Name: Viewer Mail: Flunky The Clown's Advice For The Kids | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-09T16:01:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Flunky The Clown's Advice For The Kids | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Flunky The Clown's Advice For The Kids | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-09. Transcript available.

All I can say is when we came out to L.A., there was one cat that we wanted to
talk into sitting in with us,
and we're thrilled that he did. He's an innovator, and he's just a nutty kind
of a guy.
A nutty kind of a guy.
Eddie Van Halen.
Eddie, nice to have you here.
Because we don't fool around.
Thank you very much, Eddie. Nice to have you here.
Ladies and gentlemen, among other things, it's Thursday night, and I guess we
all know what that means.
It means that, what do we do?
Oh, first of all, let's take a look at the skyline.
I think from here you can see the, ah, yeah, there it is, the lovely El Monte
sign.
Beautiful, isn't it? Just about this time of night.
And also, it's Thursday night.
We take a minute or two out from our busy schedule to answer our voluminous
mail.
Now, people are always saying to me, Dave, are those actual letters from actual
viewers?
You have one viewer mail, and my only response is, ladies and gentlemen, if
these weren't actual letters,
could I be able to do this?
Letter number one begins thoughtfully enough.
Dear Dave, can you take it with you?
And it's signed to John and Candy Humphries.
Well, John and Candy, you know, I didn't really think you could take it with
you,
but a few of us were visiting the La Brea Tar Pits the other day, and we pulled
really hard on it,
and in fact, it did come free.
And look, here's what it is.
Oh, gosh.
It's still stuck.
It's a...
Oh, God.
It's...
It turned out to be this crude...
This crude, prehistoric stone carving of Dick Clark.
So we're all...
Oh, my gosh.
All right.
Dick Clark.
We'll let you know when the pudding's ready.
Oh, this is a nice touch.
I look like I've been changing the oil in my car now for the rest of the show.
Thank you.
Dear Dave, letter number two begins...
Dear Dave, and...
Oh, a parenthetical information here.
And Flunky, who actually reads these letters for Dave.
When I asked my dad if I could go to Europe this summer, he said,
Why don't you ask David Letterman?
You seem to listen to him all the time.
So, Dave, is it all right with you if I go to Europe this summer?
Jeez, Jeff, I don't know what to say here,
but perhaps Flunky, the guy who actually reads these letters for me,
perhaps he has some advice.
Is Flunky around, Hal?
Oh, there's Flunky, yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think about that?
Yeah, I got some advice.
Okay.
Don't go to Europe, Jeff.
Stay in school or you'll wind up like me.
A pathetic old clown reading somebody else's mail.
That's like in rehearsals.
All right, well, Flunky, by the way, have a nice weekend, Flunky.
Yeah, right.
That was letter number two for those of you keeping score at home.
Letter number three begins,
Dear Dave, I hope it rains the entire time you're in California.
And it comes to us from Christopher Reeb, Cheektowaga, Cheektowaga, New York.
Gee, Chris, I'm sorry you feel that way.
Frankly, we all, of course, hope that it doesn't rain here because these
studios are in some kind of a canyon,
which means a real danger of, oh, my God, mudslides.
Run for your lives, ladies and gentlemen.
Unbelievable.
That's one of those special effects designed by George Lucas and the people up
in there.
Okay, let's turn off the, okay, we can turn off the water now, Hal.
Okay, we'll get that water stopped for you.
Excuse me.
Add the shrimp salad in the commissary today.
All right, where are we now, Hal?
What letter are we up to here?
Letter number four.
Thank you.
It's our director, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Hal Gertner.
Thank you very much, Hal.
Dave.
Yes, Hal.
It's Gertner.
Thank you, Hal.
Two E's.
Yeah, two E's.
We have that, Hal.
Dear Dave, will you read me a bedtime story?
Insomnily yours, Liz Fathman, Grinnell, Iowa.
I'm sorry about your insomnia, Liz, and I'm also sorry I don't know any bedtime
stories.
However, I do know the name of someone who might be able to help you with your
sleep problem.
Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to our own Larry Bud Millman.
Larry.
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
The inability to sleep always means just one thing, a guilty conscience.
What do you do, Liz?
Hustle phony diplomas?
Run a bogus charity?
Sell tainted meat?
Turn yourself into the authorities so you can get the help you so obviously
need.
Once the police beat a confession out of you, you'll feel at peace with
yourself for the first
time in years, and then you'll sleep like a baby in the cool darkness of your
prison cell.
But in the meantime, maybe it will help if I sing you a little lullaby.
entertainment tonight, entertainment tonight, entertainment tonight, we're
gonna have lots of fun as we entertain tonight.
Good night, Larry!
Yeah!
Good night, everybody!
Sweet dreams!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
Larry!
What's this?
Take that with you.
Take that with me.
Take that with you.
Yes, sir, now that's comedy, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen?
Woo-hoo!
We're gonna towel off here.
We have a wonderful program for you tonight.
In addition to Mr. Van Halen sitting in with the band, we're going to visit Mr.
Nicholas of Hollywood.
Also, I believe the mayor of Los Angeles will be joining us, Lee Marvin and
Johnny Carson.
It really ought to be two shows, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back.