Name: Viewer Mail: Dave Watches The Show With You The Home Viewer | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-23T14:57:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Dave Watches The Show With You The Home Viewer | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail: Dave Watches The Show With You The Home Viewer | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-23. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Dave Letterman. Welcome to the program.
Now, tonight's show is a rerun, and this one was originally telecast here on
NBC, May 9th, 1985.
But it's interesting about reruns.
They actually seem to improve with age when they're in the can on the shelf,
like fine wine,
or perhaps in this case, like really strong cheese.
Anyway, the interesting thing about tonight's show is I will be sitting here,
along with you, the vast American viewing public, watching the show.
That's right, I'll be watching it with you.
You think this is the kind of thing Pat Sajak would ever do for you?
I don't think so.
So let's sit back now and enjoy.
Oh, there's the opening theme right now.
It's Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you very much. Let me say this.
Thank you so much.
Big show today. I have nothing but good supportive feelings.
I am up about it.
Kind of an interesting point here, whenever you see Paul talking like this,
you can pretty much bet on the fact that he's lying.
To sort of express my feelings about how excited I am about today's show.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen in the band. Take it away, Paul.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
You know, at the time it really seemed funny.
Are you looking forward to going to California?
Very, very much so.
It's going to be exciting, isn't it?
Yes, it is. How about you?
I'm very excited about it. We're going to be out there all this next week and
we'll have wonderful stars, won't we?
Marvelous stars is the term actually.
Some big time stars. We'll have, uh, Lee Marvin will be on the show from
California.
Yeah.
And, uh, uh, Bo Derek, Stevie Wonder. Later in the week, Hugh Hefner. Did I
mention Lee Marvin?
Uh, this is kind of interesting. Whenever you see me sort of lean toward the
camera like that, and I look very sincere, very forthright, and I'm saying
things like that, that usually is a tip-off that I too am lying.
And also, Johnny Carson will be on, or so they say. I'll believe it when I see
it.
When we do the Hefner show, are we going to do it, uh, like the Playboy After
Dark house party?
No.
All wear tuxes and have us, right now?
Yeah, this is also interesting. I don't know whether it's the angle that I'm
leaning at, or it's the light, uh, reflecting off my, uh, tie, but it kind of
looks now like, uh, a filet of some game fish, doesn't it?
We, uh, we were in, somebody invited us to a party. I don't know exactly what
the kind of party this was, but invited to this party here.
Yeah, you, you don't, you don't want to miss that there.
That's right.
All right.
Somebody, oh!
Uh, somebody wants to take us out for chili dogs, Paul. That'll be one night.
Um, a lot of wonderful invitations, uh, from all of the friendly folks there in
Southern, uh, California, and we certainly appreciate, uh, everybody who, uh,
uh, gave us these wonderful gifts.
Uh, dear Dave, my family owns a tortilla shop in Fresno. Uh, do you want a free
box of corn and flour tortillas? Of course we do!
Why do you think we're going?
Uh, no, I think now it doesn't look so much like filleted game fish. It's, uh,
it's kind of liver colored.
A tour of Knott's Berry Farm. Uh, another brunch on the beach in Laguna Beach.
Oh, that's beautiful. Have you ever been down there?
That'd be nice.
Uh, a box of cigars and a tour of Big Surf, the man-made beach in Phoenix,
Arizona.
And something, uh, uh, so we're getting a lot of nice things and, uh, we'll
certainly look forward to all of that stuff.
Anyway, beginning Monday night. Now, if you have to stay home from work, that's
all right. If you have to leave school, that's fine. If you have to take a nap,
please do.
Monday night, uh, our week-long, uh, uh, bombastic review of shows from
California will begin. And, and, uh, there are going to be a lot of, a lot of
different things on the shows, right, Paul?
Are there?
I don't know. We're going to have a meeting or something on the plane.
So that'll be, uh, beginning Monday. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's Thursday
night. Of course, that's the reason we've doubled security. Yes, it's time to
answer our voluminous viewer mail.
That's Howard. We're going to miss Howard in California. Will we have a Howard
in California?
Yes. All right.
We'll have a Howard.
We'll have a Howard in California.
Yeah.
Not actually Howard.
No, have a Howard.
We'll have a Howard.
Yeah.
And, and the, the West Coast Howard is now practicing doing this.
Now, Howard, we love you. And, and I'm sorry, you're not going to make the trip,
but we do love you, Howard. And thanks for all your...
Uh, dear Dave, letter number one begins. The other day, a friend told us about
a curious phenomenon. He said that chewing, that is crunching, a wintergreen
lifesaver in the dark, causes green sparks to be emitted from your mouth. And
you know what? We tried it and it works and is perfectly harmless.
Florescently yours, Heather McCann, Steve Alexander, Jack Geber, Jamie Hook. It
took four people to write this letter.
Uh, they're coming to us from Alston, Maine, I believe. Uh, well, sure,
everybody knows that folks. Uh, but did you know that if you squeeze an after
dinner mint with a pair of pliers, it emits a ghostly image of Andy Williams?
Since it's Howard's last night here in New York, not his last night, since it's
our last night here, let's really work Howard crazy.
You know, it seemed like a good idea at the time and kind of like harmless fun
to overwork our sound effects guy, Howard. Uh, but we really overworked him and
he had some kind of a seizure and collapsed and died.
And come right to the question at hand. Just what are your writers looking for?
Gail Granfers, Sacramento, California.
Congratulations. Gail was able to write her letter all by herself.
Uh, well, Gail, what are my writers looking for? An excellent question. Perhaps
this videotape will answer your question.
Hi, I'm Meryl, a late night writer.
I'm looking for someone who knows what it is to be a man, but hasn't lost touch
with the little boy he once was.
And yet senses the threadbare and exhausted pile of hopeless human wreckage he'll
become.
I'm Jerry. I'm one of the married writers. I'm looking for a cheap, meaningless,
backstreet affair that will fill me with self-loading.
At least I'd feel something for change, dammit.
Hi, I'm Chris. Hi, I'm Chris. And I don't really want anything for myself. All
I want is peace for all nations and an end to world hunger and disease.
But if I can't have that, then please, somebody, make these damn voices stop.
Make them stop. Dave, please make them stop. They're driving me crazy.
That's interesting. Of the three writers you just saw, only one really got
their desire. Of course it was Jerry.
And he really is still filled with self-loathing.
Dear Dave, we would like very much to receive two tickets for, if possible, she
includes there parenthetically, to one of your great late night shows.
We would prefer a Friday night, if possible.
Yeah, I'd give you an idea how long ago this was. In those days, we weren't on
Friday nights. Now we are on Friday nights, and I'm not sure it's much of an
improvement.
We get your tickets for a Friday night, but the problem is we don't do a show
on Friday night.
In fact, I'm not even sure what they do here at 12.30 on Friday nights. Hal?
Yeah, Dave.
Could we see some videotape of what NBC runs at 12.30 on Friday nights here, so
the Ruperts will have an idea of what they'll be seeing?
Sure.
Okay, it's our director, Hal Gertner, there.
Good evening. Welcome to Worth the Weight with Al Frisch. I'm Al Frisch. Let's
get right to it.
150.
No.
Any change in your pockets?
No.
136.
No.
You wearing socks?
No.
160.
No.
I'm stumped. We'll be right back to put her on scales.
Now, is Al going with us?
Al's not going with us. Will there be a West Coast Al? Oh, good.
As long as we're covered.
Here you go, Howard. A little something new for you.
Howard, it was only water.
All right. Where are we? Number four? Is that it? Number four.
Dear Dave, how come your guests always seem so ready to bolt at the conclusion
of their interviews?
Your friend, John Hamilton.
P.S. What does your director, Hal Gertner, do?
You know, John, it's funny that these two questions should be included in the
same letter because the answers, surprisingly enough, are related.
Here, let me show you how.
You know, our director, Hal Gertner, besides being one of the finest directors
on duty here at NBC After Midnight, is also an excellent...
Well, I'll show you what he's really an excellent thing.
Right, Cheryl.
Hal Gertner is an excellent cook, and every night he brews up a special batch
of his three-alarm chili.
How is it tonight, Hal?
It's great, Dave.
Here, have some.
Oh, thank you very much.
Thank you.
It's over there, yeah.
Oh, boy.
Watch your fingers.
That is a lot.
Did you put anything else in here different tonight, Hal?
Nothing strange. No, it's about the same.
Carl, how about you?
Let the cameraman have some of that.
Here's some pumps.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, yeah.
I don't know how that happened, yeah.
TV sound, yeah, okay.
Okay, I'll take care of it.
My gosh, boy, it's interesting.
Three and a half years, and look how the fashions have changed.
Hal, come here.
Look at the way you used to dress in those days.
Isn't that unbelievable?
Yeah, isn't that wild?
That's it for viewer mail for another week. Our guest tonight, Bob Hope, Bill
Maher, and the runner-up in the child recipe competition, Brandon Gray-Devitt.
We'll be right back, folks.