Name: Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Dave Rygalski | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-11-29T16:01:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Dave Rygalski | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Dave Rygalski | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-29. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Dave Vregalski. My late night with David Letterman career began in 1984
as an intern and got hired on the writing staff in 1989.
You may recognize me from my nightly appearances in the opening montage where I
played guy reading newspaper in parking garage.
Back then as an intern, I was a skinny kid with a mustache and I looked like I
might have been in the military.
So I was cast in a bit as a member of the Blue Angels and we got to demonstrate
our aerobatic skills in the studio.
Now this was one of my favorite sometimes guests. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see
the period.
This is one of my favorites. Sometimes guests have funny ideas about what they
should be.
Have funny ideas about what they should do on the show and well, let's watch.
Funny ideas about what they should do.
Okay, we're back with the Blue Angels. Now, Colonel, I understand you brought
some film of some of the amazing aerobatic stunts you and your men perform in
the sky.
Um, no, I didn't.
I thought we were going to get the chance to...
Well, I thought it might be more interesting if we demonstrated some of those
stunts here in the studio live for you.
Flight group, assemble.
Delta formation.
Heal off on my signal.
One.
Two.
Three.
Three.
I got a lot of FaceTime on the show. I was in a Who Asked For It where I got to
ask Dave if I could come sit at his desk.
Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
This may sound kind of strange, but I'm a pretty big fan of yours and I've
always wondered what it's like to be like you.
Could I come down to your desk and sit down?
Well, sir, you know, obviously for security purposes, we can't let you come
right down here to the desk, but if you really want to see what it's like to be
me, I think we can arrange that for just a second.
If you'll just look at the monitor, sir, I think there's something we can do
for you.
Okay, just if you're continuing to look at the monitor.
There you go.
Thank you, David.
The show went to Chicago for a week. That trip was momentous for me. I came up
with the voting casket. It actually even made the Chicago Sun-Times.
I was sitting on a stage and Steve O'Donnell sat next to me and said, well,
this seems like a pretty good time to tell you. We're hiring you as a writer.
Here's a joke that's going to make you happy. You waited in the rain.
This is the baby that makes it all worthwhile here tonight.
This is why you're going to race home and write it down in your diaries. It's
all here.
This invention is a godsend to those Chicago citizens who like to stay involved
with local politics.
Yes, it's the vote casting casket.
Marv Albert was often booked as a last-minute guest if somebody happened to
cancel.
It happened so often that they had a bit about it where the idea was that Marv
was in a glass case that said break in case of emergency.
During rehearsal, I played Marv, and they were going through the rest of the
jokes, and I knew Dave was coming.
I was thinking, what's he going to say to me? What's he going to say?
And I figured out exactly what he was going to say.
He came up to the booth, and he said, hey, Marv, you got enough air in there?
And I said, yes!
And it made Dave laugh that they put it in the script.
Dear Dave, from time to time, a guest of yours shows up late and sometimes not
at all.
How do you rectify this? Do you have, like, a plan B or something?
Sincerely, Michael Rowe, New York, New York.
Good question, Mike, and you've really put your finger on one of the biggest
hazards we face doing this show.
It presents quite a problem when a scheduled guest does not show up.
Fortunately, however, we are prepared for that kind of an emergency here.
Let me show you what the contingency is.
Walk right over here, back here.
If a guest doesn't show up, we just come back here, and we just bust open this
case, you see?
And Marv Albert is ready.
In case of no-show, break glass.
And Marv Albert, we've got the ax here.
Do you have enough air in there, Marv?
Yes.
Okay, Marv, Marv apparently has enough air in there.
One of the bits that really stretched my acting abilities was a cold close.
It was a parody of a Budweiser commercial that involved an Amish guy whose buggy
had broke down.
Every night, David Letterman and Paul Schaefer take the same road home from
work.
Only this time, they went a little out of their way.
Who's this?
Hi.
Need some help?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Looks good as new to me.
Where's the Amish guy?
Hey, where's my wallet?
Huh?
Dead feet.
Hey, freeze!
Chris Elliott did a parody of the chorus line commercial that was running, and
he cast me as one of the dancers.
Remember the first time you saw A Chorus Line?
Well, the faces may have changed, but one thing remains the same.
The best musical then is the best musical, now and forever, A Chorus Line, on
Broadway.
I need this job, oh God, I need this job.
Now starring Teen Beat's Hunk of the Month, Chris Elliott, A Chorus Line, now
and forever.
My biggest recurring role was as a thug, along with Ed Hall, in the series
Father Biff.
If you put a montage of all my expressions together, you will notice I didn't
change once.
I would bite the insides of my cheeks because I was afraid I'd laugh and mess
it up and get kicked out.
Well, it's Tuesday, there's not much else going on, so let's check in with our
newest character, Father Biff, and find out what's going on with him.
Father Biff?
Man, you guys really screwed up now.
Spray-painting dirty words on the convent wall?
You make me sick.
What are you going to do to us, Father Biff?
We heard you were tough, but tender.
I'm going to let my boss take over on this one.
All yours, Mr. G.
Uh, is that it?
Is that it?
The show ain't over, boys.
Now, I'm going to kick your butts.
Every episode, Father Biff kicks their butts.
The same two hoods, the same two punks, the same two ne'er-do-wells, every week
they get a butt kicking from Father Biff.
Well, Father Biff, he's tolerant, but yet he can lay down a firm hand.
Well, he's using a baseball bat.
He has to.
And I know I've seen that one there on his right in here many, many times.
He hasn't learned his lesson yet.
Kick him once for me, Father Biff.
One of the bits I came up with for Biff that was a one-off was when Dick Tracy
was coming out.
We were at the office late and just, we need an act five.
We need an act five.
And I just said, Biff Tracy.
Okay, Carrot Top, Four Eyes, I finally caught up with you grotesque villains.
Man, you guys are ugly.
Come off it, Copper.
What's our crime?
Besides your hideous exteriors, I was thinking of your big heist at the local 7-Eleven.
You can't prove a thing.
I don't guess you have a receipt for these, do you?
Well, no, not exactly, no.
Are you going to take us away now in the Batmobile?
Batmobile?
That's it.
That is it this time.
Time to clean up this city.
Anybody remember Tick Boy?
Dear Dave, on your show on June 22nd, 1989, I remember seeing Tick Boy with
eight legs,
which would mean these pests are spiders.
I think real ticks have six legs and are insects.
Certainly, ticks are not in the same family as our friends, the spiders.
Your faithful viewer forever, Alex Coffer, Columbus, Ohio.
Is this true?
Is that right, Tick Boy?
Where the hell is...
Hey, Tick Boy, get out here.
What the hell is going on?
So, you're no tick.
You're just a lousy spider.
You're no tick at all, are you?
You're a spider.
Are you?
Hello?
Hello?
All right, well, here, I'll show you, now, now, there.
You're a tick.
I guess you're a tick now.
Wait a minute.
Hey, Dave.
I don't know.
Excuse me one second.
What is it, Paul?
What?
Excuse me, Tick Boy.
It seems, I think the person who made you look like a fool is Alex Coffer.
Uh-huh.
It says here, ticks and spiners are both, both eight-legged arachnids.
The only difference is that the tick is a blood-sucking parasite.
Oh, my God.
You mean, I've disfigured Tick Boy?
All because of this guy's letter?
Oh, my God, Tick Boy, I'm terribly sorry.
How can I ever repay you?
I'm awfully sorry.
Here, I'll tell you what.
Here's 50 bucks.
Go down to Hurley's.
Have a nice night, okay?
There you go.
Now, I just, I just, I knew that wasn't going anywhere.
I know.
Yeah, the second Tick Boy came out, I knew I was in trouble.
Dad.
Because I wasn't, I wasn't sure exactly what I was supposed to say to Tick Boy.
So, in that case.
And I knew he wasn't really going to answer me.
So, so I'm screaming at him like he forgot a line.
And, of course, Tick's don't talk.
Writing responses to viewer mail was always fun.
It was, you could just sort of freelance and go anywhere.
A viewer wrote in,
Dear Dave, I was wondering, why do you always clear your desk with your hands?
When most of the time, there's nothing even on it.
Is it a habit?
Just wondering.
Renata.
Well, that's a good question, Renata.
And I guess from where you watch, you really can't see anything on the desk.
But I'm telling you, there is a lot of stuff here crawling all over this desk.
Apparently, look at that.
We've had some kind of infestation.
Oh, these are those barking desk maggots.
They're just, yeah, we really can't do much about them.
It's just been horrible here lately.
I think it's the cold weather.
Oh, I think I cracked a rib.
Somebody wrote in who had an address close to the 30 Rock address complaining
about getting Dave's mail at her office.
So I wrote a bit that she should be happy about it and open it because she
doesn't know what she's missing.
Well, Marie, you know, I apologize for the inconvenience, but it's not just one
of my silly gags.
It happens to be the U.S. postal system, and they've been sending my mail to
the wrong address for years now.
But look, look what you could have had simply by opening my mail.
Look, there's $1,000 cash.
That could have been yours.
Hal, Hal, show Marie what others have received just by opening my mail.
When I got Dave's season tickets for the Rangers, I thought, wow, I've never
won anything before.
All I got was Dave's phone bill.
But now I know his home phone number, and I'm going to call him any time I want.
I had no qualms whatsoever about opening Dave's mail when it was delivered to
my house.
I got his American Express card.
So remember, open Dave's mail.
My biggest adventure in my late night experience was going with Calvert de Forrest
on his Pan-American Goodwill tour to Tierra del Fuego.
Steve O'Donnell came into a writer's meeting and said, hey, Dave approved this
idea of renting an RV,
putting Calvert in it, and sending him across country spreading goodwill.
Which writer wants to go?
And no hands went up because they all had lives.
So I volunteered.
It was an indeterminate time.
We left on a Friday.
No idea when we were coming back.
We didn't have a camera crew because it was too expensive.
Panasonic had invented this new video phone, and all it was was a box that
interlaced, scanned, a still photo that was grainy and black and white
and could have just been backstage.
This must be, and don't let me put words in your mouth, this must be the most
exciting night of your life.
Oh, it certainly is.
You're about to embark on a journey not many people ever dream about, let alone
actually enjoy themselves.
That is so true.
And beginning right here, the greatest metropolis in the world, New York City,
going down the length of the Western Hemisphere to the southernmost tip of
Argentina.
Right down there to Tierra del Fuego.
I knew you'd be stunned.
In a matter of minutes, Larry Calvert will be leaving here, Midtown Manhattan,
and riding in a Mallard 270 SB.
There it is down there.
Oh, it's beautiful.
From the Napanee, Indiana, the Mallard Coach Company.
There it is.
It's Calvert DeForest's Pan American Goodwill Tour.
We were on the campus of the University of Kentucky, I think it was.
Calvert was getting disappointed because there was no one around, because there
were classes going on.
When the classes broke out, tons of people just surrounded.
That's Larry Bud Melman.
And he started handing out T-shirts to people, and I had to stop because I only
had a select number.
And he got mad at me and basically said, do you know who I am?
So that evening, he called his agent, who called Morty, who called me, and told
me I've got to treat Calvert like a star.
We have the video device here.
We're going to actually get to see a photo of you in Lexington.
And Calvert, how actually are you spreading goodwill?
How am I?
Yeah.
Well, let's see.
We went to the University of Kentucky.
Right.
And a lot of fans there.
Right, but you know, you're supposed...
I mean, especially for you, David.
You're supposed to be in Mexico by now.
Oh, David, not yet.
Turn on your thing here so we can see you.
Coming in now?
All right, it's coming in now.
Do me a favor.
Don't shave.
I want you to stop shaving until you get to Tierra del Fuego, okay?
Oh, Dave.
Really?
Yeah, don't shave anymore.
Now, also, you went to Gettysburg?
Yes.
Yeah, now, how long were you at Gettysburg?
Uh, one day.
Yeah.
You know, this is not a vacation.
No, I realize that.
I don't want you to stop at, like, a Disney World either.
Oh, no, never.
I'd never go there.
All right.
Get back in the damn truck and drive, all right?
Oh, fine, Dave.
Anything you say.
Because you don't understand, we want you in Tierra del Fuego before the end of
the year.
Oh, we'll be there before you know it, Dave.
Okay.
One of the stops was Jackson, Mississippi, and we stayed at some low-rent hotel.
I had adjoining rooms with Calvert and Frank.
In the middle of the night, I heard screaming, and then I heard more screaming,
at the screaming.
And apparently, Frank had night terrors, and Calvert was yelling at him to wake
up and stop screaming.
Now, how is everyone getting along on the trip?
I know you're traveling with a driver and a couple of friends and some people
from the show.
How is the mood?
What's the morale like?
The mood is very good, David.
Morale is very high so far.
Everyone's getting along.
There hasn't been any petty bickering, no arguments?
No, nothing at all, David.
No feuding?
No feuding or fighting.
Uh-huh.
Are you telling me the truth, Calvert?
David, would I ever lie to you?
Well, I don't know.
Is everything all right?
Everything's fine, David, except I still want the beard taken off.
No, no.
You leave the beard on.
You look great.
Yes, David.
Okay.
Calvert's mood fluctuated.
He was constantly asking, can we quit now?
You sound discouraged.
No, I'm not well, David.
What's the matter?
I feel lousy, David.
I'm just sick of traveling.
And please, let me take this beard off.
I'm getting a rash from it, David.
It's annoying me.
You know, you've only been gone a couple of weeks.
I know, David, but still, I mean, I'm at the point now I'm getting agitated.
In all honesty here, be candid with me on this.
Do you want to come home or do you want to continue?
I'd like to come home.
Let me repeat the question.
In all...
In all sincerity, David, I want to come home.
In all honesty, do you want to come home or do you want to go on?
I want to come home, David.
At the Guatemala border, we got a bus.
It was basically a school bus, painted lovely colors, and people were
transporting live chickens
on the bus.
And they stopped in every small town before we got to Guatemala City, so it
took five and
a half hours.
Calvert, how are you doing, sir?
So, so, David.
Yeah.
Tell people how you got from Oaxaca to Guatemala.
Well, we got to Guatemala for a Saturday, and we had problems because they didn't
understand
English.
Uh-huh.
So we made it across the border.
Right.
And we, we had to, uh, fumigate, out of fumigate the car.
Uh-huh.
Well, but, Calvert, doesn't that happen when you come through the tunnel out of
Jersey?
Uh, were there snacks?
Only, only, only for the peons, not for us.
I guess you were in the VIP section of the bus then, is what you're telling me.
No, I, I was sitting among them, David.
Um, now, now, what was the, what was the scenery like?
It must be beautiful there, huh?
It's all right, David.
You know, we'd like to have you in Tierra del Fuego by Labor Day.
Oh, David, I'd like to come home after this.
Uh, we're-
I don't want to go on to Tierra del Fuego.
Can we go to another place?
Please?
You, baby!
Are you, are you spreading goodwill?
Oh, David, it's getting to the point now.
I definitely want to come home, David.
I'm going to give you three choices.
You can continue, you can come home,
or you can leave where you are right now,
and we'll send you to Disney World.
I'd just, I'd just rather come home, period,
even without the Disney World.
So, so you, you,
you, you want to put an end to the goodwill tour?
Yes, Dave.
All right.
They finally called the trip off,
which was good because I'm not sure
what the next mode of transportation would have been
other than, like, a, a pedicab.
Did you learn anything from your travels?
Not to go there again.
What?
You know, I, every time you would call in here on the show
from one of these locations,
I get the sense that we were bothering you.
No, you weren't bothering me.
They were.
I see.
The writers were aware that Calvert and I
had been butting heads,
so they thought it would be funny
if they put us in another bit together.
That had nothing to do with the,
the goodwill tour,
but it did involve me hitting Calvert
on the back of the head with a board.
The first time I hit him,
the board didn't break.
It's 1 a.m.
Do you know where your children are?
Not to change the subject,
but how'd you like to see my personal trainer
break a board over my head?
Get in here, boy.
Son of a...
Son of a...
The thing that we didn't really get to show
was what went on in between appearances on the show.
So I wanted to write a fictionalized version of it
and my dream casting would be Patton Oswalt
as Calvert de Forrest.
Somebody handsome would play me.

Staff Favorite Moments: Writer Dave Rygalski | Letterman

Hi, I'm Dave Vregalski. My late night with David Letterman career began in 1984
as an intern and got hired on the writing staff in 1989.
You may recognize me from my nightly appearances in the opening montage where I
played guy reading newspaper in parking garage.
Back then as an intern, I was a skinny kid with a mustache and I looked like I
might have been in the military.
So I was cast in a bit as a member of the Blue Angels and we got to demonstrate
our aerobatic skills in the studio.
Now this was one of my favorite sometimes guests. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see
the period.
This is one of my favorites. Sometimes guests have funny ideas about what they
should be.
Have funny ideas about what they should do on the show and well, let's watch.
Funny ideas about what they should do.
Okay, we're back with the Blue Angels. Now, Colonel, I understand you brought
some film of some of the amazing aerobatic stunts you and your men perform in
the sky.
Um, no, I didn't.
I thought we were going to get the chance to...
Well, I thought it might be more interesting if we demonstrated some of those
stunts here in the studio live for you.
Flight group, assemble.
Delta formation.
Heal off on my signal.
One.
Two.
Three.
Three.
I got a lot of FaceTime on the show. I was in a Who Asked For It where I got to
ask Dave if I could come sit at his desk.
Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
This may sound kind of strange, but I'm a pretty big fan of yours and I've
always wondered what it's like to be like you.
Could I come down to your desk and sit down?
Well, sir, you know, obviously for security purposes, we can't let you come
right down here to the desk, but if you really want to see what it's like to be
me, I think we can arrange that for just a second.
If you'll just look at the monitor, sir, I think there's something we can do
for you.
Okay, just if you're continuing to look at the monitor.
There you go.
Thank you, David.
The show went to Chicago for a week. That trip was momentous for me. I came up
with the voting casket. It actually even made the Chicago Sun-Times.
I was sitting on a stage and Steve O'Donnell sat next to me and said, well,
this seems like a pretty good time to tell you. We're hiring you as a writer.
Here's a joke that's going to make you happy. You waited in the rain.
This is the baby that makes it all worthwhile here tonight.
This is why you're going to race home and write it down in your diaries. It's
all here.
This invention is a godsend to those Chicago citizens who like to stay involved
with local politics.
Yes, it's the vote casting casket.
Marv Albert was often booked as a last-minute guest if somebody happened to
cancel.
It happened so often that they had a bit about it where the idea was that Marv
was in a glass case that said break in case of emergency.
During rehearsal, I played Marv, and they were going through the rest of the
jokes, and I knew Dave was coming.
I was thinking, what's he going to say to me? What's he going to say?
And I figured out exactly what he was going to say.
He came up to the booth, and he said, hey, Marv, you got enough air in there?
And I said, yes!
And it made Dave laugh that they put it in the script.
Dear Dave, from time to time, a guest of yours shows up late and sometimes not
at all.
How do you rectify this? Do you have, like, a plan B or something?
Sincerely, Michael Rowe, New York, New York.
Good question, Mike, and you've really put your finger on one of the biggest
hazards we face doing this show.
It presents quite a problem when a scheduled guest does not show up.
Fortunately, however, we are prepared for that kind of an emergency here.
Let me show you what the contingency is.
Walk right over here, back here.
If a guest doesn't show up, we just come back here, and we just bust open this
case, you see?
And Marv Albert is ready.
In case of no-show, break glass.
And Marv Albert, we've got the ax here.
Do you have enough air in there, Marv?
Yes.
Okay, Marv, Marv apparently has enough air in there.
One of the bits that really stretched my acting abilities was a cold close.
It was a parody of a Budweiser commercial that involved an Amish guy whose buggy
had broke down.
Every night, David Letterman and Paul Schaefer take the same road home from
work.
Only this time, they went a little out of their way.
Who's this?
Hi.
Need some help?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Looks good as new to me.
Where's the Amish guy?
Hey, where's my wallet?
Huh?
Dead feet.
Hey, freeze!
Chris Elliott did a parody of the chorus line commercial that was running, and
he cast me as one of the dancers.
Remember the first time you saw A Chorus Line?
Well, the faces may have changed, but one thing remains the same.
The best musical then is the best musical, now and forever, A Chorus Line, on
Broadway.
I need this job, oh God, I need this job.
Now starring Teen Beat's Hunk of the Month, Chris Elliott, A Chorus Line, now
and forever.
My biggest recurring role was as a thug, along with Ed Hall, in the series
Father Biff.
If you put a montage of all my expressions together, you will notice I didn't
change once.
I would bite the insides of my cheeks because I was afraid I'd laugh and mess
it up and get kicked out.
Well, it's Tuesday, there's not much else going on, so let's check in with our
newest character, Father Biff, and find out what's going on with him.
Father Biff?
Man, you guys really screwed up now.
Spray-painting dirty words on the convent wall?
You make me sick.
What are you going to do to us, Father Biff?
We heard you were tough, but tender.
I'm going to let my boss take over on this one.
All yours, Mr. G.
Uh, is that it?
Is that it?
The show ain't over, boys.
Now, I'm going to kick your butts.
Every episode, Father Biff kicks their butts.
The same two hoods, the same two punks, the same two ne'er-do-wells, every week
they get a butt kicking from Father Biff.
Well, Father Biff, he's tolerant, but yet he can lay down a firm hand.
Well, he's using a baseball bat.
He has to.
And I know I've seen that one there on his right in here many, many times.
He hasn't learned his lesson yet.
Kick him once for me, Father Biff.
One of the bits I came up with for Biff that was a one-off was when Dick Tracy
was coming out.
We were at the office late and just, we need an act five.
We need an act five.
And I just said, Biff Tracy.
Okay, Carrot Top, Four Eyes, I finally caught up with you grotesque villains.
Man, you guys are ugly.
Come off it, Copper.
What's our crime?
Besides your hideous exteriors, I was thinking of your big heist at the local 7-Eleven.
You can't prove a thing.
I don't guess you have a receipt for these, do you?
Well, no, not exactly, no.
Are you going to take us away now in the Batmobile?
Batmobile?
That's it.
That is it this time.
Time to clean up this city.
Anybody remember Tick Boy?
Dear Dave, on your show on June 22nd, 1989, I remember seeing Tick Boy with
eight legs,
which would mean these pests are spiders.
I think real ticks have six legs and are insects.
Certainly, ticks are not in the same family as our friends, the spiders.
Your faithful viewer forever, Alex Coffer, Columbus, Ohio.
Is this true?
Is that right, Tick Boy?
Where the hell is...
Hey, Tick Boy, get out here.
What the hell is going on?
So, you're no tick.
You're just a lousy spider.
You're no tick at all, are you?
You're a spider.
Are you?
Hello?
Hello?
All right, well, here, I'll show you, now, now, there.
You're a tick.
I guess you're a tick now.
Wait a minute.
Hey, Dave.
I don't know.
Excuse me one second.
What is it, Paul?
What?
Excuse me, Tick Boy.
It seems, I think the person who made you look like a fool is Alex Coffer.
Uh-huh.
It says here, ticks and spiners are both, both eight-legged arachnids.
The only difference is that the tick is a blood-sucking parasite.
Oh, my God.
You mean, I've disfigured Tick Boy?
All because of this guy's letter?
Oh, my God, Tick Boy, I'm terribly sorry.
How can I ever repay you?
I'm awfully sorry.
Here, I'll tell you what.
Here's 50 bucks.
Go down to Hurley's.
Have a nice night, okay?
There you go.
Now, I just, I just, I knew that wasn't going anywhere.
I know.
Yeah, the second Tick Boy came out, I knew I was in trouble.
Dad.
Because I wasn't, I wasn't sure exactly what I was supposed to say to Tick Boy.
So, in that case.
And I knew he wasn't really going to answer me.
So, so I'm screaming at him like he forgot a line.
And, of course, Tick's don't talk.
Writing responses to viewer mail was always fun.
It was, you could just sort of freelance and go anywhere.
A viewer wrote in,
Dear Dave, I was wondering, why do you always clear your desk with your hands?
When most of the time, there's nothing even on it.
Is it a habit?
Just wondering.
Renata.
Well, that's a good question, Renata.
And I guess from where you watch, you really can't see anything on the desk.
But I'm telling you, there is a lot of stuff here crawling all over this desk.
Apparently, look at that.
We've had some kind of infestation.
Oh, these are those barking desk maggots.
They're just, yeah, we really can't do much about them.
It's just been horrible here lately.
I think it's the cold weather.
Oh, I think I cracked a rib.
Somebody wrote in who had an address close to the 30 Rock address complaining
about getting Dave's mail at her office.
So I wrote a bit that she should be happy about it and open it because she
doesn't know what she's missing.
Well, Marie, you know, I apologize for the inconvenience, but it's not just one
of my silly gags.
It happens to be the U.S. postal system, and they've been sending my mail to
the wrong address for years now.
But look, look what you could have had simply by opening my mail.
Look, there's $1,000 cash.
That could have been yours.
Hal, Hal, show Marie what others have received just by opening my mail.
When I got Dave's season tickets for the Rangers, I thought, wow, I've never
won anything before.
All I got was Dave's phone bill.
But now I know his home phone number, and I'm going to call him any time I want.
I had no qualms whatsoever about opening Dave's mail when it was delivered to
my house.
I got his American Express card.
So remember, open Dave's mail.
My biggest adventure in my late night experience was going with Calvert de Forrest
on his Pan-American Goodwill tour to Tierra del Fuego.
Steve O'Donnell came into a writer's meeting and said, hey, Dave approved this
idea of renting an RV,
putting Calvert in it, and sending him across country spreading goodwill.
Which writer wants to go?
And no hands went up because they all had lives.
So I volunteered.
It was an indeterminate time.
We left on a Friday.
No idea when we were coming back.
We didn't have a camera crew because it was too expensive.
Panasonic had invented this new video phone, and all it was was a box that
interlaced, scanned, a still photo that was grainy and black and white
and could have just been backstage.
This must be, and don't let me put words in your mouth, this must be the most
exciting night of your life.
Oh, it certainly is.
You're about to embark on a journey not many people ever dream about, let alone
actually enjoy themselves.
That is so true.
And beginning right here, the greatest metropolis in the world, New York City,
going down the length of the Western Hemisphere to the southernmost tip of
Argentina.
Right down there to Tierra del Fuego.
I knew you'd be stunned.
In a matter of minutes, Larry Calvert will be leaving here, Midtown Manhattan,
and riding in a Mallard 270 SB.
There it is down there.
Oh, it's beautiful.
From the Napanee, Indiana, the Mallard Coach Company.
There it is.
It's Calvert DeForest's Pan American Goodwill Tour.
We were on the campus of the University of Kentucky, I think it was.
Calvert was getting disappointed because there was no one around, because there
were classes going on.
When the classes broke out, tons of people just surrounded.
That's Larry Bud Melman.
And he started handing out T-shirts to people, and I had to stop because I only
had a sel