Name: Rosie Perez's Wardrobe Malfunction | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-03T23:03:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rosie Perez's Wardrobe Malfunction | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rosie Perez's Wardrobe Malfunction | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

uh ladies and gentlemen our first guest was nominated for an academy award for
her
fine performance in the motion picture fearless and she has also appeared in
white men can't jump
and also the film it could happen to you ladies and gentlemen please welcome
back to the program
the always fly rosie perez
yes sir man alive i want to tell you something you look great you look every
time i see you you
look better and better thank you you really really look very lovely now i'll
tell you one other little
thing about you uh when i think of your name rosie perez i think of tony perez
who used to play baseball
for the cincinnati reds and i kind of get them confused and i i want i want to
call you tony
perez you know he's a great ball player played first base third base a little
outfield and man
could he hit that ball he could jerk it right out of the park this man could
dial nine you know for
long distance do i look like a boy to you no no no that's not what i'm saying
it's just that you know
tony perez rosie perez rosie perez tony perez you know what i'm saying
how you doing i'm good i have i have um a brush with greatness you have a brush
with greatness yeah
all right here we go okay um i was in this uh this nightclub right and like
there was this rapper right
and um he was real dope and he's like you know fine and everything right and so
um he came up to me and
he asked me to dance right and i was like yeah you know we could swing a little
right so i was like
real nervous and everything right and my friend victor the hoe he was i'm sorry
excuse me
your friend victor the hoe victor the hoe yeah oh victor the hoe the hoe yeah
i have i have a friend named eddie the rake but i get that i don't think it's
completely different did a little business with him last night i think uh victor
the hoe now what
why did why do they call him that well his name is victor de jesus right so
victor of jesus but i call
him victor of hoes because he's a slut i thought you know i thought we were
going to get away clean
and it just took i if i lived to be a thousand i could not have predicted that
would have happened
just then but he's a really good friend of course he is yeah he's just a hoe
but um so
i didn't finish my story no hold okay so i was dancing right yeah and and like
i was like oh my
i can't believe i'm dancing with him because like you're going nuts you're
enjoying yourself yeah
yeah you know he's fine yeah you're really you're really deaf no you're really
fly you're really
sky you're really what are you doing we was just like grooving yeah grooving
okay right so so anyway
so he started like dancing a little sexy like that right and you know he was
giving me that those eyes
you know like when you dance you know like when a guy goes like this and you
can't you know let me see
that again let me what is he doing when he goes yeah right yeah to me to me to
me that suggests an
inner ear disorder hello yikes all right yeah all right so you and victor all
right relax relax you and
victor are dancing no no you and the rapper oh victor is your friend right so
victor was watching
right and everything right so then like my head got souped and everything i'm
sorry my head got souped
you know your head got souped yeah because like my head got big because i
thought i was all that oh i see
okay so so then i i i you know and i i was feeling you know kind of good so i
went and i did one of
those solid gold spins with your hands up and you go back down right and i was
wearing this this dress
that had posghetti straps right and uh-huh that's right yeah that's right okay
but see this is tight try
linguine okay linguine may work a little easier so anyway right but the dress
was kind of loose you
know the the ones that were in fashion last summer you know oh yeah you don't
need to tell me sister
i don't know what i'm talking about you don't need to tell me girlfriend
so so so i went and i and i was like these right and i turned and i put my
hands up like this and i
came down like this and so did my dress down to my ankle and i was standing
there my i mean my
you know you know who i feel bad for victor the hoe
that's the real victim in this story all right all right let's let's take a
second here now to clear
our heads by the way looks like the canaries get out i said joke you know i i
said that the last
time you were here i made the same joke i know they're lovely they're very nice
but i said looks
like the canaries get out and it's just a little joke you know because they're
enormous they're huge
huge hoops is it true that victor the hoe is here tonight is he really here i
think he is in the
back do you want to see him will he come out and say hello to folks well or
will he frighten people
who becomes that i don't want to frighten people this is a very nice group of
folks he's so cute
all right well let's send him out send out victor the hose
you know oddly enough that's everything i thought it would be
congratulations i understand you're now a homeowner yes i am hey what how's
your car what kind of car
are you driving do you drive out here what kind of car do you have what's the
matter with you
straightened up i'm not gonna do that no tell me what kind of car no no what
what kind of car are you
driving a zuzu trooper what is that again it's a what now a trooper what kind
of trooper a zuzu
a zuzu trooper that's how you say it yeah i know oh yeah okay are you happy
with the purchase you like
the car the car i love it yeah good all right all right so now get back to the
house this is very
exciting yes it is i was very stressed i signed the papers this morning yeah
and um i was so nervous
and and it was funny because the the people i was in a room full of lawyers and
stuff and everything
and i said i have to go to the bathroom and they go what and i i came back from
the bathroom and i was
like i have to call my aunt and they're like why i said because i need her
blessings and they go you're
kidding yeah and i said it's it's a it's a puerto rican thing whatever i can't
go further unless i
get you know like you know like you know like you know like when you call up
your your your father or
your mother and you say bendy shown you know like that on the phone right and
then that that means
like benediction like you ask for blessings exactly and then in spanish they
say may god be with you
right but her her blessings went for a long time and they kind of got irritated
and stuff but i do
but i do that often you know you have that's all right there's nothing wrong
with that are you a
little nervous about the purchase uh very nervous i mean because like when when
they tell you you
you know a certain price listen when you buy a house no for real don't don't
listen to them when
they give you the initial price because you got there's so much more you gotta
pay you got oh that's
right and you also you should try and negotiate you should dicker you know with
the price a little dicker
well you know whatever it takes to get the price down
you gotta get me prepared now are you uh are you gonna move right in is the
thing furnished and ready
to go no it's not furnished i i called up like my really um wealthy friends uh-huh
like michael fuchs
you know who yeah it's something to do with hbo yeah he's the chairman by the
way my cable goes
out about once a week so pass that along never mind well um he i i called him
up and i said hey michael
since you're like the chairman of the board of hbo and you're rich and you don't
have a hole to
support you know maybe but no it's like because he doesn't have a steady girl
since you don't have a
hoe to support i'm sure he appreciates being characterized in this fashion but
i asked him to
like furnish a room in my house well good for you is it gonna happen well i was
kind of insulted when
he said well what are you gonna do for me and i called him a pig and everything
like that but
he said that he's gonna do it and everything but i don't have to we have a
little gift for you here
we have a little gift what's the matter for my house yes for your house for me
no for your isuzu troopers
oh look at that open that up hurry
rosie beres i hope you enjoy it hope you don't have one already let's see what
you got there oh
that's nice it's a it's a hibachi those are great that'd be great you grill on
these for the summer it'll
be perfect listen thank you very much for being here and i'm serious
congratulations on the house
that's a wonderful thing that'll be the best thing you've done in your life
nice to see you again rosie
rosie perez kids