Name: Fan Request: Stop Calling Me Chief | Letterman
Uploaded: 2023-03-24T15:46:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Stop Calling Me Chief | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fan Request: Stop Calling Me Chief | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-24. Transcript available.

I'm very excited, and maybe you can tell, because tonight we're trying
something brand new.
Tonight we're going to be playing a game that I think is going to sweep this
country,
and believe me, this country needs sweeping.
A little something, huh?
A little something called Stop Calling Me Chief.
That's what we're going to play tonight.
Stop Calling Me Chief.
Stop Calling Me Chief.
All right.
All right, turn on the external camera, ladies and gentlemen.
Here we go.
It's time to play Please, Stop Calling Me Chief.
We're going into the Joe G. Peeps, re-owned and operated by Joe G.
How do you...
Whoa, man, a life is like being on the Titanic, ain't it?
How do you do, sir?
Pretty good.
Do you mind a minute to play a game?
Not at all.
All right, this man's going to play.
Go ahead, put up the clock.
Here we go, one minute.
What's your name, Chief?
Glenn.
Glenn, where are you from, Chief?
I'm from Vancouver.
Chief, let me ask you a question.
What are you eating there?
What do you got on your plate, Chief?
I got a mighty fine salad here.
Uh-huh.
Chief, how often do you get to New York City?
Oh, once or twice I've been here.
And is this your wife, your girlfriend, your date?
Who is that, Chief?
This is my lovely sister.
Oh, how do you do?
What is her name?
Sandra.
Sandra, nice to see you.
Do me a favor, Chief.
Say hello to Sandra for me, all right?
Hey, Sandra.
How you doing?
All right.
Chief, what do you do for...
All right, knock it off.
Chief, what do you do for a living back there in Vancouver?
I'm a spiritual consultant.
Oh, and what does that mean?
And by the way, you've come to the right place, Chief, because I can't speak
for the rest of
the staff, but I want to tell you something, Chief.
I need spiritual help.
Chief, can you help me out?
I can help you out.
Bring it on.
Chief, can you put me in touch with the spiritual, Chief?
I can bring...
Hey, what's with that?
Anyway.
All right.
Here we go.
Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's how we play Stop Calling Me Chief.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we're going to play something.
We haven't done this in a couple of weeks.
It's Paul's favorite segment of the show.
I love this segment.
It's a little something we call Stop Calling Me Chief.
Here we go.
Turn on the camera.
Stop calling me chief.
All right, we're going into the pizza place.
That's in New York City, right there.
Broadway, go on in there to the Joji Pizza.
We'll be playing Stop Calling Me Chief.
How about this gentleman right here?
How do you do, sir?
Hi, how you doing?
My name is Dave Letterman.
I'm doing a television show right around the corner.
Oh, yeah, you're Paul Schaefer's sidekick, aren't you?
Exactly.
I'm paying him off now.
The pedestrians have writers.
That's a good sign.
And I would like to know, sir, if you would like to play a little game with us
tonight.
Do you mind?
No, I'll play.
Okay.
Put up the 45-second clock.
Oh, boy.
All right.
Put up the one-minute clock.
Paul, was I here for rehearsal?
I believe that.
Okay.
All right, sir.
Here we go.
Where are you from, chief?
I'm from Canton, Illinois.
Oh, that's a nice part of the world, isn't it?
Yeah, great.
You're Peoria.
Yeah.
Chief, let me ask you a question.
Is that corn country, strictly speaking?
You ought to know, Dave.
Yeah, I'm from Indiana.
Yeah, well, you're corn cobs, too.
Thank you, chief.
Now, let me ask you about that suit.
That looks like a pretty expensive garment.
How much you pay for that suit, chief?
How about $130?
$130?
And did the tie come with it, chief?
Is it like a combo deal?
No, I got that in Canton.
Chief, are you vacationing?
Are you in town on business?
What's going on with you?
My daughter's graduating this week from NYU.
Oh, congratulations.
Graduating from where?
NYU.
Well, that certainly makes you a lucky man, doesn't it, chief?
Yes.
That's the kind of thing that makes you feel like a million bucks, don't it,
chief?
Yeah, especially with red pants, too.
I want to tell you something, chief.
Just between me and you, you look like a million bucks, chief.
You know what I'm saying?
Thank you.
How long have you been in town?
Until Friday.
What do you say we get together later for cocktails?
Eh, chief?
Well, yeah, how about pina coladas?
Okay.
Did you bring any of the family with you, chief?
My son lives here in town, so does my daughter.
Well, there you go.
You're all set, aren't you, chief?
All right.
All right.
Good for you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We don't have a winner.
Thank you very much, though.
I appreciate it.
It's too bad.
Nice try.
Enjoy the weekend.
Thank you very much, sir.
Thank you, Dave.
Good luck to you.
Okay.
Once again, no winner for Stop Calling Me, Chief.
We're going to do something, and we've done this eight times.
It never works.
And I...
It's the nice thing about having your own show.
The humiliation never stops.
Because we have this thing where we...
Please stop calling me chief.
That's what it is.
This is my favorite thing.
Yes, Paul's favorite thing.
I'm so tired of explaining it.
And for a while, people say, well, we don't think, Dave.
We think the reason...
You're not explaining it.
So then now my tendency is to over-explain it.
All right?
Right.
So now today, we hear that the reason it doesn't work is, well, I'm talking too
much.
Talking too much.
That's what I heard just before we went on there.
Well, you know, the reason it's not funny is because you, you're talking too
much.
That's why.
All right.
So now I got these things to work with.
I have to over-explain it, but I can't really talk too much.
You see what I'm saying?
We go next door.
We find somebody.
And I ask them if they'll play, please stop calling me chief.
And then for like a minute, I do nothing but call them chief.
You see what I'm saying?
And then all they have to do is, Dave, please stop calling me chief.
They're the big winner.
You understand what I'm saying?
Well, it's never worked.
So tonight, we're changing it to, please stop calling me Debbie.
Take it.
Stop calling me Debbie.
I'll get ready.
Okay.
Now, keep in mind, the problem has been identified by the staff.
The problem is, I talk to the contestant too much before the contest.
All right.
And they become mesmerized.
You know what I think?
Huh?
You should start calling them Debbie right away.
Okay.
Contest is on as soon as you see them.
As soon as you spot them.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Turn on the camera, find a person, and we'll play immediately.
As soon as you see the person, start the camera.
Hey, this guy right here.
I don't care.
I ain't gonna talk to you.
No, on the right.
On the right.
On the right.
Okay.
Put up the clock.
Hi, Debbie.
I'm Dave Letterman.
How are you?
Hi.
Can you hear me, Debbie?
Debbie.
Debbie.
Debbie, can you hear me?
It's Dave.
I do a show next door.
How long are you in town, Debbie?
Debbie.
Let me ask you a question, Debbie.
Where are you staying?
Oh.
Hey, look, Debbie.
Your cappuccino just arrived.
Don't talk too much, Debbie.
Huh?
You're talking too much.
That's before the class.
Debbie, are you in the Powerball competition?
No.
Where are you from?
Where are you from, Debbie?
From Houston.
Oh.
What a great town Houston is.
What do you do for a living, Debbie?
I sell generators for GE.
Good for you, sir.
Are you a married man, Debbie?
Do you have a family?
I have four children.
What are your kids' names, Debbie?
Laura.
Eileen.
Hi, girls.
How are you?
Good.
Do we have any Debbie Juniors?
Yes, yes.
Debbie, how long will you be in town?
Stand up, Debbie.
Let me take a look at your legs.
Let's see what's going on there.
You're a good-looking guy, Debbie.
And thanks for playing.
Eileen, stop calling me Debbie.
Yeah, I'm just exhausted.
It'll never work.
I'm just exhausted.
I am just...
Did we go through this night after night after night?
Please.