Name: Jamie Lee Curtis Brings Dave A Mansize Gift | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-01-26T23:04:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jamie Lee Curtis Brings Dave A Mansize Gift | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jamie Lee Curtis Brings Dave A Mansize Gift | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-26. Transcript available.

You know, ladies and gentlemen, from A Fish Called Wanda, a very funny, fine
film, to True Lies,
our first guest is certainly a big-time motion picture star, but she also has a
best-selling
writer whose new book is entitled Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born.
It is now in bookstores.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's Jamie Lee Curtis.
Let me hear this, ladies and gentlemen.
Here, you look lovely.
You look lovely.
You smell nice.
All right, first of all.
Thank you very much for being here.
Boy, do you look great.
You have a broken neck.
Busted neck.
Nobody knows this about you.
Everybody knows it.
That's all I talk about is a busted neck.
Let me just say, you are warned before you come out here.
By the way, just so you know, in America, it's going to be hard to read this poller,
and
you won't be able to.
They have it cold in here for some reason.
Why do you like it so cold?
Do we like to keep our comedy fresh?
Is that why?
I was so curious, because it's 44 degrees in here, and I actually had somebody
take a photograph
of the thermostat to prove it, and unfortunately, you can't really see the 44.
Get right in there tight on this shot here.
There's a four and a four.
Here we go.
There's two fours.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
Isn't it?
Yes.
It's balmy in here today.
It's very, very comfortable, very, very pleasant.
So basically, if I start shivering or turn blue, because I'm actually a very
cold person.
You feel fine.
You're ready to go.
It's invigorating, isn't it?
I'm good to go.
Let's go, Dave.
All right.
I brought a gift.
I know you don't like gifts.
I'm not allowed to touch your neck.
You don't like gifts.
Here's my thing.
Well, no, I understand.
It's like a surprise party.
I would hate a surprise party.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, nobody likes a surprise party.
I just brought you.
I could just, I literally flew in the Concord yesterday from England, where I've
been shooting
a movie again, and the same movie again.
It's a long story.
What?
Now, wait a minute.
What?
You're shooting a movie over?
No, the first called Wanda, the sequel.
We kind of then went back and reshot kind of a lot.
But that's okay, because we made it better.
Yeah.
But it's good.
But the point is that I just flew in.
I'm very tired.
Boy, are your arms tired.
But I brought you a gift.
My gift is this.
This was my driver in London.
Everybody has a driver.
It's fabulous.
It's Roy Clark.
Really?
Everybody in London has a driver?
Man, that's cool.
In the movie business.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And it's lovely.
And his name is Roy Clark.
I've known him for a long time.
I loved him on He-Haw.
Remember him on He-Haw?
Oh, the funniest.
Great guitar player.
I have a point.
Roy Clark.
He's driving in London now.
Did you hear that?
No, that's sad.
I had no idea I'm right.
Come on.
I'll go ahead and shoot him in.
I'm sorry.
No, I mean, I'll go behind the camera.
No, no, continue.
Anyway, I brought you a gift.
All right, thank you.
This made me laugh.
All right.
It's the biggest Kleenex I've ever seen in my life.
It is, wait, it's Kleenex for men.
And wait a minute.
For man-sized strength, man-sized softness, man-sized reliability.
Yeah.
Take a look at how big these boys are.
But I actually know that, I know that boat people came over on boats.
Clinging to the man-sized Kleenex.
That were actually smaller than this.
This is terrifying to me.
And I think you should open it.
All right, let's take a look at him.
But this frightened me.
This is a man-
Now, what is-
Now-
It's enormous.
It's like a hanky.
But I don't get it.
It's like a twin sheet.
It's for like a king bed.
Look at that.
Like a pocket square.
Look at that.
That's good.
Nice.
Brilliant.
God bless you.
God bless you and the man-sized Kleenex.
They also have travel size and little mini ones.
This is the biggest, without question, the biggest Kleenex I've ever laid on
the nose on.
And they're for men.
Yeah, of course.
And they're for you, baby.
Big, big men with their big, big noses.
They're big, giant, runny noses.
So, you know, now, when you were on the show in London, when we were on the
show in London,
which was like a year and a half ago, you were working on that movie.
And now you went back to do some more on that movie.
I went back and did some more.
But everything is okay.
Everything's groovy.
That's a good thing for you.
Yes, we made it better.
And you have your book.
This is your second book, right?
Yes.
In bookstores now.
It is in bookstores.
Here, come here.
You have a bad neck.
No, I'm having trouble.
There you go.
You have a really bad-
Tell us about your neck.
Oh, you don't believe me.
If you get me started about talking about my neck.
How do you have sex?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm serious.
I ask you this truly.
It's a very complicated system of pulleys and counterbalances.
Weights and cables.
I have people from the Mayo Clinic come in to spot me.
I work with a lot of double-faced tape.
road flares and traffic cones and somehow, even with my broken neck, I'm able
to have sex.
That's a lot of very hard work.
Jamie Lee Curtis is here.
Pete Sampras, John Mellencamp.
Now, Jamie Lee.
It's a lovely book.
The artwork on the book is very, very appealing.
The artwork is the reason the book is a success.
No, that's not true.
It is true.
It's part of it.
I wrote a beautiful text, but this illustrator, Laura Cornell, has made this
book so funny and
so fabulous.
Does she do a lot of books, this woman?
Do we know her?
Is she well-known in the world?
She did my first book, she did this book, she does some books with Leo Cameco.
She is, this book was given back to me by her as a gift by drawing these
pictures.
They're so fabulous.
It's a book about it, just so, in case anybody wants to know, it's a book about
how a family
is born through adoption.
My children are adopted and the book is really a celebration of how, it's a
chance for me
to lift a little bit of the veil of mystery that surrounds adoption and just
let people
know that it's a joyful, happy, fabulous way that this one family is born and
it's great
and it's the best thing I've ever done and I'm happy that you let me talk about
it.
Well, sure.
Thank you.
And I now have a new baby.
Congratulations.
I now have, when I wrote this, I had one child, my daughter Annie, who's in bed
now, had her
first day of school.
And now I have a little-
Today's your first day of school.
Today was.
Oh, that's nice.
I missed it.
Thank you, bad mommy.
But I have a baby boy.
I have a six-month-old little man named Tom whose nickname is Chuck and can you
guess
why?
He's a puker.
He's a, we call him the Duke of Hurl.
Wow.
He's peptic, is he?
He's a heaver.
And what, is this common with all kids his age or just-
Well, they, I think they used to refer to it as spitting up.
Uh-huh.
Oh, sure.
Well, guess what?
It's not spitting up.
It's heaving.
Really?
And it, and you know it's happening too.
People clear out.
It's cool.
And he'll outgrow that.
I know in Paul's case it hasn't happened, but he might.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to make a joke at your expense.
No, no.
And I think men particularly have problems with children puking.
There you go right there, the man-sized puker in your family.
And if you don't think I used a couple of these man-sized tissues to wipe up
some of that
man-sized puke.
You could use them as diapers for heaven's sake.
I have, believe me.
But, but it's interesting because men don't like puke, nor do they like poop.
But it's really interesting because women are so fascinated with their children's
bell movements.
And men just run screaming into the night.
And women sit there studying it.
You know, because it happens to be-
Ah, somebody's thinking about her next children's book.
Got it all ready to go right here.
It, it means that they're working.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't realize that men tended not to be fascinated.
And, and how could you not?
And, and women tended to be fascinated.
I didn't know that, but perhaps that's a maternal kind of thing.
You may, you may be right.
I may be right.
Yeah.
The, the book, you're going to be at a, uh, you're signing the book here in New
York
City tomorrow.
I'm signing books tonight actually at Barnes & Noble.
Tonight at Barnes & Noble.
I mean, a lovely piece of work.
Earlier tonight at Barnes & Noble.
Earlier tonight.
Tell me again.
Tell me again about the night I was born.
There it is.
Thank you very much.
Good to see you again.
Thank you.
Congratulations on the book, the baby and the movie.
Sorry about that.
That's fine.
Jamie Lee Curtis, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.