Name: Dave's Tour Of The Hall of Presidents | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-02-20T15:59:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Tour Of The Hall of Presidents | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Tour Of The Hall of Presidents | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-20. Transcript available.

- Yeah, I'm glad you folks are in a good mood.
We have a lot of excitement going on here tonight.
Every year in New York City,
millions of visitors take the tour of Rockefeller Center.
They see a lot of interesting things,
but I doubt that there's anything that can compare
with their visit to the world-famous family attraction,
the Hall of Presidents.
In this national museum and shrine,
the proud citizen and the respectful foreigner alike
may view artifacts and exhibits
from the long and colorful history
of the presidency of this country.
Here as nowhere else is captured the sublime
and moving story of America's highest office.
It's actually quite nearby.
So why don't you join me now as we take a tour
of the Hall of Presidents.
Walk this way, if you will.
Hiram, Paul, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Will, Steve.
Well, here we are in the Hall of Presidents.
It's breathtaking, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen?
It's like being in a shrine.
Well, here's the first exhibit right here.
Today, Franklin Pierce is one of the lesser-known presidents,
and so it was in his own day.
It's too bad.
Our 14th president might have had a more distinguished term
in Washington if only he had been able to get into office
without being stopped at the door by White House guards.
They simply did not recognize him.
To this day, Pierce remains the only president
who needed both a name tag and an ID card, right?
Now, this is an actual desk used by Ulysses S. Grant
while he was president.
And these are the old general's original office accessories.
Let's take a look, shall we?
Here is the inkwell.
And as you can see, he had a whiskey flask hidden right there.
This is the globe where Grant spent many hours pouring over the...
Yes, sir.
Here is a compilation of his State of the Union addresses right here.
Now, this is sort of interesting.
This is what he did for recreation.
Here we have a stereopticon in one of the old viewing devices.
Of course, here was the flask.
Yeah.
Kind of take the edge off a busy day like that.
And finally, here we have General Grant's gin bottle
where he kept all his rubber bands and paperclips.
It's, uh...
Kay, this is one of the gifts I was talking about earlier.
You...
All right.
Now, of all the little-known facts about George Washington,
none is as well-known as the fact that he had a set of wooden teeth.
The father of our country had several other wooden parts.
Displayed here, we see the wooden nose,
the wooden left ear,
the wooden clavicle.
This is the wooden hip and thigh.
Here we have his wooden socks.
And right over here, we have Martha Washington,
who is also made of wood.
Yes.
The wooden First Lady.
Martha...
You know, Lincoln was our tallest president.
James Madison was our shortest president.
But Martin Van Buren, our eighth president,
has the distinction of being...
The incredible, tattooed president.
Yes.
Though rarely seen in public,
Van Buren's colorfully decorated flesh was occasionally bared
for visiting dignitaries and fun-loving cabinet members.
Martin Van Buren, I think, a little more.
Yes, there's a little...
Okay.
Though he was a respected intellectual and an idealistic statesman,
Woodrow Wilson nevertheless liked to have fun.
Here on loan now from the Smithsonian are some examples of Wilson's extensive
collection
of custom-made novelty underwear.
Here is the one he was wearing when he made his, uh, uh, uh, uh, what do you
call it?
The, uh, the, uh, uh, I'll get it here in a couple of days.
Inauguration speech.
Thank you very much.
And, uh, over here is when, uh, he went to Congress to ask them to declare war
against Germany.
He was wearing, oh, those down there, I believe.
He's wearing, just...
Now, uh, James Buchanan was the only bachelor president, I guess I didn't have
to tell you that.
Uh, here we have a restoration of Buchanan's White House bedroom featuring the
round bed,
which revolved on a custom-made Chippendale frame.
This was later removed by Mrs. Lincoln.
Now, note the satin sheets right here and the fur bedspread.
And this, of course, was his pewter martini shaker and his monogrammed a night
shirt right here.
And, of course, his erotic collection of engravings there.
Buchanan, the only bachelor president.
A lot of those things...
Oh, have a lot of those things around.
He was the only bachelor president.
Later, a series starring John Forsyth, I believe.
Um, everyone knows that, uh, Teddy Roosevelt inspired the popular and lovable
Teddy Bear,
but few people realize that William Taft, our tubbiest president,
also inspired a stuffed toy.
Yes, the now-forgotten Willie Bear.
Come on here.
Quite a, quite a popular item.
Uh, by the way, United States presidents have always been announced
by the playing of the strains of "Hail to the Chief."
Uh, we all recognize this, of course.
Uh-huh.
Uh, the only president who was introduced by another song was President Taft,
and I'm guessing you'll all remember this theme.
Yes, that's how President Taft was introduced at State Functions.
Well, we here at Late Night feel that our job is not just to entertain, but to
educate as well.
That's why tonight it's a privilege for me to introduce our show's greatest
scientific achievement,
"The Late Night Animatron."
If you've, if you've ever been to Disneyland, you've probably seen Abraham
Lincoln brought to life through the miracle of animatronics.
Well, we've had our staff of technicians working for months, and I think you're
going to be astounded by what they've come up with.
Ladies and gentlemen, from the Late Night Hall of Presidents, please welcome
not Martin Van Buren,
but an incredible facsimile, the Martin Van Buren Animatron.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Don't be frightened. I am Martin Van Buren,
the eighth president of the United States.
May I remind you that there is to be no smoking or taking of pictures during
this performance.
I was inaugurated in 1837 after serving as Andrew Jackson's vice president.
Old Hickory, we called him. Yes, he was a fine president.
Oh, look, here's my dinner.
Now to enjoy this most delicious meal.
But wait, where are my manners? I'll eat this after the show.
It would be impolite for me to indulge now in front of all you good people.
I took office during a period of great economic depression known as the Panic
of 1837.
Yet despite this and a lingering back problem that plagued me throughout my
career,
I was able to inaugurate the independent treasury system and to serve my
country, America the beautiful.
Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll enjoy this most festive meal before it
gets too cold.
Good night, and God bless you.
Welcome back, and for those of you just tuning in, I'm talking with the Martin
Van Buren animatron.
It was unbelievable. During the commercial, too bad you didn't get to see it,
the animatron ate an entire meal.
This is a very amazing piece of work here.
Thank you, David.
Now, Martin, you were the first president who was born in the United States
after the War of Independence, correct?
That's right, David.
I was born in 1782 in Kinderhook, New York.
I see there are some folks here from Kinderhook.
You know, Dave, I ran for president in 1848 on the free soil ticket.
Yeah, well, it was certainly a pleasure talking with you, President.
I want to thank you for being here, sir.
Thank you, David, but now I must be going. I must rejoin my friends in the Hall
of Presidents.
Right here. Excuse me, Mr. President, are you all right?
Leave me alone. I'm fine. It's just my bad back acting up again. This is very
unusual. I'll be all right.
If I could just ask two of my assistants to come down...
What do I do with this now? Is there... just release this?
Just hold on to it, Dave.
Okay.
It's nice to have something to hold on to.
Now, where are you taking that? Are you licensed to operate that, sir?
No, this isn't Uncle Floyd.
Oh, not bad. Thank you very much, Connie.
Yeah, all night. This is just the first hour of this kind of fun.
We'll be here till dawn, ladies and gentlemen, if we haven't already been here
till dawn.
Well, let me gather my thoughts. My next guest is the voice of the New York Knicks
and New York Rangers
and also covers football, basketball, and boxing for NBC.