Name: Stupid Pet Tricks: Dog Plays Dead | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-12-28T16:13:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Pet Tricks: Dog Plays Dead | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Pet Tricks: Dog Plays Dead | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-28. Transcript available.

All right.
Well, as you can tell by the placement of the urine-proof rug, it's time.
Time for a little something we call Stupid Pet Tricks.
Here are, yeah, of course.
Our first participants tonight say hello to Abe Taylor and Sparky.
Abe and Sparky, come on out.
Hey, Abe.
How are you?
Good.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Wow, this is a good-looking dog.
What kind of dog is Sparky?
Sparky's a Shiba Inu.
I'm sorry?
A Shiba Inu.
Well, I've never heard of that dog.
Is that like a new combination?
No, it's been around for a long time.
So it's its own breed.
It's not a mix of some kind?
And where are they from originally?
Japan.
And what characterizes this dog?
Are they working dogs?
Are they going to chase rodents?
Are they friendly?
He's lazy most of the time.
Lazy most of the time?
Yeah.
And do you mind if I pet Sparky?
Oh, sure, please.
Hello.
Why, hello, Sparky.
Hello there, buddy-buddy.
How's my little friend Sparky?
Very nice guy.
Where are you folks from, Abe?
We're both from San Francisco.
San Francisco.
How are things in San Francisco?
Good.
Great town.
Tremendous town.
Still great?
Still tremendous?
Still is.
All right.
What are you guys going to do for us tonight, Abe?
Well, Sparky's going to act like a dog possessed by the devil.
Whoa.
Wow.
So, one minute, Sparky is normal.
And how could this dog possibly be housing demon spirits?
No, it's such a beautiful.
Such a beautiful dog.
Okay.
Abe Taylor and Sparky.
He's going to be, may need an exorcism here later.
Sparky, where's Satan?
Where is he?
Where's Satan?
Where's Satan?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where's Satan?
Back to normal.
Would you like to pet him again?
What the hell is going on out there in San Francisco?
There's a little angel.
That's crazy.
Let's take a look at this.
Here's Sparky going nuts.
Oh, man.
All right.
Thank you very much, Abe.
Good luck in the hotel.
Thank you.
Goodbye, Sparky.
Honestly, from the minute they walked out there,
I knew there was something about that dog I didn't care for.
I mean, pretending to be all fluffy and cute, you know,
that's what he wants you to think.
Next, ladies and gentlemen, Karen Edwards and Babe.
Come on out, kids.
Hi, Karen.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
Welcome to the show, Karen.
Thank you.
And this is Babe.
What a beautiful animal that is.
Is that a lab?
Is that what it is?
Lab mix.
Lab mix.
What is he mixed with?
She's mixed with golden retriever, iris setter.
What about Satan?
Is there any Satan in that animal?
No.
And Karen, you're from Opelousas, Louisiana.
And what do you do for a living there?
I own a real estate company called Better Homes, Ranches, and Properties.
And how is that going, the real estate?
Is it all right or not all right?
It's going good.
Oh, good for you.
So there's a success story with all this grim economic news.
And how long have you had Babe?
She's about 13 years old.
13 years old?
And I've had her since just 18 months.
Yeah, and well, look at the tail.
I've never seen a tail like that.
That's kind of cool, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's like something you'd see in a parade or a gay pride week parade or
something.
So now, Karen, you and Babe, what will you do here?
You're going to write down a number, 1 through 10, and Babe is going to count
it back to you by barking.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, if that works, then this dog is a genius.
Forget real estate.
Okay.
You're sitting on a gold mine here.
You're telling me Babe is actually a counting dog?
Yes.
Oh, my God, ladies and gentlemen, a counting dog.
All right.
All right, so I write down a number from 1 to 10, and then Babe will bark it up.
Right, so she can see it because she's getting older eyes.
Oh, okay.
So she does see it or she doesn't see it?
She does, write it big.
Oh, and I'll show it to her then.
Yeah, I'll show it to her.
Okay, okay.
Now, the last time, I don't want you to know that.
No, she's channel.
You said that dog was schizophrenic.
Get that dog on some Zoloft or something.
Okay, a number for Babe, any number, 1 to 10.
1 to 10, any number.
Oh, and you do show it to her.
I'm going to show it to her, sister.
No secret, okay.
It's a big number.
I'll show it to the audience, too.
I mean, we want our money's worth, right?
Babe.
I mean, it...
Get a treat.
Get a treat.
Get a treat.
It could have been that, but what fun would that be?
Get a treat.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
All right.
Here we go.
I'll show it to you.
Do you need to see it?
Hey, babe.
Give it a try.
Just give it a try.
Give it a try.
Let's see what happens here.
All right.
That's plenty.
Wow.
That was amazing.
Karen, thank you very much.
Nice meeting you.
Goodbye, babe.
There goes Babe the Cat and Dog, ladies and gentlemen.
Kind of cool, isn't it?
Really was.
And now, folks, we have Mike Bauer and Bailey.
Come on out and say hello to the folks, Mike and Bailey.
Hi, Mike.
Hello.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
Fine.
Thank you very much.
And this is Bailey.
Yes.
Bailey is a beagle.
Now, Bailey, you like Bailey?
How long have you had Bailey?
Three years.
Are they good dogs?
I've heard that they kind of have a rotten disposition a little bit.
They can be a little snarky, you know, a little grumbly.
Is that true or not?
They have a mind of their own.
Mind of their own, yeah.
But they're good dogs.
Well, he's certainly a handsome-looking dog.
Where are you guys from?
Buffalo, New York.
What do you do in Buffalo?
I'm a bridge inspector.
Bridge inspector.
Well, you've got your work cut out for you now, don't you?
Yeah.
And how do the bridges in and around Buffalo seem?
Okay or not okay?
They're good.
And generally, the infrastructure, you believe, in this country, in this state,
okay?
Not okay?
They need improved.
Need improvement?
We need money for improvements.
But bridges are safe.
Let's see if you can win some money here tonight.
Okay.
Put it up.
Bailey, and what are you guys going to do?
She is going to play dead.
Play dead.
And then come alive, it says here.
Yes.
Play dead and come alive?
Okay.
Yes.
Do you need that other devil dog out here to help?
No.
How was the, were you backstage with that crazy dog?
How was?
He was calm.
Calm.
Until he gets the command.
Yeah, until he gets the command.
Yeah.
Hey.
Somebody ought to look into that guy.
Okay, Bailey now.
Bailey will play dead.
What do we need to do here?
Anything, Mike?
Nothing.
Okay.
Okay.
Bailey, play dead.
Hey.
Play dead.
That was good.
Play dead.
That was good.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
There you go.
Oh, buddy.
Alive.
He's fine.
Okay.
That was great.
Thank you very much, Bailey.
Thank you very much, Mike.
Let's take one more look here in the slow motion.
Here's Bailey playing dead.
And hit the switch.
Clunk.
Good night, everybody.
It's Mike Bauer and Bailey.
Thank you very much, Mike.
Nice meeting you.
Great job.
Thank you.
Take care.
Well, there you go.
That's a little something we call stupid pet tricks.
We'll be right back with Paul Rudd, everybody.