Name: Staff Favorite Moments: Writers Pete Huyck and Alex Gregory | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-21T16:19:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Writers Pete Huyck and Alex Gregory | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Favorite Moments: Writers Pete Huyck and Alex Gregory | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

Hey, I am Pete Hike, and I was a writer for Letterman 96 and 97.
Hi, I'm Alex Gregory. I was a writer for Late Show with David Letterman from 96
to 97.
And we are a writing team, and the bit that Dave maintained through our entire
run was that he didn't know which was which,
and he would call us Pete or Alex individually, or if we were in the same place
at the same time.
It was just, hey, Pete or Alex, what are we doing?
We still don't know if he actually did know our names or not.
I like to think that he did, but that just might be my own ego.
So we had started, we'd come from Spy Magazine, where we'd been doing a lot of
hidden camera pieces.
And it was our first week on the job, and we were Dave fanatics, had grown up
watching him obsessively.
So the stakes were very high for our first week on the job.
We wanted to deliver a really cool piece.
And our idea was a real piece where we took Dave out into New York City looking
for an apartment.
And all the cameras were hidden.
So the idea was that Dave was just going to go around with these realtors and
check out these luxurious apartments
and ask, like, can I keep a pet alligator here?
Or he would ask if a room was soundproof, and he'd go in and scream.
He was on such a rip.
It was so fun.
He was doing bits.
He was like, do you think every person in this building would sell me 50 square
feet
so I could blow my own elevator shaft and have a private elevator?
And this broker, you know, is trying to sell it.
Maybe, maybe, Dave.
We could ask.
There's nothing.
Like, they were so game for any crazy stuff.
It was, it would have been one of the great remotes of all time.
And the problem was no one was going to sign the release.
They would all start with, does Mr. Letterman know who I am?
And what we realized is that rich people do not want to be on television.
They went from Dave Letterman might buy my $20 million apartment to Dave Letterman
is locked
in my bathroom crying for 15 minutes screaming Veronica to Dave Letterman is
not really looking
at my apartment to buy it.
He's making fun of me.
I'm not signing a release form.
So the piece was dying.
It was our first day on the job.
We really thought we were going to get fired that day because we'd wasted an
entire day
of remote shooting.
At some point, Jerry Foley, the director, came over and said, hey, writer boys,
Dave wants
to see you on that walk.
So we go from like, we're hanging at the van.
We go back and Dave's in his car and the window just rolls down and Dave just
looks at us and
he goes, what's the name of the Danish astronomer who died on the toilet?
And I look at Alex and I'm like, oh, was not prepared for this.
Kepler?
He goes, no.
And Alex, who does the crossword every day, I was like, God, he knows this.
He knows this.
Come on.
I said, Tycho Brahe.
And he just smiled at me and said, yep.
And the window rolled back up and we went back.
We waited for a second, we're like, I guess we walk away right now.
We went back to the van and we asked Jerry, we said, what just happened?
And he said, you guys bought yourself another nine weeks.
And then our first live week, they had had this piece.
It was a really funny bit where they got out like a Las Vegas hypnotist to
hypnotize the interns.
And he also had hypnotized Biff Henderson, the stage manager.
Remember you promised me a car at the end of the intern?
I promised you a car?
Yeah, yeah.
I promised you a car.
Yeah, yeah.
In January, you...
The kid with the internship and gave me a car?
Yeah, you said, you know...
I don't have that kind of money.
I want a Porsche.
I want a 944 Porsche.
I got you on your car.
As far as you're concerned, I'm worth the money they're paying me, right?
Yeah.
Huh?
Yeah, you're sure.
You're worth the money.
Yeah.
You don't think I'm getting too much money?
Wait a minute.
What's so damn funny?
I work hard for my money.
So what happened was, is when they played the piece, Biff remarked that he
started to feel
sleepy.
So Dave took his cue cards over his mouth and went, sleep, sleep, sleep now.
What do we do?
What do we do?
What do we do?
He's out.
Biff?
Biff?
Biff?
Huh?
I do what?
I do what?
Yeah, but I know we'll do the top 10.
What about this man?
What about this unconscious man here in the chair?
Screw it.
Do the top 10.
The top 10 will put him even deeper under.
And also, at the same time, all throughout the building, all of the interns
were falling
asleep watching.
The entire office was falling asleep out.
There were people running back and forth.
And you could not wake them up.
This is our first week on the job.
We're like, this is the greatest job ever.
One, two, three.
Along the way, Alex and I were put in charge of remotes.
One of the bits we've been doing on the show in New York was Weird Guy in an
Elevator with
Alan Coulter.
Alan was such a great comedy performer because he loved being the weird guy.
He leaned into his comedy area.
He knew how to be funny.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
The big weeks for us were the traveling week.
One of the reasons we'd all started doing more kind of hidden camera stuff was
because
you couldn't have Dave.
He'd gotten too recognizable.
So if you had him out filming on Broadway, you would have a crowd within 30
seconds.
And so going to San Francisco, the challenge was, can you have Dave filming remotes
out
in the streets of San Francisco?
But then you had Joe Montana, the most famous athlete in the history of San
Francisco sports.
You had a ticking clock on when crowds would show up.
Yeah, you're the Fisherman's Wharf and you've got like them, I think they were
busting crabs
or whatever.
You've got 30 seconds and it's like, we've got to roll.
There's giant crowds.
Dave was not like an entourage guy.
He had one security guy, Bill DeLace.
Bill DeLace.
An ex-New York cop.
And so it was like, Bill was just like, oh Christ.
Time to move.
You just saw this crowd of people and it was just Dave, Joe and Bill DeLace.
And we had to just get out of there.
I just saw this crowd of people and it was just Dave, Joe and Bill DeLace.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to get out of there.
I vaguely remember we pitched a concept in the morning that we wanted a hippo
with a monkey
riding it.
We would leave these meetings and we would go to our segment producer, Jill Liederman,
and say, "This is probably a long shot.
What are the odds we could get a hippopotamus and a little monkey to ride him
for tonight's
show in like six hours?"
And she was like, "Let me make a few calls."
She never blinked.
She didn't miss a beat.
Like a hippo is a deadly animal.
It's not like you rent hippos out for children's parties.
Kills more people in the wild than lions.
There really shouldn't be a mechanism to deliver hippos anywhere, especially in
Manhattan.
You know, I was sent out with Regis Philbin to film a bit on the West Side
Highway.
But it was a windstorm.
And we couldn't keep the tent down.
And Regis was in this tent.
And we were inside the tent trying to hold it down.
I was with Jill, our segment producer.
And Regis was just furious.
Like, "I am done.
This is not fun anymore."
You know, you just didn't know any day at Letterman what celebrity and what
bizarre spot you were going to find yourself.
Dear Dave, where do you get your suits?
Matt Davis, Mobile, Alabama, from America Online.
One of them computer things I was just talking about.
Computer man.
Well, Matt, you know, if you ever watch the credits at the end of the show,
then you know where I get my suits.
Roll 'em.
Mr. Letterman suits provided by Botany 500.
Guests of The Late Show stay in a tent on the West Side Highway.
Late Show is a production of Merve Driven Enterprises.
There was a bit that John Beckerman had written called El Blizzardo.
There had been predictions of a massive blizzard in '96.
And then there was no snow.
Like, not at all.
And I remember being on the street with a dog sled team.
And we just said, cue the dog sled.
And I remember just thinking, like, that was one of those moments, like,
remember this.
This is a very, very weird job you have.
Just drink it in.
They called it El Blizzardo.
On March 3, 1997, it blew into the tri-state area, slamming New York City like
the fist of an angry thunder god.
For two full days, New York was brought to a complete standstill.
The thick drifts of snow rendered automobiles useless, forcing New Yorkers to
employ ultimate means of travel.
They were two days that will never be forgotten, least of all by the children,
who stayed home from school having snowball fights and making snow angels.
You've seen the pieces with Ben Affleck and Dunkin' Donuts.
And Dave was really the OG of working the drive-through stuff.
And so he had done Taco Bell.
What's the total?
That's $26.80.
How much is the real total?
The real total is $26.80.
The Burrito Supreme is a little pricey.
It's one of our most expensive items.
My feet melt.
Quit with me.
Let me see if I can repeat that order.
You ordered something, a couple of tacos or something, chicken, something, and
a Burrito Supreme with no meat.
Is that correct?
She's gone already, Chief.
Thank you.
The challenge to the writers was this is a great bit.
Dave being able to do comedy with strangers not knowing is Dave Letterman.
And so Beckerman challenged all of the writers in the writers' room,
I will pay $1,000 to anyone who can come up with a bit in the area of the Taco
Bell bit because I don't think we have another version of that that's going to
be funny.
And so we came up with Dave order stuff for delivery.
Oh, what do you have for me?
The bird.
What kind of bird is it?
It's a parakeet.
What's his name?
It's up to you.
Birdie.
His name is Birdie.
Tell Birdie I love him.
He's in his back.
Please tell Birdie I love him.
Come on.
You want him or not?
Oh, yes.
I've been waiting for Birdie all day.
Do me a favor.
Be a dear.
Tell Birdie Daddy loves him.
Daddy loves you.
I love you.
Is Birdie alive?
You want the bird or not, man?
Yes, I want the bird.
Let me see the bird.
Hold the bird up.
You can.
It's in a box.
Oh, in a box.
Oh, you've got Birdie in a box?
In a box.
You bastard.
Hello?
I got balloons.
Yeah, how many you got?
50?
How much?
71.50.
How much is that a balloon?
I don't know.
A little over a dollar a balloon.
$1.50.
Whoa, man.
When the hell did the balloon market go crazy?
Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
I remember you used it for a nickel.
For a nickel you could get a balloon.
And now, now what all day?
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
And now, now what all day?
A buck and a half?
I guess, man.
I got some other deliveries to make, sir.
Yeah, well, I'm not done yet, all right?
A buck and a half for a balloon.
Let me ask you a question.
Yeah?
Are they high-quality balloons?
Come on down to $71.50,
and you'll get your high-quality balloons, man.
Now, these balloons, these are like high-quality balloons.
They're not like those party animal balloons.
You know, you make a little schnauzer.
You tie it up, you make a schnauzer.
Hey, what is your trip, man?
You're not Fluffy the balloon clown
that comes to entertain the little kids at the party, are you?
Yes.
That's the balloon man?
Yeah.
Are they high-quality balloons?
We did a remote piece where we were really worried about having an ending.
It was Dave buys mailboy Bob Borden a used car.
And we were just standing there, and Rob just says, like, we don't have an
ending.
This is like, there's no payoff.
And finally, the guy who owned the used car lot said, well, you could saw the
roof off and make it a convertible.
We're asking $12.95.
We're asking $12.95.
We'll give you, what do we give you?
$750.
$750.
$750.
Hey, get $8.50 and you got a deal.
What do you think?
$8.50?
All right, cool.
$8.50.
Is that all right, Bob?
I really wanted a convertible, Dave.
All right, let's take a look.
This would be nice.
Just to put a little...
Oh, Bob!
Are you kidding me?
Man, have you died and gone to heaven or what?
That is just very nice.
There was a mailbag piece while we were there and it was someone had written in
saying,
I think they had had a nightmare and when Dave came out to do the show,
they were watching the show, it was instead a giant squirrel.
And in this case, they brought us all down and the idea was they're going to
bring out a giant squirrel,
cut to the crowd and we all have to be terrified because it's a nightmare.
I'm a non-actor and I just thought, okay, I have to really commit to being
terrified.
Oh, what you said was, holy fuck, holy shit, it's a giant squirrel.
And it was so clear that that's what you were saying?
Yeah, that sounds right.
It just became this legend.
It was before like viral videos, but within the walls of Letterman,
that was a viral video of like, you got to see Pete.
You went full branded.
Yeah.
Dear Dave, if you had your choice of being reincarnated as an animal,
what sort of beast would you come back as?
Just wondering, Dan Barewald from Ocoee, Florida.
Well, that's a compelling question here, Dan.
Let's see.
Reincarnated as an animal.
Reincarnated or carded, either way.
If I came back, you know, I think maybe a giant squirrel.
Giant squirrel.
I think I'd have to go with giant squirrel.
I'd like to come back as a giant squirrel.
Giant squirrel.
Gosh, I wonder what that would be like if I came back as a giant squirrel.
And now, the man responsible for the fall of communism, Dave.
Oh my God!
It's a giant squirrel!
Run for your lives!
I remember one time, Jill came into the office and just said,
"You're going to Indiana to film a bit with John Mellencamp and Dave's mom."
All of a sudden, I was just in a car, heading to the airport,
and I remember going to Dave's house.
And the surreal thing was going into Dave's mom's kitchen.
And on the refrigerator were just, like, family pictures,
and then there's pictures of Dave Letterman.
And you go, "Right. Yeah, he's just someone's son.
And this is his mom's house."
And I remember John Mellencamp had a 29-inch waist,
and I thought, "I need to take up smoking."
You and I ought to hang around because we're both from Indiana.
We're both Boozers.
Yeah, and that Curtis woman brought you a present.
And I thought, at the time, I thought,
"I should have brought Dave something from Indiana."
Absolutely.
I'm going to do it right now.
Wait a minute. What?
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
I'm going to do it right now.
The Rupert G bits started with that it originally was going to be John Backerman,
the head writer, who came up with the idea.
But then they thought John looked too unabombery and too scary, so he might get
beat up.
So they were trying to find someone who was so non-threatening.
The Rupert G is like the kindest, sweetest person.
And so he was like the perfect avatar.
And so after a while they thought, well, how fun would it be to maybe have a
second one?
And so they got Leonard Tepper.
If no one was around, Dave just for kicks would make them fight.
It was watching Dave.
He just had this glee when he was doing those bits.
It was just so much fun to watch.
That is a life memory that I will take with me to the grave.
That is as much fun as the two of us could have as writers.
It's just in a van with Dave Letterman and two remotes running a comedy bit.
Where are the Christmas trees?
I'd like to buy a Christmas tree.
I'd like to buy a Christmas tree.
I'd like to buy a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry, I was here first.
I'll take your money and you come back and pick it up.
I'm sorry, I was here first.
Get your hand off me, Peppy.
Get your hand off me, Peppy.
When I get you back to the hotel room.
When I get you back to the hotel room.
I'm gonna beat you silly with a fruit basket.
I'm gonna beat you silly with a fruit basket.
I'd like to see her try.
Yeah, I'd like to see her try.
A big puffed up load of goo.
A big puffed up load of glue.
Goo.
Of goo.
I want to say one thing right now.
I want to say one thing right now.
If you call me Veronica.
If you call me Veronica.
I'm gonna shut this dump down.
I'm gonna shut this dump down.
And that goes for you too, Four Eyes.
Veronica.
Veronica.
Veronica.
Veronica.
Veronica.
Veronica.
Don't call me Veronica.
Veronica.
Don't call me Veronica.
If you call me Veronica once more.
If you call me Veronica once more.
I'm gonna shove this umbrella up your ass.
I'm gonna shove this umbrella down your ass.
200 bucks for the bike.
200 bucks for the bike.
Okay.
Yeah.
Come on, guys.
Make yourself busy.
Make yourself busy.
Make yourself busy.
You still want everyone.
The key was never show fear.
Ever.
Even when you're terrified.
I wouldn't have the career I've had for the last 30 years if not for Dave.
I became a comedy writer because of Dave.
So fuck you, Dave.
It's a really hard job and I'm miserable.
I could have been a lawyer.
I could have done anything.
This sucks, man.

Staff Favorite Moments: Writers Pete Huyck and Alex Gregory | Letterman

Hey, I am Pete Hike, and I was a writer for Letterman 96 and 97.
Hi, I'm Alex Gregory. I was a writer for Late Show with David Letterman from 96
to 97.
And we are a writing team, and the bit that Dave maintained through our entire
run was that he didn't know which was which,
and he would call us Pete or Alex individually, or if we were in the same place
at the same time.
It was just, hey, Pete or Alex, what are we doing?
We still don't know if he actually did know our names or not.
I like to think that he did, but that just might be my own ego.
So we had started, we'd come from Spy Magazine, where we'd been doing a lot of
hidden camera pieces.
And it was our first week on the job, and we were Dave fanatics, had grown up
watching him obsessively.
So the stakes were very high for our first week on the job.
We wanted to deliver a really cool piece.
And our idea was a real piece where we took Dave out into New York City looking
for an apartment.
And all the cameras were hidden.
So the idea was that Dave was just going to go around with these realtors and
check out these luxurious apartments
and ask, like, can I keep a pet alligator here?
Or he would ask if a room was soundproof, and he'd go in and scream.
He was on such a rip.
It was so fun.
He was doing bits.
He was like, do you think every person in this building would sell me 50 square
feet
so I could blow my own elevator shaft and have a private elevator?
And this broker, you know, is trying to sell it.
Maybe, maybe, Dave.
We could ask.
There's nothing.
Like, they were so game for any crazy stuff.
It was, it would have been one of the great remotes of all time.
And the problem was no one was going to sign the release.
They would all start with, does Mr. Letterman know who I am?
And what we realized is that rich people do not want to be on television.
They went from Dave Letterman might buy my $20 million apartment to Dave Letterman
is locked
in my bathroom crying for 15 minutes screaming Veronica to Dave Letterman is
not really looking
at my apartment to buy it.
He's making fun of me.
I'm not signing a release form.
So the piece was dying.
It was our first day on the job.
We really thought we were going to get fired that day because we'd wasted an
entire day
of remote shooting.
At some point, Jerry Foley, the director, came over and said, hey, writer boys,
Dave wants
to see you on that walk.
So we go from like, we're hanging at the van.
We go back and Dave's in his car and the window just rolls down and Dave just
looks at us and
he goes, what's the name of the Danish astronomer who died on the toilet?
And I look at Alex and I'm like, oh, was not prepared for this.
Kepler?
He goes, no.
And Alex, who does the crossword every day, I was like, God, he knows this.
He knows this.
Come on.
I said, Tycho Brahe.
And he just smiled at me and said, yep.
And the window rolled back up and we went back.
We waited for a second, we're like, I guess we walk away right now.
We went back to the van and we asked Jerry, we said, what just happened?
And he said, you guys bought yourself another nine weeks.
And then our first live week, they had had this piece.
It was a really funny bit where they got out like a Las Vegas hypnotist to
hypnotize the interns.
And he also had hypnotized Biff Henderson, the stage manager.
Remember you promised me a car at the end of the intern?
I promised you a car?
Yeah, yeah.
I promised you a car.
Yeah, yeah.
In January, you...
The kid with the internship and gave me a car?
Yeah, you said, you know...
I don't have that kind of money.
I want a Porsche.
I want a 944 Porsche.
I got you on your car.
As far as you're concerned, I'm worth the money they're paying me, right?
Yeah.
Huh?
Yeah, you're sure.
You're worth the money.
Yeah.
You don't think I'm getting too much money?
Wait a minute.
What's so damn funny?
I work hard for my money.
So what happened was, is when they played the piece, Biff remarked that he
started to feel
sleepy.
So Dave took his cue cards over his mouth and went, sleep, sleep, sleep now.
What do we do?
What do we do?
What do we do?
He's out.
Biff?
Biff?
Biff?
Huh?
I do what?
I do what?
Yeah, but I know we'll do the top 10.
What about this man?
What about this unconscious man here in the chair?
Screw it.
Do the top 10.
The top 10 will put him even deeper under.
And also, at the same time, all throughout the building, all of the interns
were falling
asleep watching.
The entire office was falling asleep out.
There were people running back and forth.
And you could not wake them up.
This is our first week on the job.
We're like, this is the greatest job ever.
One, two, three.
Along the way, Alex and I were put in charge of remotes.
One of the bits we've been doing on the show in New York was Weird Guy in an
Elevator with
Alan Coulter.
Alan was such a great comedy performer because he loved being the weird guy.
He leaned into his comedy area.
He knew how to be funny.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
He was really fun to shoot with.
The big weeks for us were the traveling week.
One of the reasons we'd all started doing more kind of hidden camera stuff was
because
you couldn't have Dave.
He'd gotten too recognizable.
So if you had him out filming on Broadway, you would have a crowd within 30
seconds.
And so going to San Francisco, the challenge was, can you have Dave filming remotes
out
in the streets of San Francisco?
But then you had Joe Montana, the most famous athlete in the history of San
Francisco sports.
You had a ticking clock on when crowds would show up.
Yeah, you're the Fisherman's Wharf and you've got like them, I think they were
busting crabs
or whatever.
You've got 30 seconds and it's like, we've got to roll.
There's giant crowds.
Dave was not like an entourage guy.
He had one security guy, Bill DeLace.
Bill DeLace.
An ex-New York cop.
And so it was like, Bill was just like, oh Christ.
Time to move.
You just saw this crowd of people and it was just Dave, Joe and Bill DeLace.
And we had to just get out of there.
I just saw this crowd of people and it was just Dave, Joe and Bill DeLace.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to just get out of there.
And we had to get out of there.
I vaguely remember we pitched a concept in the morning that we wanted a hippo
with a monkey
riding it.
We would leave these meetings and we would go to our segment producer, Jill Liederman,
and say, "This is probably a long shot.
What are the odds we could get a hippopotamus and a little monkey to ride him
for tonight's
show in like six hours?"
And she was like, "Let me make a few calls."
She never blinked.
She didn't miss a beat.
Like a hippo is a deadly animal.
It's not like you rent hippos out for children's parties.
Kills more people in the wild than lions.
There really shouldn't be a mechanism to deliver hippos anywhere, especially in
Manhattan.
You know, I was sent out with Regis Philbin to film a bit on the West Side
Highway.
But it was a windstorm.
And we couldn't keep the tent down.
And Regis was in this tent.
And we were inside the tent trying to hold it down.
I was with Jill, our segment producer.
And Regis was just furious.
Like, "I am done.
This is not fun anymore."
You know, you just didn't know any day at Letterman what celebrity and what
bizarre spot you were going to find yourself.
Dear Dave, where do you get your suits?
Matt Davis, Mobile, Alabama, from America Online.
One of them computer things I was just talking about.
Computer man.
Well, Matt, you know, if you ever watch the credits at the end of the show,
then you know where I get my suits.
Roll 'em.
Mr. Letterman suits provided by Botany 500.
Guests of The Late Show stay in a tent on the West Side Highway.
Late Show is a production of Merve Driven Enterprises.
There was a bit that John Beckerman had written called El Blizzardo.
There had been predictions of a massive blizzard in '96.
And then there was no snow.
Like, not at all.
And I remember being on the street with a dog sled team.
And we just said, cue the dog sled.
And I remember just thinking, like, that was one of those moments, like,
remember this.
This is a very, very weird job you have.
Just drink it in.
They called it El Blizzardo.
On March 3, 1997, it blew into the tri-state area, slamming New York City like
the fist of an angry thunder god.
For two full days, New York was brought to a complete standstill.
The thick drifts of snow rendered automobiles useless, forcing New Yorkers to
employ ultimate means of travel.
They were two days that will never be forgotten, least of all by the children,
who stayed home from school having snowball fights and making snow angels.
You've seen the pieces with Ben Affleck and Dunkin' Donuts.
And Dave was really the OG of working the drive-through stuff.
And so he had done Taco Bell.
What's the total?
That's $26.80.
How much is the real total?
The real total is $26.80.
The Burrito Supreme is a little pricey.
It's one of our most expensive items.
My feet melt.
Quit with me.
Let me see if I can repeat that order.
You ordered something, a couple of tacos or something, chicken, something, and
a Burrito Supreme with no meat.
Is that correct?
She's gone already, Chief.
Thank you.
The challenge to the writers was this is a great bit.
Dave being able to do comedy with strangers not knowing is Dave Letterman.
And so Beckerman challenged all of the writers in the writers' room,
I will pay $1,000 to anyone who can come up with a bit in the area of the Taco
Bell bit because I don't think we have another version of that that's going to
be funny.
And so we came up with Dave order stuff for delivery.
Oh, what do you have for me?
The bird.
What kind of bird is it?
It's a parakeet.
What's his name?
It's up to you.
Birdie.
His name is Birdie.
Tell Birdie I love him.
He's in his back.
Please tell Birdie I love him.
Come on.
You want him or not?
Oh, yes.
I've been waiting for Birdie all day.
Do me a favor.
Be a dear.
Tell Birdie Daddy loves him.
Daddy loves you.
I love you.
Is Birdie alive?
You want the bird or not, man?
Yes, I want the bird.
Let me see the bird.
Hold the bird up.
You can.
It's in a box.
Oh, in a box.
Oh, you've got Birdie in a box?
In a box.
You bastard.
Hello?
I got balloons.
Yeah, how many you got?
50?
How much?
71.50.
How much is that a balloon?
I don't know.
A little over a dollar a balloon.
$1.50.
Whoa, man.
When the hell did the balloon market go crazy?
Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
I remember you used it for a nickel.
For a nickel you could get a balloon.
And now, now what all day?
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm going to get a balloon.
I'm go