Name: Viewer Mail: Paul's Egg Nog Spit-Take | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-12-22T15:55:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Paul's Egg Nog Spit-Take | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Paul's Egg Nog Spit-Take | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-22. Transcript available.

Friday nights, ladies and gentlemen, we take a couple of seconds at the
beginning of the program to answer actual letters from actual viewers.
Here we go. Viewer mail letter number one.
Thank you.
This afternoon, one of our writers brought in some beef jerky, holiday jerky,
beef jerky.
And I've spent the entire day eating beef jerky.
You love your jerky.
Here's another little tip I'll pass along to you.
I'm normally not a jerky guy.
I suppose in my lifetime, I've not consumed more than maybe two or three pounds
of jerky total.
But even so, that's a sizable record.
The FDA recommends about 12 pounds a year.
I see.
That would be, to get your minimum jerky required one, it'd be about a dozen
pounds of jerky.
And of course, you know, you're going to spend a lot of your day doing this if
you eat a lot of jerky.
That's how I've been spending my afternoon.
And let me tell you something.
Honestly, you're just, listen to me.
I said listen to me.
You're fooling yourself if you think you can eat jerky and not floss, okay?
There we go.
Letter number one.
Dear Dave, do you think that, did you know that it says here that possum is the
Latin word for I can?
Sort of makes you think, doesn't it?
Yours truly, Larry Eubank, Bloomington, Indiana.
Yeah, you know, it really does.
It does make you think.
What a pinhead.
It does make you think.
What'd you think?
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, will you marry me?
Your fan, Susan, Chicago, Illinois.
This is cute.
But, you know, Susan, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you're a little bit late.
What's the matter?
Don't you read People Magazine?
Huh?
Susan, is that the deal?
You don't read People Magazine?
Look, you're a little too late, Sue.
Take a look at this.
Last week's issue of People Magazine.
Oprah and I are going to be married.
I went nuts and bought a yacht.
I'm in the money now.
Got some of that Oprah money.
Oprah enjoys the occasional jerky.
It's the holidays and there's a storm outside.
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, my English teacher is making her classes write about their Christmas
memories.
Since I can't think of one, I was wondering if I could borrow one of yours.
Sincerely, Alison Francoeur.
Uh, yeah, sure, Alison, you can borrow one of my Christmas memories.
Uh, last year.
Take last year, for example.
Just, uh, just a year ago.
That was a typical Christmas for me at the house.
So, there you go, Alison.
Write up that little holiday memory and turn that one in.
I'm sorry.
Letter number four.
I'm sorry, Dave.
Dear Dave.
I'm sorry, Dave.
What?
I'm sorry, Paul.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Uh, that was not really how you spent last Christmas.
Yes, it was.
That was it.
Letter number four.
No, come on, Dave.
Huh?
Dave, be honest.
You know, tell us the truth.
You'll feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Okay, all right, all right, all right.
How did you really spend Christmas?
Thank you very much, Mr. Bringdown.
Well, you know, how did it?
Okay, all right.
It may be, it may be that it was a little different.
It went something like this.
Last year at my house.
Rudolph, Christmas is not off, and you're going to lead my team.
I am?
Man, that Rudolph is one brave son of a bitch.
I feel better now.
I think we are.
Similar, similar.
I think we all feel much better.
Letter number four.
Dear Dave, is it okay to combine two containers of eggnog if the containers
have different expiration dates?
Let's see.
This comes to us from Andy Groenmer, Laurel, Maryland.
Let's just see.
We have some eggnog here.
We have a leaded crystal bowl.
Very festive for the holidays.
You know, I'll tell you what.
Let's have some special holiday lighting for this experiment, too.
That's perfect.
Thank you.
Okay.
So here's the, here's the, all right.
Here's the fresh eggnog.
This is the brand new eggnog, and we're going to combine this with eggnog that's
two years old at way, way beyond its expiration date, and we'll just see.
Now, what have I done with the, uh...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Paul, wait a minute, Paul, hey, Paul,
you're, that, that eggnog is two years old.
Two years old?
That's right.
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
Paul Schaefer's famous eggnog spit take, the official beginning of the holiday
season.
We enjoy those spit takes each and every holiday season.
Hal, do me a favor, take us down memory lane.
Roll it.
Hal, do you have it?
Are you like me when you see those slow-motion eggnog spit takes, does one
thing come to mind?
Are you like me, Paul, does one thing come to your mind when you see those slow-mo
eggnog spit takes?
What comes to your mind?
Air sickness.
Are you like me?
We'd like to apologize for the turbulence.
Sorry for any inconvenience we may have caused you.
Please accept some complimentary airplane eggnog.
We have a wonderful program, ladies and gentlemen, and it all continues with
David Brenner right after you watch this commercial.