Name: Howard Stern Doesn't Care If He Gets Fired | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-12-08T22:35:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howard Stern Doesn't Care If He Gets Fired | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Howard Stern Doesn't Care If He Gets Fired | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-08. Transcript available.

My first guest tonight is the afternoon drive-time disc jockey on WNBC right
here in New York City.
Please welcome now America's most beloved radio personality, Howard Stern.
Hi, Howard.
Howard, thank you very much for being here. Nice to see you again.
This is the most uptight show I've ever been on.
What do you mean by that?
Well, who's the guy who produces the show?
I had a great bit. I was going to come out here. Can I tell you about this?
Please do.
Did you know about this?
I don't know anything.
Well, I was going to come out here.
I just show up late and they put a suit on me and I come out.
I had gone out and gotten a dead horse that I was going to drag on and make it
do a swale bit.
And the producer, Barry, no, no, no, it wasn't offensive or anything.
We're going to do a whole psychic thing where swale, I drag out swale and you
sit behind the desk.
And then I try to figure out what killed swale and I do this autopsy on it.
And I start digging in and then I open it up and I find out swale was killed by
and then because there's two guys inside the horse.
Oh, I see.
So they said it was too offensive.
They don't want horse jokes on.
Yeah, yeah.
So this will probably be my last appearance on here because I'm not supposed to
talk about horses.
But it was meant as a loving final tribute.
It was meant as a joke, a tribute to the horse.
Can I ask you a couple of questions about radio?
Sure.
You know, I admire you and the work you do and the fine station you work for.
Don't you think it's one of the great radio stations in America?
No, no, I think this is a, I think the station I work for is an AM station.
It's a station that's dying and that's why they hired me to be so offensive and
do swale jokes.
No, Howard.
No, it's true because it's an AM station and nobody listens to AM anymore.
No, that's not true.
It's almost impossible to get people to listen to AM radio.
There's so much static, you can't hear it.
I mean, it's true.
You listen to the music, it's static and my voice is static and nobody listens
to music on AM anywhere.
Now, let me ask you about, that's what I was going to ask you about.
What's AM stereo?
What is that?
That's a real joke.
That's a goof.
What it is, it's twice as much stereo and nobody has AM stereos in this country.
No, why would you want to buy an AM stereo receiver?
Well, you wouldn't.
I mean, nobody wants it, but you get on and say AM stereo and there's a couple
of people
who are brain dead in our audience and they buy the fact that we're in AM
stereo and they
think they're listening to stereo and it's a mono signal.
So the whole station is a scam.
And I'm glad you brought that up.
I don't like it.
All right, no.
I don't like it.
I don't think AM stereo, I think AM stereo is a joke.
Does anybody actually think AM stereo is stereo?
No.
Let me, let me, does anybody here own an AM stereo receiver?
Yeah.
And happy with the performance?
Would anybody like to see me drag out Swale?
Well, see, that's interesting.
We have about 300 people there.
One person out of 300 has purchased an AM stereo receiver.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
All right.
Now, Howard, last time you were here, you wanted to talk a little bit about
this.
This is the July 1984 issue.
We Magazine.
We Magazine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, they have...
I'm in here with naked girls.
Oh, my.
And it's a, well, it's a kind of thing where I was, you know, I did this with
We Magazine.
There's naked pictures of women in there.
It's amazing what they get away with and what they do.
Oh, here we go.
Yeah.
Here's...
Just jockeys in the country.
Yeah, you were at work.
This is a spanking scene.
You can show some of these, can't you?
Yeah, I think we can show this series right here.
See, I'll do anything for ratings.
Now, you're...
I know you wouldn't do something like this.
Now, this is you at work, isn't it?
No, this is...
They brought two models in, and I was just hugging up to them, and I talk
really...
I mean, there's a lot of obscene stuff in here, and NBC is very uptight about
this.
Okay, well, let me get to that in a second.
But tell me about your wife's reaction to this.
You're married, right?
Yeah.
Lovely woman.
How long have you been married?
Well, my wife and I have been married six years, and the fact of the matter is,
I said to
her, look, this is the way I make my living.
This is economic security.
If I can get in We Magazine and take pictures with naked girls...
So she bought the whole concept.
I mean, you know, what are you going to do?
So I'm in We Magazine.
It's a five-page spread, and it's very sexist.
It's very dirty.
You know what I mean.
But the company is upset with things you said in the publication.
Now, what did you say that I said?
Well, I was real dirty in the publication.
You see, I'm going to get fired for talking about this.
I know.
But you don't care, do you?
No, I don't care that I'm going to be upset.
Now, if you get fired, what will happen to you?
Well, what will happen is some other radio station will hire me and pay me a
lot of money to
say obscene things.
They'll get uptight about it, and they'll fire me at some other radio station.
It's like I'm constantly getting fired.
You just go around the country doing this and making a lot of money.
Yeah.
Well, it concerns me that I haven't been fired in the last two years.
So NBC will fire me soon.
Okay.
Now, they were upset about what?
No, I talked dirty about...
I talked about my sex life in here, and I talked about, you know, my circumcision.
I talked about a lot of these things.
And NBC says, well, you should have a clean image.
But, you know...
I mean, guys like Eddie Murphy worked for NBC, and they had a dirty...
You know, he had a dirty act, and that was fine.
Yeah, and he was very successful.
Yeah, that was okay.
And what do they say when you bring that up to them?
Well, they say that's a rational argument.
Nobody at NBC is rational.
Yeah.
There you go.
Okay.
All right.
Speaking of my...
Speaking of...
Excuse me.
What?
Say whatever you want.
We've got to do a commercial first.
Okay.
Hang on to it.
Slow me down, you know?
Well, Howard's going to inflate the horse and drag it out.
We'll be right back, folks.
All right.
This was in last week's post.
Howard Stern's radio's insult jockey.
Now, that's not fair to start with.
I don't think...
Yeah, I'm not an insult jockey.
No.
I don't...
I'm a dis...
No, I'm not a disjockey.
I guess I'm an air personality.
An air personality.
You know, or God's gift to radio.
Yeah.
Now, I've noticed on Friday, you count down the top 20 hits in reverse order.
Yeah, I just want to say something.
We're involved with a couple of things for radio.
These countdown shows...
Anybody listen to these countdown shows?
Like Casey Kasem?
There's a person who makes those long-distance requests to her boyfriend in the
army.
This guy's got the greatest scam going in the world.
This guy takes the 20 top records of the week and counts them up for you.
You know, I mean, basically.
And he makes you wait for four hours till he gets to the number one record.
I think it's kind of a scam, so we're working on a countdown show that's going
to be heard,
but except we're going to give you the number one record right off the bat,
right off the top.
Yeah, get that out of the way.
Yeah, none of that stuff.
And you won't run down.
Yeah, we're working on it.
Now, I heard you say one time that you were going to get Casey's show bounced
off WNBC.
Yeah.
I was pushing for that for a long time, and basically he's off NBC now.
Yeah.
I don't like countdown shows.
I don't like anything that's pre-taped or canned.
Uh, I don't like any of that.
All right.
No, except this show.
It's a great show.
Thank you.
This isn't the...
I think he means it.
No, the producer calls me up and says,
what are you going to talk to David about?
Don't do any swale jokes.
Don't touch David.
No.
Don't.
And the guy says to me, he asked me, what am I going to talk about?
I said, I don't know what I'm going to talk about.
Have David ask questions.
Well, David wants to ask you, what's bothering you?
And then you just, you know, you just talk.
I said, well, haven't...
I mean, you guys get paid a lot of money.
Why don't you just, you know, write down some questions and, you know, have
David ask me
some questions.
Well, I have one here.
The guys who work here are so uncreative.
What do you got?
I have one here.
Now, back to the post.
Um, this was in the post now, it seems like six, seven months ago.
I'm not like Fran Leibovitz.
I don't, I don't like, uh, come out here and write things down.
You know, I don't know what I'm going to talk about.
Okay, now we do want to ask you this.
Howard Stern, radio's insult jockey, is set for a pilot for late night
television to be
submitted to NBC first.
His manager is singer Steve Rossi.
Uh, Steve Rossi's our manager.
The guy from Marty Allen and Steve Rossi.
Allen and Rossi?
Hello, Dare?
Those guys?
Yeah.
This guy is our manager.
He got us a TV pilot.
We're shooting it in August.
Yeah.
So we're, you know, we think we're going to be on TV.
Well, that's good.
All right.
And, uh, Steve Rossi is this guy who, you know, he's kind of like, he's kind of
the old school
comedian.
He's the guy, he kisses me on Sixth Avenue.
Yeah.
Like when we're walking down the street.
He's like the old type manager.
We're walking down the street.
He goes, I love you, babe.
I love you.
So I said, if you're going to manage me, man, you can't kiss.
The guy's kissing me and grabs me up in his arms, man, and starts hugging me.
And that's his, like, whole deal.
But I really love the guy because he got us on TV, you know.
But I'm not going to kiss him on Sixth Avenue.
And for you, that's good management.
You don't mind that.
Well, it's Hollywood, I guess.
I don't know.
It's L.A. or something.
All right.
Now, so August, you're taping a show.
August, we're taping a show.
Anything else coming up in your career we don't know about?
What's Dial-A-Date?
Oh, yeah.
Anything good coming up?
We do, like, the old dating game thing.
I told you we do lesbian Dial-A-Date.
Right.
We had a Jamaican Dial-A-Date.
I don't, uh, I see all these commercials for the Bahamas and go to Jamaica.
I'm not going, personally.
Yeah.
I think the Jamaicans hate white people like me.
And I'm not going to go to their hotels and have them cut my legs off.
So I'm staying home.
So I invited a Jamaican, I invited a Jamaican guy to come on.
I invited a Jamaican guy to come on to improve, you know, relations in this
country.
And I set him up with a white woman.
And the Ku Klux Klan has contacted me.
I'm sure they're after me at this point.
Well, Howard, you've got a, uh, there's certainly a full plate tonight from
Howard, wasn't it?
I never even got to Lorna Luft and Liza Minnelli.
Now, we're out of time.
But please come back and finish up on Lorna and Liza.
Hey, I'm like a regular, you know, I'm like Pee-wee Herman now.
Howard Stern, ladies and gentlemen.
Nice job, Howard.
Nice to see you.
Stay right there.
Love you right back with Leon Russell.