, David.
Uh-huh.
This has been the best Thanksgiving ever.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, and that goes double for me.
Well, we'll be right back with Isabella Rossellini after you take a look at
this.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.