Name: Bo Derek Doesn't Care For Hollywood | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-06T23:25:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bo Derek Doesn't Care For Hollywood | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bo Derek Doesn't Care For Hollywood | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-06. Transcript available.

My first guest tonight has starred in some very interesting motion pictures.
Two of them are Bolero and the other one is Tarzan the Ape Man.
Please welcome Bo Derrick.
Nice to see you. Thank you very much for being here.
These people are a little peculiar.
Let's see.
Do you know Paul?
No, I've never, we've never met, no.
Can I, can I?
You're fabulous. Thank you.
Thrilled to be in Hollywood so I can meet you.
I don't know what happened there.
You know, I want to, I talked to you about a year ago.
You had just finished a movie and we invited you to be on the show in New York
and you called me.
You were very nice to call back and say, look, I can't come right now because
we're busy working on the film.
And I assumed you were lying to me at the time.
And then when we found out we were coming to California, we heard that you
would be on the show.
And I just wanted to thank you for keeping your promise.
That was very nice of you to do that.
Well, thank you.
And even when we're not busy, we don't go to New York.
I mean, unless we absolutely have to.
Now, why is this?
We don't travel unless, no, we don't travel anywhere.
No, we don't go anyplace unless we absolutely have to.
Now, where was the last place you went and why did you go?
I guess to film, make the movie, huh?
No, you know the last place we went?
Australia to catch a crocodile.
The biggest crocodile in the world.
Hmm.
And what do you do with it when you get it?
We didn't actually get it.
We were going with Arthur Jones, you know, the man that invented Nautilus
exercise equipment.
And he wanted the biggest crocodile in the world at his farm in Florida.
And he called and said, do you want to go?
And we went.
It was fantastic.
Are you friends with this guy?
Mm-hmm.
And was it a fun experience?
Yeah, it was very fun.
And you brought the animal back safe?
No, we didn't get to.
The government at the last minute said that we couldn't.
But it was kind of fun to go off to catch a crocodile.
Yeah, but...
Except I was already, I thought this was going to be Wild Kingdom.
I had my safari clothes and I packed all the boots and the things.
And he was in a cage already when we got there.
But it was still fun.
So you just drove by and you were going to pick it up at the pet store.
We flew in Arthur's jet.
And then he was going to ride back with us, you know, as you go on your way to
the little girl's room.
You'd have to walk by him.
But they didn't let us.
Well, I think that's good.
They should not be moving those things around, don't you think?
Don't you think the animal deserves to stay where he was born?
He came from New Guinea originally, so...
Oh, so he'd traveled before.
He had traveled before on a big ship, yes.
Okay, now where were you from originally?
Are you a native Californian?
Yes.
What part of the state?
Yes, Redondo Beach in San Juan Capistrano.
All along the beach areas.
I grew up on the beach.
And where did you go to high school?
Well, when I went, I went for a while.
I just, it was in, where was it?
That area, Torrance area.
That area.
No specific high school.
I forget what the city's called, actually, because I lived someplace else and I
was bussed.
Well, now, does this, you were bussed?
She certainly was.
Now, this is something called the L Echo.
Does that ring a bell with you?
No.
It doesn't ring a bell with you?
No, I didn't.
I didn't go to that school.
Yes, you did.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
You went to this high school.
I'll bet you $100.
Okay, I'll bet you.
All right.
You serious?
You don't know if you went to this high school?
Now, where do you think you went to high school?
I was called the El Nido or something like that.
You don't even know the name of your...
What was the mascot?
I spent...
I went to the beach a lot.
Well, apparently so.
But what was the high school mascot?
I don't know.
And that's why our colors were green and gold.
I know that.
Oh, Bo.
You've been sadly misled.
No, what is this?
What was your name in high school?
Mary.
Now, you're sure about that?
I have a picture right here, ladies and gentlemen.
And M. Collins, is that you right there?
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
How about that?
Yeah.
Now, you left school a little prematurely, didn't you?
Yes.
What year did you leave in?
That year, 73.
73.
Okay.
And let me ask you a question.
Have you heard from this guy since you've been out?
No, where'd you get to?
Well, he's here tonight, Bo.
Ladies and gentlemen.
No.
Are we going to do a commercial?
We'll be right back to find out just exactly where this woman is.
Did you...
What kind of a person were you in high school?
What kind of person?
A nice person.
A nice person?
Not much of a student, though, I gather.
No.
Yeah.
Do you remember any class that you did well in?
What kind of grades were you getting?
Well, it depends.
Actually, what I was...
The problem, it wasn't that I wasn't...
If I wanted to get good grades, I could have, but as I said, I went to the
beach a lot.
And what did you do at the beach?
Oh, surfing and swimming and getting a suntan.
Did you really surf?
Yeah.
Were you a pretty good surfer?
Yeah.
Do you have knots on your knees?
Yes, actually, I do.
It's scars everywhere from whatever else.
Now, do you think maybe one day you'll go back and...
Did you ever get a high school degree, a diploma?
No.
Do you think maybe one day you'll go back and take the equivalency test or
something?
Oh, no.
Why?
Well, because it might be nice sometime if you're out looking for a job and
they see that you...
You don't have a high school education, you're going to get bounced.
You'll end up, you know, scraping up burritos with Paul over there.
No, I've learned a lot since I've been out.
Yeah.
But would you advise others to quit high school and...
No, it all depends on what they want out of life and what they're doing.
I wish I had...
While I went, I put in a lot of hours and a lot of months and a lot of years.
I wish I had paid attention because I...
You might remember which school it was.
That's really terrible.
I don't remember that at all.
That name, I don't remember at all.
At least make up a school so you have a good answer.
No, I know.
The name was Narbonne.
I remember the name of the school, Narbonne.
Yeah, that's right.
But I don't remember that at all.
How did you...
And was it shortly around...
How old were you when you quit high school?
16.
Ooh, boy, just a kid.
Well, I didn't really mean to quit.
Well, what happened?
I'll tell you what happened.
Another mix-up, huh?
No, I was...
I got caught for not going to school.
I got caught.
Well, now, your folks must have been steamed about all of this.
Yeah.
Oh, my mom was really mad.
Yeah.
But I went for, like, a month without going to school.
I went to the beach and I got caught.
And then I've been...
It was really good for me because I got very bored with going to the beach
every day.
So then I started going back to school and I was really enjoying it and paying
attention.
And I was really enjoying learning all those things.
And then I went to go do this film with John in Greece.
And then, you know, we're traveling all over the world and doing things.
And I never went back.
Now, see, this is a pretty sizable leap, you know.
Most kids in high school are going on, you know, excursions, outings to see how
dentures are made and that kind of thing.
You're going off to make films in Greece.
Well, it was a shock to me, too.
But how did that happen?
I don't know.
I just...
I met John and he hired me for the film.
Now, how did you meet John?
Let's start right there.
John Derrick, the man you're married to now.
Right.
Okay, how did you meet this guy?
I was in an agent's office because I had met an agent.
Because my mother worked for Ann-Margaret for a lot of years.
Doing what for Ann-Margaret?
Just sort of everything, a right hand.
Yeah.
And then, so I was backstage once and I met an agent.
I don't even remember meeting him either.
And then...
Why should that detail be any different from any of the others?
And then he called and said, yes.
No, and then he called and said that I should meet John.
He's looking for a girl in the film.
And I did and I got it.
It was shocking.
And did you and John date at all?
Did you...
Was there...
No, no, we hated each other then.
Yeah.
We hated each other then.
And how soon thereafter were you married?
About two years after that.
Two years?
So you got married at 18?
19, I think.
Well, because I want to...
I met...
You don't even remember the date, do you?
No, I do.
You know it's coming up.
Well, of course, I know what's coming up.
No, we're not...
Those kind of...
Holidays and things like that, we're not very sentimental about.
No, you should be.
Now, I see you're missing a lot here.
What?
You don't travel.
You don't...
Do you celebrate Halloween?
I do travel.
No, I don't celebrate Halloween.
I grew out of that, I guess.
You grew out of that.
Oh, I know.
Well, living where we live, too, you know, it takes miles before you reach into
the house
to trick-or-treat.
Now, where do you live?
You don't live in Hollywood, huh?
No, we live north of Santa Barbara.
We live about 100 miles from here.
Yeah.
Why don't you live in Hollywood?
Oh, I hate it.
Why do you hate it?
Well, look outside.
It's ugly.
It's ugly, isn't it?
It's not ugly.
It's ugly.
No, there's some very pleasant, very lovely surroundings here.
Where?
No, we live at a ranch.
We have trees and fresh air and horses and dogs.
We have 10 horses and six dogs and four cats, and it's beautiful.
Do you ever...
I'm very fortunate.
Do you ever go out and do anything by yourself?
Do you have girlfriends that you go out with, like, once a week, once a month
or so?
You go out and do anything?
No.
When was the last time you were away from John?
Just on your own.
Do you ever do anything like that?
Yeah, I had to go to Germany to do something.
I went with my sister.
Yeah?
Was that...
But we're rarely apart.
The only reason I went by myself was because he hates traveling even more than
I do, and
I had to go.
So you spend a lot of time with a guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Does he ever get on your nerves?
No.
No.
We're only together because we want to be together.
Yeah.
But sometimes you think, geez, wouldn't it be fun if me and some of my
girlfriends from
the old high school...
That I remember so well.
...could, you know, just go out and go to a movie or go bowling or something?
No, I'd rather do that with John.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now, what are you doing tonight?
What's on your agenda this evening?
Drive home.
Yeah.
And then what?
Watch some TV.
Yeah.
What will you watch?
What's on tonight?
Monday night, what are you going on?
I won't be awake to see this show.
I go to sleep too early.
Yeah.
What time do you go to bed?
Go to bed or go to sleep?
No.
No, we go to bed when...
It depends on what time of year.
Whenever the sun goes down, we're pretty much in bed.
And we watch TV and read sometimes and that kind of thing and fall asleep.
I don't know.
But I'm up with the sun, and now the sun's up, you know, at 5.30.
So you get up and do chores around the farm?
Yeah.
No, you don't.
I do.
Do you really?
Yes, I do.
I don't muck stalls much anymore.
No, you have not been mucking anything with these hands.
No, no, look at this.
Look.
The cat got me here.
The roses got me here and here and here.
Well, yeah, but a cat and roses is a lot different from mucking stalls.
No, because in between, we have some good people working on the ranch now.
But when we don't, that means me mucking out all the stalls and everything.
Do you drive by in a truck on a hot day and yell at the help?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
In my red dump truck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yelling at them that you didn't go to high school.
You know, it's real nice to meet you, and I hope you don't mind me just goofing
around here.
Are you upset?
You're not upset, are you?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.