Name: Betty White Is In "Golden Girls" Hell | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-22T15:08:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Betty White Is In "Golden Girls" Hell | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Betty White Is In "Golden Girls" Hell | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-22. Transcript available.

My first guest is a, do we have many, many others?
My first guest tonight is a talented and charming human being.
She is currently starring in a show on this very network called Golden Girls.
Please say hello to Betty White.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
How are you?
Yeah.
Oh, that is nice.
How are you?
You clean up pretty good.
Well, thank you very much.
You look good as always.
You look nice as always.
You don't want to say you look good.
No, good.
I had a chance to be good and I turned it down.
Congratulations.
Now, this is a big time.
This is a hit show, isn't it?
Oh, it is so exciting.
We can't be coy about it.
We are just all on cloud nine because it suddenly began to take off.
And, well, it's just the greatest fun I think any of us has had.
Golden Girls is on every Saturday night.
Oh, bless you.
Now, what is the way, explain to people what it is here.
Who are these people?
How old are they supposed to be and where are they living?
These are four old, four ladies who live together in a house in Miami.
There's Dorothy, who is a divorcee, and Blanche is a widow who owns the house.
That's played by Rue McClanahan.
Dorothy is Bea Arthur.
Bea Arthur's mother, Estelle Getty, moved in with us when her retirement home
burned down.
Something terrible happened to this woman, didn't it?
That's right.
Well, she had a stroke and it took out her mental sensor.
So she says everything as she really means it.
No dissent.
There's no filter.
Everything goes from the brain right out the mouth.
What she really thinks of you.
We know people like that.
And then I play Rose, who's just a little off center.
She's just a little slow on the pickup.
She's about two beats behind life.
You play, and I mean this in a real good way, you play a stooge, don't you?
Yes, I absolutely do.
But no, I mean...
Right.
And whenever, you know, when everything else fails, Dorothy does everything but
hit me over
the head with a newspaper.
But it's very funny.
And I know I'm sounding like somebody who talks about television shows all day.
But it's a great cast and it's very funny.
And the performances are terrific.
Oh, aren't you, William?
We are having such a good time.
It shouldn't happen to four ladies of our age and weight.
But we are really having a good time.
You're aging weight.
And how do you get along with Bea Arthur?
Is she a nice woman?
Oh, well, now, can we really just tell what she really is like?
It's not easy, David.
It is not easy to work with that woman.
She makes my life sheer hell.
Oh, I tell you, she is so wonderful.
She's real loud and pushy, isn't she?
She underplays underplaying, you know?
But she just...
Well, all of them.
It's so wonderful to work with pros that when you throw something out, you know,
you're going
to get it back and better.
And then you throw it back and they get something back to you.
It really is something to play with that kind of a team.
This is silly.
We don't want to beat this to death.
But congratulations.
Oh, yes, we do.
No, no.
Now, tell me about, what was this show I have here?
This is your biography.
This is your professional life condensed into a paragraph.
Isn't that...
Is that my life?
That makes you feel insignificant, doesn't it?
It's this big.
This is your FBI.
Oh, that's a radio show.
That was a radio show.
I got that by accident.
There was another actress, Betty White, and I showed up and they said, well, we
wanted a
blonde lady, the other Betty White.
I wasn't blonde at that time.
Then I got suddenly struck blonde not too long ago.
But there was no time to recast, so that's how that's in my place.
What part did you play on This is Your FBI?
Were you kicking in doors and stuff or what?
No, I think I said, good morning, sir, or Merry Christmas.
Those were the big radio parts I had.
What was the show we were talking about this afternoon you did in Los Angeles?
I believe it was a TV show, five and a half hours a day, six days a week.
The Al Jarvis show for four years a week.
The Al Jarvis show?
Sure, the Maple Leaf Ballroom.
And it was a TV show?
TV show.
What time would it come on?
It would come on at like noon and we'd go till 6.30.
And it was just, it was really a Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving.
I never spent a Christmas off the air in my life.
Five and a half hours?
Five and a half hours live, doing commercials, live commercials.
But after the first year, didn't they cut it back to five hours?
No.
You don't have to rest us up.
No.
Matter of fact, Al left after the second year to go over and do a show over at
ABC.
An even longer show, they promised Al.
Probably.
And then Eddie Albert came in for six months and then it was easier to give me
the show because
I had been there the longest.
So I inherited the show.
Well, what kind of things would you do?
You'd come on and he'd introduce the cast.
Then what?
Well, the cast consisted of the two of us at first.
I was his girl Friday.
And anybody that would stick their head in the door, we were on the street.
And there was a door that opened and they'd look in and see what was going on.
We'd interview them.
You know what?
And we were the only game in town, so anybody who'd come through town would do
our show
because it was...
Now, which shows are you doing?
Was this a popular show?
Well, we were the only game in town.
We gave the race results.
Yeah.
Would you watch Al take a nap in the afternoon?
And then we had Dr. Ernest Wilson, who would come on with a religious message.
And he was so thrilled because he'd follow the race results, which got him into
all the bars
in town and got the message across.
We have to do a commercial here and then we'll be back.
Good.
We can get 58 of them in one day.
How many of you?
58 commercials?
Live ones.
That's like a month's work for us.
You see the sky cam?
Oh, yes.
There it is.
There you are.
You are just...
It's like working a parade, isn't it?
Yes, and as we say in our show, you look so much better this way.
It's so much better.
Everything falls away.
If you look down this way, it's just awful.
How long have you been in town?
Since last night.
And how long have you been here?
As soon as we get through here, I'm heading for the airport.
Yeah.
Oh, so what did you do last night?
Have a lot of fun?
Go out?
I went dancing last night, if you want to know.
Regimes.
Really?
There's no fool like an old fool.
And I had a wonderful time.
And company?
A big group by yourself?
No, just with an...
Well, I don't go there.
I don't go there by myself.
Oh, I don't know.
What am I going to do?
Stand up there and dance by myself?
I don't know.
I don't go in the place.
I would get arrested, wouldn't I?
No, I think people would be happy to have you.
Well, I'll try again.
Now, how late were you there?
Well, I got back to the hotel about three.
Oh.
Isn't that silly?
But I didn't have to get up until 5.30, so that was okay.
Mr. Big Shot.
5.30, you were up?
5.30, I was up, and we've been doing a couple of shows today.
What have you been there?
Well, you know what it is, and there's a publication here.
That is hysterical.
I have heard it.
I finally saw it here at your show.
I've been reading all these little...
This is a collection of people with their clothes off in this magazine.
It's a time-life book.
I keep reading about the fact that they have a book out with nude pictures of
Betty White,
which broke me up.
My folks don't have nude pictures of me as a little kid, because they didn't
think it was
that cute.
Now, let me ask you right off.
Is that you?
No, but couldn't it be?
This is me.
The terrible one is me.
No, that's not terrible.
But that's not nude.
That's got a wig and all the ruffles, but...
You're on...
This is a series of playing cards.
You're the nine of hearts.
Or somebody who looks an awful lot like you.
Rue McClanahan swears they used her body and pasted my head, but that's not my
head.
We all looked alike back in those days.
I put my finger there and we can see what...
She does look like me, though, except I think my...
Now, what's the deal on the earmuffs?
Oh, you didn't do this, though, did you?
I don't know.
Must have been awfully chilly in the studio that day.
If I had done it, the earmuffs would not have been there.
They would have been here, but then...
But that's not you, huh?
No, that's not me, and that's not me.
Yeah, is Bea Arthur in here?
No, it's Rue McClanahan.
Let's just see who else we have.
This is a pretty seedy deal, this thing here.
One of the fellas on our set went around the various newsstands looking for it,
and he
said, do you have this magazine?
And they said, no, but we got celebrity skin.
It's just as good.
Celebrity skin?
What is this?
All these nude pictures.
I don't undress in front of my dogs.
You know who that is?
Well, I'd know her anywhere.
No, I don't.
It's John Chancellor.
So you're leaving right now?
I'm leaving right now, but thank you for the generous plug and all that stuff.
Oh, thanks for being here.
Come back any time, and congratulations, and good luck again on the show.
I hope it's on a long, long time.
And say goodbye to Stephanie for me, will you?
Stephanie?
Oh, Stephanie.
Yes.
She's gone.
She's long gone.
Nice to see you again.
Thanks, Betty.
Take care.
We've got to go here for a space note in the vacation.